So... last episode... we all wanted to impale Hans on a spear, bite his head off, and throw him into a fiery inferno, right? Good. I'm not crazy, then. And I can't believe the Snow Queen is Elsa's aunt! (explains why I had a dream about Elsa being MY aunt) And Anna did NOT trap Elsa in that urn, and if she did, she was probably tricked into doing it... um... right? Anyway, ignore that rant and enjoy the chapter, as well as tonight's episode.
A Random House In Storybrooke
Belle and Rumple both drove up to a random mansion. "I found this house on a walk," Belle explained. "It's been here since the last curse. No one has claimed it, so…"
"Great idea," said Rumple sarcastically. "Let's break into a random person's house who could just randomly show up and demand his/her house back. Who knows? This person could be dangerous; I don't want anything happening to you."
"Oh, come on, Rumple. I wrote whoever owns the house a note that we'd leave if they showed up."
"So if the person who shows up, we're spending our honeymoon in a secluded corner of the world like I suggested?"
"Yep."
"I knew you'd have a backup plan." They kissed and got out of the car. Belle led the way, obviously eager to show her new husband their honeymoon... um... technically, it wasn't a suite. Hey, it could've been; no one knows who owned this thing!
The new couple entered the house. It was filled with luxury couches, a fancy rug, fancy tables, a bookshelf (Rumple put two and two together and realized this is why his wife wanted to come here.) Belle kept going on and on about the place, and he wasn't really paying attention. Caring about houses and acting like they're the greatest thing in the world was girl stuff, right?
"Hey!" all of the girls in the audience exclaimed.
"No offense!" the narrator sincerely apologized. "I'm a girl, and I find it boring, too!"
Anyway... while Belle rambled, Rumple did that cool spell that froze the person, and then when they un-froze, it was like it never happened. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do this properly," he said to himself. He grabbed Belle's purse, took the fake dagger out, and stuffed it in his suit. Then, Rumple took out the real dagger and smirked. "You will not control my life anymore!" he yelled at it. "BE GONE, SUCKA!" He stuffed the real dagger into his wife's purse and, laughing the Rumplestiltskin laugh no one can do, un-froze Belle.
Finally, Belle showed Rumple a room they would both appreciate: a ballroom. Seriously, it had one of those things called a record player, probably as old as the Dark One himself, and a chandelier and everything. "I would be wary of the chandelier," warned Rumple. "If Erik shows up-"
"Stop worrying," Belle soothed. "The Phantom of the Opera isn't even from the Enchanted Forrest. So... what do you think?"
"I think Erik could be from the Enchanted Forrest, knowing the producers."
"Hey!" Kitsis and Horowitz exclaimed in anger.
"And I also think that we need to have our first dance." Using his magic, he put himself and Belle in the Beauty and The Beast dancing gear. With a snap, he put on the record player... that played "You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog," by Elvis instead of "Tale As Old As Time."
"Let me fix that," Rumple laughed apologetically. He snapped his fingers again, and "Walk Like An Egyptian" by the Bengals played. He snapped again, and "My Heart Will Go On," the theme song from Titanic, played. Rumple then started shouting words that had to be bleeped out on television and, grumbling, continued his dance with Belle to the wrong theme music.
A Street In Storybrooke
"Maybe we should've went with Baelfire," David voiced, walking beside his wife, who was wheeling their son in his stroller down the street.
"Oh, you want to play the 'What Should We Have Named Our Kid?' game?" asked Mary Margret defensively. "Leopold-'
"If you want him to get beat up at school."
"James-"
"My jerk-faced twin."
"Gepetto-"
"Really?!"
"Hey, you stole my catch-phrase!" Emma whined. Then she turned to her mother. "But seriously. You were thinking of Gepetto?!"
"He did build the wardrobe to help you escape the curse," Mary Margret explained.
"I guess..."
"Hey, Mom!" called Henry, who was a few paces behind them. "Regina just texted me! She said Robin Hood divorced Marian, and she's having a party at her mansion to celebrate!"
"Awesome!" Emma cheered. "But... do you think she forgives me?"
"She's in a good enough mood to throw a party. I'm pretty sure she forgives you."
"Double awesome!"
"What's double awesome?" asked a voice, the person to which it belonged to jogging to catch up with the Charmings. It was Hook.
"Regina's throwing a party, and she most likely forgives me!" exclaimed Emma.
"That does sound fun," Hook admitted. "I guess we know who's bringing the rum."
"You know, things are finally going right for all of us." Everyone smiled and continued to walk down the street. Things finally were going right for them...
Until...
"WE'RE IN DANGER!" Leroy shouted, running down towards the family. "WE'RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER!"
