Jail.

"You know, fuck all y'all!" Paul Phoenix yelled whilst banging on his cell.

"Dude, shut up already," Forrest said, lying on his cell bed.

"I tell's you's, man, it's because we're humans. Galacticism!" Paul pressed his face on the cell doors, to the point where his big, fat lips were sticking outside.

"GALACTICISM!" Paul yelled once more.

"Shut up, broom head!" Xianghua slapped the back of his head.

"I didn't do anything! Waaah!" Xiaoyu started crying.

"It's okay, let's all be friends." Barney smiled. It only made her cry even more. Xianghua got her nameless Chinese sword out because the guards were too dumb to notice Xianghua holding her sword or that you can keep your items while being inside a jail cell.

"I love you, you love me--"

"I'm not gay, man," Forrest said from the other side.

"Not you!" Barney looked over to Xiaoyu who's still crying and patted her head, slowly advancing to molest her.

"Chaaa!" Xianghua did a Soul Charge and repeatedly stabbed Barney in the heart.

"--we're... a... happ-y-y... famil... y..." Barney died.

"Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Xiaoyu hugged Xianghua.

"It's okay, sweetheart." Xianghua hugged her back.

"Sweetheart?" Paul and Forrest asked simultaneously. They noticed their question was unanswered, mainly because Xianghua and Xiaoyu were still hugging.

"This is awesome." Paul smiled a big redneck smile. "A-hyuck."

"Well, that's one down." Forrest looked at Barney's corpse. "One more to go." Forrest looked over to the other cellmate. Ronald McDonald started trembling in the corner.

"This purple shit reminds me of Kazuya." Paul placed a thumb on his chin, looking at Barney. Forrest, Xianghua and Xiaoyu, who got out of their hug, looked at Paul like he was stupid.

"What?"

"How the hell does he remind you of Kazuya?" Xianghua asked.

"Man, you're dumb." Forrest nodded. Xiaoyu nodded as well, wiping her tears.

"They're both evil and purple."

"Oh."

"Okay, you may bail," the fattest guard who just apprehended the four from Pizza Hut said, opening the cell doors.

"We're free!" Xiaoyu jumped up.

"Land! I see land!" Paul started kissing the ground.

"You idiot, we've been on land." Xianghua rolled her eyes.

"That's a dump. THIS is land!" Paul pointed to the ground he was kissing and proceeded to kiss it again, until he noticed the things on the floor.

"Oh, that? We have bulldogs watch some of the cellmates overnight, so they sometimes do their business here."

"Sick!" Paul started drinking some mouthwash.

"Where'd you get that?" Xianghua asked.

"Stole it before we got arrested." Paul closed the mouthwash.

"Okay, back in, the four of you!" the guard yelled, pushing them in again.

"Good job, broom head." Xianghua slapped him again.

"What? It said free samples!" Paul protested.

"Paul."

"Yeah, Forrest?"

"The free samples were for the cookies. Not the mouthwash, you idiot."

"Oh."

"Okay, you may bail."

"Again?" Xianghua groaned.

"Uh oh..." Forrest said.

"Land!" Paul ran outside, kissing the same spot he just kissed before.

"Bakka." Marshall somersault kicked Paul, sending him to the ceiling.

"Marshall!" Xiaoyu jumped on Marshall.

"Would you mind telling me what got you four in jail?"

"He made me do it!" Forrest pointed at Paul, still on the ceiling.

"What did you two do anyway? And you, Xiaoyu and... Xiaoyu." Marshall folded his arms.

"Dunno, we were eating at Pizza Hut when those six-armed blobs arrested us."

"There's two Xiaoyus?" Xiaoyu asked stupidly.

"Well, she looks like you."

"I'm Xianghua," Xianghua said, gritting her teeth.

"Can someone get me down?" Paul was kicking his feet. He somehow managed to get his head through the ceiling, and now he's stuck. Marshall sighed.

"You need to get back home, Forrest. Your mother's been bitching to me about you getting lost."

"Mom's looking for me?"

"Yep."
"Oh, great..."

"Tell me about it. I'll handle whatever you're supposed to be doing here."

"We're not supposed to be doing anything."

