Castiel did not tell Sam 'tomorrow'. He hadn't realized how early he and Dean had watched the movie, but when they finally left Dean's room, it was only three in the afternoon. Castiel looked around at the institutional halls, devoid of almost all personality.
He was going to die here. He would die in these halls, or maybe in one of these rooms, or maybe in the kitchen. He was going to die in a place that he –and the Winchesters, of course- called home.
"Sam," he found the younger Winchester's room and pushed the door open. Sam was sitting on his messy bed, the comforter half trapped under the hunter's legs and half falling onto the floor, "Can we talk?"
"Yeah, of course," Sam straightened up and dogeared the thin, worn book he held in his hands before putting in on his nightstand, "Hey, where have you and Dean been all day? Wait, don't answer that. I probably don't want to know."
Sam smirked, but Castiel wasn't as good at noticing things about the youngest Winchester as he was at noticing things about Dean. Later, he would think back to this moment and realize that Sam had only been 'teasing'.
"Your brother and I were not having sexual intercourse," he deadpanned. He didn't even stop to think about the act of it. Why would he even consider participating in such an archaic ritual with the elder Winchester? "I need to tell you something."
Meg had wanted to have sexual intercourse, once upon a time. He hadn't been immune to the implications of their one sided flirtation. Had she survived that day, he might have agreed to her requests. It certainly had been an enjoyable experience with the reaper, before she had attempted to kill him.
"Okay, shoot," Sam rolled one of his shoulders. He was completely oblivious to the heavy situation, even Castiel could tell. Should he try to be subtle, and ease Sam into the idea of his impending death? That sounded like a good idea. He could be subtle.
"I die in one week, and I would like to spend that week with you two," Castiel straightened his back and stared at the analog clock that hung on Sam's wall, "Do you want to go get ice cream?"
It was wasteful to eat, since his vessel did not need nourishment. Still, after all that he had done, hadn't he earned the right to be wasteful? He had fought for the right to sin, so why shouldn't he partake in his cause?
If the cereal that the Winchesters ate appealed to Castiel in any way, he might have even asked Dean for some this morning.
"Yeah, of course. Ice cream. Sure," he said it so quickly that Castiel wasn't sure if Sam had heard the first part of his statement. His face was blank except for the thin smile he put up, and his eyes went dark. Castiel recognized the infamous Winchester poker face.
Once, on a night where Sam had been depressed and drunk (and what a lot of alcohol it had taken to get past the Winchester's alcoholic tolerance), he had told Castiel about how he had striven to make all of Dean's dying wishes come true. It shouldn't have surprised Castiel that Sam would do the same for him.
"Dean is coming," Castiel informed him quietly, "He said that there's a good place beside the park."
"I know the place," Sam nodded, "Hey, could you send Dean in here for a second? I need to talk to him about a case."
Castiel wasn't an idiot. He knew that Sam wasn't working a case, and that he needed to talk to Dean about the imminent death of their favorite angel (he was quite confident that he was their favorite, not Balthazar or Gabriel). He found Dean and brought him to Sam's room, only to have the door shut in his face.
Had they been talking about a case, Castiel would have been allowed inside the room. He stood outside the room with his arms crossed, straining to hear the conversation inside. He was not a child to be protected from the harshness of the world, and he should be allowed to witness this conversation.
At first, he could only hear the low murmurs of tension that always seemed to follow the brothers, but naturally, their voices soon rose.
"And you don't think I'm affected by this, too? This is Cas we're talking about!"
That was Dean.
"That's the point. You're acting like you're the only…" Sam sighed and cut himself off. Something fell, or was thrown, at the floor. His voice dropped, and Castiel had to press himself closer against the door to hear, "I care about the guy too, okay?"
"I know," that was Dean again, "I know, Sammy."
"And I get that you and Cas have a more profound bond. Of course I know that. But don't toss aside our friendship because it doesn't stack up to your bond," Sam said. His voice rose, "And Cas, I know you're listening."
"I'm not listening," Castiel called through the door. The Winchesters fell silent until Castiel realized his mistake, "Oh."
