Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter and everything recognisable belongs to J K Rowling.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Sorry about the delay. Hope you enjoy the next chappie.
Chapter Seven
Damien refused to go to sleep. He had been yelled at by his dad when he had refused to go to bed and give up the search for Harry, so the annoyed teenager had reluctantly returned to Gryffindor tower, but he wasn't going to give up his search. At present, everyone had gone to bed, except for Damien, Ginny, Ron and Hermione. The four Gryffindors were huddled around the map of Hogwarts, watching it closely for any sign of Harry's name.
Damien had never been so angry with Harry. Not because Harry had disappeared on his birthday that thought hadn't even crossed the fourteen year olds mind. What he was angry about was the fact that Harry had left Hogwarts without telling him. He was fairly certain that Harry had left Hogwarts by his own consent. The wards still being in place was witness to that. Damien had not forgotten the day Harry had walked out of Godric's Hollow, to go to Riddle Manor in order to save Ginny and Nigel. Damien never wanted to feel like he had on that day. The thought that Harry might leave and never come back again was too horrifying to even consider.
The silence in the common room was unnerving. He had never thought it was possible for the place to be so quiet. The four of them were concentrating hard on the map. Suddenly Hermione let out a 'oh!' and Damien quickly snapped his head in the direction Hermione had been looking at. Two dots had appeared, Sirius Black and Harry Potter. Damien nearly shot out of his chair to go running downstairs to meet them but was stopped by Ron.
As the four watched, the two dots started to make their way towards James and Lily's living quarters. Damien could see that there was a small group of people in the quarter already. Soon they began to clear away so it was only Harry, Sirius, his parents and Remus left there. Damien wanted to leave the common room and join them as well. He wanted to go downstairs and make sure that his brother and Godfather were okay. It seemed more important than anything else right now. He figured he would yell at them later for ruining tonight's celebrations.
As Damien thought this over he saw the dot labelling Harry, move away from the living quarters and move in the opposite direction. He watched as Harry moved towards the staircase. Damien readied himself; he knew Harry was making his way to the common room. However, Harry didn't head in the direction of Gryffindor tower, instead he headed towards the seventh floor and as the four Gryffindors confusedly watched, Harry disappeared again.
"What the…" Ron exclaimed as he pulled away from the map.
"Where, where did he go?" Hermione asked her brows knitted in confusion.
"You can't apparate from Hogwarts, the wards won't let you! What's going on?" She continued in a panicked voice.
Ginny was speechless and just watched the spot on the map where Harry had been, moments before.
Hermione stared at the spot Harry had seemingly disappeared from and suddenly let out a sigh of relief.
"I know what happened! He hasn't left Hogwarts. Harry's gone into the room of Requirement. The room probably doesn't show up on the map as it's supposed to be a secret!" she revealed, glad that she had figured that out.
Damien decided he had enough. He got up abruptly and headed towards the door. He pulled put his invisibility cloak from his robes and threw it over himself as he climbed out of the common room. He ignored his friends' yells as he raced towards the staircase. He was going to find out what was going on with Harry once for all.
Before he could head towards the seventh floor though, Damien caught sight of a tall figure heading towards the main doors. Damien stopped in his tracks as he recognised the figure. It was his uncle Sirius.
Damien quickly took to the staircase, heading towards him. Before Damien could pull off his cloak and confront Sirius a shout was heard behind him. Damien spun around, still hidden under his invisibility cloak, and saw his mum, dad and Remus come running towards Sirius.
It was then that Damien noticed the angry look on his Godfather's face. He moved to the side, so that he wouldn't be accidentally knocked against as his mum, dad and uncle Remus caught up with Sirius.
"Sirius, wait! You can't just leave like that! You have to explain what happened!" Lily told him in a strained voice.
Damien could tell his mum wanted to shout at him but was restraining her voice since she didn't want to wake up the entire castle.
Sirius turned to look at her.
"I did just explain what happened. Harry and I were attending Bella's funeral. That was why both of us were missing." Sirius explained in a controlled voice.
Damien felt his heart skip a beat. So that's why Harry had left so abruptly. He must have been informed of Bella's death. Damien's heart ached for Harry. He knew just how close Harry was to Bella. It went without saying that she was like a mother to him.
"But, how? I mean she…she had been given the Kiss. How did she…" Lily found she couldn't finish her words. The look of grief in Sirius' eyes cut her off mid sentence.
"Sometimes it's normal for victims of the Kiss to die suddenly. She died last night, in her sleep." Sirius answered.
Damien sucked in a breath. That was horrible. He didn't want to imagine what her family must have felt like, discovering her dead in her bed in the morning.
