Jax stared at his ceiling, listening to the crickets outside his bedroom window. He wasn't supposed to leave his window open at night, he knew that, but he also wasn't supposed to sleep with a .45 under his mattress, either. He figured the two things balanced each other out, and that what Gemma didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

He had no idea how long he'd been lying there, or what time it was. What he did know was that he couldn't get Tara out of his head. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her smile, her eyes, the way her hair blew in the breeze when she was on the back of his bike. He felt like a damn chick, fawning over his crush. He wondered how many girls stayed awake at night fantasizing about him- probably way too many. For once, he actually felt a little bad for them. And for the first time since probably third grade, he was excited to get up and go to school the next morning.

When he dropped Tara off and kissed her goodnight, a delicious, spine tingling kiss, he made her promise that she'd ride to school with him the next morning. The only way he could bear to part with her was knowing when he would see her again. Which was ridiculous. He'd never been like this over a girl. Ever. And he wasn't sure what to do about it.

Although he felt like he'd been tossing and turning for hours, Jax knew it couldn't be too late. He could still hear his mother in the kitchen, cleaning and talking on the phone. He hoped she was talking to one of her friends, but he knew better. She was probably talking to him.

As slick as Gemma thought she was, Jax knew exactly what was going on between her and Clay Morrow, his deceased father's best friend and the new SAMCRO president. There'd been talk about it since way back before Thomas died. Now that JT was gone, the two of them barely even tried to hide it anymore. Jax supposed it made sense, even though the thought of his mother with Clay made him sick to his stomach. They'd always been close. And Gemma had always been the SAMCRO queen. If she was with Clay, she wouldn't have to give up her throne. Still, every time Jax asked her about it, she flat out denied it- promised him Clay was just looking out for the two of them in JT's absence, said they were just friends. Jax was pretty sure the only way she'd ever own up to it was if he walked in on the two of them in bed together. Even then, Gemma would probably try to lie her way out of it.

Unsettled by where his train of thought was heading, Jax tried to clear his mind. He closed his eyes and pictured the beach, the one he and Thomas used to go to as children. He saw the dark waves gently lapping the sandy shore, watched the clouds as they shifted in the breeze. He could hear Thomas laughing in the distance, begging for Jax to chase him. And he could see her. Tara Knowles, dressed in a tank top and jean shorts, barefoot in the sand. She was smiling at him, beckoning to him with her eyes. Jax's breathing slowed as he followed Tara down the shoreline, to where, he didn't know.

Just as his fantasy started to morph into a dream, he was startled awake by his creaking bedroom door. "Jackson? You asleep?" His mother tiptoed into his room, allowing light from the hallway to overtake the darkness. Jax grumbled incoherently, throwing his pillow over his face in protest. Gemma had always been needy, but now that it was just the two of them, she was out of control.

"Whaaaaaat?" he groaned.

She perched on the edge of his bed, making it clear she wasn't going anywhere. "We need to talk." Jax threw himself onto his back, grunting in frustration as he tossed his pillow aside. "I hear you had a little dust-up with Tig at the clubhouse today."

Jax gritted his teeth. "Oh yeah? And where'd ya hear that?" His question was futile. He already knew the answer.

"Doesn't matter, son. What matters is that you respect the members of the club. All of them."

"Tig's not a member," he reminded her. "Shouldn't even be a prospect. If dad was still here-"

"Yeah, well, he's not," Gemma interrupted. Jax was startled by the harshness of her words. Her voice softened as she tried to backtrack. "I'm sorry. It's just…I don't want you screwing up the future your father and I wanted for you. The club was always meant to be yours, Jax, and someday it will be. But ya gotta play by the rules."

Jax laughed angrily. "Yeah. Clay's rules."

"The club's rules." Gemma corrected him. He rolled his eyes. "So tell me about this girl," she said, changing the subject, "this little wallflower you brought into the clubhouse today, Tara. You like her?" Jax pulled the pillow back over his face. He was not talking to his mother about Tara.

"She's just a good friend," he said, mimicking her answer to him every time he asked about Clay. Gemma's eyes narrowed. She stood up and smoothed out the creases in her skin-tight jeans.

"Good night, Jackson." She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead with liquored breath.

"Night, Mom."