"So, why are you in this fanfiction?"

"I don't know. The authors placed me here."

"Where are they?"

"Let's see..." Forrest opened up a book, which held the entire manuscript of the entire trilogy.

"Dalmasca Westersand, right before their Chocobos get sucked under and they fight Bahamut and Naraku and get rescued by Siegfried's space shuttle crashing on the two."

"I think you just spoiled what's going to happen in the next three or four chapters," says Xianghua.

"Oh. My bad."

"Alright, off you go!" Marshall kicked his son into some vortex, sending him back to his home.

"Guys?" Paul said.

"Oh, right. On three." Marshall, Xianghua and Xiaoyu got a hold of Paul's legs.

"One, two... three--"

"Ahhhh." Paul farted.

"EW!" Xiaoyu fainted.

"That's gross, man!" Marshall closed his nose. Xianghua was already in the other corner, holding a flamethrower filled with Febreeze ingredients inside.

"Let's get out of here." Paul jumped down.

"You weren't stuck?" Xiaoyu asked, completely recovered.

"Nah, did the same thing over at Marshall's before I emptied his fridge."

"He had proof, when he had his nose flatten from the wife." Marshall pointed to what's left of a shoe mark.

"Good times."

"Oooh! She wears my shoe size!" Xiaoyu squealed. Marshall and Paul looked at each other.

"Women," they said simultaneously.

"Come on, let's find the others." Xianghua pulled Xiaoyu's hands. Marshall and Paul followed right away.

Back at the Law's home.

"Mom? Mom! I'm home!" Forrest started calling. Mrs. Law came out of the kitchen wearing an apron with an extremely mad face.

"Where's your father?" Mrs. Law asked furiously.

"He's with Paul."

"Again?!"

"Yeah. I'm going to my room." Forrest started walking up the stairs.

"Not so fast, until you finish the dishes your father was supposed to wash himself!" Mrs. Law pointed over to the sink. It had not one, but six piles of dirty dishes.

"What! I just got back from being missing and I'm supposed to wash those dishes?"

"You were missing?"

"You didn't know?"

"No, we just thought you were masturbating in your room again, so all we did was having boring, non-verbal sex."

"Gross..." Forrest grimaced.

"Wait, you mean neither of you knew or cared?"

"Yes."

"Okay, more importantly... you weren't worried... Dad didn't come to save me, but only to avoid washing the dishes."

"You're about right."

"God damn it, Dad!"

"Dishes! NOW!"

Corneria Taco Bell.

"Yeah, can we have five chalupas?" Siegfried said to some box. They waited for a while.

"Do you think she's taking a nap?" Ashton asked.

"Sleeping on the job," the boys began chuckling awkwardly.

"Hello? Hey, can we have five chalupas? Are you even taking our orders?" Siegfried kept asking the box.

"Hey, fellas, I think you might want to go over there," Fox McCloud pointed over to Taco Bell's drive-thru speaker. Siegfried looked back at the box, which turned to be nothing beneficial to their hunger for taco since it was a public space-trashcan.

"Thanks." Siegfried started driving over to the drive-thru, crashing some X-Wings, Arwings and the Planet Express ship.

"Watch where you're going, you jerk!" Falco Lombardi yelled.

"Yeah! Wait, I can't breathe!" Phillip Fry started floating in space the moment he came out to complain about being bumped by Siegfried's space shuttle.

"I'll save him!" Bender elognated his arms, grabbing the unconscious Fry. Siegfried unrolled his window. How he has a window, a space shuttle and the ability to survive losing oxygen in space remains a mystery.

"Welcome to Space Taco Bell, where you can get your tacos anywhere in the universe. May I take your order?" some girl said mundanely.

"Dude, that box talks!" Ashton pointed at the speaker.

"Sweet!" Sean started observing the mechanism.

"Duuude!" Jin, Cloud and Ashton said.

"Yeah, can we have five chalupas?" Siegfried said to the speaker.

"The meal?"

"Yes, please."

"Would you like drinks with that, sir?"

"Hey, guys, what kind of drinks?"

"Dr. Pepper," says Cloud.

"Root Beer," says Jin.

