WOOT MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP~

Yes, I am not dead. YET. I've just gone to Vegas! There were drunk people, homeless people and crazy drug addicts following us around! It was so fun. It actually was. Really. Visit my Instagram for more pictures. But you'll have to PM me first for the address...and yes, you'll be able to see my selfies~ (SHIELD YER EYES!)

Lovely Peoples! I proudly present fresh mail from Hanji Zoe!

Hello!

Alright! I think I'll finally reply to you guys, after all, if you people were the reason behind Captain Levi's horror and disgust, you are worth surveying! Congratulations by the way, because of your kind works, he has yet to hurl any insults in my face at all this week! Instead, he's been sick in bed! That's rather rare for him since he's always been a stuck-up little narcissist ever since he joined the Corps, never once bedridden. On the topic of Captain Levi, I will begin with this! I. Do. Not. Like. Him. Get it? Do you see the words; the letters; my opinion? Alright onto my next point! I am a female. Now don't you go listening to those nasty rumors about me; I bet some soldiers spread that about me because I can kill more titans than they can. Worry-warts most of them, afraid of the slightest twitch of a titan! So really, it's quite true that I am more manly than them, but that doesn't make me a man!

Funny how they don't spread that about Mikasa-san, even though she's stronger than me by half a mile! Strange isn't it, huh? And yes, I might be slightly on the less-robust side when it comes to chest size, but hey, Petra-san isn't all that curvaceous either and no one comes up with the wild notions you spread about me! Don't let it get in your brain cells that I have a male genitalia, as that would be much unappreciated. Yes, fellow writers, I have seen such stories! One out of every ten stories about me has it so!

It's strange, I'll admit, but it's also very refreshing to see me portrayed in the opposite gender, quite entertaining! But I'd much rather be female...there has to be a border between fiction and insanity, right? We must not let the ratios of these stories climb any higher now, can we?

If you don't agree, sadly, I might have to send you off to the interrogation rooms and have you straightened out...and that's the last thing I need to do...but I'd do it for humanity's sake since we really don't need disruption in the soldiers concerning my gender. Don't worry, I'll be checking out the statistics every Tuesday!

Am I eccentric? I think not! Do you people not find Titans positively fascinating and beautiful? If not, I am offended! We, as humans, must take on the role of studying and gaining deeper knowledge of them! That is what will make us victorious. And how can we acquire knowledge from these exotic creatures if we do not even find them compelling to look at? Titans are really amazing! The anatomy, sheer regeneration capabilities, the expressions and the each and every unique, astounding trait! Amazing! It's amazing!

Do you want to know what I find even more superb than a Titan? Eren Jaeger! Yes! He is a Titan capable of numerous intellectual feats! He is a beautiful piece of work! A mystery yet to be solved by me! I get hungry just thinking about him! If it wasn't for Mikasa-san always urging him to rest and to eat (such a mother!), I would eagerly study him for twenty-four hours straight! Doesn't anyone understand the importance of this matter? He's a new breed! Who cares if he doesn't get enough sleep! Why won't anyone listen to me? Thank goodness you people are still reading this letter, feel free to drop in on me sometime too! It's rather lonely in my workplace, no visitors at all! Can you believe it? I wonder why...there are so many interesting things to see...

But now, I don't think that's the reason I'm writing to you all…is it? I don't know! I hope I cleared up a few things! And whatever people say about me, that I'm "crazy" or "loony", don't listen to them! Because I am not! I'm simply curious about the nature of things and I like to question. I am a dutiful scientist who is more passionate than others (I strictly believe that all scientists should be zealous of their work)! I am not a total nut who is in love with Captain Levi and happens to be male! That's ridiculous!

Thank you, fellow audience, now please excuse me for this short letter, I really have to get back to studying Boyde; he's the new Titan Commander Erwin brought back for me! It's unbelievable!

Regards,

Hanji Zoe

P.S: My unit is currently searching for volunteers to participate in an experiment involving a serum. We believe that this serum will aid regeneration. If interested, please report to either me or Captain Levi (although interruption on his daily routine is HIGHLY not recommended and we are not responsible for the consequences that will follow). Subjects may suffer slight side effects of vomiting, nausea or in unlikely cases, death. The Survey Corps is not obliged under law to compensate for any of these reactions. Volunteers, however, will be rewarded.

Isayama: Actually, Hanji-san, I created you to be male...

Hanji: What?! But my voice-

Isayama: The SNK Anime Team messed up...they got you the wrong voice actor. They had Romi-san do a female voice instead of a male-ish voice, like Toshiro Hitsugaya's, from the anime Bleach.

Hanji: RIGHT! Bleach! They've got nice Titans!

Isayama: I believe they are called "Hollows"

Hanji: That even SOUNDS sexy!

Me：Lol you guis are not funny.

Levi:"..."

Levi: Dipshits.

Wow. She was a toughie. I tried to tackle her strange personality. I might edit this one later.

Now please resume your beauty, and tell me this,

Who is next to reply to your fanfictions?