Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Trek universe, though I wish I did. It's a travesty, I know.
Author's Note: My muse is in a feels-y mood, so be warned. I've always imagined what happened in the captain's ready room when she offered the role of XO to Chakotay, since we never saw it. I hope this works for y'all . . . I know this plot's been done before but I wanted to have a go at it too!
Thank you to Nova for the beta read, though I went in and fiddled with a few things after she looked over it for me so all mistakes are my own.
She stands in the middle of her ready room and stares blankly at the viewport, at the alien stars that seem to mock her. She's in shock, now that the initial adrenaline of the situation is gone and she can't seem to find her proverbial footing in the onslaught of emotion. So she shuts down, her mind turbulent and her heart racing. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be a three week mission and the enormity of Voyager's predicament hangs over her head.
They're lost in the Delta Quadrant, seventy five years from home.
She gave the order to destroy the Caretaker's array, destroying their hopes of getting back home. She couldn't let the Ocampa suffer at the hands of the Kazon, couldn't condemn an entire race just for the comfort of getting back to the Alpha Quadrant quickly. She's condemned her crew instead, forcing them into an unimaginable situation. She's taken away their families and friends, their safety, because she couldn't give the Kazon access to the array.
She can't even begin to fathom the journey they have ahead of them, only that life as they know it is over and things are very, very different now. There's no one to contact when things get rough - and she knows things are going to be hard as they make their way across the quadrant - and there's no one to help her when she faces a difficult decision. She's at the top of the chain of command and it's terrifying to realize that everything rests on her shoulders now. The buck stops with her and every decision, every life-and-death choice, comes down to her. This is her first command and she's scared.
The chime of her door stops her spiraling thoughts and she straightens, taking several deep breaths to calm herself enough to be presentable. She has to be controlled now, has to project a confident and determined front to her crew, and it's a struggle when all she wants to do is hide in her ready room and cry. Finding a kernel of peace is hard but she slips her expression into a cool mask and turns to the door, bidding her guest entry. She's pleased when her voice doesn't shake.
"Captain Janeway, you asked for me?"
Captain Chakotay, the leader of the Maquis cell she was sent after, is standing in the open doorway and Kathryn nods. Motioning for him to sit in the seat in front of her desk, she sits in her own chair and studies him. The Maquis are a problem, since they're on Voyager now because of their captain's willingness to sacrifice his own ship so that Voyager would survive. Kathryn's not quite sure to do with the Maquis; Tuvok pointed out that the ship lacked the resources needed to confine them to the brig for seventy-five years and Kathryn was appalled that he'd considered that option at all when he mentioned it. She lost a lot of good people, dedicated Starfleet officers, when the Caretaker pulled her ship into this quadrant and she knows that having the Maquis fill their empty places would solve a lot of problems.
"Captain?" Chakotay asks, bringing Kathryn back to the present. Sitting up and lacing her fingers together on her desk, she looks at him seriously.
"The Doctor informed me that you've been given a clean bill of health, Captain. How are you feeling?"
"A little sore, to be honest. It's nothing a good night's sleep won't fix," he says, smiling at her. The dimples that flash with his grin make her swallow hard and she nods, returning his smile with a tight one of her own.
"I'm glad to hear that, because we're in quite the predicament and I need you at your best. I have a problem, Captain, and I hope you can help me," she says, hating herself for the tremor she hears in her voice. Steeling herself, she looks him in the eye. "I lost too many people to make it home on my own. I don't have the crew and you don't have a ship, so it's my suggestion that we combine our crews and work together to get Voyager home."
He tugs on his ear and looks over at the viewport, his face reflecting her earlier pain. After a long moment of silence, he turns his attention back to her and she sees his answer on his face.
"Under one condition, Captain. I want my crew to get fair consideration for positions."
"I cannot, in good judgement, put the Maquis ahead of my Starfleet-trained crew, Captain. They've worked their entire careers for their positions and I can't just hand those positions over to the very people we were sent to capture," she says and then lifts a hand to stop him when he starts to speak. "But I will give them fair consideration for positions if they're willing to abide by Starfleet principles. This is a Federation starship, after all, and I'm a Starfleet captain running a Starfleet crew. If the Maquis are willing to wear the uniform and live the standards, I'm willing to put them in the running."
She watches him consider her offer and she swears she can see the wheels turning in his mind. After a moment of staring at her, he nods solemnly.
"I accept the conditions on behalf of my crew, Captain Janeway."
"Good, because I need a first officer and I believe you're the man for the job," she says and has to consciously stop herself from laughing at the look on his face. "I've read your file, Captain Chakotay, and I know your history. You were a well-respected Starfleet officer for many years and you've got the credentials to serve as my first officer."
"And keep the Maquis in line for you, too."
"That did cross my mind," she admits. "My first choice was Tuvok but I need someone I know the crew will respect and, quite honestly, I know the Maquis see Tuvok as a traitor. It'll take some adjustment on both sides, but I believe we can do this if we work together."
"I accept the position," he says. He stares at her, his dark eyes intense, and she forces herself not to look away from his speculating gaze. He smiles suddenly, nodding. "I suppose this means I'm being demoted, doesn't it?"
"Yes," she replies, the tightness in her chest easing as the first major hurdle is cleared. "You'll hold the provisional rank of Commander, and you'll have every responsibility and privilege included with that rank."
"Very well, Captain. But I have one more request, if I may? I'd like the Maquis to keep their rank bars. It's not much, and they'll adhere to uniform protocol in every other way, but I don't want them to forget who they are."
"Granted. Speak to Tuvok on your way out and he'll give you the list of quarters assigned to the Maquis. Your quarters are on deck three, next to mine, and you'll find the replicator is programmed with the uniform specifications. I'd like a list of positions you think the Maquis crew should fill and we'll discuss them later," she says, standing and extending her hand. He copies her and they shake hands, making her smile faintly. "Welcome aboard Voyager, Commander Chakotay."
When he leaves, Kathryn finds herself gritting her teeth and shaking her head. She's still unsure of how things are going to go and she doesn't expect everything to click into place immediately but she's anxious about the integration of the Maquis. She wanders up to stand in front of the viewport, a lump in her throat as she wraps her arms around herself and stares at the emptiness of space. Things aren't supposed to be like this and she's frightened.