[WARNING] This chapter includes topics such as orphanages, adoption, depression, suicidal thoughts, and death. Please don't read if you are sensitive to these topics. This is going to be a sad chapter.
Today I turn eight!
I'm so excited. I don't think anyone here at the orphanage remembers, but I do. They might remember later. I hope I get presents. I'm really happy that i'm eight. That means that i'm a year older than I used to be!
I get to go to a different family, too. The other kids here said that the family i'm gonna go to is really rich, and they have really cool stuff there. Someone even said that they have a color TV!
Right now i'm packing into my little bag. I don't really have that much, but I do have Mr. Fluffy, my yellow bunny. He used to be a pretty yellow, but now that he got all dirty, so he looks a little more like the color of my eyes.
I think my eyes look cool, but I get teased a lot. I know they're just jealous, 'cause they aren't as cool as me. I get teased for my sort of white hair, but they're probably just jealous about that, too.
I just finished packing, so i'm going to go to the front doors, to wait for my new family. My new family for right now, at least. Nobody stopped me, because everyone knows that if you have a little bag then you're going to go to a home. While I was walking there, some people waved to me and smiled, so I did the same, It's good to be nice to people, especially if they're nice, too.
Finally, I sat down by the front door and waved at Doris. She's the checkout person, and she helps us get to the right families that we're supposed to go to. She's really nice.
I can barely sit still as i'm waiting for my family. I don't know what they look like, or what I should call them yet. Nobody told me. I hope they're really nice. I keep wiggling my feet back and forth, 'cause I can barely contain myself. I hear the adults say that a lot about me. I also hear words I don't understand, like 'too excitible'. I think that comes from excited, which is a good thing. That means that I get to be happy all the time, right?
I'm trying to teach myself to be smarter. Then when I grow up I can get a good job and make a lot of money and maybe meet a nice person and have kids. I won't ever ever ever let them go to an orphanage, 'cause then they would wonder why I didn't love them. I'll make sure that I take my kids really fun places, and spend a lot of money on them, because I'll be rich. Just like the family that i'm going to. I just can't wait for them to show up!
Finally, after eight billion years, I hear the little bell above the door ring.. Two people in really nice clothes come through the door. They look a little bit silly because of how pricey their clothes look and how poor this place looks. I have to try really hard to hold in my laugh, but I keep it in.
They people walk up to Doris, and start saying stuff that I can't hear. Doris looks over their shoulders and points at me. I've done this at least ten times before, so i'm pretty sure that means the they're my family! My family turns around and looks at me. I smile and wave at them.
I wonder if they have kids. I hope so! Then I can make friends. I wonder how big their house is. I wonder what their car looks like. Everything feels all fluttery inside and i'm getting really excited. They start to walk over to me.
"Hello, Gladys." The woman says. "My name is Mrs. Hudson. And this is Mr. Hudson." Mr. and Mrs. Hudson. Now I can finally call them something! I have to make sure to remember their names really well.
I look up and smile at them even bigger than before. "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Hudson! I'm really excited to come with you guys. You guys look super fun!" They both laugh.
They grab both of my hands, and help me up. I have to put my arm in the bag loops, because I can't hold it any other way. Which is okay, because I like holding hands. So far, I don't think any of the other families have been this nice to me. They usually just look at me and tell me to follow them. Maybe they tease my eyes and my hair inside their heads. I think about that a lot, and that's the thing that makes the most sense to me.
When we finally get to the car, they put me in the back seat and started to drive. The car looks really fancy. The seats are soft and red, and I think it looks really pretty in here. Red is my almost favorite color, because yellow is my favorite. Which is sorta funny, because my eyes. I think about my eyes a lot, too.
The ride on the way to their house was really quiet. That made me sort of nervous, because usually the families I don't like don't talk to me. Sometimes I see them glare at me in the mirror-thing, which means they don't like me. Why would they take me in if they didn't like me? That sounds really stupid to me.
Maybe they're just nervous. Maybe they never did this before? I really hope so. After a while I hear one of them clear their throat.
"So, Gladys. How old are you?" Said Mrs. Hudson. I got really excited. I was hoping they'd ask that! I don't like to bring up stuff like that unless i'm asked, because that usually makes the adults angry. But now they were asking me!
"I am eight years old, starting today!" It took a few seconds before one of them knew what that meant, but finally Mrs. Hudson spoke again.
"So… Today is your..?" She trailed off. I wonder why she did that.
"Yup! Today is my birthday!" I said.
"Did you get any presents?" I got really quiet for a second.
"Um… no. Not really. We don't celebrate birthdays there." They both looked really sad, so I wanted to cheer them up a little bit and not make them feel bad. "It's okay!" I said quickly, "The other families never gave me anything, so i'm used to it. I'm not really that upset." After I said that, they looked even more sad! Maybe that was the wrong thing to say.