"Sirius, I'm so sorry. I…I don't know what to say, I…I acted like a jerk. I'm so sorry." James came forward and tried to look at his friend in the eye but found he couldn't.
"It's not me you should be apologising to. You didn't jump down my throat as soon as I walked through the door. After a night like tonight, what Harry really needed was someone to be there for him, not someone, accusing him of being thoughtless and selfish." Sirius said rather angrily.
Damien looked over at his red faced and extremely ashamed looking father. James was looking horrified with himself. Damien knew just what his dad was like when he got angry. He always said things he didn't mean and then would make apologies afterwards. Somehow, Damien didn't think Harry would be in the mood to hear him apologise any time soon.
Damien crept away from the group of adults and made his way stealthily to the seventh floor. He definitely had to see Harry now. Damien was glad that he found out where Harry had been before seeing him. He didn't want to make the same mistake his dad had made.
Damien came to the seventh floor and made his way over to the point where the Room of Requirement was hidden. Damien saw the door already there and approached it quietly. He pulled off the cloak and tucked it back inside his robes. He knew he would be in a lot of trouble if he was caught. No one was allowed to be in the corridors at this time in the night. But Damien found he didn't really care anymore about the rules. Some rules had to be broken sometimes.
Damien grabbed a hold of the door and gently pulled it open. He stepped into the room and spotted Harry straight away. The room was completely bare. There was no furniture inside, not even a single chair. Hermione had told him once that the Room of Requirement would change and adapt itself to suit the user's needs. It seemed that for Harry all he wanted was some space to be alone. Harry was standing across the room. There was a single window in the room, which Damien assumed, was magically there and showed the landscape of Hogwarts. Harry was standing facing the window, he didn't move even though he had heard Damien come inside.
Damien closed the door softly behind him. Before he could say anything, Harry spoke, without turning around.
"If you've come to yell at me, Damien now's not a good time. You can yell at me in the morning."
Damien felt his heart break at Harry's words.
"I've not come to yell at you." Damien reassured him.
Harry turned around to face his younger brother. His expression was blank and his emerald eyes seemed strangely vacant. Damien remembered when he had spoken to Harry on his phone, the day Bella was given the Kiss. It had shaken Damien up to hear the raw pain and hurt in Harry's voice. He had expected Harry to be feeling the same way now, but Harry seemed to be still in shock.
Damien walked over to his brother's side and stood next to him.
"I heard about what happened to Bella. I'm really sorry, Harry."
Harry's only response was to nod his head once before looking away again. Damien felt lost; he didn't know what else he should say. Asking him if he was okay sounded stupid and pointless, as it was obvious that Harry wasn't okay.
"Harry, do you want to go back to Gryffindor tower? It's late and you should rest." Damien said awkwardly. He was hoping that after Harry rested he would be easier to talk to.
Harry looked over at the door, eyes lingering on the door before meeting Damien's eye. He shook his head.
"I just need to be alone. I don't want to go anywhere just now." Harry answered.
Damien nodded his head in understanding. If that was the way Harry was going to deal with it then Damien was fine with that.
"Okay, I'll go now. If you need me though, just come to my dorm, okay." Damien said, feeling helpless that he couldn't do anything more for Harry.
He walked towards the door and left quietly, looking back to see that Harry was still looking out of the window.
xxx
James didn't sleep at all that night. After Sirius had left, James had made his way up to Gryffindor tower, only to be told by Damien that Harry was not in the mood to talk to anyone. He had left the tower, feeling awful. He had yelled at Harry when he was already feeling so vulnerable. He should have been there for him, instead of making him feel worse.
James tossed and turned in bed the entire night, thinking about all the things he could do to make it up to Harry.
When morning came, James was first to get up. He got dressed and was about to head towards Gryffindor tower when Lily stopped him.
"At least let Harry wake up properly! It's too early. You can speak to him after breakfast." She sternly told him.
So James held back and headed to the Great Hall with Lily. He found it hard to eat anything while guilt was surging through him, making it difficult to swallow anything. He was watching the doors carefully, waiting to see Harry come through them with Ron and Damien. It wasn't until well into breakfast that Ron and Damien walked into the hall, followed by Hermione and Ginny. James strained his neck to see over them, but was disappointed to see that Harry was not with them. The four Gryffindors sat down at their table and started with breakfast. Damien looked over at James and gave him an odd look before looking away again.
James got up from the table and made his way towards Damien.
"Hey Damien. Where's Harry?" he asked quickly.
"He's still in his room. He said he wasn't hungry and didn't want any breakfast." Damien answered.