"Space Beer," Ashton and Sean said, nodding their heads. Jin, Cloud and Siegfried smiled.

"Five Space Beers."

"That'll be $48.99," the girl taking their orders said.

"Anybody got a change for a fifty?" Siegfried held up a fifty-dollar bill. It had the head of Richard Nixon being chomped by Ulysses S. Grant's head.

"I only got a fifty." Jin held up a fifty-dollar bill.

"Same here," Cloud said.

"Sir, why don't you just give us a fifty dollar bill and we'll give you your meal and your change?" the lady suggested, sounding a little annoyed.

"You can do that?" Siegfried asked. The others boys gasped, feeling very astonished. Siegfried pulled up to pick up their food.

"Talk about fast food." Jin noticed. Cloud and the others nodded.

"Here's your five chalupas and space beers. Enjoy your meal--" the girl handed them their food, after which she started noticing Siegfried. Their driver.

"Yeah!" Jin yelled, taking a sip of his space beer while Cloud high-fived Sean and Ashton was eating. Meanwhile, the background in Siegfried's and the girl who took their orders' worlds started turning into a shade of baby blue, with a grassy field and Siefried and the girl running towards one another with open arms. Before Siegfried gets attacked by cannibalistic bunnies.

"You're blocking the road!" Leela started honking her horn.

"There's no road!" Ashton called out, and then started laughing. Leela lowered her eye, because she has only one eye, and rammed Siegfried's space shuttle.

"Okay, okay! We're going!" Siegfried yelled. He looked back over to the girl, who was still staring and smiling.

"See you later," the girl said in a love-struck tone.

"Bye." Siegfried dashed away.

"Don't tell me you fell in love again, Misty." Ash Ketchum appeared right behind her.

"Ash! Don't scare me like that!" Misty gasped.

"Be glad the manager didn't catch you again," Ash said. They were both wearing Taco Bell uniforms.

"Pikaaachuuu!" Pikachu struck Ash with a thunderbolt.

"Gah-kah... ack..." Ash blew dust out from his mouth.

"Pssst, hey, Brock, look who got caught again." May leaned over to Brock.

"Looks like the boss shocked them again," Hikari said.

"That Misty can't keep her panties to herself, can she?" Nurse Joy shook her head, smiling. Officer Jenny started giggling.

"Misty's hopeless. Every guy she meets, she's gotta' catch 'em all." Brock shook his head.

"Siiieeegfriiieeed." Misty sighed in a love-dovey manner, writing his name with mayo all over the counter.

"You know his name already?" Pikachu raised its eyebrows.

"You can talk?" Misty raised hers.

"Hey, hanging around with Meowth has its benefits, you know." Pikachu folded its arms.

In other news.

"And in other news, Dalmasca Westersand becomes inhabitant with mutant wolves and Bahamut," a reported said.

Dalmasca Westersand.

"It's... so... hot!" Matt started leaning forwards. Asuka was leaning on his back, completely baked from the heat.

"Here." Chris tossed Matt and Asuka bottles of water, and handed Tifa one.

"Thanks, man." Matt lifted his bottle and started drinking.

"Oh, Chris, you're a lifesaver, and--" Tifa started exaggerating again, but stopped once she noticed his shirt was on the Chocobo's head. She took this moment to turn around, and see him without his shirt.

'He's drinking water. And water is dripping from his body. In this hot... hot... desert... hot... hot... h-hot...' Tifa started drooling until their Chocobos collapsed.

"Whoa!" Chris yelled. He landed right on top of Tifa.

"AH!" Matt fell down. Asuka landed right on top of him. In fact, she was sitting on him with her back leaning opposite of his position.

"Huh, they must have been dehydrated." Chris took note. He was still on top of Tifa. Tifa stared at his muscular physique.

'Battle scars!' Tifa squealed.

"Asuka?"

"Yeah, Matt?" Asuka panted.

"Can you get off of me?"

"But it's so tiring!"

"Girl, you complain a lot." Matt got up and threw Asuka his shirt to use for shade.

"Thanks, Matt." Asuka placed his shirt. As soon as she got up, she giggled at the position Chris and Tifa were in. His and her hips were touching each other.

