As we walk back to the car, it starts raining, big fat drops helping me cool down a little. The water plays its piano on the top of the car, until the whole orchestra joins it, storm and thunder to mark the beat. Will's hand leaves my thigh and he looks lost in a soft dream as he drives "Syd's afraid of thunder. I never was. I've always liked seeing the weather be tormented and moody." He chuckles and adds softly "...like I can be I guess. I hated the rain that day on the beach..." His voice falters and I don't press it. But when he parks, I look into his eyes and I can see the lust and the uncertainty.
In my head, his words are racing back and forth. He loves me. That means he wants the long run, isn't it? What if it doesn't work, what if we break? Will I feel like I did the other day, will I try again? I should protect myself, maybe but Sonny deserves a try. He's seen me broken and angry, he's listened to my pain and he still wants. What if he were the one to break one day ? It's hard to imagine but I know he's not perfect, he can't be. And it's okay.
Our last kiss was greedy, this one is slow and needy. If I could take his clothes now, I would. But my bed is more comfortable and more private than my grandma's car. So I pull him there, as quick as we can without slipping on the wet stones that lead to the door.
He's my orchid, slowly opening its petals without shame, and like last time I'm amazed that such beauty exits at all. I want to be gentle, brush his skin with reverence, worship him. But my hands can't help be a little rough, press the muscles in his arm as he's undressing me. My heart overflows with love and gratitude. For him offering himself, for life getting me to meet him. I'm given a gift without expecting it, one that I'll keep forever... as he'll have me.
We didn't go too far yesterday and now I wonder which path to go. Pleasure him or melt with him as I so desperately feel drawn to ? I kiss him while I struggle with the thought and suddenly he rolls me over and lays his chest on mine until I can barely breathe. Partly because of the weight, partly because of how turned on I am. He invades my mouth and caress me, stroking and making me moan then he stops and begs "Help me come inside..." "Inside where?" "You..."
And he does and it's perfect. He has to be led and explained things and he makes mistakes and has to try again many times and we laugh and I have to reassure him a lot. It's still perfect and I tell him. He laughs in the pillow, embarrassed and happy. This moment is when we are free. From our disappointing mothers, from his torments and my hurt at seeing him sad. It's an equinox, a perfect balance between light and darkness, a memory to hold onto for later when the storm comes back.
It's barely morning. There's an arm around my waist, holding me tight. I grab his hand and turn to face him. He looks unbelievably young as if he'd been granted immortality. His mouth is half-open and I smile at the sight. He still is pale but now he doesn't look so frail. His skin is like ivory, now, over relaxed muscles. I kiss his forehead and listen to my stomach grumbling with its usual punctuality. I could wake him up but I just can't. He's too peaceful.
I struggle to open my eyelids. Is this the radio I hear ? There are voices speaking quietly, with a total absence of anger or drama. I feel like I'm floating, even though Sonny is no longer in the bed. Next time I'll ask him to wake me up when he does, so we can cuddle a little. I'll have to go back to college soon and I don't know when we'll be able to be together again, in the shelter of a bed.
I hear a clang and EJ's voice as he passes my door. He must have made up with mom. She confided to me once that when she fell for him, the wealthy important EJ, who employs a full staff at home, actually prepared breakfast on his own and brought it to her in bed. Maybe it will put her in a good mood and I can talk to her again, have her listen and understand better.
I stretch and toss in the sheets, telling my body to get up and join Sonny in the kitchen. If I do I can kiss him in the neck and make him laugh. I manage to sit up and am about to get out of bed when my door open.
"Thank you Sonny, for staying for Will. I appreciate it a lot. Will is not my biological son but he feels like one. Now that Sami has become reasonable and Lucas is there too, I'm sure he'll start healing." "I hope so EJ. I'll be as gentle as I can with him, I can promise you that." " Good. I have a question though. Do you intend to live in Salem soon? Last time I talked with Justin about you, he said you were traveling endlessly around the world. I find that a fabulous idea at your age but if you leave again, I don't know how he will take it."
I finish pouring the coffee in the four mugs and place them on the two breakfast trays. EJ has asked me to be quiet about the fact he can't prepare any kind of meal but still wants to surprise his wife so I've helped.
The words are out before I've gathered them all in my mind "I could enroll in Salem U for the semester. I'll be near him but also, I've missed my parents and after what happened, I need to mend my relationship with my mother." He nods "Well, if you need anything, just tell us and of course you are very welcome in my home." I smile. This attitude is the reason I baked the breakfast for him and Sami. He leaves as I finish laying the food on the other tray.
There's a rainbow outside, that I want to show Will's siblings when they wake up. I wonder if Will knows it's our emblem. I'll ask him after, we have important things to discuss. I push the door open with my elbow and see him, still half-asleep on the bed. His eyes sparkle and he grins. And I'm lost, forever.