"Whoa, slow down," David calmed. "What's wrong?"
"Some thing in the middle of the street last night froze my car! Upon the impact, I fell unconscious. I woke up in an ice-car. Who around here has that kind of magic?"
"Whoever did that." Emma replied as she gestured to a trail of ice in the middle of the street.
Arendelle in the Past
Snow continued to swirl around Elsa as she sat on a rock in the forrest, face buried in her lap, hugging her knees. Anna, although slowed by her fancy wedding dress, finally made it to her sister. "Oh, Elsa!" she sighed in relief. She made her way over to her sister slowly, seeing she was still upset. "Elsa?" she whispered.
"Please, just leave me alone," moaned Elsa, not moving.
"No. I'm not leaving you. You were alone, for 13 years. Now, I'm here for you, and I'm not leaving."
"Awww..." the audience exclaimed.
"Oh, shut up!"
Elsa finally lifted her head to face Anna, her blue eyes red from crying. "Thanks," she sniffled, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
"It's true, though!" Anna insisted. "I'm going to be like your own, personal stalker! We're like the fox and the hound... inseparable! And even when I'm dead and gone, I'll still be with you in spirit!" She then proceeded to sing "You Are Not Alone" by Michael Jackson as she tried to sway Elsa side to side, attempting to dance with her sister, who was still sitting on the rock. The snow stopped.
"So... are you going to tell me what was in the diary?" the strawberry-blonde asked. Elsa stiffened again. She handed her sister the diary. "Our parents didn't leave on some political trip like they said," she explained. "Read it."
Anna opened the diary and read aloud, "I'm sorry that we have to hide the truth from our children, but to tell them and have them face it without being all sensitive about it would just NOT be smart. What we've seen Elsa do is terrifying, and it must be stopped. We should probably bring the magical hover board just in case... Shiz University! We forgot to place the magical hover board in front of Dad's grave! Although, I did hear it was supposed to rain tonight... we wouldn't want it rusting..."
"They left because of me," Elsa choked out, about to cry again. "Because I thought I was a *bleep!*" Elsa looked confused. "Wait a minute... why does the broadcast censor the word '*bleep!*'?
"Oh, since the Duke of Weaseltown and Hans called you that when you froze everything, but it was totally untrue, I told ABC to censor it,' explained Anna. "If you have to say it, just say 'the or an m-word.' The audience will know what you mean... I hope."
"Okay... our parents left because they though I was an m-word." Elsa's eyes welled up with tears.
"No... no, I refuse to believe that."
"It's all right there."
"Is it? Because it doesn't say 'Our daughter is an m-word' anywhere in this diary."
"I read between the lines."
"Well, you read between the lines wrong! Come on, Elsa, you know you're not an m-word. You're past this; you are SO past this!"
"Exactly!" the audience agreed. Anna glared at them and continued to talk to her sister, "Anyway, all we need to do is find out where they were going and why. It must have been serious, if they were thinking about bringing the magical hover board... and I know just how!"
"Gather the 7 dragon balls and ask Shenron for the information?" suggested Elsa.
"I like your thinking, but no. I was thinking about doing something a little simpler."
"Like what?"
"Like visiting my future in-laws!"
Back in Storybrooke
Emma and Hook decided to follow the trail of ice in the street. Henry, unknowingly, followed close behind. His comment of "So I guess this can be Operation Polar Bear" startled his mother. "Henry, go back and stay with your grandparents," she ordered.
"I vote with the lad's code name," Hook said. "He's not a child anymore, Emma. He can come along on our little adventure."
Emma sighed. "Fine," the blonde gave in. "But stay close and don't come near me when my gun is out."
"Swan, must you use that thing on every single magical creature you encounter?"
"It's the only weapon I have."
"Other than magic and a superpower," Henry pointed out.
"Alright, fine. I'll handle the situation like a decent human being first, okay?"
Hook grinned. "Now that's the spirit," he noted.
Little did the three know, it was a decent human being that they were chasing. Elsa, sacred by the sound of fast approaching footsteps, began to run. She ignored the sign on the fence that read "DO NOT BLOCK: EVER!", ran through it, and hide behind something. Having seen her only go through the fence, Emma, Henry, and Hook followed close behind.
"It's okay, whoever you are!" shouted Henry. "We don't want to hurt you!" Elsa, despite this comforting statement, closed her eyes and breathed heavily. She was just so scared... she missed Anna, and she just wanted to go home. Her emotions caused her to burst into tears, and for snow to swirl around and form an ice mon- um... m-word... similar to the one that guarded her ice palace.
Upon seeing the m-word, Emma, Henry, and Hook stared open-mouthed. "Can I use my gun now?" asked Emma.
"Be my guest," Hook replied.