Okay, writesout is the reason I turned this into a crack fic with more chapters, so thank him/her.
In this chapter, the House of Troubles and a few of the Divines will be playing monopoly, Sanguine spikes Hircine and Zenithar's drinks, they discover Facebook, and Professor Sheo is back with the God of Logic and the God of Knowledge as his victims!
"I DAMAND TO BE THE TOP HAT!" Molag roared pounding his fists into the table.
"NO! I CALLED FIRST DIBS!" Mehrunes snapped, he roused from his chair to meet the Vampiric Daedra in the eyes.
"Just be the thimble, Molag," Akatosh suggested.
"NEVER!" the Vampiric Daedra screech.
"I want to be the cheese!" Sheogorath said.
"Um, there isn't any cheese tokens, you can be the Scottish terrier," Arkay said passing the piece to the Mad God. "I'll be the automobile." The God of Death and life then grabbed the said token.
Talos looked at the pieces and decided to pick up the battleship. "This'll do." Talos then place the piece next to his great sword.
"I WANT IT!" Molag Bal yelled, he tried to rip the token out of Dagon's hand as they fought.
"NO! I CALLED FIRST DIBS!" the Lord of Destruction yelled, he also tried to yank the top hat token out of Molag's claws.
"Fine! I'll be the top hat!" Kynareth then snatched the token out of their claws and returned to her seat. "There, now pick another piece!" she scowled.
"I DEMAND TO BE THE WHEELBARROW!" Molag proclaimed pounding his fists into the table again, he then grabbed the token and sat in his spot.
"I'll be the," Mehrunes then looked at the last piece and sighed. "I'll be the thimble."
Later on in the game, Sheogorath was winning and Talos was only bit behind him in money.
"I HATE THIS!" Mehrunes yelled. He had gotten the taxes cards and was nearly out of money.
"I also hate it! I have gone into the 'Jail' more than seven times!" Malacath agreed.
"I'm loving it!" Sheogorath almost sung.
"Calm down, it's not like you have anything better to do," Akatosh said. "No, Bal, that isn't better," the Dragon God added before Molag said anything.
"It had nothing to do with rape!" Molag Bal said.
"Ha!" Talos laughed.
"IT DIDN'T!" Molag protested.
"Sure," Talos said.
"FUCK YOU!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"THIS GAME SUCKS!"
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SUCK!"
"PUMPERNICKEL!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHEO!"
Akatosh, Arkay and Kynareth watched as the Daedra and the Nord yelled at each other.
"Let us go somewhere else," Akatosh whispered to them.
"Where?" Kynareth whispered back.
Arkay squeezed in between them and smiled.
"Any ideas?" Akatosh asked.
"I want to go to McDonald's," Arkay said innocently.
Julianos wanted into the pocket realm of Sanguine.
"How's my favourite Aedra?" the drunk asked.
"Fine, why you asked me here?" Zenithar asked.
"Can't I just get drunk with two of my favourite neutral deities?" Sanguine said acting hurt.
"Two?" Julianos said puzzled.
"Hi!" Hircine waved.
Sanguine then passed both of them a drink each.
"Drink, lets party!" Sanguine exclaimed.
An hour or two later, Sanguine was recording the now drunk Daedra of Man Beast.
"You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you," Hircine sang.
Zenithar then ran on stage and join him.
"Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave"
"I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you" They sang together.
"I wanna see you be brave!" Zenithar sang.
Sanguine was cackling at the scene.
"Oh my, they're going to kill you later," Azura said.
"Just let me post it on YouTube, Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter first."
"Mortal, you will- hold on!" Molag Bal said. "Ha! They're so going to kill you!" The sound of buttons being press were heard in the abandoned house's tunnel. "Ignore! Why in Oblivion would I accept his friend request?"
"Um, sir?" the Dragonborn stuttered behind the spikey cage.
"Sorry! Where was I?"
"About what I have to do," the Dragonborn answered.
"That's it! Thanks," the Prince of Domination said.
"Sir, what are you doing?" Haskill asked.
"Updating my status- Ha! I just received a friend request from Jyggalag, ha! HA! HA!" Sheogorath laughed.
"Charming, my lord," Haskill said in his monotone voice. "Can you please take your feet off of the arm rest of your throne?"