James looked worriedly at the front doors. He wasn't sure how to deal with this. Should he go up to see Harry or should he wait until Harry was ready to speak to him. James decided that he was going to go and see Harry. He knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he apologised to Harry for last night. James was also going to tell Harry to take today off. He had already spoken to Dumbledore early this morning and told him what had happened with Bella. Dumbledore had given Harry permission to take the day off, so that he could recover. It wasn't as if Harry would be paying much attention to classes anyway.
He walked away from the Gryffindor table and headed towards Gryffindor tower. He walked into Harry's dorm room and found Harry sitting on his bed. He had just finished pulling on his school robes.
Harry looked up to see his dad standing at his door. James tried his best to look at ease but the harsh words he had spoken last night came screaming back at him, making him cringe.
"Morning, Harry." James said, in an effort to seem normal.
Harry got up from his bed as he answered with a blank look on his face.
"Morning, Dad."
James felt even worse as Harry's emotionless tone rang in the room.
He shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other before speaking.
"Harry, look. About last night, I really messed up. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. I was just really worried and I took out all my frustration on you. I'm really very sorry." he said, managing to keep his eyes locked with Harry's.
Harry picked up his bag containing his books and swung it around his shoulder.
"Okay." He answered.
James knew that Harry was far from okay. He was angry and upset with James and he wasn't going to accept his apology that easily.
"Harry, I acted like a total jerk! I don't know why I said all that stuff to you. I truly am sorry." James tried again.
Harry gave James a nod as he said, "okay" again in his emotionless voice.
James was starting to get worked up again. Why was Harry being so unresponsive to him? James would have preferred it if Harry had yelled and shouted at him, or told him how lousy a father he was. Even that would be better than this indifferent and distant reaction he was getting.
"Sirius told me what happened. I'm really sorry to hear about…"
"Don't" James was cut off by Harry.
James looked at him in surprise.
"What?" He asked in confusion.
"Don't say you're sorry about her death when you're not." Harry stated simply.
James saw the hurt and pain cloud in his emerald eyes. That was the first reaction he had seen in Harry since last night.
James knew that Harry was right. James didn't feel any compassion for Bellatrix Lestrange. To James, Bella was a cruel and evil witch who had killed thousands of innocent people. She was just as guilty as Voldemort for taking Harry away and abusing him when he was only a child. James blamed her as much as he blamed Voldemort. So he wasn't really sorry about what had happened to her. It was justice that she suffered as she had made him and Lily suffer.
"I'm not going to lie, I'm not sorry about what happened to her." James said in a controlled voice.
"But I am sorry about how it affects you. Her death affects two of the people I love, you and Sirius. I'm really sorry that both of you are upset." James said, taking a step near him.
Harry looked up at James. He held his dad's gaze for a moment or two before dropping it.
"Yeah, okay, I better go, I'll be late for class." He said as he moved towards the door.
"You don't have to attend classes today. Dumbledore has given you the day off." James told him. He wanted to talk to Harry about Bella's death. He could see how much her death had affected him.
"Thanks for your concern, but I would rather go to classes today. I don't want to sit around and do nothing." Harry answered. James noticed how cold Harry's tone had become.
"Harry, I think we should talk. You have to deal with what happened. You have to understand…" again James was abruptly cut off by Harry.
"Dad, I get it! I understand what happened. She died! People die all the time, right! I don't have to think about it. I don't want to think about it! I would rather get on with today like it was any other day. I don't want to talk about this, ever." Harry shouted, hurt and anger showing clearly on his face. His breathing had quickened as if he had been running.
James moved closer to comfort him but Harry moved away.
"Harry, I'm only trying to help." James tried.
Harry looked up at his dad; he forced his voice to be calm before he spoke.
"You want to help? Then promise me that you won't bring up Bella's death. I don't ever want to talk about that. Okay?" Harry said in a strained voice.
James knew that Harry needed to talk about Bella and about her death, but found that he couldn't really argue with Harry at this point. Harry was too caught up in his emotions to listen to anyone right now. So James reluctantly agreed never to talk about Bella.
James moved closer to Harry and gave his distressed son a hug to try and calm him down. Harry waited a moment or two before gently pushing James away.
"I'm okay, dad. Just stop with all this attention. You know I don't like it." Harry said quietly.
"Am I forgiven for yesterday?" James asked as he held onto Harry by his shoulders.
"You didn't know what had happened, its fine. Just don't jump down my throat next time." Harry answered as he straightened his robes.
"Next time?" James asked with a smirk.
"You listen here, young man. There should not be a next time. I don't want to ever not know where you are. Understood?" James said, keeping his tone light so that Harry knew he was not really scolding him.
Harry only rolled his eyes in response.
