Chapter 3

Mikey and I had reached a temporary stalemate. Usually I would end the match by attempting to tackle Mike to the ground. Then I'd hold him until he called "Uncle." On the occasion he got away before I could get him (he was a speedy little devil) I'd make a half-assed attempt to catch him then wave him off in boredom and go do something else. I'd never admit that he'd won, but we both would know that he had.

Our arguments were rarely serious. Yeah sometimes Mikey got on my nerves to the point where I actually wanted to pound him, but when we were just trash talking each other it was never mean-spirited. Especially when it came to Michelangelo's art. Of all of us he had the most right to his namesake. I had no doubt that his stuff was making money and I was impressed that Mikey had come up with the idea to sell it. Talent like his definitely needed to be shared. I even had a few pieces of Mike's work and they were more valuable to me that I would ever let him know. Sometimes late at night when the others were asleep I'd stare at them and often see some fine detail I hadn't before. That was the thing about Mikey's art. Unlike so many other artists, Mikey's art was alive even after it was on the page. It was visceral and tangible in its impact. A talent that few could claim. It often saddened me that Michelangelo would never be an active member in the art community. He would never get to go to art galleries, museums, or functions where he and other artists could bask in the glory of their genius. When Mikey pulled out Don's laptop to show me the activity he had on his Amazon account I couldn't help but fill with happiness. At least in this small way others would get to appreciate Mikey's art and words couldn't express how proud I was of my little brother.

We had been sitting in communal silence for a few minutes, both unsure as to how to continue out of our stalemate when Mikey's eyes met mine and I could see them glimmering in excitement, "You know Raph this is just so cool! It's just like in my Silver Sentry #158 where Malignous captures-"

I frowned in confusion unsure of where he was going with this, "What're you talkin' about?"

He stared at me obviously annoyed that I wasn't following his new train of thought. This was nothing new. When Mikey got going who knew where his thoughts would go next. It made conversations with him exciting because you were guaranteed to never get bored, but at the same time it could be irritating when one inevitably found themselves trying to catch up. "Silver Sentry #158 Raph! Come on I leant you this one six months ago! Malignous captures that pizza guy and experiments on him and-"

Ahh so this is where this is going. Just when I was thinking how awesome Mikey is. Typical.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not some stupid cartoon Mikey!"

Mikey gasped and dramatically placed his hand over his heart, "Raphael the Silver Sentry is no kiddie cartoon he is the defender of justice, the solver of crimes, the-" I took a deep breath trying to settle my irritation, "-ultimate hero of well… Superheroes! And for your information comics are an art form that-"

"Mikey, gimme a break! Comics ain't art!"

Ok so I didn't fully agree on the statement and he obviously caught on that too because his eyes were now mischievous "Don't interrupt Raphie boy! I am bestowing valuable knowledge upon you. I just hope it can penetrate that thick skull of yours!"

I groaned. I was really starting to miss ending our arguments in a tackle fest but now that Mikey knew there was nothing I could do… Or was there? Mikey was now pacing back and forth and an idea struck me. I just needed to time it right. Mikey was quickest of us, but if I surprised him it could work... Mikey was yabbering on like a pretentious prick but thankfully he kept pacing back and forth in front of me. He knew he was taunting me, but his cockiness would be my saviour. Wait for it… Just a little closer… Closer… There!

In the split second Mikey had his back turned to me, as he spun to begin another circuit, I shot out my neck, opened my mouth and grabbed him by the back of his shell. I then stood up holding him in my teeth – hard enough to ensure he couldn't move but not so hard to actually crack his shell or do any real damage. At first he didn't move. He's probably pretty shocked. Didn't expect anything like this I bet.

Then came the Mikey scream. That high-pitched squeal that stung the ears. "AHHHHHH. Raph put me down! Put me down!"

But I wasn't done yet. There was no way I was letting him think I'd gone soft. I lifted my head up so that he now hung directly above my mouth. Mikey sharply breathed in, "RAPH! RAPH! COME ON BRO! YOU'RE NOT THAT HUNGRY ARE YOU? YOU WOULDN'T ACTUALLY EAT YOUR BELOVED BABY BROTHER! RIGHT? RIGHT?"

I stifled a laugh and by the lack of tension in Mikey's body, I knew he could feel the vibrations. He continued his role of damsel in distress. After all, if nothing else Mikey loved being a drama queen. "EEEEEE! JUST STAVE OFF THAT HUNGER A LITTLE MORE! PIZZA WILL BE HERE SOON AND ALL WILL BE WELL!"

