Author's Note;
Sorry for not updating for so long! I've been really busy and I just couldn't seem to get this chapter right, I've rewritten it about 3 times now, but finally got it right!
I really love this chapter and because I haven't updated in so long I made it extra long and I'm posting another chapter in a few more hours after I've written it.
I'm also doing that because I really really really really want to write the next chapter, it's going to be so amazing!3
I feel so evil because of the ending of this chapter, but not evil either because I'm posting the rest in a few hours, ssssoooooo...yep.
ANNNNYYYWWAAAAYYYYYYSSSSSS please read, follow, favourite, tell people about, most importantly review( just kidding! ) and enjoy my Fic'!
For some reason tears started pouring out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them. That hadn't been the reaction I was expecting.
But what was?
Rage? Happiness? Despair? Shock? Disbelief? Humiliation? Denial?
I had no idea and I had no idea why I cared so much. It wasn't like I actually had feelings for him. Now that would have been a true disaster.
"What…?" I heard him mutter again, with a soft sniffle I wiped the tears from my cheeks with my hand and somehow managed to stop more from spilling out of my eyes. Why was I even crying?
"Can you say anything but what?" I said softly the sarcasm was there but it didn't seem to reach my voice, I glanced at Derek from the corner of my eye and was worried when I saw how pale he had gone, this was bad. He looked like he was going to pass out which was so weird for him. He was supposed to be the big bad alpha, wasn't he?
It was like I had fallen down the rabbit hole and into wonderland.
Nothing made sense anymore. Firstly, Derek was my anchor. Secondly, I'd given in and told him and thirdly the Alpha was speechless. Nothing was right and I couldn't understand why this was happening.
I couldn't understand why I'd been bitten. Why I become a werewolf, why he was my anchor, why I'd run away, why my 'father' was the way he was, why the way I was.
"I wish I'd never come into these damn woods" I muttered darkly, glaring at the innocent leaves at my feet. That was where it had all started, here in these very woods, where I had bitten.
"What?" Derek mumbled again, I sighed and rolled my eyes, frustrated,
"Seriously, is that the only word you can say?!" I exclaimed, anger over riding the confusion.
With a harsh glare at me Derek said, "No. What did you just say?"
"Seriously, is that the only word you can say?"
"No, before that."
"I wish I'd never come into these damn woods?" I repeated, annoyed I had to repeat myself and confused as to why I was.
"Why?"
"Because this is where it all started."
"Where what started?"
"Everything" I muttered once more glaring at those poor leaves at my feet,
"What's everything?" Derek asked. I'd been glad that he had finally stopped saying 'what?' but wished that he would return to saying it so that he would stop asking all these questions.
"Becoming a werewolf, meeting you and the pack, running away from home…" If that place could even be called a home, "You becoming my anchor somehow, feeling the way I do now, everything" I finished lamely, my hands gesturing helplessly as I tried to sum up what 'everything' actually meant.
"What do you mean feeling the way you do now?" I sighed and rolled my eyes, silently debating whether or not I would or even should answer that question,
"It's hard to explain" I muttered, hoping I would be able to get out of trying to explain it but the look Derek gave me told me in an instant that there would be no such thing happening.
"Imagine a tub of ice cream" I started seriously wondering where I was going with this,
"Then imagine someone taking a whole scoop out, leaving the tub almost completely hollow. That's how I feel like someone's scooped all of me out of myself…"
"Hollow" I shrugged. It was true, that was how I felt. Like a corpse that had nothing inside but was somehow still moving, thinking and talking.
"It's like everything's gone dull, like there's no more life left in anything" I whispered thinking of the perfect description of exactly how I felt,
"That doesn't seem so hard to explain" I just glared at the leaves some more, how or why he had said that I had no idea. It wasn't like he had ever had to explain something like that. So he shouldn't just go around making assumptions like that, I was about to tell (Well…probably shout to be honest) that to him, but he kept talking so I closed my mouth and waited for him to finish,
"Besides you have no reason to feel like that, I mean you have the pack who even though they don't know you that well, will still be there for you" Who knew the big bad alpha could be so sentimental?