"Come to think of it, how did you leave last night? Dumbledore said that all the wards were still in place. How did you leave Hogwarts?"
James asked as that important detail came to mind.
Harry shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know. I just wanted to leave so I used the floo in your room." Harry answered; not sounding the least bit concerned that he had broken through the wards of Hogwarts.
James didn't pres the issue anymore. He knew he would have to report that to Dumbledore. Maybe there was something wrong with that fireplace or maybe Harry's powers had not been fully understood yet.
xxx
Harry's day went by very slowly. By the end of the day's classes, Harry wished he had taken the day off. Nothing in class held his attention and he found his thoughts wavering back to Bella. He forcefully shook those thoughts away. He knew what would happen to him if he let himself think like that.
Damien and his friends managed to keep Bella and last night, out of the conversation. Ginny had wordlessly slipped her hand into Harry's at lunch and had tried to offer as much comfort as she could. It was difficult to judge what Harry was feeling as he was determined not to speak at all.
Lily had cornered him after the Potions class. She tried to offer her condolences but Harry brushed her away similar to the way he had with James. He didn't want them to lie about being sorry. It was insulting. Lily told Harry to come to see them at the end of the day. She was worried about him. She knew that Harry needed to come to terms with what happened. He had not fully recovered from Voldemort's death and now he had to deal with Bella as well. But Harry told her that he had too much work to do and that he wasn't really feeling up to spending time with them. Before she could argue, Harry left the Potions class, leaving her feeling more worried about her son than before.
As Harry neared the Great Hall for dinner he suddenly felt drained by the day's activities. He told Damien quietly that he didn't feel hungry and didn't want any dinner. He was going to go outside and get some fresh air. Damien was about to argue, Harry had not eaten anything since yesterday, but Harry didn't give him a chance as he walked away quickly and exited by the main doors.
Harry walked towards the great lake and collapsed next to it. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept at all last night and had spent every moment tormenting himself over Bella's death. What no one understood was the guilt that Harry was going through. No one knew that Bella had been killed because she had failed to protect the Black family ring that held a piece of Voldemort's soul. It was the loss of that Horcrux that had resulted in her death. Harry rubbed at his sleep deprived eyes to shake away the images that kept flashing through his mind. He had seen exactly what had happened that night. That was the first and only time he had experienced a vision. He had heard what Voldemort had said to her. He knew without a doubt that had Bella returned the ring to Voldemort, she would still be here today.
Harry remembered how she had broken down when he had lied to her that the Horcrux had been destroyed by the Ministry. She knew she would be punished for the loss of that Horcrux. Even Harry knew that Bella would be punished because of that, but he still didn't return the ring to her. Instead he had destroyed it, knowing full well that Bella would suffer. He never thought that she would be punished so severely as to get the Dementors Kiss though. In Harry's mind he held himself responsible for Bella's fate.
Harry came out of these depressing thoughts when he felt someone sit down silently next to him. He felt Ginny's warm hand clasp around his own. Harry didn't turn around to look at her; he was staring ahead, watching the surface of the great lake glimmer in the evening light.
"Harry, do you want to talk?" Ginny's soft voice asked.
Harry didn't respond. He knew that he wouldn't be able to explain what he felt. No one would understand. How could they? They didn't know Bella like he did. To them, Bella was a Death Eater and deserved what she got. No one would understand that Bella was betrayed by him and was sent to her death by him. He had the ring, he had it in his possession and he didn't give it back to her. No one would understand that. Harry knew they would argue that he had no choice but to destroy the ring. It was a Horcrux, it had to be destroyed. A small part of Harry believed that as well but as his guilt ridden mind was refusing to admit that, Harry continued to feel responsible for Bella's fate.
Ginny tried again to talk to Harry, he had been distant and quiet the entire day. Ginny knew that he needed someone there with him, even if Harry acted like he didn't. She tried to ask him if he was okay or if wanted to go inside. After getting no response, Ginny dejectedly made to get up and go back into the castle. She desperately wanted to be there for Harry, to be able to offer him comfort. But as Harry wasn't showing any signs of acknowledging her, she decided it was best to leave.
Just as Ginny made to move, Harry's hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist. Ginny turned to face him, but Harry was still facing the lake, not meeting her eye. Ginny saw the desperate and silent plead in his eyes to stay there with him. Ginny sat back down and moved closer to Harry's still form. Harry still didn't let go of her hand, he held it tighter as he felt her move closer to him. He felt her comfortable weight on his shoulder and silently thanked her. Ginny wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. She knew that Harry needed someone with him, if not to talk to then just to be with. If she could provide that comfort to him then she would gladly stay there with him in silence, the entire night.
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