Tony Stark is a hero. But doing his job is much harder when he doesn't have his Iron Man suit nearby.
But when he saw Gypsy Danger laying in the distance, a spark of hope fluttered in his greedy little heart.
Able to escape the mess at the beginning, Tony was armed with a tactical spork and a Covenant energy sword. He'd tried his hand at swordplay in the past, and was confident despite his odd weaponry.
After a bit of walking, he saw the massive hull of the Jaegar robot. Its limbs were spread out and its head hung to the side.
Tony smiled, jogging over to the head. Hopefully he'd have an easy enough time piloting this thing.
Upon reaching the head, he saw a small access hatch. He took a step forward, when a presence made itself known behind him.
Slowly clapping, Nick Fury said, "Well well well. Tony Stark. I hear you're pretty good with robots. How'd you like to pilot this bad boy with me?"
Tony turned around, and smiled.
"After what you and Cap went through? I'd be happy to lend a hand!"
Nick laughed, and took a step forward. Sadly, it was the last step he would ever take.
A gunshot rang out.
"Nick! NO!" Tony yelled.
He kneeled down, holding Nick's hand as the man's eye fluttered.
"Tell Black Widow... She got a fine booty..." Nick gasped. His last words.
Tony nodded.
"Oh I've already told her, buddy. But she'll be glad to hear it again, knowing it's from you."
Tony wiped tears from his eyes and looked up, to see Schnitzel standing proudly on the thigh of Gypsy, a sniper rifle in his hands. Senor Chang's call echoed.
"Rada," he growled beneath his waving bandana.
"You... Want to be my co-pilot?" Tony asked.
"Rada!" Schnitzel replied, hopping down. He put his rifle on his back and ran eagerly to Tony's side.
"Why the hell did you kill Nick? We could've worked together! He could've made you an Avenger!"
Schnitzel scowled, and said, "Rada rada. Rada rada rada rada, rada rada."
"He was a sneaky guy... But everyone deserves a second chance. I know as good as anyone," Tony remarked, thinking back to his old life before donning the iron suit.
"Rada!" Schnitzel cheered, jumping through the entry hatch and straight into Gypsy Danger.
Tony rolled his eyes and followed.
Inside were two devices that looked almost like elliptical machines. A pair of google glasses hung above each of the devices.
"That's how we control the thing," Tony said.
"Rada rada," Schnitzel agreed, sticking his stubby legs into each foot holder and sliding the google glasses down his forehead.
Tony did the same, and lights around the cockpit lit up.
"Synchronization commencing. Prepare for minor mind melding," the voice said.
Tony flinched, as thoughts began to fill his head.
"Rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada!"
Sweat ran down Tony's temples, the word repeating itself over and over in his mind as nightmarish memories of a racoon-rabbit-bear-boy and a big-nosed blue chef in a kilt flooded his mind.
"Why is Schnitzel so angry? Does he have to take a poo?"
"Llllaaadies?"
Gypsy Danger stood up, presumably at Schnitzel's command since Tony was in intense pain.
The idiocy was almost too much. Tony could almost feel his IQ points draining away as his brain cells were slaughtered.
"What... What kind of life is this?" Tony gurgled, spit rolling down his chin.
"Rada?" Schnitzel asked, turning to see Tony unconscious.
"Synchronization failed. Pilot has died," Gypsy said, going dark right as it stood straight up.
"HAH! GAAAAYYYY!" Senor Chang roared.
"Rada! Rada rada!" Schnitzel cried as Tony slammed into the ground.
"Rada..." Schnitzel pondered, bowing his head in respect.
Although his mind was too much for Tony's, the genius's thoughts had come over to Schnitzel's brain loud and clear. Memories of saving the world and inventing were accessible to Schnitzel.
"Hey! I'm not dead!" a voice echoed in Schnitzel's head.
"Rada!?" a spooked Schnitzy said, looking around.
"My lord... It would appear that we're sharing your brain, big guy!" Tony said. "This is messed up. Is that my body?"
Schnitzel nodded, and said, "Rada? Rada rada?"
"Sadly, my body died right when Gypsy got up. We're gonna have to climb our way down, pal," Tony said.
"Rada rada," Schnitz grumbled.