"Do you want to get ice cream then?" Oh my gosh! Ice cream? That sounds so good! I don't want to sound rude though. Maybe then they wouldn't like me. That wouldn't be good. So I made sure I sounded really polite.
"If it isn't any problem, then yeah!" I can't wait! I haven't had ice cream in a long time. I almost forget what it tastes like.
We pull into what I think is their driveway, and they get out of the car, so I follow.
"The ice cream place is just down the street from here, so we're just going to walk. Is that okay, Gladys?" Mr. Hudson asks. I nod my head really fast. They both take hold of my hands, and we start to walk down the street, towards what is probably the ice cream shop.
"You guys are really nice. I like you already!"
Everything hurts. I don't think i've ever felt this much pain before. I should've died too. But now i'm all alone again, just like I used to be, and it hurts so much.
When I used to hear the phrase 'my heart shattered', I thought that it was impossible. How could anyone's heart break? And how could they feel something that wasn't happening? But now I know what they mean, and now I wish that I had never found out.
They were going to get me a present. A stupid present. They said turning 14 was something special, and they were going to try to find the 'perfect gift' for me. But then the car just had to come into the picture, and hurt them. Both mom and dad. And now they're gone, because some selfish moron just had to not look. He couldn't even look over once, because that was too much for him.
Nothing is worse than 'Happy birthday, you're parents are dead and you're going back to the orphanage you spent most of your life in.' I don't want to be here. I want my parents. They adopted me, even though everyone else had thought I was a 'freak' or a 'defect'. They loved my hair and my eyes just as much as I did. So they took me and and cared for me, more than anyone else ever did.
I still have to go to the stupid school they signed me up for. I have one friend there. Having white hair and yellow-y eyes don't really help you fit in. Which i'm fine with, by the way. It means that I get to see their dumb faces when they realize that i'm better than them. Especially at science. My dad was a scientist, and always let me help him. He helped me realize how fascinating science really is.
They'd both make me see the bright side of everything. Since that helped a lot, I've been trying to do that. And for the longest time that i've been trying to think of the answer to that. I can only come up with one.
This made me realize how much I hate life. Not that i'm going to kill myself or anything. Life would win. I truly do want to die on the inside, but I want more than anything to not let life win. That means losing, like mom and dad did. I hate losing.
I'm working on a science paper right now. I'm probably smarter than most the teachers in my school when it comes to science. But of course i'm in the stupid class. I can tell. If you look around, you can see people who don't care, people who don't want to be there, and people who are extremely bored. Which I think is very idiotic of them, because science is very important to understanding life. But these kids just want to skip class because they can't take a few hours out of their life to just listen for once. But they're not in an orphanage, where there's nothing else to do. I've just learned to never take anything for granted, but obviously nobody there knows how to take a look at how lucky they are. And they use their ignorance to try to get to me.
Why do so many people have to be so stupid? They can't do anything. They don't contribute to society. Most of them don't even know what they want to do when they're older! And for those who do, they have a pretty bad choice.
Most of the girls want to be either a teacher or a housewife. That sounds ridiculous. Why would you want to be in an environment with screaming children all day? And most of the boys want to do something 'cool', like building cars. I swear, if anyone mentions cars around me, I will have my hand on their neck so fast that-
I need to stop that. I keep getting more and more violent thoughts, and I don't like where that is leading. I don't want to have my hands covered in blood. Mom and Dad wouldn't want that. Although some days it seems that it would be very satisfying to kill everyone who I see as a pest. But I heard somewhere that genocide is wrong, so I don't think that's an option.
I just laughed. I laughed at my own joke. Firstly, I must seem like a maniac, because I'm in my room with 3 other girls.
Who are now all staring at me.
Secondly, I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've smiled since the accident. Which I think would be a pretty good indicator that I need people to talk to. But for that to happen, I need someone who's going to try to understand what I talk about. Or at least pretend to listen, or care at all. I used to try to talk to people, and they'd just look at me really weird, or be obviously trying not to laugh at me. So I usually just stop in the middle of my sentence, get up, and leave. I don't look sad, I don't look angry, just calm. And that genuinely scares them, which produces faces of shock on them, which I find hilarious.
My hobbies include depression, having no friends, and laughing at people's pain.
The girls still haven't stopped staring. What are they looking at? All three of them are new here, so maybe they think that I look weird. Or they think that I'm new. Great. I give them my most terrifying glare, and growl "What?" They jump a little bit, and look away immediately. I admit, that was pretty funny. What a group of incompetents.
I see out of the corner of my eye one of them getting up. Then I notice she's walking towards me. What could she possibly want? I look up from my homework, and give her an intimidating stare. She looks surprised for a second, but continues walking towards me. I guess I have to deal with yet another pest.
