Dislcaimer: Don't
own Fruits Basket.
Author's Note: I'll let Ritsu do the apologizing for me...
Ritsu: I'M SOOOOOOO SOORRRRRRRRRRRRYYYY!!!!!! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm a horrible person! I didn't update for soooooo looooooong!!!! I'M SORRY! PUNISH ME FOR BEING AN AWFUL PEEEERRRRSOOOONNNN!!!!! -sobs-
Tayk: Thank you, Ritsu. Now get in the car. Oh, and, to the reviewers: Thank you so much for all your support, and if you have any ideas for anyone else, feel free to share.
The Joys of Driving
"I heard you wanted to schedule a funeral?" asked the mortician, looking at Hatori. The dragon nodded. "For whom?"
"Myself," Hatori told him bluntly. The aging man blinked and grabbed a nearby clip board, obviously intending to take notes.
"Oookkkaaay... for when?"
"Next week sometime."
"... May I ask why?"
Hatori hesitated. He decided on the simple answer. "I'm a Driver's Ed teacher."
"And... what does that have to do with anything?"
"If you saw my car, you wouldn't ask that. I took pictures." Hatori handed the man a recent picture of his car. The man took it, stared, and then looked at Hatori in surprise. "And I'm only partway finished... the worst is yet to come, I'm afraid..." Ritsu still had to drive, after all.
"Riiight... well, I'll get right on this and call you in a few days. What kind of tombstone do you want."
"Doesn't matter to me." A beeper went off in Hatori's watch and he glanced at it. "I... have to go." He repressed a groan.
"Good luck," the man told him. Hatori nodded and left."
---
"I... I'm sorry... It's my fault..." Ritsu whimpered. Hatori got out of the car and looked around for the source of the monkey's distress this time. "It's my fault you're late... I should have - "
"Don't bother," Hatori cut in. "Just get in the car. And... please don't trash it too badly."
"Y-yes," Ritsu replied, climbing into the driver's seat. He glanced through the 'sun roof' and started sobbing. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's my fauuuuuult!"
"How is it your fault?" the ever-patient (except when it came to Shigure and Ayame) doctor. Ritsu looked at him tearfully. "Okay. Here are the keys. Put them in the ignition... Good, good. Put the car into 'drive'. Now press the gas pedal, gently... Okay. You're doing fine. Ah, ease up on the brake, it's okay to go faster than thirty."
"I'm sorrrrrrrry!" sobbed Ritsu, jerking the steering wheel and veering into the other lane. "I'm sorry! I'm an awwwwwwfffuuuuuuuul drriiiiiiiivveeeerrrr!" He continued to rant, the car swinging back and forth.
"RITSU! It's fine! Just pay attention!" Ritsu turned obediently forward and yelped, jerking the car back into the proper lane. He stood up on the seat, stuck his head out through the hole in the roof, and turned around.
"I'M SORRY," he yelled into the chaos he'd left behind.
"RITSU!" Hatori said loudly. The monkey dropped back into the front seat and continued driving as normal.
Hatori groaned upon seeing that there was a red light up ahead. Ritsu seemed to know, somewhat, what he was doing.
"Okay... that's pretty good... nice and easy, press a little harder on the brake... No! You did nothing wrong! Sit."
Ritsu sat.
Luckily, Ritsu did not trash Hatori's car in any way, shape, or form... unless hitting that tree while on another spastic bout of apologizing counts... The bumper fell off, after all. Eventually, Hatori took over the wheel and drove back to the Estate. He groaned. Well, at least Ritsu was the only one today...