"That includes me"
I raised an eyebrow at the leaves, giving them a break from my glaring, when Derek said that, it wasn't like he'd ever been there for me before.
Ok, so that was a complete lie. He had been three times now. But I was pissed off and confused and felt like shit, so I was just going to stick to that he hadn't, it made me feel better now, but knew it wouldn't later.
"Is that so?" I growled,
"I don't seem to remember you ever having 'been there for me' before and you certainly never showed me any trust or respect or anything close to making me believe that you would really be there for me" Another lie.
I didn't look at him as I said it, but I could feel his cold glare pinned on me making me want to shut up, but I didn't seem to be able to. I kept babbling and babbling, hardly knowing what I was saying.
With an exaggerated sigh I heard Derek stand and walk away. So much for a comforting talk.
I looked around at the sunlit forest and suddenly felt so alone. Wrapping my arms around myself I slumped onto the forest floor and brought my legs up to my chest and curled my arms around them, hugging myself tight as if that would somehow make the emptiness go away, but it didn't.
This was my own entire stupid fault and I knew it.
I also knew that I wouldn't be able to fix it. Tears once more broke through and I cried stupid tears of pity for myself as the realisation of all that I had done caught up to me. Why was I so damn stupid and how the hell could I ever possibly fix it?
The answer came to me easily. It was so simple.
I couldn't.
I stayed like that for hours, ignoring the occasional grumble of my stomach, parched mouth and wet, itchy face. It was all nothing compared to the emptiness. The emptiness that was all my fault. My damn pride just had to go and blame someone else for everything that I had done. And this was what I got in return. I suppose that I deserved it after all, but it had to be this didn't it?
I didn't move as my ringtone blared from inside my jacket pocket, Simple Plan sung out Welcome to my Life but stopped abruptly as they reached the chorus. I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, no matter how lonely I was. I just couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself could I? When Simple Plan sung out from my pocket again I huffed and pulled it out, immediately pressing 'Ignore' when I saw the caller ID. I especially didn't want to talk to him right now.
The sun began to set with Simple Plan singing from beside me only eight more times. Sometimes it was different people, but I just didn't answer. What the hell was wrong with me? Everything.
I knew that I had to leave the forest some time and I really didn't fancy sleeping here when it got so cold at night. Already my arms were covered in goose bumps and my lips were beginning to turn blue, my teeth occasionally chattering. I stood, groaning as I put weight back on my stiff leg muscles, with reluctance I picked up my phone to and then headed back out of the forest.
Back on the streets I didn't know where I was going to sleep but kept walking, wanting to get out of the cold wind that was making my eyes water and skin turn to ice.
Stupid me had forgotten to bring her jacket and was left wearing a light, stretchy black tank top.
I hurried down the street as it began to pour down, the wind turning the rain drops into harsh pricks against my skin.
Simple Plan rang out once more and with a frustrated huff I pressed 'Ignore' again and shoved it back into my pocket, but for all my luck it missed my pocket and fell onto the ground.
Muttering a curse I picked it up and glared at the small crack that had appeared across the screen from the concrete path. Standing up I kept walking, running my thumb over the crack, shoving it into my pocket I ended up running into someone and dropping my phone again.
"Watch where you're freaking going!" I hissed at the person before bending to pick up my phone again, praying that it would actually work when I needed it again, but I didn't actually make it to my phone as the person pulled me upright again and I ended up pressed against them, their arms pinning them to me in a hug.
I was to speechless to say anything, but something clicked in my brain as I was finally released and looking into their eyes, my mouth hung open slightly as I saw who it was, but I couldn't quite believe it.
I didn't understand why he was here,
Why he had come looking for me.
It was…