The Lord's prayer rings out into my ears. The nuns of the chapel chant the sacred words in a stoic unity. The kind that hears similar to raindrops tapping gently onto a windowsill in the middle of the night. One cannot dream of the comfort the rain or the nun's faithful prayer gives to me.
I've come back to Boston to live in this convent. I suppose one would be surprised that I would be in a place such as this. I used to pray as a little girl but my parents were never really that religious so I never really felt pressured to have the presence of God in my life. I guess I would be considered an agnostic; I do believe that there is something bigger than myself, I just don't know what, nor do I really care what. As long as I got someone on my shoulder, gently guiding me to where I need to be, I thank them. I hope it's my father. I also profoundly hope that Coach is, too. I just got word that he died. If there is a heaven, surely my father has a seat reserved for Ernie Pantusso.
The Hail Mary sends chills down my spine. They thank Mary, Mother of God and asks forgiveness for their sins. Over the past couple of months, Lord knows I've sinned. I should be ashamed of myself. I've betrayed not one, but two men, ran wild with drinking, stripping, and having shameless sex. I'm such a mess.
I roll over on the other side of my bed to see the painting of Mary and Jesus at the cross and I bawl my eyes out. I've long since been estranged from my own mother. From what I hear, Mary and Jesus were incredibly close. I cannot imagine her anguish and heartache seeing her only son die on the cross. I still haven't been able to forgive my mother for not coming to visit me at Goldenbrook, yet seeing and hearing these stories of blessed Mary let's me see my own mother's pain. She probably just couldn't bear to see me like that. Like I said, I was such a mess.
These sessions always end with the Glory Be. My chills go away and that sense of comfort comes back. I wipe my tears away as they state their belief that now and there always will be world without end. How one could not feel hopeful after hearing such words! World without end, we could be unstoppable, do the impossible, we could be reunited, tomorrow will always be there. With that, I curl up in the fetal position and fall into a peaceful sleep.