AN: Okay, I've calmed down by now... I mean, I'm still sad that I won't be able to see Willemijn, but yesterday I was just in a very bad and upset and slightly dramatic mood. Sorry about that :3.

Anyways, since the last chapter took so long for me to put up, I decided to update soon this time :).

Much fluff in this chapter, all for you. Fluffidy-fluffidy-fluff! (Because no, of course Elphaba is not going to jump into Suicide Canal. Come on, guys. She would never kill herself. Well, except for in Everything... but in that one the circumstances were way worse.)

Chapter 16. So beautiful

"Fiyero!" Galinda pounded on the door to the prince's dorm room with two fists. "Fiyero! For Oz's sake, open up!"

"Glin?" she suddenly heard from behind her. She turned around, only to see Fiyero standing behind her, his bag in his hand.

"Where were you?" she screeched, and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"In class," he replied drily.

She had no response to that, so instead of trying to come up with one, she started tugging at his sleeve.

"Fiyero, you have to come," she said urgently. "It's Elphaba."

He immediately looked worried. "What about Elphaba?"

"She's going to kill herself!"

His eyes widened. "What?!"

Upon seeing the panicked look on his face, Galinda conceded, "Okay, maybe that's my own interpretation of it, but… but she had a huge fight with Nessa, and Nessa said something about her jumping into Suicide Canal, and now I just ran into Shenshen and Milla and they said they saw Elphie heading for Suicide Canal!"

Fiyero was looking pale. "She wouldn't… would she?"

"I don't know!" Galinda wailed, tugging at his sleeve again. "Just come with me, for Oz's sake!"

He did, running after the blonde as she crossed campus. When they reached the canal, Fiyero ordered, "You go right. I'll go left," and the blonde just nodded and ran off without further arguing.

Fiyero eventually found the green girl underneath a tree, curled into herself with her knees hugged to her chest as she stared at the canal without really seeing anything. The prince breathed a sigh of relief and stopped a boy he knew from his Economics class.

"Can you go and find Miss Galinda for me and tell her that her roommate is alright?" he asked the boy. "She should be somewhere over there." He pointed in the direction Galinda had disappeared in. "Tell her we'll meet her at her dorm room later."

The boy nodded and promised he'd convey the message.

Fiyero approached Elphaba, who noticed him, but didn't say anything; she just followed him with her eyes as he sat down beside her, not touching her.

"Are you okay?" he asked her softly.

She shrugged.

He reached out to take her hand, but when she flinched, he pulled away. "I'm sorry."

She didn't respond.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

She shook her head wordlessly.

He sighed and ran both hands through his hair, feeling frustrated at not being able to do anything for her. "Fae… Galinda just came running to me, telling me you had a huge fight with Nessa and that you were going to kill yourself. You have no idea how worried I was."

Now she was staring at him with wide eyes. "What?"

He shrugged helplessly. "She said something about Suicide Canal," he said. "That Nessa had mentioned something about it and that Filla and Men-Men, or whatever those girls are called, saw you heading here…"

She was scowling now. "That doesn't mean I was going to kill myself," she said irritably. "That girl is so overdramatic sometimes!"

She looked away. "Besides," she muttered wryly, "if I was going to try and kill myself, I'd find a more pleasant way to do it than by jumping into a canal."

Fiyero shook his head, not amused.

"Fae… please tell me what's wrong," he almost begged her. "You're obviously upset, and I'm worried about you. What happened with Nessa?"

Elphaba sighed.

"She told me the truth," she said bitterly. "She… she said all these things about me, that everything is always about me and that I'm never there for her… that I'm a horrible sister. And she's right." She looked down. "I always tried my best, but it's not enough. It's never been enough, and it never will be," she whispered. "Because… because I'm me, and as long as I am who I am, Nessa will never be happy."

"Elphaba!" Fiyero tried to wrap his arm around her, to comfort her, but she shook him off.

"I don't want your pity, Fiyero," she said. "I just want you to leave me alone."

He looked hurt. "What? Why?"

