John walked down the corrected hall and found the door to Sherlock's room. The doctors had moved him to a bigger room as so many visit were being made and he needed the space but John thought it could be that Sherlock was back to normal and was being an arse to all the doctors.

He found the right door and was just about to go in when a nurse came over

' wouldn't go in there!' she said in a whisper and ran off.

John was about to shout to her why when he heard shouting coming from inside

' For god stake Mycroft- I had it covered'

he should have known- Mycroft and Sherlock, seems even know they can still be in a room together and a fight starts.

' that's the thing though, isn't it Sherlock, you didn't did you'

John heard something get smashed against the door and by the sounds of it he reckoned it was the flower jar.

' Get out, before I throw the plate and hit you this time'

John moved out the way as Mycroft opened the door and saw John there

'John, maybe you can talk some sense into him' he then turned to Sherlock and with a coldness in his voice said

' you nearly died Sherlock, you are becoming to reckless, do you even

care about others? because I think you only care about yourself' and with that he left the room and made his way out the building.

Sherlock was visibly angry and John knew that when he was angry he was someone that you could not reason with so he sat there a waited for him to stop been so angry- the last time he was that angry he nearly broke his brother arm and he was glad he was covered in all the drug tubes or he may have had to get a nurse to take Mycroft down to the ward to get his arm put in a cast.

' how you feeling' John asked him and he knew as soon as he said it that was a bad idea.

' how are you feeling?, well John I'll tell you'

Sherlock's voice was getting quicker and quicker now and it was getting harder to stop him

' apart from my own brother accusing me of being reckless and acting like I planned the whole thing out, or oh just waking up after been held in a cell for a week slowly been poison too death and being told that I may have memory loss for the rest of my life, are you that stupid John!'

John sat back in his chair and looked at him and he saw the anger in Sherlock's eyes turn to guilt as he realised what he had said.

' Sorry John, I, I didn't mean it, it's Just I am so angry with everything at the moment and I don't know what to do, me John not knowing what to do'

John could see something that Sherlock that he had only seen once before fear and pain

' i am afraid John, afraid of what I is been lost, afraid that he's won and I am also afraid for you'

John knew about the memory loss, the doctors had told him about it and even though Sherlock had busted out some comments he had taken it pretty well.

' Sherlock, been a doctor I've seen solders recover from things worse then this and don't worry Greg and your brother has people with use at all times'

Sherlock didn't say anything and by the look on his face he wanted to change the subject.

' so, you do know that you will have a load of visitors later don't you?' John asked Sherlock

' Oh, yeah I survive a murder for real this time and all of a sudden I have friends' Sherlock muttered giving the look of sarcasm.

' stop it Sherlock' John said giving him a angry look

Sherlock gave a smile 'sorry, anyway I know who's coming but you might as well tell me' Sherlock said as he started to mess with the morpheme taps on the side

John looked at him for one moment and then coughed ' right, well there's Molly, Miss Huston, Greg oh and Mary is bringing Will as well'

' Ah and how is he, still thinking of me to be godfather after all this?'

' of course, why wouldn't we, none of this was your fault for once and I found this in your coat pocket when we were taking you to the hospital- do you remember much before you... you know'

' no, it must have been the drugs talking if I had said anything, what did I say' Sherlock asked hoping it wasn't anything that would come back later.

' you asked me to tell will stories about you when he was older and the rest of it was slagging off your Brother'

Sherlock smiled at that' good, glad to see i choose my last words right, and next time don't stab me so hard'

john looked up 'sorry, you said you don't remember anything'

' I don't but there's a right lump on my neck, so something is going on, or it was you with the stupid needle'

John laughed at that and Sherlock's frown went in to a smile and just as John was about to talk about the letter Mary came in

' hi John' she came over and gave John a kiss and a hug, she then went over to Sherlock and gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek

' Sherlock, how you feeling'

' feeling a bit sore but nothing I can't handle' Sherlock looked down and saw that Mary had a little bundle all wrapped up in a blanket. John got him and picked him up, by the looks of it he had just woken up and was a bit upset, Sherlock looked at him and said

' well he looks like you molly, thank god, but he has Johns temper though' as the baby let out a wail.

' Thanks for that Sherlock, always the man of complements' John said and as he rocked will back to sleep

' oh it's fine John, Sherlock you want to hold him' Mary asked

' no I am fine thanks, and i can see that someone doesn't want me to hold him' Sherlock turned to look at John

' I didn't say anything' John started

' don't have to, now shut up a moment, trying to look for that nurse- oh god her she is'

' ah nurse, come to check me again, how very thrilling' Sherlock smiled to the nurse, and john couldn't tell if the nurse knew he was being sarcastic, if see did she had chose to skip it.

the nurse told Sherlock off for messing with the drug's and fixed them and then said to Sherlock that the doctors said he could go home in a couple of hours and that Greg was outside the door waiting, Sherlock did nothing but smile and as soon as the nurse left turned down the nob again that was doing the drug's and let Greg in.