"Why? It's not like- wait, I have a message," Sheogorath said.
"Sir, give me your phone!"
"No!"
"Now!"
"Never!" Sheogorath then ran away from his chamberlain.
"Give it to me, it's pasted your bed time!" Haskill stated, he then went after the Mad God.
"Look what Sanguine posted," Dibella giggled.
Akatosh walked over to Dibella and looked at the video on her phone.
"Julianos isn't going to be happy about this," Akatosh frowned.
"I have to see a video of that," Dibella chuckled.
"Hello," the Dragonborn said with Barbas next to him.
"Master!" Barbas greeted happily.
"Ignore, ignore, ignore, ugh, block," Clavicus Vile murmured.
"Argh! Again, really?" the Dragonborn groaned.
"What? Oh, it's you," Clavicus stated unhappily.
The Daedric shape shifter ran happily towards the statue and placed his front paws on it.
"Please, please, please, bring me back!" Barbas whimpered. "I've had several mortals trying to kill me for food, probably Hircine's lot," Barbas added in.
"Well you deserve it!" Clavicus said.
"You deserve it!" Ginger squawked.
The statue then seemed less magical.
"Is he gone?" the Dragonborn asked.
"Yes, he's got the stupid parrot," Barbas said with venom.
"Okay." The Dragonborn then left the cave leaving the talking dog alone.
"Damn this vile thing!" Mehrunes Dagon then crushed the IPhone 5 and threw it away. "I'm going to kill some of my cultist that piss me off."
"Um, why are we here?" Hermaeus asked.
"Anger issues classes, I think," Julianos said. "But I don't understand why we're here."
"Agreed," Mora stated.
A cloud of purple smoke then engulfed the chair in front of them. Hermaeus readied himself for the Epileptic seizure that the God of Logic is about to have.
"Hello! Now, why are you here, Lora Mora?" Sheogorath grinned.
"That is the most idiotic nickname I have ever heard, and I've had Miraak for years," Mora said crossing his tentacles.
"But that's how I show my undying love for you!" Sheogorath said, he faked a sad face and whimpered at the stern look he was given.
"I don't understand this," Julianos added in.
"Oh, it's my best friend, Julie!" Sheogorath then gave the God of Logic a hug.
"I don't understand this," Julianos repeated.
"So!" Sheogorath pulled away and sat in his chair. "Why you in anger management classes?" the Mad god asked.
"I don't understand this," Julianos repeated.
"We were teleported here, you should know this," Hermaeus said for them.
Julianos twitched a little and then quickly shot out of his chair.
"WHY AM I IN A PLACE I DON'T HAVE TO BE?! HOW DID YOU TELEPORT ME HERE?! IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE!? THAT MEANS MOLAG IS ABLE TO TELEPORT ON ME WHEN I'M TAKING A SHOWER! OR SNAGUINE CAN RECORED ME SING IN THE SHOWER AND POST IT ON EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA!" The God of Logic then collapsed into his chair and took deep breaths in and out.
"That was something," Sheogorath said.
"I agree with Julianos, how did you teleport us here?" the God of Knowledge asked.
"Um…"
While Hermaeus was reading a book, a shadowy figure sneaked up behind him and knocked him out. When the mass of tentacle hit the ground, the figure turned out to be Sheogorath with a shovel. The Mad God then grabbed the bigger Daedra and dragged him into a black van with a tied up Julianos.
"That's both of them," Sheogorath exclaimed, he then hopped into the van's passenger seat.
"Sir, I have no idea how you manage to make me do this with you," Haskill stated and he drove the car out of the realm by some logic defying way that would make Julianos' mouth foam up and give him a heart attack.
"I don't know," Sheogorath said with a guilty look.
Hermaeus gave him a stern look and then moved his gaze towards the Divine in the room.
"It's okay, let us leave this illogical place," Hermaeus said, he then left the room followed by the God of Logic.
"Yep… They just got shipped. Haskill!" Sheogorath yelled.
"Yes, sir?" Haskill said as he was summoned.
"Wrote in my journal 'Hernos'," Sheogorath said.
"Do you want it underneath you Nocturnal and Azura shipping, or on another page?" Haskill asked.
The Mad God shrugged.
"Surprise me."
So how was it? What was your favourite part? Please write a review on what you think and have a go day/night!