"Because I'm me!" she nearly shouted at him. "I am green, I am a failure, and I am unlovable – and if you keep trying to get close to me, you'll only end up resenting me and I don't want that, Fiyero! I love you and I want to be with you, I really do, but it's just not right!"

"Says who?" he demanded fiercely. "You?"

"Yes!"

"Well," he stuck his chin up in the air, "then I say it is right, no matter what you say."

She glared at him. He could be so Oz-damned stubborn sometimes!

"It seems we have reached an impasse," he said, raising one eyebrow at her.

She shook her head. "No. No," she declared. "You don't get a say in this, Fiyero. This is the truth and you have to face it. No-one can love me. No-one ever has and no-one ever will. Whatever you think you're feeling for me is not love, it's just… something else. Something that will pass soon."

He stared at her.

"If that really is what you think," he said slowly, "then I am starting to doubt who, exactly, is the brainless one in this relationship."

She shoved him – hard. "Just go away, Fiyero!"

He didn't, of course. Instead he wrapped his arms around her.

She tried to get away from him, hitting him everywhere she could reach and struggling to break free; but he refused to let go of her, which only fuelled her anger and frustration. She shouted at him to let her go. She kept thrashing and lashing out at him. Fiyero, however, barely pulled a muscle. He just held her until finally, she collapsed in his arms, crying.

He rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair and rubbing her back soothingly. "Shh," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "Shh, it's okay, sweetheart, it's okay."

"No, it's not!" she sniffled, hating how weak and pathetic she sounded. "You can't love me, Fiyero! No-one can!"

"I can," he said. "And I do." He kept on stroking her hair as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"And I am sure I'm not the only one, Fae," he continued softly, resting his chin on top of her head. "It's not true, what you said."

"Who then?" she asked him, her voice sounding choked. "Who ever loved me?"

He wanted to start with saying 'your parents', but he realised that given what she had told him about her father, that most likely wasn't true.
"My mother did, maybe," she said quietly. "But I wouldn't know. I was so young when she died, I'm not even sure my memories are real memories or if I just created them in my head."

Fiyero tightened his grip on her, dropping a kiss to her hair.

"And Nessa… she never loved me," Elphaba whispered. "How could she? I ruined everything for her. Her family, her ability to walk, her life…" She burrowed deeper into his chest, as if trying to make herself vanish.

"She was right," she choked out. "What she said about Father."

Fiyero wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he had to ask. "What did she say, Fae?"

He could hear her stifle a sob.

"She said I was jealous," Elphaba finally said. "She said I was jealous because Father would do anything for her, for Nessa, because he loves her… but if I were to jump into the canal now and die, he couldn't care less."

Fiyero sucked in his breath, shocked.

"Don't deny it," Elphaba mumbled against his chest. "It's true. He blames me, Fiyero." Her eyes filled with tears again and she turned her head, not wanting to look at him. "And he's right, too. If I hadn't been born, my mother would still be alive and Nessa would be able to walk. It's my fault."

"Elphaba…" He cradled her closer to his chest, feeling her trembling against him. "You can't possibly believe that."

She didn't respond.

He pulled away slightly to look into her eyes.

"Fae," he said softly, "this is ridiculous. You are not responsible for your mother's death or for Nessa being unable to walk. Bad things just happen sometimes, but that doesn't make it your fault!"

She shook her head. "But it was because of me that –"

"No," he cut her off sternly.

"Yes!" she countered, sitting up. "You don't know the whole story, Fiyero! My father made my mother chew milk flowers during her pregnancy to keep Nessa from being born green – to keep a disaster like my birth from happening – and that's why she went into labour too early! It's my fault, Yero, it is. If it weren't for me, none of it would have happened."

"It also wouldn't have happened if your father had just accepted and loved you for who you were, instead of labelling you an embarrassment and trying to prevent his second child from being born like you," Fiyero said sharply. "If he hadn't been so blind and stupid that he could not see past your skin colour, none of it would have happened. If your parents had researched the possible side effects of chewing milk flowers, it wouldn't have happened. You want to blame someone? Blame your parents. But not yourself, Fae. It wasn't you. You didn't do anything wrong."

She was looking at him, somehow hopeful, scared, and defeated all at the same time, her eyes filled with tears.

