I hear the engine first. Then I see the car screeching on the pathway's pebbles, surrounded by a white powdery cloud. It reaches the road, driving across my heart, leaving it to bleed. It's their car, the trunk filled with suitcases, fleeing from us, from me and the weight of my problems. She got to him.
Dad looks at me and I hate how he looks. He's angry but he's also unkind, triumphant. I don't have anyone left. I can't even cry anymore, I can't run. The sea isn't calling anymore. He's healed me and then he left, without a good-bye. My legs go weak and I have to sit down.
"What did you expect, Will? He's a guy, and they are all like that. You should know. I'm grateful he caught you, but you must listen to what I say. I know how people fail and hurt others." I forget to answer. I can't move, it's too exhausting. I had this great joy inside and now I'm swept away by a tide so violent my head has been emptied.
There's a voice coming from the door. It sounds hurt and wearied "I'm sorry you think that way, Mr Horton. I hope in time, you will change your opinion of me. I would never leave without a good-bye."
I am strong, I can go on. She has to stop and I know I won't back down, even when I hear her say they're leaving, even when she grabs dad's wrist and he bites his lips.
He comes back after a few minutes "I'm sorry, Sonny, but I think we ought to leave. I don't think you want her to attack Will directly and I'll have more chances of calming her down. I wish I could say good-bye to everyone, especially your new boyfriend. But I hope, in time, he'll be invited to dinner, who knows?" His eyes are soft and stressed at the same time.
After the hug, I go sit on my bed. Will doesn't need to see me angry. He deserves more. I have to fight for the both of us to preserve him and his delicate heart, that is as beautiful and fragile as a flower garden. So I wait.
I reach the front door and I see them, Lucas standing and looking down at Will whose knees are trembling and who sits on the bench. His hair is shining in the winter sun, his head hung low, his body coiling in itself. My chest is about to tear open but I hear Lucas and I understand, they think I left too. Will is hurt because of me and it's stupid and untrue but although I'm innocent, I still feel awful that I can do that to him. I've become his only constant, I can't fail him.
He turns when he hears me talk. His eyes are still morsels of the sea but they're clouded. He's pressed against the wood, fearful, looking guilty. So I repeat it. I will as any times as needed "I wouldn't leave without a warning. I don't intend to leave at all, anyway, not without Will."
Why did I doubt? Where is this little voice coming from, agreeing with Dad? Maybe because I've been rejected, unwanted, betrayed already, so I know those who say they love me can change their minds. My parents have come back but they're still against me, against us. I feel his gaze on me, a laser reading my thoughts, clearing the myths that are clogging my conscience until all that's left is him.
Dad goes in, grumbling under his breath. I can't bear it, this place, this people. Here I am loved, but I'm also under attack. I need air.
"Sonny, would you...?" "Yes, Will?" I can feel his affection, but he also sounds down. I'm not the only one fighting. "Would you like to go dine out? They are great seafood restaurants. Marlena took me to most of them." He sighs and his smile is there, brighter than the starlight, lying heart-shaped shells on the bare beaches of my mind.
"Grandma, we're going out. Do you have a recommendation for a crab place? Unless you're allergic, Sonny?" I shake my head. He looks lighter. And determined for the first time. His hand is in mine, precious, demanding. I follow in silence. Marlena smiles at me, then at Will "Of course. I'll give you the address. This should cover it." Will takes a step back when she hands him the bills. I raise my hands "Thank you Marlena, but I'm paying." "No you're not, Sonny. I invited you." He sounds almost harsh. Marlena frowns and walks to him "Will, you might be a grown-up, but you're still my grandson and I want to spoil you. Take it as an extra Christmas present."
He caves and we walk to the car. He sits and starts counting. His eyes are shining and he looks up. His voice is different, less intense, with a lingering humor "So, Sonny, you feel like trying lobster?"