Jax sat on his bike outside Tara's house, watching for the front door to open. It had rained overnight, and the pavement was still wet and spotted with puddles. The sun was out now, glinting off the raindrops still clinging to the tall blades of grass in Tara's yard. He looked at his watch. 7:52. School started in less than ten minutes, and the drive would take at least that long, especially with the roads slick. Jax didn't mind being late for school, but he knew Tara did. He wondered if he should go knock on the door.

Across the street, two little boys, no more than three or four, were playing basketball with a miniature ball and hoop. Jax watched them, trying to keep score. The dark-haired boy seemed to be winning, which made the blonde-haired boy upset. Jax chuckled as they began to shove each other, shouting over whose turn it was. He saw movement in his side mirror.

He watched as Tara came running around the side of the house, her head down. She climbed onto the back of his bike and took the helmet he held out to her without saying a word, without making eye contact. Jax frowned.

"You alright?" he asked. Tara dragged the palms of her hands across her cheeks, sniffling hard.

"I'm fine," she said quietly. "Let's just get out of here." Jax complied, snapping on his helmet and starting the bike. As he pulled away from the curb, he saw movement in the front window of the house- a tall figure, standing off to the side, watching.

He rode toward school, the scent of rain still lingering in the air. He breathed it in, letting it settle in his bones and soothe his soul. He could feel Tara's body shaking, pressed against his as she clung to him. At first he thought she was just cold, but the closer they got to school, the more evident it became that she was crying. Jax didn't know her well enough yet to know her moods or how to handle them, but he knew he couldn't take her to school like this. So, just before he pulled into the student parking lot, he made a hard left instead. Startled, Tara held him tighter. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he felt her breathe a sigh of relief.

"So, we gonna talk about it?" Jax asked, studying Tara's face as she scraped off the red polish on her fingernails.

"About what?" she asked, not bothering to look up. Jax let out a long, frustrated sigh. He scooted closer, so that their shoulders were touching. He pulled her hands apart, pressing them to each side of his face and holding them there.

"Tara." She looked up, her lower lip quivering. "What happened?" She shook her head, tears spilling over onto her cheeks.

"It's stupid," she insisted. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing." Jax slid one of her hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. Her cheeks flushed bright pink. "We're not goin' anywhere 'til you tell me what's goin' on, and it looks like another storm's moving in. So unless you want to get stuck out here in the rain, you might wanna start talking." Tara bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to smile. She tilted her head toward the sky, examining the darks clouds on the horizon. She almost looked like she would welcome the rain.

Her sad beauty took Jax's breath away. He was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her, but if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. And figuring out what was wrong with her was more important. He shook his head. Since when were a girl's feelings more important to him than fooling around? Something was happening to him, and he couldn't decide whether or not he was happy about it. He was losing himself. Or was he finding himself?

"It's my father," Tara finally admitted, still watching the sky. Jax felt suddenly at ease. He didn't realize until that moment how worried he'd been that maybe she was upset with him for some reason.

"That's it?" he asked. "Just parent bullshit?" The look on Tara's face told him he'd said the wrong thing.

"Yeah. That's it. I told you, stupid…" She pulled her hands from Jax's face and went back to picking at her nail polish.

"No, Tara, I…" Jax exhaled, frustrated with himself. "That's not what I meant. I just thought that maybe I did something, or…" She looked up at him, her eyebrows raised.

"You? No. You're perfect…" she let the accidental compliment hang in the air, her cheeks changing color again.

Jax smiled. "Not even close, but I appreciate the vote of confidence." And he did. Jax was used to people worshipping him, but it was only because of who his father was- not who he was. Tara was different. She didn't care about his status or what it could do for her. She didn't worship him or hold him up like some false idol. As far as he could tell, she just liked being around him. And when she looked at him, she seemed to see the good in him that no one else ever took the time to find. "Come here," he said, reaching for her hand again. She gave it to him willingly. He pulled her into his lap, resting his forehead against hers. "I'll leave it alone, if you promise me you're okay."

"I'm okay." Tara nodded, the corners of her mouth turning up. "I'm better than okay now." Jax wrapped his hands around the back of her neck, pulling her face closer to his.

"You can talk to me about anything, alright? I mean it. I'm here for you." His words were simple, but they did something to Tara. Her eyes were alight with appreciation and smoldering with desire at the same time. Was that all she needed? Someone to be there for her? Jax could do that. He would do that. She smashed her lips into his with a sudden urgency, coiling her body around his. Jax smiled at the familiarity their closeness brought. Her rhythms, her scent, her taste- it was quickly becoming second nature to him.

