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Chapter Twenty Two
Harry didn't speak to anyone regarding his disappearance until late that night. The Minister and his Aurors had left quickly after Harry had come back. The five teens hung back, drinking butterbeers as usual and making small talk in the common room until they were the only ones left. As soon as Dean shuffled up the stairs, yawning loudly, Hermione and Ginny started firing questions at Harry.
"What happened?"
"Why did you leave?"
Harry didn't answer right away. He looked over at Damien and Ron, both of them were sitting quietly but had their eyes fixed on Harry's face, waiting for his answers.
Harry realised with a jolt that he had to tell them about his addiction. He could have lied to them about why he and his dad fell out but he had never lied to them. Why start now?
"I guess I should start at the beginning." He sighed.
He told them quickly about his diagnosis with Poppy and his parents' reactions. He was surprised when none of them showed any surprise at the revelation. He looked at Damien and saw the guilty expression and realised that Damien had found out beforehand and had decided to tell the others. He pushed down the anger and annoyance at his younger brother. His health was a private issue and he didn't like the idea of the four of them sitting and discussing it. He would talk to Damien in private.
"…so once I left I didn't know where to go. I would have stayed outside but – but I wasn't feeling well enough. So I went to the first place I could think of." Harry finished awkwardly.
"And that was Uncle Remus' house?" Damien asked surprised.
Harry shrugged as a response.
"Why not?"
"I thought you would go to Uncle Siri's house." Damien said absently.
"I couldn't go there." Harry said, something like bitterness lacing his words. "It's the Headquarters. If I had things my way, I would never set foot in that place again." He finished.
The other shared a quick a glance with one another. They had thought that Harry had gotten over his hate of the Order of the Phoenix. Apparently they were mistaken.
"How, how have you been?" Hermione asked hesitantly.
Harry looked at her. He knew she meant how he was coping without the sleeping potion.
"Fine." He lied. He was not fine. Without the help of the potion he couldn't sleep. He had not slept since two nights ago, when he had that nightmare of James. But Harry wasn't going to tell that to anyone. It wasn't their business.
"You haven't taken any more potions then?" Ron asked an odd look in his eyes.
Harry felt himself losing his temper again. It felt like his temper was always just at the surface these days.
"No, I haven't." Harry answered, teeth clenched around his words.
Damien saw the tell tale sign that his brother was restraining his anger. It was the same with their dad.
"I think we should go to bed now. It's been a long day." He said getting up.
The others followed pursuit giving Harry a chance to be alone with Ginny for a few minutes. When Harry quietly walked into his dorm he saw that Ron was sitting on Harry's bed, obviously waiting for him.
As soon as Harry walked over to him, Ron put up silencing charms around them so that they couldn't be heard by the other three boys in the room. Ron didn't want them to wake up.
"Harry…" he started.
"Go to sleep, Ron." Harry instructed, clearly not in the mood to talk. Ron pushed on regardless. He had to say this. The guilt was killing him.
"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry."
Harry stopped in the process of pulling out his clothes from his trunk.
"Sorry? About what?" he asked.
Ron took a deep breath.
"I saw you taking the sleeping potions and I didn't confront you about them." He said with his eyes fixed at his feet.
Harry was looking confused.
"Yes, you did. You confronted me about them a few weeks back. Don't you remember?" he asked.
Ron looked up at this.
"Yeah but, it was too late by then wasn't it? I should have said something the first time I saw you. It was my fault. I should have warned you sooner." He carried on in an apologetic tone.
Harry was by now, really annoyed. He had had a rough few days. He still wasn't feeling like his old self and the tension between him and his dad was getting to him as was the recurring nightmares of Voldemort and now an abusive James as well. Tiredly he turned to the red haired boy.
"It wasn't your fault." He said stiffly to him.
"Yeah, but I should have…" Ron started again.
"Shut up, Ron! I told you it's not your fault. Will you just drop it!" Harry said while slamming his trunk shut. It was just as well there was a silencing charm around them.
Ron looked at him in mild surprise.
"It is my fault. I'm supposed to be your friend! I watched you take the potion and I knew just by looking at you that you were suffering and I didn't do anything about it!" he was shouting now as well.
