Credit to: Naruto "Dear Fanfiction Author" writers (for humor)
Bleach "Dear Fanfiction Author" writers (for anger)
Fairy Tail "Dear Fanfiction Author" writers (for annoyance and sarcasm)
To whomever that enjoys writing absurdity,
I am writing to you, to address a severely disturbing issue that has troubled me for the past few days. It was until recently I discovered a whole network of blasphemous lies of sex and love written about me. The most disturbing would be concerning me and that shitty soldier, Yeager. Unfortunately, your underdeveloped minds could not wrap around the fact that kicking the entrails out of him in front of all his acquaintances was not in any way romantic. More or less, you turned this into an erotic moment between us and based much of your twisted imagination upon it. After reading two of these repulsive and shameless stories you wasted your time upon, I could not be more appalled. Congratulations, it's an accomplishment you can post on your profile proudly.
Furthermore, even if you will not give up on these nauseating fantasies; consider the fact that I would never be as dirty as to have anyone roll around on me in my office. Spare me some respect for that matter. If it had not occurred to you, I am not interested in romance.
Especially not with the same gender.
Regarding the topic of your vile OC characters, which you make to be anything but your measly selves, I sincerely hope that you see a counselor to sort out your low self-esteems. Also, much of which you're OCs are described as beautiful. How shallow do you fools think I can sink?
I wish I could avert my thoughts somewhere else, but now it seems I must continue to explain to you softheads; why is it that you think I love Mikasa? Rescuing her from being squashed against a tree with her brain matter painted on the trunk does not mean I have any means of pursuing a romantic relationship with her. However, as bizarre as your twisted theory may be, I cannot find any explanation for why you would shove me alongside Erwin. I cannot describe the utter disgust crawling up my throat when I first encountered a macabre story as such of me and him. Sickening is your courage to discredit the two of us together.
Of course there were more of this ludicrousness in this network society, but I will not waste my breath pointing them out. If you have nothing good to say, you may shut your shitholes, and do believe me, your ass isn't the only thing that has one.
Likewise, if you amateurs cannot write, do not try to.
Now excuse me, I will proceed to wash up since this report is contaminated with too much sickness on your behalf.
Lance Corporal Levi
Edit: I found him really hard to write…so sorry. And I had to make him a little crass and mean, so excuse me if you were insulted by this.
A/N: Trust me, I do not ship MikasaXLevi! Happy Chinese New Year! I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THOSE WHO WRITE OC FANFICTIONS OR ERWINXLEVI OR ERENXLEVI OR LEVIXMIKASA OR LEVI ANYTHING. THIS IS PURELY NONSENSICAL FUN...that probably isn't all that funny.
Now tell me, whose next?