RenegadeZabuzaMomochi: Alright this is a chapter where we interview the characters for fun before we actually find a plot.
BedHeadReno: So basically, we question these guys. (Turns over to the cast.)
RenegadeZabuzaMomochi: About random stuff that may or may not ruin their life / reputation.
Tifa Lockhart: Oooh! Me! Pick me! Me, Chris! Me-me-me!
RenegadeZabuzaMomochi: Yes, we'll get to you. But first on our list is...
BedHeadReno: Siegfried Schtauffen! (Audience claps; fangirls screaming and yaoi boys howling.)
Siegfried: Back! Back, I say! (Swats male yaoi crowd away.)
Chris: So, Siegfried, how do you feel about your role in this story?
Siegfried: Iff feel greaff! (Mouth filled with banana.)
Chris: Wonderful. (Pulls banana out.)
Matt: Siegfried, we notice you have a banana addiction.
Siegfried: What's a banana?
Matt: I'm sorry. We notice you have a 'nanana' addiction. Can you tell is where you got it?
Siegfried: You see, when I was very young, my dad came home one day after a mission. His zweihander was yellow and in honour, I eat delicious bananas. (Sobs.)
Female Audience: Awwwww.
Chris: Touching. So, Siegfried, you seem to be a favorite among females.
Female Audience: YEAH! (Hollers and wolf whistles.)
Chris: How do you feel about being favored by young women?
Siegfried: It's creepy. This one time, I was with my mom, and she was swinging her bra around and asked me to play hospital with her.
Chris and Matt: (Sweatdrop.)
Siegfried: But I love my mother. She gets angry when I bring home dates.
Chris: Right. Siegfried, why do you carry your zweihander upside down?
Siegfried: Badluck.
Chris and Matt: Huh?
Siegfried: It's badluck. One time I came home, I found my father dead with a zweihander upside down.
Matt: Didn't you kill him?
Siegfried: I did? Oh, yeah. No wonder that scene looked familiar.
Chris: (Clears throat.) How do you feel about the yaoi fanfiction with you and other people?
Siegfried: What's yaoi?
Kilik: Siegfried, you idiot! Don't show anything!
Chris: Hey, asshole. Roll the clip.
Charade: (Flicks Chris off, rolling a random clip.)
Kilik and Siegfried reading their lines.
Kilik: Alright, Siegfried, you pretend to be sick and I come in and 'make you feel better.' Got it?
Siegfried: But I'm not sick.
Kilik: I know. That's why you pretend. Wait, who wrote this? (Holds up script.)
George Lucas: (Half naked.) I did. Are you two ready?
Siegfried and Kilik: Ruuuuuun!
End of clip.
Siegfried: That's so gross. I don't remember that.
Matt: Other fanfiction.
Siegfried: Oh.
Matt: Siegfried, are you single?
Chris: (Slowly turns around to his co-host.)
Matt: I didn't put this in the card.
Siegfried: Who's asking?
Matt: Some girl named... (Reads card.)
Matt: Chewbacca.
Siegfried: Yes, I am.
Chris: ... Anyway. Siegfried, is there any other women out there in your life besides blood relations?
Siegfried: ... Huh? (Dumbfounded.)
Chris: Do you have any significant other?
Siegfried: I don't... I don't understand.
Matt: Do you have a girlfriend?
Siegfried: I have plenty!
Matt and Chris: I thought you were single.
Siegfried: Of course I am.
Matt: Then how can you have a girlfriend if you're single?
Siegfried: Friends.
Matt and Chris: (Sweatdrop.)
Chris: Anyway. This person wanted to ask if you're a virgin.
Siegfried: Of course I am!
Matt: In this fanfic anyway.
Siegfried: Can I have a banana?
Chris: (Stuffs it in Siegfried's mouth.)
Matt: Next is... (Looks at Chris.)
Chris: What?
Matt: You did this on purpose didn't you?
Chris: Yep.
Matt: Anyway. Next is Asuka.
Asuka fans: (Wolf whistles and sexual comments.)
Asuka Kazama: Yay! (Hugs Matt.)
Asuka fan: I love you! Marry me!
Asuka: Too bad, I'm taken.
Matt: (Lowers eyebrows.)
Matt: (Pries Asuka off with human-sized pliers.) So, Asuka, where was your first appearance?
Asuka: Anywhere you want me. (Winks.)
Matt: No, seriously. (Holds up pepper spray.)
Asuka: It was Tekken 5 when some ape attacked my father's dojo.
Kurt Angle: I am not an ape!
Asuka: What? I'm not talking about you! Go away!
Chris: Asuka, people wanted to ask if your breasts are real.
Asuka: Is that Matt's question?
Matt: Oh, give it a rest, Asuka.
Asuka: (Cracks knuckles.)
Male Audience: (Edges away.)
Asuka: Yes, they are real.
Siegfried from the audience section: Yeah, right!
Asuka: Shut up, you can't get laid to save your life!
Siegfried fans: Boooo! (Throws objects.)
Chris: Kirigakure no Jutsu! (Uses the dense mist to decrease the accuracy of the throwers.)
Matt: (Clears throat.) Anyway...
Asuka: What, you think you're bad? (Kicks random girl in the face.)
Chris: Asuka, get back here.
Asuka: (Stomps back.)
Asuka fans: Leave our girl alone!
Asuka: That's right! Wait, your girl?
Matt: Anyway, next question. What's it like being related to Jin?
Asuka: Oh, God. It's terrible. I can't believe I'm his cousin. One time, he tried to touch my boobs when I kicked Jinpachi away.
Matt: (Leans towards Chris.) I don't think you should mention Jinpachi anymore.
Chris: Matt, other story.
Asuka: I mean, come on. How stupid can you get?
Jin fans: That's it, bitch! (Swarms the stage.)
Matt: Chris.
Chris: Mizu Bushin no Jutsu! (Produces clones, separating Asuka from angry Jin fans.)
Asuka fans: Okay, we're fed up. (Grabs illegal weapons, attacking Jin fans.)
Chris: This is getting out of hand. (Pulls out Kubikiri Houcho.)
Matt: Okay, I'm going to take a break. See you all in a bit.
Asuka: Oh, let me accompany you! (Follows Matt.)
Matt: Hands above your chest.
Asuka: Of course. (Winks.)
Matt: Not what I meant.
Tifa: Chris! Get your hands off my baby! (Runs into riot.)
Chris: ... Your what?
Tifa: Nothing! Look out!
Chris: Due to technical difficulties, we're going on a commercial break. (Feels glass shatter.)
Chris: Alright. That's it. (Returns to riot.)
Commercial: Progressive!
AN: If anyone has any suggestions and questions, feel free to submit. Also, whoever you'd like to see that's already been mentioned, feel free to ask.