Rejoining the group back at Ivalice.

"I swore he said it was this way!" Tifa said promisingly. She was biting her nails.

"So you asked for directions from some lion?" Chris placed his hands on his hips.

"Yeah! And not just any lion; he was a part of Voltron!" Tifa smiled and jumped up a little. She stopped smiling when she noticed Chris staring at her.

"What's the matter, Chris?" Tifa asked. Chris continued to stare at her.

'Uh oh, was it something I said? I did? Must he be mad at me? Oh, no! I think it's because we're lost!' Tifa panicked in her thoughts.

"Don't worry, Tifa, he's not mad. You shouldn't have jumped up, though." Matt appeared out of nowhere with Asuka- who was arm-and-arm with Matt.

"Why?" Tifa wondered. Matt walked up to Chris and removed his shades. His eyes were in a drug-induced-like haze while his mouth subconsciously let drool slip out. Matt motioned at him.

"I don't get it." Tifa shook her head a bit. Matt leaned in.

"It makes your girls jiggle." Matt snickered.

"I still don't get it." Tifa was dumbfounded. Asuka crept up to Tifa from behind and lifted her slightly, bouncing the girl a bit.

"I still don't get it. And what was that for?" Tifa was still being bounced around.

"God, can you be any more clueless... I'm talking about your breasts." Matt shook his head.

"What about them?"

"... It's a Chris thing."

"Oh, I get it!" Tifa winked. She looked at Chris who stood at the same spot. She approached him gingerly and leaned a bit, but before she could touch him, his body deteriorated into sand.

"Oh, my God!" Asuka and Tifa shrieked, and started huddling with Matt.

"Awesome." Matt smiled.

"Alright, guys, I have a map. I asked one of those Moogles cartographers and gave them one of Tifa's panties in exchange for a map. So from here on, we head West." Chris pointed behind him, where a Moogle was sniffing on a white thong.

"How'd you get that map?" Asuka asked. Chris stared at Asuka's sudden stupidity after explaining how he got the map.

"How'd you get Tifa's thong?" Matt was suddenly interested.

"Long story."

"I bet it was."

"Hey, Asuka, want Matt's pony boxers? I have the password to his underwear drawer just in case you planned on stalking us and stealing things from our house."

"Forget I asked." Matt snagged the map from Chris' hands.

"Chris, what was that thingy that looked like you and turned into sand?" Tifa started bending forwards.

"Doppelganger."

"What's that?"

"Learned it from Sub-Zero and Dante during World War II."

"Wait... World War II? How old are you again?" Asuka was curious. Chris ignored the question.

"Anyways, it's going to be a long travel."

"I like long travels! Especially when it's rough and hard!" Tifa piped up. Matt and Asuka sniggered and snorted. Asuka went back to clinging to Matt, and Matt groaned.

"I'm talking about fighting monsters." Tifa blushed.

"The hell if we are fighting. We're taking Chocobos." Chris whistled and two Chocobos walked up to the four.

"What, did you use Tifa's bra this time?" Matt smirked.

"Yep." Chris climbed up on a Chocobo. Matt's mouth started gaping.

"I'm not even gonna' ask." Matt helped Asuka up, while Chris gave a hand for Tifa to climb up.

"Alright, let's find the others," Matt said, kicking the Chocobo's sides. Tifa gasped.

"That's not me." Chris shook his head, trying to adjust to the seat that poked Tifa's butt.

Meanwhile, Siegfried tries to apply for a job at Death Star Galactic Astronomical Incorporation.

"And you worked as a thief for three years?" Siegfried's employer overlooked his application form.

"Actually seven years, but we started working at Dunkin' Donuts so our years were somehow reduced." Siegfried bobbed his head up once. His employer smiled at him. She crossed her legs over one another and tipped her glasses upwards.

"Okay. Why should we hire you?"

"Because I'm reliable, considerate, am-am-ambiabible..." Siegfried read the writings on his forearm that was smudged from eating a banana flavoured ice cream.

"And I'm a hard worker." Siegfried finished off.

"So, what job are you thinking to apply for?"

"Astronaut." Siegfried tried sounding professionally. He smiled. That very same smile turned into a big smile, including the big open mouth and retarded face.

"Oh? And what do you think you'd discover?" the lady asked.

"I'm thinking of taking my big shuttle and taking it to Uranus." Siegfried quirked an eyebrow and smiled, excluding the retarded face. His employer smiled, insinuating Siegfried's motives and started unbuttoning her blouse. Siegfried stared at her top, which were a pair of big breasts.