He pulled her back into his arms and she sobbed against his shoulder, clinging to him tightly.

When they walked back across campus some time later, Fiyero with his arm around Elphaba and she with her head on his shoulder, she murmured, "Yero?"

"Yes?"

She looked up at him. "Can I stay with you tonight?" she asked softly.

That surprised him. "Really?" He smoothed her hair away from her face and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Of course you can stay, if you want to, but… you've never stayed over in my room before. Except for that time after Avaric threw you in the canal." His face still darkened at the memory, but knowing how she felt about him wanting revenge on the other boy, he wisely kept his mouth shut.

"I just… don't want to face Galinda right now," Elphaba said with a sigh. "She's going to be all dramatic again about how I tried to 'kill myself', and she'll pester me with questions and well-meant advice on what to do about Nessa… I don't want that. I just want to go someplace quiet and do nothing."

He smiled. "Well, I'm good at doing nothing."

She chuckled wearily.

He brushed his fingers down her arm, drawing her closer. "I'll go talk to Glin," he promised her, "to tell her that you're alright and you will be staying with me, and I'll get your toothbrush and a nightgown." He kissed her softly. "Here's the key to my room – you go on ahead."

It took him about half an hour to really reassure Galinda that her roommate was perfectly fine and to hurriedly grab some things for Elphaba and flee the room. He understood now why Elphaba had been reluctant to go back there and sleep in the same room as the blonde. Frankly, he felt a sudden rush of sympathy and admiration for the green girl for rooming with Galinda for nearly a year already, listening to the blonde's ramblings and giggles night after night after night. The mere thought made him shudder.

When he finally entered his own room, Elphaba was sitting in the window sill, staring outside. She did not cry, but he could sense how sad she still was.

He slipped into the window sill to sit behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "You okay?"

She sighed and nodded.

"Fine."

"I don't believe you," he said.

She sighed again, but kept quiet.

They stayed like that for a while, neither of them saying a word.

Then Elphaba said softly, "How can you love me?"

Startled, he pulled back. "What?"

She kept her eyes glued to the window as she spoke.

"Look at me, Fiyero," she said, her voice flat. "It's not such a strange question."

He shook his head. "Oh, Fae…"

He let go of her and slid out of the window sill again so that he could look at her properly.

"You never believe me, do you?" he asked her. "When I tell you that you are beautiful."

She shrugged. "No. I'm not beautiful, Fiyero," she said, her voice barely audible. "It's like my father always told me – I'm ugly and unnatural and unwanted. I just don't understand why you can't see that."

His heart ached for her, but he didn't know what he could do, since he didn't seem to be able to convince her with words.

The silence between them slowly grew uncomfortable and Fiyero ran his fingers through his hair.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "I'll go and get us something to eat."

She didn't protest and he left. When he got back, he found her in the exact same position he had left her in, and he was starting to grow worried about her.

Then his eye fell upon his guitar in the corner and he had an idea.

He put the food aside and grabbed the musical instrument, fiddling with it for a moment before starting to play – a song he had started to write for Elphaba quite some time ago. Back then he had rejected it as being too corny, but now, somehow, it suddenly seemed perfect.

He opened his mouth and sang.

"You are so beautiful

To me."

Her head whipped around, eyes wide, and he smiled at her.

"You are so beautiful

To me

Can't you see?

You're everything I hoped for

You're everything I need

You are so beautiful

Oh so beautiful

To me."

That was all he had written so far; but judging by the expression on Elphaba's face, it was enough. She was staring at him, her dark eyes looking all the bigger for the tears that were shining inside of them, and Fiyero put down his guitar and sat there, not saying anything, just looking at her.

She stayed frozen in place, just blinking at him, but not moving otherwise.

"You…" she stammered after a while. "I mean…"

"It's true," he said simply. He rose to his feet and knelt down in front of her, looking into her eyes.

"If you can't accept that you are beautiful," he said, "then at least try to accept that I seeyou that way."

She surprised him by suddenly kissing him fiercely, winding her arms around his neck.

"I love you," she told him breathlessly when they broke apart.

He chuckled softly and kissed her again. "I love you, too."