He slid his hands up and down the contours of the body he'd spent the night fantasizing about, trying not to let his hormones overrule his mind. He wanted her, bad. But more than he wanted her body, he wanted her heart. He had to earn that first.

Tara moaned quietly as her tongue worked against Jax's, losing herself in him. She clutched at his shoulders, his chest, and then at his belt buckle. He froze.

"Tara."

She frowned. "Jax, I'm a big girl. I want this. And I know you want this. I can feel it." She pressed her hands to the bulge in his pants, smiling suggestively. He let out a frustrated groan.

"Babe, we talked about this. I want your first time to be special." Tara kissed him again, slipping her hand between his bare skin and the waistline of his jeans.

"It will be," she breathed. Jax pulled away from her, untangling her body from his so that he could stand up.

"No," he insisted. "Not like this. Come with me." Tara eagerly took his hand, clearly under the impression that Jax was taking her somewhere more private to devirginize her. He wasn't, but she didn't need to know that. Not yet, anyway.

"Where are we?" Tara asked, watching Jax as he hung their helmets on the handle bar of his bike.

He smiled. "You'll see." Tara seemed disappointed that Jax hadn't taken them to a hotel, or back to his house. It made him happy, but it also made him uneasy. He was about to share a very vulnerable part of himself with her, and he was worried she wouldn't appreciate it. She seemed to have a one track mind at the moment.

He linked his fingers through hers and led her down a dirt path that cut between two buildings. It had been a long time- too long- since he'd been here. A familiar stench assaulted his sense of smell as they approached their destination- a giant barn with bright red paint and white trim, with windows along both sides. Tara covered the lower half of her face with her hand as they walked through an open door on the front side of the barn, trying to hide from the overpowering smell.

"Seriously, Jax, where are we?" Her voice was muffled. He grinned, a boyish grin that reached his eyes. Before he could answer her, an elderly man in overalls stepped out of one of the stalls, covered in dust and hay.

"Hey, Walter!" Jax called out, waving. "It's Jackson Teller." The man came closer, displaying a set of yellowing teeth as he smiled.

"Jackson, my boy! Long time no see! How's it going?" He clapped Jax on the back as he approached, then turned his attention to Tara.

"I'm good! Walter, this is Tara. Tara, Walter. We just came to visit Harley."

"Of course, of course," Walter nodded. "Well, she's right where ya left her. Come find me before ya leave. I'm right in the middle of something right now." Without waiting for a response, Walter returned to his work. He'd never been much for small talk.

Tara looked at Jax, curious. "Who's Harley?" Rather than tell her, he decided to show her. He pulled her down the rustic corridor, toward the end of the building. He counted as they passed identical gates.

"Twenty seven," he finally said, stopping in front of one. "Tara, I'd like you to meet Harley." A chestnut colored horse stood with its head hanging over the gate. Jax patted it gingerly on its side. Tara made no attempt to hide her surprise.

"A horse? Jax Teller, Mr. Badass Biker, has a horse?" She giggled.

"Actually, she was my little brother's horse. It was the one thing he wanted when he got sick, to have his very own horse to ride. So my dad got him one." Tara's expression changed.

"Oh, Jax, I'm sorry, I didn't know." He didn't look away from the horse, just continued to stroke her silky red coat and mane.

"Of course, Thomas never was well enough to actually ride her, but he would groom her, feed her, make me ride her." He chuckled at the memory. "After Thomas died, mom sold her back to the farm. But Walter's a good guy. Still lets me come visit and ride her whenever I want."

"She's beautiful." Tara's voice was soft, contemplative. She reached a weary hand toward the horse. "May I?" Jax placed his hand over hers and guided her as she touched the lone patch of white hair on Harley's coat.

"You ever ride?" Jax asked. Tara shook her head. "Well then, you're in for a treat."

He opened the gate, connected a lead to Harley's bridle, and led her out of the barn. Tara kept her distance. By the time she reached the fenced-in meadow where Jax was saddling the horse, he was almost finished.

"Come on," he called to her.