Dalmasca Westersand.

"Blame it on him." Matt pointed over to Chris, who was behind him with Tifa at the audience. The audience started laughing.

"What? Big is better." Chris shrugged. Tifa started blushing.

"Awwww," the audience cooed.

"Man, why did you have to include them?" Chris started blaming Matt.

"Don't ask me, I didn't send out invitations."

"But we did! Hi, and welcome to Real World," random Real World casts started saying, with the entire production team. The cameras were faced to the four.

"And today's cast, we have Tifa Lockhart, who is in love with Chris." Lacey Buehler looked at Tifa.

"What!" Tifa's eyes widened.

"Chris, the asshole of the team." Danny Roberts pointed at Chris. Chris rolled up his sleeves and started cracking his knuckles.

"Asuka, the main love interest of Matt," Lacey said through a microphone.

"Huh?" Matt was shocked and trying not to strangle Lacey.

"Oh, Matt!" Asuka flung herself to Matt since she was behind him.

"And Matt, the yaoi heart-throb!" Danny winked at Matt.

"I think I'm becoming more like you every time we hang around." Matt looked over to Chris. Chris nodded.

"I have to thank Iwo Jima for this. Bless my comrades." Chris grabbed a flag pole with a spearhead at the end. But before he and Matt could attack, Ryu and Dan Hibiki interjected.

"This is for not casting me in Real World Tokyo!" Ryu leaned back, channeling Ki throughout his arms.

"And this is for not casting me in Real World Rejects!" Dan copied Ryu's stance.

"Hadoken!" Ryu blasted everyone he saw, with the exception of the four, himself and Dan. Even Cacutar who happened to be unfortunately in the way was blown to pieces.

"Gadoken!" Dan yelled. Everyone prepared for the worst, but they heard a small poot and a small blast shot out from his hand, which disappeared after being launched two inches away from his hand.

"Man, no wonder why they didn't cast you in Real World Rejects. Even rejects would reject you." Ryu did a dragon uppercut to Dan. Meanwhile, the four took this chance to escape with their Chocobos.

"Remind me to commemorate those two," Matt said.

"Hey, Chris, when you said something about Iwo Jima, were you talking about the Pacific Campaign?" Asuka asked again.

"Yep." Chris nodded.

"Okay, really, how old are you?" Asuka was bewildered about Chris' appearance, which doubted his age. Chris ignored that question again.

"Let's just say we're old school," Matt insisted.

"And how old are you?"

"Was Naval Corpsman during the Invasion of Poland."

"Holy crap, you guys are that old?!" Asuka gasped.

"What of it?"

"Nothing, you just look... young."

"Fountain of Youth. Now, stop asking and start focusing on hanging on." Matt brushed the topic off.

'Great, compared to these two, Tifa and I are jailbaits!' Asuka thought disappointingly. Matt, however, was satisfied.

'Good, now they'll stop bugging us. Great plan, Chris.' Matt smiled, and looked at Chris whose situation didn't change from age factor. In fact, it just excited Tifa even more.

"This is so cool! I'm riding with a Marine!" Tifa squealed.

'Oooh, not so good. Sorry, Chris, but you shouldn't have participated in Iwo Jima.' Matt sighed. Chris smacked his own face three times.

"And we can get discount for dental appointments, health funds! Oh, and we can tell story to our kids, and you can teach our three sons football while I teach our three daughters how to bake!" Tifa kept going on and on since the mentioning of Chris' and Matt's military carrier.

"... What?" Chris questioned, which was ignored or wasn't heard since Tifa continued planning for 'their' future. It brought attention to Asuka.

"That's not a bad idea, Tifa. Oh, Matt, such wonders we could have when we have a family!" Asuka hugged Matt.

"Well, that didn't last long." Matt sighed.

"God, I hope you're back. Because kill me now!" Chris complained.

Las Vegas.

"Hey, guys, I have a call from two desperate men wanting to be killed, so I'll catch up to you later." God got up.

"Don't do it, man! Those bastards deserve it," a Naval officer folded his arms.

"Yeah, I mean, a Leatherneck's supposed to be rough and tough, not run out and have half of your men killed!" an elderly Marine barked.

"Well, those two did raise the flag." God thought it over.

"The first one. They weren't the famous flag raisers who took Matt's and Chris' battle credits." God stared in disbelief at the two.

"How did I allow you two into Heaven?"

"I'm Admiral Chester Nimitz."

"And I'm General Holland Smith."