I gently shook him back and forth to add to the effect and I could tell he was trying his best to keep from laughing too. I was so occupied in trying to keep Mikey in a gentle grip while not laughing that I didn't fully register the sound of the lair elevator door opening. Mikey evidently didn't notice either, "AHHHHH! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME GAMERA! HAVE MERCY!"

I was attempting to hold back another laugh at the gamera comment when all too late I was met with a nut-job wearing a hockey mask, SMACK! "HANG ON MIKEY! I'LL SAVE YA! RAPH! LEO! DON! WE'VE GOTTA PROBLEM!"

One Casey Jones had plowed a puck into the back of my head and in my surprise I let go of Mikey who promptly landed onto the nest of blankets below. I prayed between the bedding and his shell that he was ok. He was out cold and so all I could do was roll him out of the way of the incoming puck fire. I moved down onto all fours (placing myself between Casey and Mikey hoping to help shield my bro) and turned to see a bat barreling towards my face. TWACK!

My eyes watered from the impact on my nose. Even as a snout it still apparently had no lack of nerve endings. After the moisture cleared my vision, I saw April standing in terror by the elevator door holding an armload of pizza boxes. I had received that look too many times lately and I did not like it. Meanwhile Casey was winding back in preparation to take another swing at me. I raised a hand in defense, "Cool it Casey! It's me Raph!"

Casey froze for a fraction of a second and then glowered at me and shouted before taking another swing this time at my forearm, "LIAR! YOU'RE NOT RAPH! YOU JUST TRIED TO EAT MIKEY!"

TWACK! Ok touché, from an outsider's view that would have appeared to be the case… However, just because this hot-head had declared war on me didn't mean I was going to let him keep hitting me with that hunk of wood. I don't care if it don't hurt, I ain't no one's piñata!

This time I grabbed the bat from Casey before me could swing. He let it go and I threw it to the side as he apparently decided to go back to shooting pucks. I dodged one only to have it sail by and smash into one of the TV's. I groaned, "Dude this is getting ridicul-" I dodged another (thankfully this one harmlessly hit a wall), "-ous. Seriously it's me!"

I could now hear Leo and Don running from Don's lab. Leo was shouting, "CASEY! STOP!"

Casey was still on the warpath and didn't even seem to hear my brothers' approach. I could feel my temper flaring and really wanted to drop kick Casey out of the lair. I only needed a way to do it without damaging the place further... Just as he was about to shoot the umpteenth puck at my head a groan came from Mikey's direction, "Raphael, way to drop me bro! Geez remind me to wear a parachute next time I hang with you!"

Casey stopped dead in his hockey puck barrage as he watched Mikey get up, walk nonchalantly up to me, and teasingly punch me in the arm. Then when Mikey caught sight of our guests, "April! Casey! Perfect timing! I'm starving!"

Silence.

Don and Leo arrived and jumped in front of me during Mikey's proclamation. Then Casey finally lowered his stick slightly and pulled up his mask looking at us in utter confusion. I could feel Don and Leo share the same thought as we looked at Casey's dumbfounded expression, what a bonehead!

April came to the rescue. She had placed the pizza on the floor near the door and walked up beside Casey and looked straight up at me. I met her eyes unwaveringly. It only took a second for recognition to run through her eyes, "That's you isn't it Raphael?"

I slowly nodded. Casey looked at me then back at April and then back to me and moved a few tentative steps forward. I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. "Uh guys… Last time I checked Raph was a five foot tall little green dude… You know red mask, the oh so charming disposition… Doesn't try to eat his bros…"

Leo hissed, "Raphael did you try to eat Michelangelo?"

Mikey and I exchanged glances and laughed. Mikey recovered first, "It's not what you think Leo! Raph and I were just goofing around honest! Casey just walked in at like the worst possible moment!"

Leo glared at me and I held up my hands in defense, "Come on Leo do you seriously think I'd eat Mikey?"

Leo sighed in exasperation, "You're both idiots you know that? Also for the record Raph you shouldn't put things in your mouth if you don't know where they've been."

I chuckled, "Got it Leo, I'll keep that in mind."

Leo then rounded back on Mikey, "And you? Did it even occur to you to mention Raph's make-over before Casey and April arrived?"