"I'm not a child, Ron. I don't need someone looking out for me. I never have! I know how to look after myself!" Harry retorted.
"Really? Well I think you just proved that you can't otherwise you would never have become an addict!" Ron said angrily before he could help it.
Harry felt like someone had hit him. The words came at him like a physical blow. He turned away from the horrified Ron and pulled his covers away, intending on getting into bed.
"Harry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
"Yes you did!" Harry said with his back to him. He pulled himself into bed and without looking back he wandlessly pulled his drapes around his bed, shutting out the red faced Weasley.
Ron didn't know what else to do so turned miserably to his bed and got in. Harry was trying furiously to stop himself from getting back up and beating the living daylights out of his supposed 'friend'. What an awful thing to say! An addict! That was what he thought of him now.
'I should never have come back!' Harry thought bitterly to himself. The thought kept swimming in his head the whole night.
xxx
The next morning, Harry had dressed and left the dorm before anyone else. He saw Ron walking into the Great Hall for breakfast, looking downright miserable. He tried apologising but Harry point blank ignored him. He had to, otherwise the urge to hit Ron would win.
His eyes met Draco's and he felt the desire to get up and walk over and sit at the Slytherin table. He fought against it though. It would make no difference to Harry but Draco would find it difficult to acknowledge his friendship with Harry in front of the Slytherin house. As far as they knew, Draco hated Harry as much as the rest of the Slytherins.
Feeling the desire to punch something, Harry got up and made his way to his first class.
The next few days went by like this. Harry refused to speak to Ron, or to anyone else who tried to talk for him. He didn't sleep at all at night and kept an iron grip on the burning desire to take a small sip on the potions, which were still under his bed, hidden in the trunk. Harry had thought many times of destroying them, to get rid of the temptation but he couldn't do it. It was a bizarre comfort to him to know that the potions were there. Even thought he would never be allowed to take them again.
He kept away from James as well. James had tried to get a minute alone with him but Harry always managed to walk away. He wasn't particularly eager for another ear bashing. All in all, Harry was more miserable than ever. The only thing keeping him from walking away was his brother and girlfriend. Ginny somehow managed to cheer him up. The mere sight of the petite red head would make Harry smile.
It was a Friday afternoon and Harry was dreading it. He knew that James would catch up with him on the weekend where Harry didn't have the cover of attending classes. He was currently sitting in his History of Magic class, paying no attention whatsoever on the ghost that was teaching.
He was tired, very tired. He hadn't slept in so long now. He couldn't remember getting even a few minutes sleep. He knew that he couldn't go on like this. He had initially thought that without the potion he would get so tired that he would fall into a deep sleep which would hopefully not be disturbed by nightmares. However, he found that as soon as he closed his eyes, the nightmares were just waiting to start where they last left off.
He looked around the classroom and saw many faces that were staring into space. No one was paying attention to the lecture. Harry thought about visiting Poppy after class. She was the only one he was comfortable talking to about this. He felt like she was the only one who could possible be able to help him.
He instinctively looked towards the door, wondering when he would be able to leave. All thoughts of visiting Poppy were wiped from his mind as he looked in the direction of the door. Standing at the entrance, dressed in the usual black robes, stood his father, Lord Voldemort. Harry sat up in his chair, eyes fixed in horror at the door. Lord Voldemort was staring at Harry and only Harry. His red eyes were fixed on him and there was a cruel smile on his face.
Harry looked around the classroom in panic. Everyone else was either looking at the ghost Professor or staring into space. No one was looking at the door. They were completely oblivious to the presence of the Dark Lord. Harry's eyes snapped back to the door. Voldemort smirked at him, making a shudder run down him. What was going on?
'I'm sleeping!' Harry thought to himself. That would explain it. This was the History of Magic class after all. It was so boring that even a person who was not sleep deprived for the last few weeks, would easily fall asleep.
'Wake up!' Harry pleaded to himself. 'Wake up, Harry! Please wake up!'
No matter how much Harry tired to snap out of his nightmare, it did nothing to the presence of Voldemort. Harry shakily looked back at the door and saw Voldemort still standing, looking like he was immensely enjoying the pain and fear on Harry's face.
"Harry?"