"I guess I can stay for a few drinks." God sat down.

Westersands.

"Oooh, really?! You were a Major?!" Tifa squaled. She wrapped Chris' arms around her.

"A Commander! Cool! You must have been so..." Asuka stroked Matt's chest from behind. "... strong."

"You know, Chris. I actually miss those three stooges," Matt whispered.

"I should have taken advantage of getting shot."

Heaven.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Franklin Sousley, Harlon Block and Michael Strank laughed and pointed at Matt and Chris.

"This is for being real heroes!" Rene Gagnon threw eggs and tomatoes at the authors.

"Shut up. Don't be jealous because you're not a real hero." Ira Hayes threw an atomic bomb at Rene.

"Leave me alone!" Rene stomped off.

Back to Death Star Galactic Astronomical Incorporation.

"What's taking that guy?" Jin sat outside of the office Siegfried was in. Cloud was near a vending machine, playing with a yo-yo. Siegfried emerged from the room with lipstick marks all over his face and torso.

"What happened to you?" Jin asked.

"That woman's crazy! She was trying to eat me!" Siegfried pointed at the lipstick marks on his body. You see, Siegfried never got the chance to go on a date, especially with his mother's incestuous approach to him with 'Find The Tushie Under The Blanket' nudity games and showering together. Siegfried was also a member of a band of thieves called Schwarzwind so he missed his date with Jennifer Love Hewitt to his prom. He also doesn't reciprocate Ivy's feelings or lustful fantasies, or that he has no idea why she pursues him to fulfill her demands of possibly raping him after discovering Nightmare's host's real appearance. This explains the lack of perception about the world of dating and or one-night-stands or any sexual activity to Siegfried. In fact, let's go back to a couple of years ago.

­Flashback.

"I found it!" Siegfried happily said.

"Good, now massage it. There, that's the spot."

"Mommy, isn't this where you used to feed me milk?" Siegfried asked innocently.

"Yes, it is, now don't stop or you'll be spanked!"

"Yes, mommy."

Another flashback.

"Mom, I'm home!" Siegfried entered his house.

"Did you do your homework?"

"Yes, like you said: do your homework at class so you can stay up all night."

"Good."

"Uhm... mom?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you always doing that?"

"Doing what?" Margaret Schtauffen unhooked her bra and dropped them on the floor.

And another flashback.

"Mom, really, I can do this myself."

"No, you can't. Mother knows best, and she knows her son."

"But do you really have to scrub my pee-pee for two hours?"

"Yes, and stop asking and resisting. You'll thank my hands later."

"What in the world is that tingling on my..."

'Finally.'

And another flashback.

"It's not you, it's me. Listen, I really have to go," Siegfried said on the phone.

"But I thought what we had was special!"

"I'm sorry, Jennifer Love Hewitt... but--"

"Why do you have to say my full name?"

"--but I know what you did last Summer. And that was filming I know what you did last Summer. Goodbye." Siegfried hung up.

"About damn time. Can we go?"

"Yep. To war!" Siegfried yelled. Everyone in Schwarzwind followed after, yelling and swinging paddles. What happened to Germany and Starbucks will be blamed on Siegfried Schtauffen in 2005. Jin Kazama will be blamed for destroying Yakushima the following year. Cloud Strife will be blamed for cutting power sources by destroying ShinRa and Guam Power Authority a few months after. The Playboy Company took all mugshots.

The final flashback.

"How dare you, fell beast! How dare you wield Soul Edge!" Ivy held her Ivy Blade.

"I... I blame you not. It is my fault for being controlled under Soul Edge's control..." Nightmare took off his helmet to reveal Siegfried.

"I take fully on my responsibility made for such a cause." Siegfried looked at Ivy innocently and courageously. Ivy drooled.

"You don't have to be in Schwarzstorm anymore. You're free of control. You--" Siegfried was talking but stopped when Ivy pinned him down, ripping his bluish armour off.

"Get this psychopathic stripper off of me!" Siegfried screamed.

A couple of minutes later...

"Deal!" Cervantes said. Siegfried shook his hand and left as soon as he heard Ivy yelling his name and the sexual tortures she promised him.

"Come back to me... my child!" Cervantes pulled out two wooden spoons.

"Silence, I can change my own destiny and the man I wish to fornicate with!" Ivy took out a belt with a spiky buckle. Cervantes' erection escaped his pants.

"I wonder why the authors make this story 4 percent incestuous." Ivy began fighting with her father. What happened after will be what the readers desire. You nasty fucks.