The door opened and Castiel noticed that Dean was laughing. The eldest Winchester leaned against the frame of the door with his lips turned into a smile, "What are we going to do with you, Cas?"
Bury him.
No, that was a morbid thought. It wasn't like Castiel was overly focused on his death, and he certainly wasn't scared.
"You're going to get ice cream with me," he looked around Dean's wide torso to look at Sam, who was picking his book up off the floor, "Are you ready?"
"One sec," Sam promised him. A tight smile sat on his face. For once, he was the one who was easiest to read.
They were both forcing happiness and normality for his benefit. That was the Winchester way, it seemed. But who was he kidding? He'd known that this was the Winchester way for years.
Sam put his feet into the hiking boots he kept under his bed and slowly laced them up. As soon as he was done with the simple task (taking much longer than was necessary, Castiel noticed), he stood next to Castiel. Dean took the spot to Castiel's right, and the angel couldn't help but notice the height difference that separated them all.
If he straightened up just a bit, Castiel found that he was almost eye to eye with Dean. Still, he found that his gaze kept flickering back to what he was used to staring at: Dean Winchester's chapped lips. Dean's tongue flicked out to wet the parched skin, and Castiel couldn't help but wondering if the hunter was dehydrated.
With his mind stuck on thoughts such as those, he barely noticed that they had all loaded into the Impala. The seats were clean and free of blood, and the interior smelled like many of the bars that they often frequented. It smelled like alcohol and sweat, or as Dean liked to call it, freedom.
His door in the backseat opened and Castiel blinked at the sudden light that shone on his eyes. Sam's shadow soon blocked the unwanted light, and Castiel exited the car without having majorly blinded his vessel. He winced and nearly tripped into Dean, his right leg letting out a shot of pain as he put weight on it.
"I just wish you hadn't healed Gadreel," Dean said. His arms were supporting Castiel and he was glaring at a crack in the sidewalk with more intensity than he had used when talking down the devil himself.
"We wouldn't have won-" Castiel leaned against the exterior of the car and a cough cut off what he was about to say. It was a loud, wet cough—the kind you hear an old man give off on his death bed. It was the kind of cough that signaled something was wrong with the body, "We wouldn't have won without Gadreel."
"We would have found a way," Sam said, "We always do."
Castiel did not say that they did find a way, and that way had been through Gadreel. He wouldn't have changed anything that he had done, even if he was able to.
"Is that the ice cream shop?" Castiel asked, abruptly changing the subject because he knew that was the only way to stop the atmosphere from plummeting further. He gestured to a small café with a few empty tables outside and clean windows that covered most of the side facing them.
"Yeah, that's the place," Dean licked his lips in anticipation, but let the issue drop. With one hand securely attached to the sleeve of Castiel's trench coat, Dean led the way in crossing the street. It did not slip by unnoticed that he took extra precaution in looking both ways, and then rechecking to make sure that no car was coming to hit his precious little brother or angel.
Once they had reached the sidewalk on the other side of the street, Castiel expected Dean to let go of his sleeve. He did not; his calloused, scarred hands continued to hold onto the thick piece of fabric, bunching it up between his fingers.
"I am not a child, Dean," Castiel pulled his sleeve out of Dean's reach, "And I do not need to be lead around like one."
"I wasn't-" Dean started to argue, but Sam shot him a glare that clearly meant that Dean should let the matter go, "Fine. Okay, Cas."
Sam held open the door to the parlor, and a bell rung to signal their entrance. A woman with her two children stood at the counter, and the older of the siblings was holding his little sister's hand as they picked out their flavors.
Castiel blinked and his hand gripped the back of one of the many chairs inside the ice cream parlor, "Dean, I don't feel well."
He tried to keep his eyes on Dean, but black spots flooded his sight. Black spots on Dean, black spots on the floor, in the light, in the ice cream. Castiel's icy blue eyes flicked back and forth, up and down, trying to find a space that he could concentrate on.
He shut his eyes and swayed from side to side. He felt familiar hands take hold of his arms on either side, and then the dizziness grew so strong that he wasn't aware of anything else. After an eternity, his senses came back to him.
