After everyone disappeared from sight for their little mob encounter.
Kilik and Asuka began scolding Siegfried and Jin, while they responded with puppy dog eyes.
"Just what the hell were you doing running around naked, Siegfried?!"
"My… armor didn't come with me?" the massive German whimpered. Kilik gave him a good slap and shook him by his shoulders, "Why can't you wear pants when you read comics? Why do you need to sit on the toilet to read them?"
Asuka tried to scold Jin, but kept getting side tracked by the cock-a-doodle-doo that hung from the German. Jin then stared at what Asuka was staring at suddenly spouting "When did he tie that rooster there?"
Asuka jumped and blushed, "Jin! You idiot! Why were you running around naked and picking fights with gangly cripples with fleshy moustaches?!"
"I don't know. He made me do it!" Jin pointed to his shoulder.
"There's no one there, Jin…"
"Yeah-huh!"
"Yarrrrr. She be blind to me pirate nakedness, gyarrrr," the small shoulder pirate stated.
"That does it, Jin! No more staying up and watching Kids Next Door with Xiaoyu!"
Meanwhile off to the side.
"So tell me about yourself, Xiaoyu!" the perky Chinese woman bounced.
"Well, let's see… I'm from China and my grandpa taught me martial arts when I was little!" She began talking in a cute baby voice while performing various forms while talking. "And this one time, I got sodomized by Jin!"
"Really?!" Xianghua stared at her baffled. "He's so hot! Did you seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!"
"No…" she pouted, "I'm a virgin!" She then burst into tears.
"Awww, honey. It's okay." Xianghua patted her head; "I'm sure by the end of this ridiculous fan fiction you'll get yourself some whoopy!"
Xiaoyu paused for a moment and stared at her counterpart, "What did you just say?"
"Um… nothing… uh…"
"You said 'whoopy' didn't you?" Xiaoyu began to giggle.
"No no! I said… err… sex! Yeah!"
Xiaoyu grinned at her and poked her side "How old are you again?"
Xianghua pouted and then they both started to laugh like gitty little schoolgirls. They grasped each other's hands, their giggling starting to still as they leaned in for a kiss… which was abruptly interrupted by a naked German running away from a very angry man smacking him over the head with a metal rod. "YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!"
Apparently Kilik had accidentally touched Siegfried's man hood and decided it was all Siegfried's fault. They had tumbled behind a bush where they couldn't be seen.
"Owwww! Kilik! Stop beating me with your rod! It's so big and hard! I can't take it!"
"You're going to take it and you're going to like it, you little bitch!"
Groans could be heard behind the bush as a mass of rabid fan girls surrounded said bush shouting little tid-bits of Japanese such as sugoi, kawaii, and shounen-ai. That's when Kilik leapt out of the bush. "We're not gay!" He began mumbling to himself. "I knew this was going to happen…."
Siegfried stood up rubbing his back… side. "Jeeze, Kilik, you gave me such a pounding." Again the mad giggles of fan girls could be heard as he pointed at each one of them, baffled. "Where did these come from?!"
"They're our fan base." Matt's voice suddenly boomed. "Yaoi sells!" Two massive hands popped out of the clouds with thumbs up.
Siegfried shrugged and jumped on Kilik, hugging him from behind.
"Oh, my God! Yaoi glompage! Kawaii!"
"I hate you…" Kilik mumbled to the sky.
"Hey," Asuka wandered into the clearing, "Don't you guys think we should check out that big palace back by the sign that said Naburou?"
"It said Naraku!" Xiaoyu shouted angrily, pulling away from Xianghua's lips.
"Actually, I think it said Naboo." Jin chimed in; a rooster now tied over his feathers much like the one Siegfried had.
"Pfft… like you would know. You're a moron!" Asuka muttered.
"Don't call my Jinny-winny-poo-poo-face a moron!" Xiaoyu screamed.
"Yeah! Besides, he's right. It was Naboo," Xianghua stated just before taking to Xiaoyu's lips again.
"Garfield." Siegfried chuckled.
"Garfield." Jin chuckled.
Meanwhile, somewhere near New Midgar.
"Hey… partner. This thing got any bite to it?" The man dressed in an open suit with red hair tied back in a ponytail and a pair of goggles on his head tossed a spinner up and down in his hand.
"Shinra's finest technology," replied the bald black man with the dark glasses and buttoned up suit. "If nothing else it's… flashy."
"Ohhhh. So you made it?" Reno smirked.
"Yeah, I know how you like flashy things." Rude handed him a lighter, nearly dropping a bunch of sparklers in the process. "Happy birthday, partner."
"Rude, you're the greatest! Too bad Tseng, Rufus and Elena couldn't make it. What're they doing anyway?"
"Yeah… about that. I think I'm gonna go join them."
"What?! Why!?" Reno stammered.
Rude pushed his glasses up a little, "I always thought it'd be fun to be in a gang bang with Elena."
"Huh?"
"Nothing!" Rude then dashed off dropping various fireworks at Reno's feet. He let out a sigh and flipped open his cell phone and dialed Tifa's 7th Heaven.
At Tifa's 7th Heaven.
Tifa was busy shining up some mugs, rubbing them against her massive breasts to give them an extra shine. That's when the phone rang.
"He's not heeeere." She sighed slightly. The phone continued to ring despite being told he wasn't there. "Okay okay. CLOUD isn't here." The phone kept on ringing. She gave up and went up stairs, lifting the phone to her ear.
"Hello?" She paused and let out a soft giggle. "Yeah. I remember you. What? No, Reno, I won't jump out of your birthday cake naked. What? Alright, I'll call him and see if he'll swing by."
Elsewhere.
"Cloud… I know you're impressed with yourself for figuring out how your voice mail works, but you really should answer your phone sometimes. Anyway, Reno called. He says he wants to meet with you and that he has fireworks. How are you?" He hung up and stuck the phone back in his pocket.
He climbed onto his bike and started it up, driving off to meet Reno as he could not possibly pass up fireworks. And as he rode away, unaware of his attire, a song was playing in his head.
"I am beautiful! No matter what they say.
Words can't bring me doooown. Oooh, nooo.
I am beautiful, in every single way..!"
Two little boys noticed Cloud passing by on his Fenrir. And took note of his clothes.
"That lady was pretty."
"I can feel something growing in my pants!"
"We're becoming men!"
Back to Reno's location.
He had taken to throwing rocks at other rocks while waiting for Cloud to arrive.
"Yeah, you like that… don't ya, bitch?" He mumbled to the other rock. He sighed and kicked a rock and began pacing back and forth. He then realized he was surrounded by a green light and was pacing in the air. "Holy shit! What is this!" He began batting at the light with his metal rod thing and then… he was GONE!