Harry jerked in his seat and looked around at Hermione's worried face. She had touched him on his shoulder and had whispered his name, looking at him with concern.
"What's wrong?" she asked in a hushed voice, as not to disrupt the lecture.
"Hermione!" Harry whispered fear clearly present in his voice. His eyes darted to the door again.
At seeing the petrified look Harry sent at the door, Hermione looked around at the empty doorway.
"What are you looking at?" she asked as she saw Harry positively tremble.
"You, you can't see him?" he asked in a shaky voice.
Hermione looked around again but could only see the empty doorway.
"Harry, there's no one there." She whispered to him, her own eyes, fixed worriedly on her friend.
Harry felt something crash inside him. No one could see Voldemort? No one except for him. Did that mean he was going crazy? Or that he was perhaps still sleeping, unable to wake up? But he couldn't be sleeping since he was talking to Hermione.
Harry couldn't help the way his hands kept on shaking. He looked away from the door and shut his eyes tightly. He kept on repeating the mantra 'go away, please go away' to himself. When he opened his eyes and looked shakily towards the door he saw that Voldemort had gone. The relief that flooded him was immense. He looked at Hermione who was staring at him with concern.
"What happened? Are you alright?" she asked again.
Harry swallowed the fear that was still bubbling inside him. He hadn't been dreaming. All this had happened for real. He had seen him while no one else could. Hermione was looking rather pale at Harry's condition.
Harry nodded his head in response to her question and then looked determinedly in front of him, trying to calm his frantically beating heart. Hermione looked away reluctantly and resumed her note taking. They didn't talk until the end of class.
As soon as Harry could he packed his books and fled the classroom. He had to see Poppy. He was losing his mind and only she could help him.
xxx
Poppy listened in silent horror as Harry told her what had happened only half an hour ago in his History of Magic class. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up at the recollection of Harry's vision. Her medical training was the only thing keeping her calm. After Harry finished, she quickly got up and fetched him a calming drought. Harry downed it in a second, his hands were shaking badly and the fear in his eyes was something she had never seen before.
"Are you certain you hadn't fallen asleep and had a nightmare? You said you haven't slept in the last few weeks. That's an awful long time, Harry." Poppy said quietly.
Harry shook his head, eyes still clouded with dread.
"No, I was awake. I told you I spoke to Hermione." He said.
"And she couldn't see…him?" Poppy asked to be certain.
Harry shook his head again.
"No, she couldn't see him."
Poppy stood up and walked over to the trembling boy. The calming drought wasn't working as well as it should.
"Harry, tell me the truth. When was the last time you had a full nights sleep?" she asked.
Harry looked at her, infuriated.
"What does that have to do with anything? I told you I wasn't asleep! It wasn't a nightmare. He was there!" Harry shouted.
"Harry, think about what you're saying. He couldn't have been here." Poppy told him, trying to hold back the shudder at the mere thought of Lord Voldemort coming back.
Harry looked away from her.
"I know he wasn't…back. I meant that…I…" Harry looked up at Poppy, holding her worried gaze. "Poppy what's happening to me?" he asked.
Poppy felt her heart squeeze at the question. What was happening to Harry? The strong and confident boy she knew was slowly withering away. In his place stood an emotionally exhausted and unwell boy.
"Nothing is happening to you, and nothing will. I won't let it." She told him with more confidence than she felt. Harry dropped his gaze.
"I see him everywhere." Harry whispered, his eyes focused on his own hands, lying in his lap.
Poppy sat still as if afraid that if she moved at all Harry might stop talking.
"I can't sleep because of him. Every time I close my eyes, he's there, waiting to torment me. And now, now I can see him when I'm awake as well. I can't take it anymore! I can't watch him die again. I can't!"
Poppy didn't know what to say to him. Any comfort she could provide would sound like nothing more than empty words.
She held him by the shoulder, forcing her voice to be steady when she spoke.
"I'm not going to lie to you Harry. I'm not going to say that I know what's happening to you because I don't. But I am going to find out. I promise I'll help you. You have to take my word for it. I'll talk to Helen. She's my friend that works for St Mungo's. She's a mind healer."
