Chapter 3:
"A Pub Crawl!"
"A what?" The American asked trying to comprehend what exactly they were going to do.
"Oh dear god! Don't tell me you have never gone out with some of your mates and had a pub crawl? Basically what you do is hop from bar to bar and drink yourself silly."Arthur tried to explain.
"Now why in the right mind would I do that? Why can't we just go to one bar and sit down and have a good time like sensible and regular people do?"
"You're missing the point! It'll be a great deal of fun, just trust me on this one. The only problem is that there are only three pubs in this town so it won't have the full impact that it would normally have. Normally I would visit about five or six pubs in one night but three is better than none!" The Brit stated. He did his best to look calm and collected on the outside but it was quite obvious that on the inside he was as happy as a child opening presents on Christmas Day.
Alfred wanted to say no and refuse the offer. He just couldn't understand why someone wouldn't just stay in one place and have a good time there. He wanted to state that he still had work tomorrow morning and it would be wrong to drink on a workday or give some other half-assed excuse as to why he cannot go. But the anticipation glowed strongly in Arthur's bright eyes. The man who rarely ever smiled was grinning from ear to ear and Alfred soon realized how he greedily wanted to see more of this expression.
"Okay fine, I guess I will go. Besides how bad can it possibly be?"
"Wonderful! Then I will come back here at 9 o'clock and we can leave for the pub crawl!" Arthur stated as he walked home to get ready.
So off the two men went to the first bar. It was a quiet, quaint, and small place where all the regular customers were well into their late sixties and over.
"What can I get you two gents?" The bartender asked as both men approached the server.
"Two gins for me and.." Arthur said and looked over to his guest.
Alfred has a personal rule about not mixing drinks. Under no circumstances would he mix alcoholic beverages mostly because they did more damage than anything else he could order. So, whatever he picked here was the drink he would have the whole night.
"And a large bourbon for he." Alfred finished. He couldn't help but be a little concerned for his own well-being, more specifically his liver. Alfred always prided himself as being one who could hold his alcohol but that was only in moderate drinking; not heavy bingeing. He could control himself with a handful of drinks but if the night kept going at the pace it then he would either blackout or lose control within the course of two hours. And if Arthur was half as good as he claimed to be then he would outlast Alfred by the gallon.
Luckily for Alfred, Arthur was far less than half as good as he stated he would be. Within three and a half gins his started to talk slower and more slurred. Within five gins the man started to ramble and stumble over himself lightly just around the time he started to get bored with the quiet pub.
"All right! N-now we're going to go to stop two! Go pub crawl!" Arthur yelled as he tried to pull Alfred out of his seat and ended up using him for support so he wouldn't fall over.
"Are you sure you should do that? You already seem to have drunk a little over whatever limit is yours. Do you really think it would be a good idea to go out and drink some mor-" He started but was interrupted by the Arthur.
"AM I SURE? ARE YOU SURE YOU SHOULD BE QUESTIONING ME ABOUT THIS? FOR GOD'S BLEEDING SAKE, I'M ENGLISH! ALL OF MY ANCESTORS WERE DRINKERS SO I KNOW FUCKING WELL WHEN TO QUIT! PUB CRAWL!" He yelled.
"Looks like he is in "anger drunk mode". It'll pass soon but it would probably be best to leave no." Alfred thought. He looked at the bartender who signaled him that it was about time they leave the pub or else they would be kicked out permanent..
"Okay! Lets get going! The sooner the better!" Alfred replied as he pulled Arthur outside in an attempt to keep the collateral damage done inside of the pub to a minimum.
The second pub couldn't have been more different from the first one. It was really more of a club and less of a pub. Alfred might have even enjoyed himself a lot if he wasn't consistently worrying for Arthur's well-being.
"God, there is no way he can drink as much as he did before and not get sick. Not to mention I also need to take a little break or else I won't be able to keep an eye on that drunk idiot." Alfred thought to himself.
"There must be something I can do now to make the hangover that he's gonna have tomorrow morning a little calmer..." He continued when a good and slightly wrong idea popped in mind. He looked over at Arthur.