If Mikey wasn't so green it would be clear that he was red with embarrassment. Apparently the thought didn't even cross his mind. He stammered, "I ah well um. Leo I just didn't think it was a big deal! I mean that's still our Raph in there… He just um you know got super-sized!" We were all glowering at Mikey now who continued to flounder, "Well and I um… Awe come on you guys! You know how forgetful I can be! Especially when I'm hungry! All I was thinking about was that delicious cheese and crisp crust and –"

Leo cut him off with a look that would sour milk, "Enough Mikey!"

"Hey guys as much as I enjoy being left in the dark I think Casey and I would be oh so appreciative if you told us: What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On!?"

We all jumped at April's tone. Of all of us, April's anger was the most feared. My brothers exchanged nervous glances and then simultaneously looked up at me. I guess they had collectively decided it was my tale to tell. I sighed, "Yeah it's me." I glared down at Casey and raised an eye ridge, "You know the turtle with "the oh so charmingly disposition.""

After that when Casey met my eyes I finally saw a look of recognition. He laughed, "Dude! It is you! Raph, man you're more ugly than ever!"

"You know you ain't so beautiful yourself bonehead."

April cleared her throat in an irritated tone, "AHEM!"

Casey and I both looked down as if we were scolded children, "Sorry Ma'am."

I spoke again, "Um well anyways as I was saying it is me, Raphael. I uh had a bit of a run in with these weird robot dudes at a TCRI warehouse and fell into a vat of this weird liquid during the fight. At first I was thankin' my stars that I fell in the liquid instead of breakin' my neck on the floor. That soon changed though when I felt like my body was being ripped apart." Even my brothers were listening anxiously now. I hadn't told them any details about what happened in the tank, "It hurt so bad and 'fore I knew it I was out cold. When I awoke I thought… I thought for a moment I was dead, but then I quickly realized I was stuck in a tight metal container. I thought maybe I was a prisoner somewhere, but as I broke free of the container I realized I never left the tank. It was me that was… Different. So um yeah… Long story short my bros brought me back here and Don is trying to cook up a cure."

During my explanation we had rearranged ourselves in a circle and I now looked hopefully across the circle at Don who seemed to be determined to avoid my gaze by thoroughly examining the ground instead. Casey was now sharing the similar look of excitement that Mikey bore earlier, "Raph! Do you know how awesome this is? You're like a mega mutant ninja turtle now! Just think of all the low-lives we'll be able to take down with you! The Purple Dragons are finally gonna be history!"

I felt a trill of excitement run through me. I hadn't even thought of that but before my train of thought even left the station Leo jumped in, "Hold up Casey. Raph can't just go out now! He will stick out like a sore thumb! The last thing we need right now is to draw further attention to this. Enough people already saw Raph fleeing the warehouse he trashed – no Casey don't look so pleased it's not a good thing – we can't risk him being seen again! Our main focus right now should be to undo this secondary mutation!"

My thoughts slammed to a halt. How could I have been so stupid! I was just thinking the same thing this morning. Yet, I couldn't stop a chill run through me when I thought of being trapped in the lair for days while Don figured out a way to undo this. April must have noticed some of the frustration in my eyes, "Don't worry Raph I'm sure Donnie can fix this! I can even lend him a hand until we get you back to normal." She turned to face Donatello, "Don what do you have so far? Have you gotten enough genetic samples?"

It was then that I realized that Don seemed pretty tense and another shiver ran through me. I had not allowed myself to even entertain the thought that this couldn't be fixed, but seeing Don looking so… deflated… allowed the thought to grow despite my best efforts to quench it. Leo put a hand on Don's shoulder, "Come on Don, you told me and now you need to tell them what's going on."

I felt bile start to rise as panic began to set in. It was true, Donnie my supposed miracle-worker of a brother could fix anything, but he couldn't fix me! A darkness gripped my heart. I was doomed to be a monster forever! Why the hell had I let my brothers convince me to leave the sub sewers. Instead of receiving all this false hope I could be attempting to live some semblance of a life down there in the darkness… My head began to spin as I felt the rage uncoil deep inside me, fed by my pain. How could they do this to me? I couldn't help but growl, "Why the hell did you bring me up here then when you couldn't fix this? Did you get up this morning and think: "Hmmm you know what would be fun today? Let's pump up our brother Raphael full of false hope and then just when he starts to think it'll be ok stick a fucking pin in it!" I was already down! Did you have to kick me too?"

