After a lengthy commercial break…
Matt: Right, let's get this over with, shall we?
Chris: Matt, we have another problem.
Matt: What is it now? (He begins shuffling the papers containing questions.)
Chris: Well, it seems most of the audience has been killed.
Matt: How'd that happen?! Did you get carried away with your sword again?
Tifa: (Giggles.)
Siegfried: Garfield. Heheheheheheheh.
Chris: (Growls at Tifa's giggle fit.) Well, Marilyn Manson apparently cut the ropes holding the mega-screen, causing it to fall and crush the entire audience.
Matt: … We have a mega-screen?
Jin: Well, not anymore.
Matt: Wow, Jin. That's the smartest thing you've said this entire fan fiction.
Jin: Well, not anymore. (Jin continues clipping his toe nails, telling them they're not long anymore.)
Matt: Nevermind… Well, without an audience, what do we do?
Chris: We could get back to the main story.
Matt: Are you fucking kidding me? That means I'll have to think!
Chris: I'm sure we can revive some of these fans later.
Lei: FWEEZE! (Aims a pistol at Matt.)
Matt and Chris: NOT NOW!
Lei: Fweeze… (Walks away, a defeated and pathetic look on his face.)
Matt: Alright, alright. I'll work on the main plot.
Somewhere in the main plot.
After reaching some clearing outside, Matt and Chris sit the kiddies down and gave them a little lecture.
"Alright, you guys, listen up. You've gone completely off the story line. We need to get you back on track!"
Chris nodded to his companion, "This means that we'll be needing those pictures back, Asuka. And Tifa… stop thinking that!"
Tifa blushed profusely, "Sorry!"
Matt gave Chris a side-ways glance. "Wait… why are you getting all bent out of shape? Tifa has huge boobs. Aren't you into that sort of thing?"
"Matt… I'm… I'm… In love with yo- GOD DAMMIT! Who tried to make me a gay character?!" Chris shot Matt a glare.
"What? It wasn't me this time!"
Siegfried giggled at Chris. "He's got red strings on him!"
Chris blinked and looked at himself to find he was covered in a thin red thread, like a puppet. Matt followed the thread, leaping in the air suddenly. "Shoot to Death, Shinsou." The zanpakutou that Matt somehow managed to grab extended into a bush as a loud splat and "Blegh!" could be heard.
"Damn fan girls…" Chris dusted himself off as Matt landed beside him.
"Right, listen. You guys need to head to the castle and save the queen from almost certain peril. You'll probably have to destroy some droids and steal a ship, but I'm sure you can handle tha- Asuka! Stop staring at that picture and give it to me!" Matt snatched the picture from her, expecting her to burst into tears. She didn't. Bubbles began to surround her and the backround turned pink. "He touched my haaaand."
Matt growled a little, "Just get back on track you knuckle heads!"
Chris tapped Matt on the shoulder, "They're doing it again."
Matt turned to find Siegfried and Jin streaking, while Cloud dressed up as a woman. He fell to his knees, crying. "Why? Whyyyyyy?"
Will the plot ever continue? Will you ever see a chapter that's not just a filler? And what's going on with our villains?
"We're building a Star Cruiser…"
"Shut up, Nightmare!"
"Well you're the one who asked!"
"It was a rhetorical question!"
Anyway. Will we ever figure out why Chris is repulsed by Tifa? Find out next time, when the writers have something to write about!