Harry wasn't listening to Poppy anymore. His mind was stuck on what he had seen and what he was going to do now. He saw him when he slept, he saw him when he was awake. How could he escape from Voldemort now?
"Harry?"
A gentle shake and Harry snapped up to look at the nurse.
"I think you should rest. You need to sleep. I assume your magic is the only thing keeping you on your feet right now. If you don't rest you're going to get unwell."
Harry threw her a half heartened glare. Did she think it was that easy?
"I'll give you a relaxant. It will help you fall asleep…" Poppy continued gently at seeing Harry's expression.
"Falling asleep isn't the problem." Harry whispered back.
Poppy felt her heart miss a beat. Pity swelled up inside her.
"Oh Harry…!"
But Harry didn't want to hear it. He got up and walked out of the door. He had hoped Poppy would help him but he realised that there wasn't anything she could do for him. There wasn't anything anyone could do.
xxx
Harry was right. James didn't waste a moment cornering him on Saturday morning. Harry had successfully avoided him since he came back a few days ago. However, the weekend was to be spent with his parents. Both Damien and he were to meet them in their living quarters and there was no avoiding it.
Harry walked solemnly to the dungeons alongside Damien. He really wanted to be alone. He couldn't shake away the dread that had claimed him since he had seen Voldemort standing before him. Thankfully he had no more visions of him but his nights were still filled with nightmares.
Dragging his feet, Harry walked into the comfortable room. He avoided looking at James but greeted his mum warmly. Damien shared a reassuring look with his dad, as if to say 'he'll be okay'.
"Okay, now that we're all here, we can leave." James said, injecting a bit too much enthusiasm into his voice.
Harry groaned. The last thing he wanted right now was to have a 'family trip'. He was fine sitting where he was.
"Where are we going?" Damien asked at once.
"That's a surprise!" James answered.
"We haven't moved again have we?" Harry asked, speaking for the first time with James since the Ministers' visit.
James looked at Harry. He tried to decipher if Harry was joking or not. It didn't look like it. His hard green stare was fixed at James, although he was taking care not to look at him in the eyes. James wondered why.
"No, we haven't moved." James answered, watching Harry carefully. "I thought we could go out for a bit. We haven't been out as a family in so long. It would be a welcome change." He added.
Harry really didn't feel up to it. He had a headache blooming just behind his eyes, probably because he hadn't rested his eyes in so long. He shook his head.
"I don't feel like it. You guys go without me." He said.
"Aw, Harry. Don't spoil it! Just come!" Damien moaned, throwing his best puppy dog eyes look at Harry.
"I really can't. I have stuff to do, work to catch up with. You guys go ahead. I honestly don't feel up to it." Harry responded.
James looked at Harry but Harry was taking care not to look at him. Lily put an arm around him, trying to comfort him. Harry stiffened in her arms.
"What's the matter, Harry?" she asked softly.
"Nothing." He said, shrugging her away. He stood up, ready to leave. "I'll catch up with you later then." He was about to leave when James blocked him. His action could have seemed threatening but he was wearing a gentle expression.
"Come along with us. I promise not to give you any heavy workload to do." He joked.
Harry tried to decline his offer again.
"I really don't feel…"
"That's why I want you to come with me." James interrupted. "You need to get out a bit." He added gently.
Harry wanted to point out that he had just had a two day break last week but decided against it. Feeling apprehensive about the coming trip, Harry gave in.
James handed over the tennis ball acting as the portkey.
"It goes off in ten seconds." He said as Damien and Lily rushed over and placed their fingers onto the ball. In ten seconds the portkey went off and Harry felt the familiar pull under his navel.
When his feet hit the ground he stumbled but caught himself from falling flat on his face. He straightened up and saw that they were in a quiet alleyway.
"Where are we?" Damien asked, picking himself up from the ground.
"It's a small muggle town." James answered.
Harry turned around to face him wearing a look of surprise.
"After the last few days I really wanted to get away from the wizarding world. I thought it would be nice to spend some time here, you know, somewhere no one knows the famous Potters." Lily explained.
Harry found himself looking at his dad. How did he know that was exactly what he wanted to do? Get away from everyone that knew him and spend a few hours away from prying eyes. He found a smile spread on his face.