' Sherlock, nice to see you in hospital, this time, not like the last, this is becoming a thing with you isn't it'

' what do you want Graham'

' it's greg and i have came to see how your doing, I can see just fine'

' That's not it inspector, don't lie to me we both know it doesn't work'

The inspector looked at him in a annoyed look but carried on

' I have also came to tell you that you can move back to your flat this afternoon'

'take it you found no trace's of fingerprints or clues then'

' yes, how did you...'

' oh come on it's easy, when we played that little game with him before, can' you remember. he never did the dirty work himself and always made sure people were gone after- the people in my room last night will be dead now and the only way of finding out were they are is by getting Molly to look in all the morgues around and in London, are you writing this down?'

' yes, but how are we going to identify them'

' easy, i know from struggling with them that these men are tall and strong, very strong. I also know that these men speak Russian as before I blacked out, i heard then speak, it was in English, but there accent's Russian and on top of that they were wearing very expensive suit's by the looks of it and i don't think many people go around in suit in that part of town do you'

' ok, I will get Molly and the team to take a look, and your not

helping Sherlock as you have been told you have to rest, i mean it Sherlock, stay at home and rest'

Sherlock just looked at him and with an uneasy glance at John went to the door and left.

John looked at Sherlock ' your not going to listen are you?, why do you never listen'

' we both know that without me the police couldn't find a fingernail, no it will take more then the police force to stop Moriarty and you know it John and anyway I need to be doing something'

John looked at him with disbelieve

' need to be doing something, Sherlock, you got yourself killed out there, it's a miracle your still alive, if you want to do something you can start by tidying up the flat- your things are everywhere and Miss Huston will go mad when she see's it... please promise me Sherlock you will not try to go after him, not until your better at least! I've held you dead in my arm twice now, I am not going to do it for third'

Sherlock didn't know what to do, he kept all his promise's to John and even though he knew Moriarty wanted him to dance, he couldn't help but want to do this case, but at the same time he wanted to make sure that his family was safe as that is what he saw his closest friends as.

' Fine John, I promise, your right I am no good at the moment and the last time I tried to do it I ended up back in hospital again' Sherlock never said that the reason he had ended up there in the first place was because Mary had shot him ' anyway with the drugs in me everything feels fuzzy'

John looked relived and started talking about the flat and how all is things has been ruined.

' good miss Huston is willing to make sure you are all right and your brother...'

Sherlock looked at him and even though John saw anger in his eye's he saw something else, pity and sadness

' huh, my brother will never know what it is like to sacrifice yourself for the one's you hold most dear, he will never get the pain of it or the willing of giving up life for you John, my brother...'

Sherlock turned around and showed John his back- marks that were deep and red were all over his back and even though he had hidden it for so lone the pain was intense.

' good god Sherlock,what happen' John knew what these were, these were the marks of torture- he had seen these from a few of the men he had treated in the war.

Mary looked at John in shock and then Sherlock

' do you want me to give you a moment' Mary asked, thinking that it was going to become a fighting match and she didn't want to get in the middle of it

' Please' John said without looking over his shoulder

' no, it's ok, you can stay if you want, John will just tell you what i said later anyway so you might as well'

' no Sherlock, she has a young baby with her and what i will be saying is not for the ear's of a baby'

Mary knew that was time for her to step outside so she picked up will and stepped outside while her husband and best friend had a fighting match.

' when were you going to tell me about this Sherlock' John said.

Sherlock turned away and John grabbed is wrist

'THIS IS NOT FUNNY SHERLOCK' John shouted to him

' DO I LOOK LIKE I AM FINDING THIS FUNNY' Sherlock shouted back showing him the wrist that was free. John gasped, on his wrist was the marks of someone with a dark past. the scars of old with the scars of new. the scars were those of his past with drugs and self

abuse

' oh Sherlock, why didn't you take to me'

' because doctor, it happened when i came back and I realised I couldn't cope with the pain of you not taking to me and this' and with that Sherlock bust in to tear's.

John held him ' Sherlock you big clot you could have talked to me, if I known how sorry you were' but yet again Sherlock had suffered in silence. it was awhile when Sherlock finery calmed down and it was then John saw Sherlock's eye narrow ' what are you doing here, GET OUT'

' no chance little brother, not if you have been self harming again'

John turned around and saw that mycroft was standing there, he

then turn to Sherlock ' what does he mean again'

Sherlock never looked up

' well little brother, shall you tell him or shall I'