Leo stood, "Raph please calm down!"

I had been laying on my plastron (in an attempt to not tower over everyone), but now I was on all fours and going on two. My anger was now pumping through my veins and I could feel it drenching my skin. My voice now gained a dangerous edge "Don't you dare tell me to calm down Leonardo! You are not the one stuck like this!"

April was once again wearing a mask of terror as she stared at me. Mikey and Casey appeared speechless, Don held his head in his hands mumbling intelligibly and Leo now stood at my feet looking up at me. Then a wave of adrenalin burned up my nose. The room now stunk of it and I knew despite Leo's brave face he was probably quivering inside. I tried not to breathe it in, but it still kept coming and my head spun more and more. My brothers, my best friends were terrified of me! As my head spun I could feel the blood pumping through my head and I needed to get out. Their terror was only continuing to fuel the pain and in turn my rage. As that rage increased, it began to take over and I knew it was only a matter of time before it was all I would feel. I turned to the direction of sewer entrance only to find Leo still in front of me. I went back on all fours and angled all my energy in Leo's direction. I looked him straight in the eyes silently urging him to back down and let me run.

But Leo didn't budge. He just stared calmly at me and as my panic continued to rise I spat at him, "You know what? I could even deal with this whole transformation thing! But you know what I have a problem with? You pulling the rug out from under me at every chance you get! You are always doing this to me Leo! You admitted it yourself! You don't give a damn! Well FUCK YOU! I don't need this. I don't need this family and I especially don't need you!"

I had my face inches from his now and could not help but inhale his scent. Bamboo… Clean sheets… Candle wax… Incense… Wait where is it?

I inhaled again and felt my brow furrow. It has to be here. He stunk of it more than anyone this morning...

But as the silence continued and I thoroughly went through Leo's scent profile I knew I wouldn't find it. There was no adrenalin coming from him. The adrenalin I had smelt was from the others – not Leonardo.

Leo wasn't afraid.

It was then that I really looked into his eyes. As I read what was there, a deep calm ran through me. My heart beat slowed and the rage that had unleashed itself so quickly seemed to melt away. My head cleared as the fury withdrew and I found my cheeks burning at my loss of control. It was then that I broke contact with Leo and looked at the ground between as in shame. I murmured under my breath so that only Leo could hear, "Thanks Leo."

I dared a glimpse up at my elder brother's eyes and saw a hint of smile mixed with relief briefly flint across. I exhaled loudly and turned back to the others and knew my eyes were boring a hole through the floor as moved into my frog crouch position. Suddenly, Leo was sitting in front of my right arm. He was not leaning on my hand, he still maintained his perfect posture while crossing his legs, but he had ensured that he was just close enough so that his carapace was slightly touching me. It was a small gesture but it further helped to calm me considerably. It reminded me how much Leo did care.

I glanced up at the group, their faces mirroring their confusion in what emotion to draw on. The mixture of shock and fear was slightly amusing and if I hadn't been so determined not to add further fuel to the fire I probably would have called them out on it. Instead I said, "Uhh… I'm uh… Well… Sorry guys…"

My mouth felt like it was full of peanut butter. I had never been good at this sort of thing and I especially did not like being the center of attention, which seemed to be all too common lately. Mikey unsurprisingly was the first to break the tension, "Not to worry dude. It's your time of the month. So hourly tantrums are expected. Even if you were a total ass just now."

WHACK. "OWWWWW! Come on April it was just a joke!"

April glowered at Mikey, "That is demeaning to women Mikey! And just because I'm the only female you know doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you!"

WHACK. "Okay. Okay I get it! No period jokes. Geez."

But April looked dead serious, "That wasn't for your poor choice of humour. It was for being a jerk to Raphael when he is obviously going through a lot!"

I stared at April slightly shocked by that comment considering she was looking at me like I was the grim reaper only a few minutes ago. She turned from Mikey, who was still massaging his head, and a saw the guilt in her eyes. Yes, she had been afraid, but it was evident that she didn't feel too good about it. A cough came from Leo's direction, "Anyway, before that erm interlude, Donatello weren't you going to tell us something?"

Don jumped at his name and then let out an exasperated sigh, "Alright you win Leo. Raph it's not what you think. I may still be able to find a cure, but a more pressing concern at the moment is that you're not done mutating."