"Shall we?" James asked, extending his arm towards Lily, who took his arm at once.
"What are we going to do all day?" Damien asked as the four started walking towards the street.
"Just normal stuff. Get some food, do a little shopping, maybe catch a movie, what do you think, Harry?" Lily asked.
He gave her a lopsided grin.
"Whatever, as long as I get some alcohol in me, I'm fine." Harry wouldn't admit it outright but muggle drinks were much better than wizarding drinks, or so he thought anyway.
James raised an eyebrow at him but didn't say anything.
Any reservations Harry had about coming were soon forgotten. He loved how he could walk around in the midst of people and no one spared him a single glance. Ever since his capture by the Order, Harry had found he couldn't walk out in public without someone gawking at him. At first it was at Hogwarts because he was the new boy, the mysterious Potter. Then when his true identity came out, he was barricaded inside Riddle Manor. Voldemort had been afraid to let him out, in case he was captured again. Harry cast his thoughts aside. He didn't want to think about him. After he left Riddle Manor, he was on the run. Anytime he had to spend outside in the midst of muggles was limited since someone from the wizarding world could spot him and hand him over to the Ministry. After all he did have a five thousand Galleons reward hanging over his head. Lately, he was stared at as the 'Saviour of the world'. The 'hero' who saved them all from Voldemort. It was all getting rather too much to take.
This was exactly what he needed. Some peace and quiet while hanging out with his family. He needed something like this to take his mind off the disturbing vision he saw in his History of Magic class. He soon forgot about his ill feelings with James as well and was laughing at the comments James was making about the muggle technology. They were in an electrical goods shop and James was shaking his head at the sight of a blender.
"I just don't understand how they can even figure out how to work most of these things." He whispered as a store assistant was trying to sell an elderly couple the electrical blender.
They did quite a lot of shopping and as Lily was with three males, she had to practically drag them to the clothes shop. All three whined and complained as she picked out their outfits.
"Why can't I shop by myself?" Damien complained as Lily tried to stuff the blue top into his hands
"Because you don't know what looks good on you." Lily replied.
"Question, you really think we look good in this?" Harry asked with a frown.
Lily squealed in delight as she saw her husband and two sons in matching outfits of khaki trousers and blue shirts. The three of them didn't look very happy though.
"Oh, you look adorable." She said with a bright smile.
"Lily, I don't know how to break this to you but, I'm not wearing this, ever!" James said.
Lily ignored him and ended up buying the three matching outfits.
"I'm serious! I'm not wearing that." James told Harry and Damien as they walked out of the shop.
"Well, if I do, I'm making sure neither of you two is wearing it first." Damien replied.
The rest of the day passed enjoyably. Before they headed back to Hogwarts, the four of them decided to have dinner first. They chose a quiet restaurant and sat down to enjoy food not cooked by house elves.
Just as they were half way through their meal a familiar voice called to them.
"Well I never! The Potter family here. What are the chances?"
Harry looked up to see Frank and Alice standing before them.
"Frank! Alice! Oh what a surprise." James and Lily greeted them warmly.
"What are you doing here?" James asked, surprised that two purebloods would venture out into the muggle world. He still couldn't come to the muggle world without Lily. He couldn't figure out the currency.
"We're doing the same thing as you, I guess. Eating out." Frank joked.
"No, I mean, what are you doing here? I didn't know you had any, err, muggle friends." James whispered the word 'muggle'.
Frank's eyes met with Harry's and he gave him a funny look.
"We don't have any friends in the muggle world but John and Fiona do."
Everyone turned to look at Harry who tried really hard to keep a straight face.
"Jason and Deidre just left." Alice said, explaining why it was just the two of them left.
"It's nice to see you so soon again, Harry. It seems its either feast or famine with you. We either get to see you once in a blue moon or we see you regularly." Frank commented.
James didn't understand that. The last time they saw Harry was on Valentine's Day. That was around two months ago. He wouldn't call that soon.
"When did you see Harry recently?" he asked out of curiosity.
Harry didn't react as Frank explained.
"I just saw him a few nights ago. He came with Remus and we spent the entire day together. Didn't he tell you?"
