And now the thrilling continuation of the events of the last chapter...

Sam, Dean and Castiel marched out into the street.

"I can't believe how much has changed since Bobby died," sobbed Dean, "I can't believe Dick would be enough of a dick to shoot Bobby. Dick sure likes dicking around with us, that dick. I'll cut of his dick to revenge his dickish behaviour."

"All this talk of your Earth dicks is making me hungry," smiled Castiel, "Why don't you and I find a room, Dean?"

"Traitor," scoffed Dean, "You betrayed us and opened Purgatory. And also a Pizza hut outside New Jersey. I can never forgive you."

Castiel's eye leaked out a single tear.

"My crotch is really itchy right now. Can one of you please scratch it?"

"No Cas," sighed Sam, "The itchy crotch is your punishment for opening Purgatory."

"Let's get back to the case," grunted Bobby, "You idjits are always ignoring the fact that you're hunters. You are heroes and I raised you to fight the monsters. I'm proud of you boys."

"Thanks Bobby," smiled Dean, "I really needed that after Cas' death. All I have is his trench coat that washed ashore when the Leviathan's destroyed his vessel. I wear it to bed."

"That's creepy dude," laughed Ellen and Jo in unison.

"That does seem to cross a line," smirked Yellow Eyes Demon, "My name is Azula. I possessed a man filled with organs. Just filled to the brim with organs."

Dean threw a punch at the glass window in front of him, startling the man.

"I don't care about organ donation! FUCK ORGANS, I HATE THEM."

Sam shushed Dean with a finger on his lips.

"I know that feel bro."

They then proceeded to hug out their issues. When they finished, they no longer had any problems other than getting the job done, and maybe working of their erections.

"What's the case?"

"Several kids snuck out of their houses and got raped and stuff. Also ghosts did it."

"I'm on the case," smiled Sam, leaping out of the window and onto the roof and onto the DeLorean that the pair of them were driving.

"More like off his case, am I right?" smiled Mary Winchester, "Oh wait, I'm dead. Forget that last comment."

And with that she disappeared into a puff of smoke and logic.

"I can't wait til we can drive the Impala again," sobbed Dean quietly, as Castiel softly carried him into the DeLorean and got into the driver's seat.

"When this baby hits 88mph per hour, you guys are going to see some serious shit. I've used angel magic to make this car take us anywhere in time and space, so long as it's the exact same time as the present."

"Fucking sweet, a teleporter!" ejaculated Dean enthusiastically.

Yes, thought Castiel to himself, Dean enjoys my ride.

Cas slammed down on the brake and the car was sent spinning into the past or was it the future?

Incorrect; it was the present but not in the same location. They were in... Lucifer's cage!

"Finally, rescue!" screamed Adam, their half-brother, in relief, "I've been tortured in here for nearly two season now!"

"Fuck you, I love Sam," gurgled Dean and he pulled on the handbrake, achieving nothing.

Adam cried for nearly a week. It made Lucifer and Michael feel a bit guilty about torturing him in every conceivable way, at least for the first few days. They went back to raping all of his orifices pretty quickly after that.

"Bad news Sam and Dean," said Castiel hastily, "We are now trapped in Lucifer's cage. We can't escape until someone starts the Apocalypse. Again."

"Oh Kripke! Does this mean Lucifer is going to rape me again," sobbed Sam.

"He can't touch us Sam," smiled Castiel reassuringly, "I've locked the car doors."

And so he had, noted Lucifer glumly.

THE END

DIDN'T LIKE THE ENDING? HERE'S AN ALTERNATE! JUST READ FROM THE END OF CHAPTER ONE!

And then Sam and Castiel and Dean were trapped in a cave. And then they turned into my little ponies and pegasusususususus (es?).

"Oh shit oh fucks oh crap," swore Sam from beneath Dean's wing, "We are so fucked. Like at least five ways."

"Pull yourself together soldier," screamed the yellow Pegasus named Castiel, his electric green goggles giving a faint shine in the darkness, "We can totally survive this, we've just got to be smart about it."

"Fuck you," screamed the white haired Pegasus from beneath his sister's wing, "We are going to die, why can't you just accept that Castiel? We are dead. We are fucking dead."

Castiel, raised both hooves to his face, "Oh my god Sam, you are such a whiny shit. It's only been one chapter into this nightmarish fan fic and already you're squealing about how dead we all are."

"Only because death is inescapable," sighed Sam sadly, "Isn't it Dean?"

Dean looked beneath her wing sadly, "Yes Sam, I'm afraid our deaths are inevitable. Castiel is wrong. We are fucking dead."

Castiel screamed in agony.

"I can't believe how easily you fuckers gave up. You fucks! You lazy fucks!"

He kicked the cave wall angrily, sending rocks flying out. Sunlight spilled through the hole.

"Oh my God," squealed Sam in delight (thelight?)

"Now to escape," smiled Castiel, taking a step out of the cave, knocking aside a rock holding up a large pillar of stone. As he did so, the cave, crumbled inward again, tonnes of rock tackling Castiel into the ground.

If Dean and Sam heard his last words correctly, he spent his last moments cursing vulgarly at Equestria.

"Fuck you Equestria! FUCK YOU PRINCESS CELEST-"

Silence.

"Castiel, more like Dead Wire," laughed Dean darkly and despite themselves, the twins burst into morbid laughter before it turned into tears. They sobbed in each other's hooves in the darkness for hours.

Hours turned to days. Days to weeks. Soon, months.

Dean had died in the first week. Stones had proven themselves capable of murder and desperate for food, Sam had become the cave's reluctant accomplice. It had only taken one stone to drop and Sam had talked himself into it, to ignore such an opportunity would be a waste would it not?

If it got him out of here alive, it wouldn't have been such a senseless act, reminiscent of Cain and Abel's first sin.

Sam was never found. Nor was Castiel, or his sister Dean. But legends whispered of a presence in the cave discovered years later, of a mysterious Sam that haunted its caverns.

But how much stock can you put in legend anyway?

THE END

YOU WANT ANOTHER ALTERNATE ENDING! SWEET KRIPKE, HOW GREEDY OF YOU! CONSIDER HOW MUCH FAMINE THERE IS IN THE WORLD AND MAYBE STOP BEING SO SELF-INDULGENT. EAT A GODDAMN BAGLE AND WRITE YOUR OWN ALTERNATE ENDING.

I'M OUT OF THIS PLACE.

ABANDON SHIP, THIS FIC IS TERRIBLE ANYWAY.

ALLON-SY