"Hey, is it cool if I buy the drinks at this place? It will be my treat as a token of thanks for introducing me to pub crawls." He offered.
"Sure thing! Get me a beer!" The Brit slurred back as he ran to the dance floor.
"Well, at least he is back to being a happy drunk for now." He thought as he approached the all too familiar bartender.
"Hey the awesome you! Can you help me out with something?" Alfred grinned and the Prussian grinned back.
"Alfred my man! What brings you to my awesome club?" Gilbert asked.
"Just here with a friend. The only problem is that he is drinking a bit too much and I'm a little worried for him. Can you get me some sort of nonalcoholic beer that doesn't taste like total crap for him and some water in about three or four vodka glasses for myself? I really don't want to go drunk on this guy and scare him away." He explained.
"Ah! So you like him huh? You don't want to scare him away; you wanna get closer!" He teased.
"What? No! It's not like that... Well maybe it kind of is... Anyways, you know what I mean!" Alfred yelled back with a strong blush laying promptly on his face.
"Ha! Okay, I'll quit teasing for now but I'll make fun of you once I get home because that is the awesome thing to do. I do understand what you mean because last time was pretty scary. Matthew had nightmares for a week and kept on waking me up in the middle of the night. So yeah, I can help." He replied and started to get the drinks Alfred ordered.
Arthur came over right around when the drinks were served. Alfred took a few "shots" of "vodka" and Arthur drank the beer.
"Dear god this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever tasted! Remind me to never let you order beer with you ever again; next time I'll order and show you what is good! You Americans wouldn't know good beer if it bit you on the arse! The piss-water you have here doesn't even began to lift a finger compared to true British brewed beer! Now that is what people with good taste find wonderful unlike this piece of shit you got me!" He started to complain but still drank the beer. Alfred felt relieved that the man was too intoxicated to read the words NONALCOHOLIC BEER written in bold on the front of the bottle. He decided that ignorance would be bliss in this particular situation and allowed Arthur to continue complaining about the beverage.
"Really? I think it is pretty good. If it is so bad why are you still drinking it?" He joked.
"Do you think I'm a wanking idiot? I don't care how bad the beer is if you got if for me. I'm going to drink this whole damn thing because it would be a waste to throw away a free beer, even if it tastes worse then dog piss." He babbled back and Alfred started to laugh. There was something about the mix of sarcasm and cynicism in the way Arthur talked that made Alfred hang on to every last word he said. And with the accent he had almost everything the man could complain about became more than slightly arousing. He listened to the Englishman complain about every little thing wrong with America as a country yet he felt no anger towards the man. If anything the words had the opposite effect on him.
"Not only do you drive on the wrong bleeding side of the road but you also dare to put one of the best dairy based foods in the world into an aerosol can! Why would anyone eat spray cheese over real cheese? Just the idea of it would make anyone sick!" He complained as he started to slowly but surely sober up just a tad. Well, not completely but his words weren't as slurred as before.
"And another thing! Why can't you people seem to get the idea of the metric system? It is far simpler than the overly complicated and outdated system you use now!"
"Well, we don't really use it because it makes sense. It's just that the switch to a new system will be too sudden for everyone who hasn't gotten used to the metric system."
"You're talking bollocks! Now that's just one of the most moronic reasons I have ever heard!" He continued to complain not realize the stares that Alfred was giving him.
After almost two hours of nitpicking about American culture, Arthur got tired of the club and they made their way to the next pub.
"Now which one are we going to?" Alfred asked in an attempt to make small talk while they walked.
"The one next to the diner." Arthur grinned. He looked up to Alfred expecting to see the familiar smile looking right back at him but it couldn't be found. Instead there was a large frown and a borderline worried look on the man's face. Alfred stopped walking and looked at Arthur directly.
"No. I'm not going there by any means; sorry to cut our pub crawl short. It was fun but it seems like it is about time to come of an end. Good night." He said as he turned to walk home but Arthur grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving. Alfred tried to pull away lightly and was surprised to find that he couldn't escape from the grip.