James looked around at Harry slowly. So that was where he had gone. That was why he couldn't get a hold of him the day before the Minister's visit. Remus must have taken Harry to see Frank to cheer him up. He had said that Harry was really upset about something the night before. Remus must have figured it would be nice to hang out with Frank as 'Alex' and 'John' were quite close.
James felt pretty stupid, annoying Harry about his whereabouts. What must have Harry thought about him? He looked apologetically at Harry who, thankfully smiled back at him. It seemed that Harry had decided to forget about his argument with James.
Frank and Alice left and shortly and the Potter family left as well. Harry was feeling a lot better. He had actually enjoyed himself today, something that he had not done in so long now.
They all went back to James' living quarter and just sat around the fire, for a while they were too full and too exhausted to do anything else. Lily finally got up and busied herself with sorting out all the shopping she had done while James and Damien lazily played some chess. Harry was contented to just watch, his eyes getting heavier and heavier. Soon he had curled up on the sofa and fallen into a deep sleep. Something he had not managed to do in over three weeks.
xxx
Harry awoke as his mum gently shook his shoulder.
"Harry, time to get up, honey."
Harry stretched and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was surprised to see his surroundings as not those of his dorm.
"What…where am I?" he asked, looking around himself.
"In Hogwarts. Where else?" Lily laughed. "Now get up and have some breakfast."
"Breakfast?"
That was when he realised what had happened. He had slept through the night! He had slept through the entire night without having any nightmares. This was the first time he had slept without the help of the potion. He felt like he had slept for days. His headache was gone and his body didn't ache anymore. He actually felt well rested. He had never thought something insignificant as a full night's sleep would make him feel so happy.
He climbed out of the bed that Lily had transfigured from the sofa. Lily and James had seen how tired and drained Harry had looked. They didn't want to awake the sleeping teen last night and so decided to just let him sleep in their quarter. They transfigured the sofa so that Harry was comfortable.
Harry was so overwhelmed with relief that he didn't wait to consider the fact that he had just slept in his parents' quarters. All he cared about was the fact that he had a nightmare free night.
Lily saw the look of pure joy and, strange as it was, relief on Harry's face and wondered what he was thinking about. She never got a chance as Damien had rushed inside.
"Finally, you're awake! Come on if you don't want to miss breakfast. Ginny's going mad looking for you." He told his brother.
Harry promised to meet him in the Great Hall as he had to shower and change first. Damien left urging Harry to be quick as they all had a game of Quidditch planned. Before Harry left the dungeon he did something very strange. He walked over and hugged Lily. She was left speechless at the uninitiated hug. Harry had never done something like that before. As he pulled away, she could swear she heard something that sounded like 'thank you' in her ear. She watched in numbed happiness as Harry gave her a bright, genuine smile before heading out of the door.
She couldn't suppress the urge to laugh out loud. What was all that about? She decided she didn't care. She had just received the very first sign of comfort and love from her son. She knew nothing would get her down today.
Just as this thought occurred to her, James walked inside.
"James! James wait until you hear…" she trailed off as she saw Poppy walk inside behind James, followed by a blond haired woman that she didn't recognise.
"Poppy? What's going on, James?" she asked.
"Poppy said she had something to tell us." He replied. Lily could tell that James was just as surprised as her. Poppy never left the sterile confinements of the hospital wing.
"Lily, this is Helen Keats, she's a good friend of mine. She's a mind healer at St Mungo's." Poppy introduced the blond haired witch. Helen looked at Lily and inclined her head slightly in form of a greeting. She was a plump witch but with a hard face. He blond hair was pulled tightly in a bun.
Something heavy floated down Lily's stomach and settled there, filling her with a cold dread. 'A mind healer? Why did Poppy bring a mind healer to see them?' She soon found out.
Poppy explained Harry's visit to her two days ago. She quietly explained what had happened to Harry and everything he had told her. James and Lily listened in silent horror as Poppy explained Harry's vision.
"…I spoke to Helen and asked her to help me figure out what was the likely reason for Harry's vision. I thought you should know." Poppy finished awkwardly.
Right then Lily knew something was dreadfully wrong. Poppy wouldn't betray Harry's trust like this. She was too close to him to do that. If she was here ready to discuss possibilities of what may be wrong with Harry, then it had to be quite serious.