"Hi, um, we noticed that you were new here, and we wanted to help you get to know the place a little bit." I laugh bitterly, and stand up.
"I'm not new here. I've just been… On a break. For six years. I don't need anyone's help."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you… Want to be friends, then?" She asks. Oh no. I feel words start to form, and they aren't kind. I haven't talked to anyone much since the accident, and now i'm going to express my anger out loud. And I don't have any control over what i'm going to say.
"No." I seethe. "I don't need friends. I can be all by myself. Besides, why would I want anyone as incompetent as you to be a part of what I consider a friend? You three don't seem to be very bright, if kindly put. I don't want to associate myself with anyone like that. You will never live up to the emptiness and cold blackness that my dead parents left me with, and I do not want you to. So if you could leave me alone, that would be great."
"Why are you crying?" I didn't realize that I was crying. Not until she pointed it out at least. The last thing I need is for them to be spreading rumors saying I was a crybaby. A lot of people cry here, though, and i'm more aware of it than I used to be. I don't know what to say to her.
"I don't… Leave me alone." The thought that anyone could portray me as weak is frightening, and I don't like it. At the moment, that small, stupid sentence is all I could think of to get her to leave. I sit down, and continue to do my homework. If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.
I must look like a fool. I'm so angry at myself for looking so stupid. I don't have much time to dwell on the thought before I feel weight on my shoulder. Which I assume is probably a hand.
I look up to see the girl's face. I don't even try to glare at her. With silent tears streaked across my face, it probably wouldn't have much of an effect. She sits down next to me, and nudges me gently.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I say. She frowns.
"I'm not going to go and tell anyone. You can just tell me and we can be friends. I want to be friends." She says, smiling. I finally give in, and I feel a ghost of a smile come to my face. My stupid face betrayed me. I don't really want to tell her. Not at all. But my parents would usually say to 'talk it out' with someone if I was upset. And the mood i'm in right now would probably be considered 'upset'.
"I was adopted. Then my parents died. Not very fun. They were going to get me a stupid present." I feel the tears start to form behind my eyes, and I force them to stay in my sockets. I can't think straight, and I hate it. I love to sound smart, but now i'm finding myself using 'stupid' more than anything. Even my own brain is betraying me. Thanks for that, by the way.
"Well if it helps, we don't really have parents either." She said, gesturing towards the other two. I laugh at that. I can't believe I forgot that. Nobody here has parents. And I forgot. I forgot that the place I went to because I don't have parents is the place everyone goes to when they don't have parents. I feel like an imbecile.
"Thanks, that actually helped the deepening black hole that is my heart. Thanks for that." Instead of being offended, she just laughs.
"What's your name?"
"Are we on a name basis now? I'm not sure I can trust you."
"I'm Fanny. Pretty dumb name, if you ask me. I just like 'Effie'. Sounds a whole lot better than 'Fanny'. God, why did they have to choose that? And then abandon me? Thanks, mom and dad. Love you too." She says sarcastically. I guess if she's going to be that open with me.
"Alright, i'm Gladys."
"Okay, well their names are Jess and Sue. They also hate their names. Not as bad as 'Fanny', though." I smile. Maybe I will have a friend that won't just be friends with me because they feel bad. Because she's in the same position. And I think i'll come to enjoy that.
AUTHORS NOTE
First of all, you can all put your pitchforks away, i'm finally back after a month. Sorry for that. I'm going to be completely honest, and say that I truly was slacking a bit. I'm not even going to lie about that. I also had a major creative block, so if the chapter ending was boring, i'm sorry for that, too.
So for 8 year old Gladys, she's extremely happy and excited for life. She hasn't really had much of a reason to hate life, because she understands and accepts her situation. And she's still very innocent. She doesn't really realize most of the bad things about her life, because she turns them into good things without even knowing it. She's been through quite a few different foster families before the Hudsons (Yes, I got their names from Sherlock. That's just how creative I am), and none of them have treated her well. That's why shes pleasantly surprised when she sees how kind they are to her.
As for 14 year old Gladys, she's pretty depressed. Imagine if you spent 8 years of your life in an orphanage, got adopted for exactly 6 years, then your adoptive parents died, so you had to go back to the orphanage. That would probably be pretty sad. Those six years got her into science, and trying to be extremely intelligent. Basically, she uses sarcasm because murder is illegal, so she gets satisfaction out of that. At first, she tries to push the other girls away because she's afraid of them hurting her. She hates showing weakness, and doesn't want any chance to show anyone that, so she pushes them all away.
Anyways, I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter! A review would be very appreciated, if you can. And again, sorry for the wait! I know that whenever a fic delays like mine did I get really annoyed. Sorry.