His words cut me as deep as they could, and those empty eyes burned through me. What could you say to the person you've pretty much destroyed from the inside out? I didn't know, but I had to do something. "My name is Xephos. I'm your boy... best friend."
"My best friend?... Who... Who am I?"
I clenched his hands in physical pain, "You're Lalna..."
"Lal...na?"
"That's right," I suddenly felt tears threatening to fall. This was so wrong. I didn't want to go through this. I needed someone to take me away. "That's your name."
He looked at me with more confusion than before. No lights being triggered. No bells being rung. Not striking a single cord inside of him. It wasn't there. Nothing was there.
I let go of his hands and slowly moved myself away from him. This person was not the one that I waited so long for. He was merely a shell of that man, and I was merely an idiot who wasted all this time. "Why?... This wasn't supposed to happen... This isn't... This is..."
"Xephos..."
All my sorrow had overwhelmed me and as I looked back at him at the sound of my name, his barren eyes studied me closer; watching me slowly break down. There was no deep meaning . He just saw I was upset, and in his nature, he wanted to reach out. "You're crying..."
Tears ran down my cheeks. I had lost all my will to keep together in the face of this tragedy. "I'm sorry...I'm so very sorry... I need to get out of here."
Standing up, and slightly tripping a bit, I turned my back to the person I had wanted to see for so long. One of the nurses was startled as I met her at the door and pushed passed to get out into the hallway. I slowed down but kept walking as I sobbed heavily. Before I knew it, I was at the end of the hall, banging my fist against the wall, cursing everything.
Between my self loathing and my gross sobbing, I didn't notice the footsteps of someone approach. "Xephos? What's the matter?"
Honeydew had come to check on me as he often did but he was surprised to see me out here "Why aren't you with Lalna?" He asked, looking down the hall where his room was before looking back at me. "And why... why are you crying?"
"Honeydew..." Just barely managing to move away from the wall, I whimpered uncontrollably. "L-Lalna has woken up..."
His eyes widened in pleasant surprise, "That's great news!"
"No..." I tried desperately to wipe away my tears, "I waited so long... I waited months and months for him to wake up, and now... now that he has... he's forgotten everything..."
His smile fell from his face and his eyes shook in sudden realization. "Oh, Notch... Xephos, I'm-"
Tears streamed down my face as I was unable to stop them, "What am I supposed to do now? How can I apologize if there's nothing left to apologize for? If he has forgotten every bad thing... if he's forgotten every good thing... What have I been waiting for?!"
It seemed eerily silent as he looked at me with pity. He hadn't seen me break down like this since the day I told him to go without me. "I don't-"
"I need..." I interrupted, pushing past him , "I need to get out of here."
As I attempted to get away, he grabbed my arm, "So you're just going to run away?"
Turning back around, I looked him in the eye, scared and startled. "Let me go..."
"I can't. I don't know what's gonna happen, but you can't just run away, Xephos. He needs you now more than ever."
"But I won't be able to pretend everything is okay."
"You won't have to. It's perfectly alright to explain to him how you feel and who you are."
"But what if he doesn't want me?!" I screamed out, ignoring that we were in a hospital, "I'm so afraid of that and I was scared of it before! I never want to hear it! If he says that, what will I do?! Tell me, Honeydew!
He looked at me and I looked at him for the longest time as I continued to pull away. Heads poked out of rooms to see what the fuss was about before he began pulling me away from their nosy ears towards the room. "Then we'll deal with it. It won't be the end of the world."
The panic was setting in a bit as he dragged me back to the place I ran away from. "But I still don't think I can push through this. Not again. Not like this."
"You can and if you think you can't, I'll be right here to help you. Don't forget that he was my friend as well. I'd like to be remembered too..."
"I... had forgotten that actually..."
Looking back, he smiled at me, "So, don't be scared. You can do this."
Standing in the doorway of his room, done with pulling away but still visibly scared, I looked at Lalna's face as the nurse circled around him. Honeydew whispered encouragement to go forward in my ear until I finally swallowed my uneasiness and moved in; catching his eye finally as the nurse left us alone. "You came back... How do you feel?"
"Well, I... I'm not crying anymore."
Finally, a smile crossed his lips, "That's great. Would you like to sit down again?"
"Of course he would," Honeydew answered for me, "He's got a lot of stuff to talk to you about and so do I."
Turning his head a bit puzzled, Lalna looked from him to me. It was strange how I didn't realize how much I was holding my breath until I finally breathed out, "Yeah. It's been a long time, Lalna. There's so much I need to tell you... So much I need you to know."