The blond haired witch cleared her throat and took over from Poppy. She was sitting quiet comfortably in her chair and had an air of authority around her that made James dislike her at once, even before she started talking.
"Mr and Mrs Potter, I have to say before I start that I have yet to speak to your son. I am only basing my diagnosis on what Poppy has told me. However, in saying that, I have been a mind healer for the last twenty years. I can usually make an accurate assumption even before speaking to the patient."
James thought she was rather pompous but then again, healers always were.
"I have looked over the facts regarding Harry's past and I must say that I'm not at all surprised at Harry's mental breakdown." She continued.
"Excuse me? Mental breakdown?" Lily asked exasperatedly.
Helen looked at Lily blankly.
"What else would you call it? Seeing a dead wizard standing before you while no one else can is termed as a mental breakdown."
James was certain now that he disliked her.
"Helen, please…" Poppy started looking apologetically at the two Potters.
Helen ignored her and carried on.
"I should start at the beginning." She turned to James. "Mr Potter, is it correct that you were advised by Healer Green from St Mungo's to get Harry some counselling?"
"Yes." James answered, narrowing his eyes at her.
"How did those sessions go?" she asked, without a hint of emotion on her face.
"Abysmal considering we didn't go to any." James answered annoyed.
"Didn't you think it was important for the health of your son's mind to attend these sessions? Especially after what he went through with You-Know-Who?"
James was speechless. What was he supposed to say? Helen continued, ignoring James' guilty expression.
"Well, since you decided that healing of the mind was not of any importance, can I at least assume that you talked to Harry yourself and discussed what had happened?"
Again, James couldn't answer. He felt like a ten year old being told off for being insensitive. That didn't sit too well with the father of two.
"Do you have a point?" he asked rudely.
"Yes, I do. The point that I am trying to make is simple. That the assumption that Harry's not had any closure since the death of You-Know-You is correct. That you, as his parents, have not made him sit and talk about it. Correct?"
"I'm sorry, but that's bordering on rude!" Lily said, finally not being able to hold back any longer. "You can't just assume that we haven't talked to Harry or make it sound like we as his parents don't care about him!"
Helen stared at Lily for a moment. She turned to look at Poppy who shifted uncomfortably. It was clear that Poppy was starting to regret bringing Helen into this.
"Mrs Potter, I am not saying anything of the sort. I am merely trying to understand the circumstances as they have arisen. As I understand it, Harry's not had anyone to talk to. Anyone he could discuss the death of You-Know-Who. You must understand that such a thing for the mind is poison. It can spread and cause all sorts of undesirable things." She stopped and watched Lily and James throw each other a furtive glance.
"I understand that Harry is now in Phase one of addiction to Dreamless Sleeping potion?" Helen asked.
James and Lily both looked at Poppy in shock. They couldn't believe she had disclosed such information to a stranger.
"Relax, Mr Potter. I'm not going to use this information other than to treat your son and make a diagnosis. The information is private but I am a healer. I am head of my department at St Mungos'. Harry's private medical files are safe with me. You see, the most important thing for me isn't the question of why he became an addict. The real question is how." Helen had everyone's attention now.
"As I told Poppy, I have my theory. Now like I said this is only an assumption. You can choose to believe me or not. That is your choice but I believe that the reason for Harry's addiction is quite obviously his nightmares. He couldn't sleep without nightmares disrupting his sleep so he started taking the potion. The fact that he became addicted so soon shows the extent and frequency of the dosage. Now, the problem isn't the potion. It's sleeping. He made a comment to Poppy about the problem not being able to fall asleep, but to be able to stay asleep. That is the real problem and that is what we have to fix."
By now James and Lily were listening to her whole heartedly.
"The only way to fix his nightmares is to get him to open up about them. If he talks about what he sees and what he suffers then we can work on him resolving those issues. It doesn't take much guessing as to who his nightmares are about. After all, he was hallucinating about the same person a few days ago."
James felt an eerie shudder ran down his spine at the thought of Voldemort. That was his worst nightmare. Voldemort coming back and taking his son away from him again.
"You see, the hallucinations can be explained very simply. He was sleep deprived at the time. Poppy thinks it's been a few weeks since he slept properly at all. Hallucinations are a common sign that the mind is in desperate need for sleep." She explained.