'Kodak moment. I wonder if this guy even knows he's still on top of her,' Matt thought.

'You go, girl!' Asuka smiled.

'Alright, there are rocks over to the north, so we should take that way to get some shade and rest. I wonder if there's an oasis.' Chris rubbed his chin.

'Oh, God, Tifa. Breathe!' Tifa's eyes kept traveling all over Chris.

Asuka smiled and turned around to Matt, who had his fist on his hips. Now, it's Asuka's turn with Matt.

'Battle scars!' Asuka started drooling.

"There are some rocks up north. So I think over those rocks might be civilization. We could rest there for a moment until we're fully replenished. Besides, we have water and it's not that far." Chris pointed over to the rocks that were only a five-minute walk.

"I took note. But, uh... Chris?"

"What?"

"Look around you. And realize you're in the missionary position." Matt smiled and motioned over to him, since he was still on top of Tifa.

"Huh? Oh. Damn it." Chris got up and dusted some sand off of him.

'Darn! So close!' Tifa started scolding herself.

"Asuka?" Chris started waving his hands around. Matt's smiile quickly turned into a frown after Chris didn't get a response, groaning a little. He turned to Asuka, only to see a small puddle forming around her from her extensive drool.

"Roooaaar!" King appeared out of nowhere, pounding his chest.

"Poser." King Kong scoffed. The animal control police quickly arrested King. Headhunters shot down King Kong.

"We caught the chupacabra!"

"That was stupid." Tifa rolled her eyes.

"To the rocks!" Matt pointed at the rocks, leaning forwards. Matt held this stance for a few seconds. Chris passed by Matt and shook his head.

"I'm so tired!" Tifa whined, stomping the ground. Chris sighed and piggybacked Tifa.

"Yay!" Tifa hugged Chris from behind. Matt looked back to see Asuka, standing in the same area with drool still slipping out of her mouth.

"Wow. If she continues this, she might create her own Bermuda Triangle. Hey, Asuka, you might wanna catch up before those nasty headhunters rape you," Matt called out.

"Huh? Ew!" Asuka saw the headhunters, who resembled the old men from the beach in Townsville if it weren't for their primitive ape-like nose. They were making disgusting gestures, including one of the headhunters pressing his forefinger against his nipple.

"Gross!" Asuka yelled, running to Matt. Before Matt could say, "I told you so," she jumped on his back as soon as she saw Tifa being piggybacked.

"Chris, why did you accept that offer to write a well-planned story even though it started getting chaotic, to the point where we get dragged in and correct the wrongs?" Matt asked after catching up.

"It's either back to the military, or you making your part of the story. You pick." Chris increased speed.

"Weee!" Tifa hollered.

"At least my job wasn't that bad!" Matt called out.

"It's because you were a nurse in the Navy!" Chris yelled.

"Hey, I raised that flag, too! And I had to run over to save your ass before your intestines would spill out!" Matt retorted. He started running after him.

"Whoooaaa!" Asuka held on.

"My intestines were never spilling out! I was on the other side of the field!" Chris yelled back.

Five minutes later.

"Oh, yeah, then who was the one huddling in the corner, hoping their mommy would come save them when those Japanese were bombarding!?" Matt scowled.

"Alex Trebek."

"Oh, yeah. Well, then who was the crybaby who thought we were going to tortured and have our genitalia stuffed in our mouths when the rescue team found us?"

"Regis Philbin. For Christ's sake, Matt, I was trying to make sure no one found us."

"Oh, that's right. Hey, I did something, too, man."

"I know. I wasn't the one complaining about being a nurse."

"You were a nurse?" Asuka asked.

"Naval Corpsman. We act as doctors. But Chris just makes fun of it."

"What was Chris?"

"Force Recon."

"Oooh! Really? Where is he?" Tifa's eyes went wide.

"He's gone!" Asuka gasped. Tifa's lips started trembling again.

"Don't worry, he's not gone. He probably went to the bathroom or somewhere. I don't know," Matt assured. 'Should have joined the S.E.A.L.s when they asked. Now I know why he uses stealth.'

"Hey, guys, you might want to check this out!" Chris whispered a little loud from the top.