"W-what? Why? What did I do wrong? I was so certain that you were having a good time! I know I have been a cock lately by pushing you to do this but I honestly thought that you also liked it... Was I wrong? Have you been having a bad time tonight with me?" Arthur asked with large puppy-dog eyes.
"No! It's not like that at all; I really have enjoyed tonight. I just... I can't go inside of that bar. Not only because I don't want to go in but mainly because I got kicked out. I'm banned from entering it for life because of something that happened about two weeks ago. I was going through a hard day and I got really wasted and wasn't able to control myself. Long story short, I went all out on everyone there. It isn't one of my proudest moments." Alfred explained in a hushed and slightly embarrassed voice. Arthur could tell that this was a sensitive topic and felt a little joyful that Alfred was willing to share it with him.
"I see. Well it is like you said earlier, how bad could it possibly be? We can just go in and if they kick us out we can go back to one of the earlier pubs and drink some more!" He offered and after some negotiating and support he finally got Alfred to agree.
They walked into the pub and realized that it was a mix of the nicer parts of both pervious bars. It was lively yet not complete anarchy and was still quaint but not a total snore. The bartender recognized Alfred and put a very strict restriction on his alcohol orders but didn't kick him out.
"Hey Arthur, I'm gonna go to the bathroom really quick but I don't want you to blackout tonight so do not order any extra drinks while I'm gone for two to three minutes okay?" Alfred loosely commanded.
"Okay." Arthur lied. As soon as Alfred was out of sight he ran to the bartender.
"Get me the strongest thing you can make in under a minute." He yelled and gulped down the small mystery fruit drink that was given to him. He managed to chug down two more and hide the glasses before Alfred came back.
"Sorry, there was a line. Can you believe that? A line at the men's bathroom! I've never even heard of such thing!" He joked but quickly realized that something was off about Arthur. If course, it didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure out what happened. Arthur replied with a handful of mumbles with a few understandable words sprinkled in.
"Goddamn it Arthur! You didn't listen to what I said!" He scolded but quickly forgave Arthur. He then spent the rest of the time trying to figure out what the drunk was babbling on about. After about half an hour the Cuban manager noticed Alfred and kicked both of the men out.
Alfred tried to talk to Arthur but by this point in the night he had practically turned into a forgetful baby. He cried and pouted and whined and cried some more.
"Do you want me to carry you to your home? You can't seem to stand or walk without falling down and it is less than half an hour away." Alfred asked although he already picked up the man in his arms and was well on his way to the house.
"I-I-I don't know where my bleeding keys are! I put them in my pockets but I can't find my pockets!" He started to worry and Alfred soon saw that there was no way this man would be safe without someone to help him.
"It's okay, don't worry! You can stay at my house for the night. I have a big spare bed and I can most likely find a change a clothes that might fit you. I'll get you all fixed up so don't worry about a thing." He smiled at the man who was in his arms as he turned to go to his own home.
Alfred's house wasn't much of a house but more of an oversized shack. It wasn't bad per say but compared to the other houses on the property it was a lame duck. Against all odds, Alfred managed to open the locked door without having to drop Arthur and held him up until he got to the extra bedroom upstairs.
"Now, I don't think I have anything from now that might fit you but I found shirt from when I was in High School that won't be as baggy on you." He smiled as he pulled a CLASS OF 1983 shirt on the Englishman as well as a pair of sweatpants.
Alfred stood by Arthur's side until the Brit fell asleep, which only took a matter of minutes. He then started to prepare for tomorrow.
"I'll start-up some hangover home remedies because he really isn't going to be happy in the morning and I'll write a quick note for him so he doesn't freak out when he wakes up." He thought to himself. After everything was fine and dandy, Alfred went to his bedroom and fell asleep.
AN: This has been my favorite chapter so far and I really hope everyone enjoyed reading it! It is going to take a little bit longer for the next chapter to come out because I have been having some problems with my computer. Hopefully it will be fixed soon!