"Is it possible to last so long without sleep?" Lily asked, horrified at the thought of Harry being unable to sleep for weeks on end.
"It isn't for a normal muggle. They can only last for around four day, before their body starts protesting. Wizards can last longer. Harry has obviously being drawing strength from his magic. It's the only thing keeping him on his feet."
James thought back to how drained Harry had looked. He was going through so much and he never once asked for help. His heart broke at the thought of how much pain Harry was silently suffering.
"My professional advice is simple. Get Harry help. He is in desperate need. Get him help before things go too far." Helen warned.
James' heart skipped a few beats.
"What do you mean?" he asked, a bit too aggressively.
"Since Harry has clearly not had any counselling regarding the death of the person he fondly referred to as 'father' his mind may have suffered severe shock. I am aware of the death of Ms Lestrange which I can only imagine was another blow to his already delicate mind frame. All in all, it may be assumed that Harry is in what we call 'denial mode'. He hasn't discussed the deaths of two of the closest people he had in his life. It doesn't help that these two people are regarded by others as monsters. Every where he looks he sees people rejoicing their deaths. Can you imagine how difficult that would be to deal with?"
James couldn't imagine. He suddenly felt very foolish for not talking to Harry about Voldemort and Bella.
"When a person is in 'denial mode' they start to subconsciously believe that that person is still alive. That may explain why Harry saw You-Know-Who when he hallucinated as opposed to someone else. He dreams about him as well so it's safe to say that Harry's finding no break from You-Know-Who's memory."
Helen looked apprehensive about what she was going to say next, which looked out of place for her, making James and Lily nervous.
"It is my own professional opinion and Poppy disagrees with me, but I'm sure other healers would agree, that Harry is indeed behind the recent attacks."
James felt like all the breath had been squeezed out of him.
"Helen!" Poppy yelled at her in shock.
"I'm sorry, Poppy but I have to say it." Helen argued back.
"How can you say something like that?" Lily spat at her. Her green eyes flaring up with anger.
"It is an easy assumption. Harry's in denial about You-Know-Who. He's living a new life in a new situation and is probably finding everything around him difficult to relate too. His mind has gone through shock after shock with no proper help. I wouldn't be surprised if his mind is reverting back to a time when he was most comfortable and safe. When a mind goes through too much shock it closes up and reverts back to a time when it was stress free. It is common knowledge Harry was happy being the Dark Prince. He's made it no secret that he was happy being a follower of the Dark Lord. It isn't all that difficult to assume that at a time when his mind is under such stress, a time when he is unsure of his place in this new world, he reverts back to the one thing he was comfortable as. The Dark Prince."
No one in the room dared to say anything. The group of adults sat stunned by Helen's words. Poppy was looking at Helen with hurt. It was clear that Poppy had asked Helen not to say her theories out loud.
"How is it that you can make such a horrendous claim without even speaking to Harry?" James asked finally through clenched teeth. It was costing him everything he had to not hex her.
"I told you, I am an experienced healer. I can see these things." Helen answered smugly.
"Well, I don't know about that! You seem to have made a lot of assumptions!" Lily spat at her.
"I can speak to Harry if you like. Give you a proper report on what his…"
"No thank you! I think you've done enough. You can leave now!" James said, getting up and throwing open the door.
Helen got up slowly, her eyes never leaving James' face.
"You are too arrogant to admit your mistakes. You fail to see the clear signs before you that your son is the one carrying out these attacks. If you don't stop him…"
"I don't have to do anything since Harry's not the one carrying out these attacks. And now if you please, leave and don't bother coming back here!" James snarled at her.
Helen left after giving him a sarcastic look, an embarrassed but livid looking Poppy walking behind her. Just before leaving Helen looked back at James.
"Just to let you know. I won't say anything to anyone about my theories. But don't expect no one else to figure it out. It is plain for every one to see. Every one but you it seems."
"You won't say anything because you have no proof. You haven't had a single chat with Harry. Stop trying to frame my son for the attacks, just so that you can feel you're out of danger!" with that James slammed the door in her face.
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Okay, let me know what you think!