Movie lines (lovingly) stolen from The Producers and Highlander. C'mon, you didn't really think you were going to get through this fic without a Highlander quote, did you? And some "music" stolen from Eminem.

Eggo stared around the golden-lit room, with Alfalfa balanced carefully on his head. He tried doing some calculations, in the hopes that this chapter would make slightly more sense. Yeah, fat chance of that happening. "A blond, a shorter blond—"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT? YOU'RE SO SHORT, YOU COULD DO THE LIMBO UNDER A SPOON!" Shorter Blond shouted from across the room.

"—And a mini-gundam," Alfalfa finished his brother's count, as Eggo was now too busy shouting back at Shorter Blond. As usually happened when Eggo was in a rage and trying to balance his brother on his head, Alfalfa slipped off his greasy hair and rolled to the robot's foot.

"YOU'RE SO SHORT, YOU TRIPPED ON SPIT!"

Tall Blond sighed in a very German manner.

"Who are you guys anyway?" Gundam asked.

"I VAS NEVER A MEMBER OF THE NAZI PARTY!" Blond #1 joined in with the shouting. "I only followed orders! I had nuzzing to do vith ze var. I didn't even know there vas a var on! Ve lived in ze back….right across from Svitzerland. All ve ever heard was yodeling. Yodelittlelehehoo."

The strangers stared at Blond #1, trying to figure out exactly what he was trying to do.

"Yohohohohohoho, yodelittleyodelittleyodelitte…WHO ARE YOU?!"

"Well, I'm Al Elric," the tin man introduced himself with a clank before up the empty can of beans that lay at his feet. "I didn't know that there was littering inside the Gate."

"I'm Alfalfa Eric!" The can cried, indignant. "And the crazy one is my brother, Eggo Eric."

Al looked carefully at all three candidates. "You might need to be more specific."

"The short one."

That at least eliminated one. Al gave up. "I guess we'd better solve this somehow."

It took a good fifteen minutes for the Als to convince the Eds/Eggos to stop fighting and yodeling to sort this whole mess out. Those who were mentally stable lead the meeting. Needless to say, Eggo and Alfalfa were just sitting and listening.

"How did you guys all get here?" The oldest Ed was saying. "I thought there vas only vone Gate."

Indeed, something was terribly wrong with this picture. One giant stone gate was at one end of the room, the other rested at the opposite end. Both were identical, with frightful and hellish designs, a giant eye going over both doors. Looking at it sent chills down the brothers' spines. Which brothers? It doesn't really matter. Anyway you look at it, the Gate is friggin' creepy.

In the middle of the room sat a small iron gate that one might use to defend their garden from bunnies, badly rusted. If you poked it, it might just collapse.

Every Elric and Eric pointed at their respective gates, except for Alfalfa, who had no arms. The Elrics snickered upon seeing the gate Eggo and Alfalfa had stumbled through. "We wanted twenty bucks," Eggo explained. Alfalfa sniffled, feeling incredibly mopey.

"This is what we get for bringing back Fluffy," he whined.

"No, this is what we get for Mustard being a freak!" Eggo yelled before he kicked the can, sending his little brother spiraling across the room. The Elrics all ran after it for fear of being tagged and taken to jail.

"Wait," Al stopped them. "We never decided who was it."

Now that Kick the Can had been so rudely interrupted, everyone returned to the What the Hell is Going On? Council, except for Alfalfa who was on the other side of the room, sobbing to himself.

"God hates me," he whimpered.

"How did you guys get here?" Eggo sat cross-legged, or as best he could, considering his peg leg.

"The Gate," all three answered simultaneously.

It didn't make much sense to Eggo, but then again, very few things did. "So you're all Eds?"

Al raised his hand. "I'm not."

"You're a robot. No one cares." Eggo replied. He leaned forward, trying to discern one Ed from the other. "So which is the real one?"

Both Eds stood up at once, jabbing a thumb at their chests. "I am!" They glared at each other. "No you're not! I'm the real Ed Elric!"

"Don't let this imposter fool you!" They shouted in chorus once again, each pointing at the other. "I'm the real Ed!"

Al looked back and forth between them. "Um."

Eggo waved it away with his hook. "You all look the same to me."

"Can't you both be the real Ed?" Al wondered out loud.

The elder of the two Eds took out a bottle rocket. "Never!"

The younger transmuted his right arm into a blade. "There can be only one!"

Eggo looked down at his own hook, envious. Why hadn't Whiner put a built-in weapon is his arm? He figured it had something to do with different molecular properties of different universes, rather than his own alchemic ability.

He decided to leave before the situation could get any weirder. "Al, I'm gonna go. Tell me if they get this time paradox thing figured out."

"Okay."His little brother followed him to the gate. It wasn't long before Eggo realized that something wasn't quite right here. Or, more specifically, the wrong Al was following him.

"I don't like robots." He glared at the armor behind him.

"I'm not a robot! I'm your broth—" he stopped. "You're not my brother!"

They looked back at the remaining Eds. Their death match had somehow disintegrated into a staring contest. "May I have your attention please?" Al called out to them. After a few unblinking seconds, he tried again. "May I have your attention please? Will the real Ed Elric please stand up?"

At this, both Eds blinked in unison. "HA! Gotcha! You did not! Did so!"

Eggo sighed, scratching his head. He remembered to do it with his left hand this time. "We're gonna have a problem here."

"I'm Ed Elric, yes I'm the real Elric," They both claimed.

Eggo groaned. This was even stranger than the day all the Mary Sues invaded. He was about to leave and get the twenty bucks he deserved when he saw an empty can lying on the far side of the room. Never one to let something recyclable go unrecycled, he skipped over (as best he could) to collect the empty can of beans. "Time to go." He paused. "Al, did you just get through an entire chapter without screaming in strange languages?"

"Ima nan-ji desu ka?" Alfalfa asked.

After hearing this, Eggo felt much better.

They stared at the two bickering Eds. Eggo waved goodbye with his hook. "Freaks," he muttered under his breath as the left. The talking can of beans affirmed this.

"Who was the pirate?" Al Elric asked as they left.

"Maybe it was a fangirl writing a Pirates of the Caribbean crossover?" The Eds suggested.

All three shuddered at the very thought.

The moral of the story? It is very difficult to play kick the can when no one has been declared as "it".

(Can I say something?)
As long as it's not one of those friendship speeches.
(What do you think this is, Yu-Gi-Oh?)
Oh, right. Sorry. Go ahead.
(This had to be the worst chapter in the fic so far.)
You can't be serious. Chapter 2 was much worse.
(Chapter 2 at least had pink rays of cuteness. This only had a line stolen from "The Producers" which I'm sure offended someone.)
Is that really how you punctuate movie titles?
(I'm not sure.)
Oh.
(I have one more question for you.)
Yeah?
(Who are you talking to?)
Aw crap.