"Think you can use dat wand to light my smoke, homie?"
"Ah!"
Harry Potter rolled backwards, away from the squinty-eyed rapper, Snoop Dogg, and his ally, Eminem.
"What... What do you want?" Harry whispered, pulling his wand on the two.
Night had fallen, and Bikini Bottom was even creepier beneath the glowing moon.
"He wants to know if you can light his weed, you # $!" Eminem shouted.
"No! That's disgusting!" Harry said, pocketing his wand.
"Awe, why you gotta play me like that, homes?" Snoop grumbled.
In the distance, a huge explosion burst into the air.
"What was that?" Harry asked, whirling around.
An armored space marine came charging at them, running from some invisible foe.
"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" Eminem yelled.
Master Chief was distracted, but he wasn't going to miss this opportunity.
He chucked a grenade at the three.
"Throwit backit," Harry chanted.
The grenade soared back through the air, onto Chief's back.
"What the?" he shouted, just before the grenade sent him into the air.
Snoop, Em, and Harry ran over to where the soldier had crashed down. His visor was cracked, and he was favoring his left arm.
"Please... I don't want any trouble," he coughed.
"Yeah, right! I toss a grenade at all my friends!" Eminem yelled, smashing his baseball bat into Chief's helmet.
"Agh!" Master Chief cried.
Snoop Dogg held up his arm, holding Eminem back.
"I got dis," Dogg said with a nod.
From behind his back, the rapper pulled a golden katana.
"Night night," he cooed, slicing the blade through Master Chief's chest.
The space marine gurgled, and then his head lulled to the side.
"Hah! Gaaaaayyyyy!"
"Wonder what he was running from?" Harry asked.
"Eyes up, chumps!"
The trio turned around, to see something more bizarre than that crappy Superior Schnitzel plot twist from that earlier chapter.
Mary Poppins was gliding above, hanging under her umbrella, her feet holding Bruce Willis up by his armpits. The action hero was dual wielding assault rifles.
"RUN!" Snoop Dogg yelled.
Bullets ripped through the sand below their feet.
Harry whirled is wand around, forming a purple bubble. The space was very small, but the bullets harmlessly pinged off of its surface.
"Okay, what now? How long does this thing last?" Eminem asked.
Harry frowned, and said, "I'll keep it up as long as I can."
Poppins and Willis were circling like vultures above, the bullets coming only occasionally now.
"You'll have to put that shield down eventually, dears," Poppins giggled.
"This is not cool," Snoop whimpered.
Then, a loud wheezing filled the air.
"You hyperventalating, Eminem?" Harry asked.
"Nah. That ain't me," Eminem said.
They looked up, to see a streak of light flying right at Mary and Bruce.
"What is that!" Bruce yelled, opening fire.
"Call me... NUMBAH ONE!"
The light was from the jet boosters on Numbah One's brown boots. He dodged the evil duo's bullets with ease, curving around and flying upward.
"Where did he go?" Mary cried in frustration.
"Up here, lady!" Numbah One shouted.
He pulled two guns from his pockets, each fashioned from soda bottles, cardboard, wood, and duct tape.
Laser fire rained down on Mary's umbrella.
"GOIN' DOWN!" Bruce Willis yelled.
Red light flickered in Harry, Eminem, and Snoop Dogg's eyes as they watched Mary Poppins desperately try to navigate her flaming umbrella to safety. But they were too high up.
The umbrella exploded finally, and the two villains fell faster than lightning to the ground.
Numbah One landed next to the magic bubble.
Harry closed it down, standing up to shake Numbah One's hand.
Numbah One didn't lower his weapons.
"What the $%^ is this?" Eminem shouted.
"You may seem alright... But you're still Adults."
Harry Potter facepalmed.
"Hah! Gaaaaaayyyy!"
"Look, you can trust us, kid!" Eminem reassured the K.I.D.S. Next Door agent.
"Yeah, dog!" Snoop said.
"Wait..." Harry interrupted.
"There was only one siren..."
The four warriors looked behind them, to see Mary Poppins, just barely conscious, now holding Bruce's assault weapons.
Numbah One raised his guns even more threateningly.
"I thought you were already dead. Looks like I'll have to finish..."
Gratatata...
Before Numbah One could finish his sentence, he was struck down.
"I never really liked children. It was all a ruse," Mary Poppins giggled evilly.
"Avada cadavra!" Harry yelled.
A burst of green lightning shot from his wand, slamming into Poppins. She shuddered violently, then slammed into the dirt.
"Nice goin', kid!" Eminem said.
"Hah! Gaaaayyyy! Hah! Gaaaaayyyy!"
"But... The kid," Snoop Dogg said, looking down at Numbah One with sadness.
"He was gonna screw us over anyways," Eminem said, picking up the kid's weapons.
"Where to next?" Harry asked.
"There," Eminem said, smiling at something in the distance.
The team followed his line of sight, to see the daunting silhouette of Gypsy Danger.
"You can't be serious," Harry said.
"Me and Snoop will drive. You'll be our... Extra power," Eminem said.
Harry shrugged, and followed them into the night.