He was sitting in one of the chairs now, and he was bent over one of the circular tables. His head was neatly resting on his vessel's folded arms, and Dean's hand was heavy on the space right in between his back and neck.
Castiel's eyes opened and he squinted at the icecream parlor around him. The mother and her children had already sat down and were sitting in one of the booths closer to the back of the parlor, and Sam was at the counter. Castiel made a move to stand up, but Dean's hand stopped him.
"Sam's got it," Dean said, "You just sit."
"How long was I…out?" Castiel asked. He's never had pleasant experiences with fainting, but he doubted that many people liked it.
"Only a few seconds," Dean assured him. He froze suddenly, and looked at Castiel before slowly removing the hand, as if it would offend the angel. Castiel just stared at him before shifting his eyes to Sam.
Sam was staring at the girl behind the counter, but something seemed off. The girl couldn't have been more than sixteen, with long blonde hair tucked into a tight ponytail and a spray of unfortunate acne on her chin. To the best of Castiel's knowledge, Sam didn't often identify as a pedophile.
What was stranger was that Sam had no effect on the girl. Wherever Sam went, he received stares, either for his height, his hair, or the intimidating way in which he usually held himself. The girl wasn't affected at all. She held herself confidently, with her spine straight and shoulders thrown back. It was familiar, but Castiel couldn't remember who had had known who held herself that way.
Dean must have sensed Castiel's curiosity, because he looked at am and the girl. What he said next cleared up any confusion that had taken root in Castiel's mind, "She looks like mom. A younger version of her, anyway."
Dean was shaken, even if only slightly, by the girl. Castiel hesitated before leaning over the table to rub Dean's wrist in a comforting gesture. Dean pulled away.
"Cas, what did I say about personal space?"
Dean had asked that so long ago, but the words came back to haunt Castiel now. He yanked his hand back and looked at Sam, who was coming to sit at their table with three Styrofoam bowls of ice cream in his grip. His mouth was pressed into a tight smile, like it had been all day, and they did not talk about the girl's resemblance to Mary Winchester.
Sam handed Castiel a plastic spoon, "Are you alright, Cas?"
Castiel nodded and pushed his spoon into the mound of yellowish ice cream. Sprinkles littered the top of it, and he could feel them crunch under his teeth when he finally tried the dessert. It was French Vanilla, and more than half of it was gone before the warm August air had a chance to even begin to melt it.
"Have a bite of mine," Dean pushed his bowl towards Castiel, and the angel complied.
"Is that…?" Castiel raised a questioning eyebrow at Dean Winchester, which made Sam laugh. It was a real laugh, or at least close to the real thing.
"It's apple pie flavored," Sam told him, "Dean would have flipped if he found out that they had it and he didn't get to try it."
"Bitch," Dean mumbled, taking his icecream back from Castiel. He twirled the spoon in his fingers in between bites.
"Jerk," Sam returned their old, familiar gesture, "Hey, why don't you go to the park after this? I need to talk to that girl."
"She's jailbait," Dean said immediately before sobering up, "Sam, she's not mom, and she's not related."
"I know," Sam assured him, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that, too, "It's not about that."
"Then what's it about? You gonna try and find out the secret ingredient to your chocolate ice cream?" Dean asked, sarcasm heavy in his words. Castiel was proud of himself for picking up on the sarcasm.
But Castiel looked from Sam to the girl behind the counter, and back to Sam again. Dean wasn't going to lighten up on his little brother, but it was clear that whatever Sam had to say to the girl was important.
"Dean, I'd like to go to the park," Castiel announced. The Winchesters both stared at him. Dean looked at him with a mixture of exhasperation and disbelief. Sam's eyes, on the other hand, held hesitation and gratitude. For what, Castiel couldn't imagine.
"Fine," Dean agreed, just like they all knew that he would. They soon finished their bowls of ice cream, and the two went on their merry way (with Dean's hand secure on Castiel's trench coat as they crossed the street).
Sam watched them leave. While the girl was busy entertaining new customers, his thoughts swirled over their earlier discussion, a discussion that had begun by her knowing his name.
"What can I get for you today, Sam?" the girl asked, already grabbing an ice cream scoop.