"No, I-"

"Tara, come on. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise." She approached him reluctantly. "Let me show you," he said, breathing in her sweet scent as he helped her put her foot in the stirrup. "Now hold on here, and then just use that leg to kind of throw yourself up there." Tara's muscles shook as she tried to hoist herself up onto the saddle. Jax gave her a boost, trying not to focus on the fact that his hands were on her ass. She grunted, using him as a pushing-off point. She landed with an awkward thud atop Thomas' horse, her face nearly as red as Harley's coat.

"Well that was harder than it looked," she lamented, out of breath. Jax squinted up at her, trying to block out the sunlight, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Now just put your other foot in the other stirrup, and hold on." Tara looked down at Jax, a worried expression on her face.

"Jax, I-"

"You can do this," he assured her. "We'll go slow." Why was he taking everything so slow with her?

Jax walked beside Tara and Harley through the meadow. At first, Tara seemed nervous. After a little while, though, she relaxed and began to enjoy herself. Jax could almost hear his little brother laughing from the other side of the fence. "Go faster, Jax!" he would yell as Jax rode Harley at a steady pace. "The Indians are coming!" There was an ache in Jax's chest, one that always began to throb whenever he thought of Thomas.

He turned to Tara. She'd never be able to fill the hole his brother's death left in his heart, but she was carving out a spot all her own, one that was growing larger by the moment. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said, her voice uneven as she bobbed up and down with Harley's movements.

"You and Donna, Opie's girl. Seems to be some tension there."

"What's your question?"

"My question is, why? You guys have history or somethin'?"

Tara shrugged. "Ancient history, I guess. Second grade, Joey Lopez. Donna had a crush on him, but he liked me- I think more because of the chocolate pudding cups I used to take in my lunch every day than because of his desire to make a lifelong commitment, but ya know. Anyway, she's just hated me ever since. She thinks I'm stuck up, I think she's trashy." Tara paused on the word, as if she was worried it would offend Jax. It didn't, but her reaction to it did. "Trashy" was often thrown around by the people in town who opposed SAMCRO's presence there. Was Tara one of them?

"Trashy, huh?" He tried to sound pissed, but the hurt in his voice was evident.

"I didn't mean that like it sounded. I mean the way she acts, all loud and mean and slutty, she's just trashy. Not because she's dating Opie or anything." Tara stumbled over the words, eager for Jax to forgive her. He accepted her answer, but still seemed bothered. He bit his lip, trying to decide what to say, and then changed the subject.

"So Joey Lopez, huh? Should I be worried?" Tara laughed, a loud laugh that originated in her gut. It made Jax smile.

"Can I ask you something else?"

Tara sighed. "You're just full of questions today, huh? Go ahead. Shoot."

"Why were you so upset this morning?" Jax asked the question cautiously, aware that he was breaking his promise to let it go. He wasn't sure why Tara being upset bothered him so much, but he had to know who'd hurt her.

Tara exhaled, shaking her head. "Just my dad, like I said. He was pissed that I came home so late last night. He probably wouldn't have noticed, except stupid David showed up to take me out to dinner for my birthday, so my dad realized I wasn't home, and it just turned into a whole big thing that carried over into this morning."

"David? David Hale?" Jax knew he was focusing on the wrong part of Tara's story, but he couldn't help it.

"Yes," she said simply, as if it was no big deal.

"Thought you said he wasn't your boyfriend?" Jax studied the ground as he walked, trying to look like he didn't care half as much as he did.

"He isn't. I told you, I don't have a boyfriend." Jax stopped and looked up at Tara, who was petting Harley gently.

"You want one?" he asked. Tara turned to him, her eyes wide.

"Are you- are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yes." Jax's voice was quiet, and lacked its usual confidence.

"Okay," Tara said without hesitation. She began giggling uncontrollably as she tried to climb down from the horse. Jax reached up with both arms to help her, but her foot got tangled in one of the stirrups and she fell, taking Jax down with her. She landed directly on top of him, her face just inches from his.

"Ow," he groaned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Are you okay?" Tara inspected him for injuries. He took her face in his hands and pulled it toward his. She closed her eyes, letting out a soft, joyful breath just before he kissed her. She pressed her body hard against his as Jax moved one hand to the small of her back, kissing her all the while. He couldn't remember the last time he'd officially had a girlfriend. But he couldn't imagine Tara being anything else. She smiled at him between kisses, and he knew he was close to achieving his goal- she was falling in love with him. But he was falling harder.