Back to the story and realizing Siegfried's predicament and what would happen if Jin and Cloud were involved.

Jin looked inside to see the employer tied up. Siegfried and Jin ran away, dragging Cloud with them.

Ten minutes later, after running around on the same path in the maze-like building.

"I think she's gone." Jin panted.

"Yeah, those ropes must have held her down good." Siegfried was relieved.

"So you tied her up and we ran away while she was tied up?" Cloud asked.

"Sure did. She would have caught us!" Siegfried flailed.

"But she was tied up. Right?" Cloud thought over.

"Yeah." Jin and Siegfried caught their breath back.

"That was a great idea, guys!" Cloud wiped sweat off his forehead.

"She would have caught us if she wasn't tied up!" Jin leaned against the wall.

"Good thing we escaped." Cloud went to a vending machine he found near them and got three drinks.

"What did you say, anyway?" Jin asked.

"All I said was I wanted to take a trip to Uranus," says Siegfried.

"Cool! I want to take my space shuttle to Uranus!" Jin was bedazzled.

"You have a space shuttle?"

"Mishima Zaibatsu does, but I own 70 percent after I beat Tekken 5 using Jin Kazama. He's a cool character."

"Dude, let's go to Uranus," Siegfried suggested.

"Dude, I want to take my space shuttle to Uranus."

"Sweet, I want to take my space shuttle to Uranus."

"Dude, I want to take MY space shuttle to Uranus."

"Sweet, I want to take MY space shuttle to Uranus."

"Dude, I want to go to Uranus."

"Sweet, I want to go to Uranus."

"Dude!"

"Dude!"

"DUDE!"

"SWEET!"

"DUDE!"

"URANUS!"

"Hey, guys, what are you talking about?" Cloud tossed bottles of Evian to the two.

"We want to go to Uranus," Siegfried said. Jin nodded and smiled a retarded smile similar to Siegfried's retarded smile.

"Rad, I want to take a trip to Uranus."

"Sweet," says Jin.

"Dude," says Siegfried. Somebody tapped Siegfried's shoulder.

"Talking about a trip, eh? Can I take a trip to your anus?" the old man from the beach asked.

"Oh, no..." Cloud remembered him.

"You're gay." Jin punched him. Soon they were being approached from running naked men.

"We're being attacked by fags!" Siegfried ran to one direction, but stopped when he saw the interviewer in front of him leaning against the wall, half naked. She was clearly retracing their steps due to the fact Siegfried, Jin and Cloud ran in the same pattern.

"You three get back here!" Siegfried, Jin and Cloud ran into a wall, breaking through it that left the exact shape of their body. Including their hairstyle.

"I would have gotten with those three, if it weren't for you meddling old men," the youthful, not to mention beautiful and exotic looking interviewer shook her fist and walked away. She was only wearing her black bra and panties. The old men looked at each other and proceeded to dog pile on her.

"Oh, God, no! I don't want to lose my virginity to a thousand stinking, fat, old men!" the lady yelled as fate and fat compressed her. And as soon as she thought all hope was lost...

"Chuck Norris' kicking range is as lengthy as your necks are elastic." Chuck Norris started delivering roundhouses to the old men, one by one.

And as the battle enrages... and at the parking lot.

"I get it now! My tattoo says 'Dude' and yours says 'Sweet'!" Ashton Kutcher exclaimed.

"Sweet," Sean William Scott started.

"Dude."

"Sweet."

"Dude."

"Sweet."

"Mother of Muhammad, Grandfather of Buddha, Nurse of Ghandi, Jesus' Third Wife, save us!" Cloud wailed.

"I think we're safe. Let's get out of here!" Jin waved his arms around.

"That's a good idea. Let's go!" Siegfried pointed at the air. Cloud grabbed a fly.

"To where?" Cloud, Siegfried and Jin looked at each other, then to Ashton and Sean, then to each other again.

"Taco Bell?" Ashton suggested.

"Yeah." Jin seemed to agree.

"Space Taco," Sean and Cloud said simultaneously and smiled. Sean William Scott's mouth opened, which showed ridiculously large teeth, but not as large as Cloud's, who was also smiling. Jin started daydreaming. The five then left, but stopped before leaving the place completely.

"Dude... where's my space shuttle?" Siegfried asked. He began searching.

AN: Yep, sure was a while since we uploaded, but I had a couple of things going on so I had a busy schedule. I don't know Matt's excuse, sooo... TUNE IN NEXT TIME!