'Oh...' Matt started climbing the rocks. Tifa and Asuka followed suit, with Asuka's face close to Matt's... pelvis.

It took them a while to climb up the rocky mountain. They found Chris sitting on a boulder with a cigarette in hand. Tifa sighed and started her daydreaming again.

Matt looked over to see a tribal ritual happening below. They were anthropomorphic camels, doing ritualistic dancing around a large totem pole.

"Uh, Chris, you might want to kill that cigarette," Matt suggested.

"For what? I haven't smoked all day," Chris protested.

"I have," Asuka piped up.

"I'm sure you did." Chris wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Matt and Asuka. Asuka blushed. Matt rolled his eyes and turned to Asuka.

"Since when do you smoke?"

"Oh, no, I don't. I just wanted to see your reaction."

"It wouldn't make a difference," Matt said.

"Oh? Do you smoke?" Asuka asked.

"No."

"Me neither."

"Only on occasions."

"Me too."

"On second thought, I've never touched a cigarette."

"Yeah, those things are disgusting." Asuka made a grimacing face.

"But they can be so addicting."

"Totally, it's like you can't stop."

"Good thing I never smoke."

"Yeah, my lungs are healthy."

'Wow. This girl...' Matt chuckled and shook his head. Chris blew out smoke, and the pagans turned around to where they were. Matt, Asuka, Chris and Tifa ducked down.

"I think they know we're here!" Tifa gasped. She started hugging Asuka.

"Chris, kill it!" Matt whispered.

"All of them?! I'm not running through those!" Chris peaked over.

"I'm talking about your cigarette, man."

"Oh." Chris threw his cigarette down and squashed it with his foot.

"I think nicotine somehow attracts them or they have really strong smelling," Matt said.

"Probably strong sense of smell. Or... not." Chris was still watching them.

"How do you know?" Tifa asked.

"Their chief-elder's name is Marlboro Greens," Chris responded.

"What, you have good vision?" Matt peaked as well. He saw a large sign behind a camel dressed in clothing suited for a chief-elder saying "Marlboro Greens."

"Oh."

"And their war-chief's name is Marlboro Reds!" Tifa peaked over herself. Asuka did the same. Matt and Chris looked at each other.

"Pun." Matt chuckled.

"And I thought you had something against camels." Chris lit up another cigarette.

"Chris, don't smoke! They'll catch us!" Asuka panicked.

"Don't worry, they won't," Chris reassured her.

"He's smoking L&M Reds," says Matt. Chris nodded. Asuka looked over to camel tribe and saw that they didn't take heed in Chris smoking a different brand of cigarettes.

"Lucky thing we went to Puerto Rico." Matt chuckled.

"Oooh, Puerto Rico!" Tifa and Asuka leaned forwards to Chris and Matt.

"His mission, not mine. I was visiting." Chris pointed over to Matt.

"Thanks a lot, man." Matt lowered his eyebrows. Asuka started hugging Matt's arms.

"Anytime." Chris smiled and leaned back.

AN: Will the authors ever get back to the plot? Yes, they will right as soon as the other co-author posts his part up. Until then, fillers will be used. Yeah, we're conceited assholes.

"By the way, kids. Don't smoke, it's really bad for your health." Chris appears from behind the curtains.

"Smoking damages your lungs and you can be prone to lung cancer. It can also be liable for any other diseases, such as pneumonia and maybe tuberculosis." Matt joined in.

"In real life, I smoke, but in this fanfiction it's only used for puns and for shits and giggles." Chris nodded. Matt looked at Chris.

"What?"

"Shits and giggles?"

"Who takes smoking in fanfiction seriously?"

"Probably you, since you're a heavy smoker."

"Anyway. Don't do drugs, especially ice. Makes your spine twitch."

"Stay in school!" Matt waved to the applauding crowd.

"Now back to the plot..." Chris turned around to see a pregnant Asuka and Tifa. Matt was about to groan and question why they stuffed their bellies with pillows when...

"Besides, smoking can cause premature birth and kill babies!" Tifa said as a last note. The girls hugged the boys' arms.

"Awww," the crowd swooned.

"Shit..." Chris and Matt smacked their heads.