During the riot...
Tifa: (Back-to-back with Chris.) There's too many of them!
Chris: I blame Jin for having such a large fan base.
Asuka fan: (Rushing towards Tifa.)
Chris: (Smacks Tifa's butt away from danger using the flat part of Kubikiri Houcho.)
Tifa: (Gasps and avoids the crowd that tackles Chris.)
Tifa: Get off of him! (Dogpiles with the rest of Asuka fans on Chris.)
Chris: Great.
Meanwhile...
Matt: (Washing his face on the sink.) Can this get anymore catastrophic?
Asuka: (Leaning against the wall, appearing on the mirror in front of Matt.) It can be.
Matt: (Quickly spinning around.) What the! Asuka, you do realize this is the men's bathroom, right?
Asuka: Yep.
Matt: So, what are you doing in here?
Asuka: I could ask you the same thing. (Winks.)
Matt: ... I'm a guy.
Asuka: I know that!
Matt: And you're a girl.
Asuka: And bitches go, "Hit me, baby, one more time."
Matt: Wha'...
Asuka: (Rips off clothes, wearing BDSM leather materials and a cat-o-ninetails.)
Asuka: (Approaches Matt slowly.) Is it it me or is it a little... hot in here?
Matt: It's you. (Backs up against the wall.)
Asuka: Oh, Matt! I'm sweating! I could... (Begins unzipping top off.)
Asuka: Just cool myself without these clothes. But I'm going to need your help. (Giggles.)
Matt: You have two hands.
Asuka: But they're already full!
Matt: With what?
Asuka: On your body.
Matt: (Swats hand away from his chest.) Really, Asuka, are you that desperate?
Asuka: I can be. (Butts her pelvis on Matt's.)
Matt: Oh, no! Look behind you, it's a vampire! (Points behind Asuka.)
Asuka: Come on, Matt. I can see through you.
Matt: Huh?
Asuka: I don't see the vampire's reflection. (Points behind Matt.)
Matt: They don't have reflections.
Asuka: ... Oh. (Turns around.)
Count Chocula: Blah! Can a guy have any privacy in here? (Squats on toilet.)
Asuka: Gross. (Turns back to Matt, only to see him gone.)
Asuka: Damn! I was so close! (Snaps fingers.)
Count Chocula: (Farts.)
While Matt escapes, we return to our riot.
Tifa: You want some of this?! Huh, punk! (Pulls out gatling gun.)
Chris: Tifa, I don't think we have to go that far.
Tifa: But... you're using that big sword of yours.
Chris: What big sword?
Tifa: The one you were swinging around earlier with me a while ago.
Chris: Which one? Kubikiri Houcho?
Tifa: You know... your very long, thick and hard sword.
Chris: Which... one?
Tifa: I don't know! The very big sword that you kept motioning at me when I had to do a few blows for you! (Motions her hand like a man masturbating.)
Chris: ... That's just disturbing.
Tifa: Huh? (Motions hand movements faster.)
Chris: Okay, enough! (Stops Tifa's hand movements.)
Chris: Let's take care of these guys first.
Tifa: Okay! But I think using your sword like what you did to my behind would be a lot helpful. You sure gave me a spanking!
Chris: (Stares at Tifa.)
Tifa: What?
Chris: You have no idea how wrong you sound as of now.
Tifa: What do you mean? It's not like I'm wanking you or anything.
Chris: (Looks at the ceiling in frustration.) Somebody. Anybody. God, kill me know.
Heaven.
God: (Aims a sniper at Chris' forehead.)
Ghandi: You have a call on line one.
God: Who?
Ghandi: Virgin Mary.
God: I thought I told you to tell her I'm on vacation. (Gritting his teeth.)
Ghandi: I did. Abraham was actually at the Bahamas when she called there. He said he hasn't seen you yet.
God: God damn it.
Ghandi: (Holds up "Pun" and "Laugh" signs.)
Audience: (Laughs.)
God: (Picks up phone.) Hello? Hey, honey! Oh, no, I'm bowling with the guys. What? Alright, I'll be home. Love you, too. (Hangs up.)
God: Sorry, Chris, but the wife's angry. (Disappears.)
Matt approaches Jin, Cloud and Siegfried.
Jin: (Lip singing to a hairbrush.) If you wanna be my lova'!
Siegfried: (Wearing an afro.) You gotta' get with my friends!
Cloud: (Dressed up like Posh Spice.) Gotta' get with my friends!
Jin: Make it last forever!
Siegfried and Cloud: Friendship never ends!
Matt: (Stands by the doorway.) Sometimes, I question these three.
Matt: Siegfried, Cloud and Jin. I need you three to help Chris and Tifa with the riot.
Jin: (Stops actions.) How did you get in here?!
Matt: I opened the door.
Siegfried: How'd you get past our guard?!
Matt: What guard?
Cloud: Oh, no! He knows the club password!
Matt: What in the hell are you babbling about?
Siegfried: (Outside the door scolding a tattered dummy.) How could you let him in?! You're fired!
Matt: Siegfried, that's a doll.
Siegfried: He was our guard!
Matt: (Stares at Siegfried for a moment.)
Matt: That's an inanimate object.
Cloud: He was a good friend. (Sniffs.)
Matt: God damn it. Come on, you three. Let's go.
Siegfried, Jin and Cloud: (Follows Matt to the stage.)
The guard: Hey, Tiff. The coast is clear.
Some doll with a black jacket and blonde hair: I was hoping they'd leave. (Undresses.)
The guard: Daaayumn.
Tiffany: Come on, you sexy plastic thing. (Motions suggestively.)
The guard: Rubber! Rubber! Not plastic!
Tiffany: I always thought you were plastic, Chucky.
The guard named Chucky: (To himself.) I need to get tested. (Sighs.)
Matt, Siegfried, Jin and Cloud heading to the stage.
Asuka: (Walking by.) Now where did he go?
Matt, Siegfried, Jin and Cloud: (Runs past Asuka.)
Asuka: (Looks at the group for a second.) Hey, Matt.
Asuka: (Continues walking.)
Asuka: (Stops.) Hey, wait a minute. (Turns around and starts running after them.)
Some dressing room.
Lei: (Reading TIME magazine.) Fweeze!
Link: (Putting tunic on.) Hyah?
Lei: Fweeze.
Link: Hyah, hyah.
Justin Timberlake: I'm bringing sexy back.
Link and Lei: (Looks at each other. Then looks at Justin.)
Link: (Withdraws Master Sword.)
Lei: (Pulls out Walther P2K.) Fweeze!
Justin Timberlake: (Bounces away.) Bye, bye, bye.