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Chapter 10 – What have you done?
I just know it will end up badly, so I try to get out of the confrontation.
"Not now, Adrian. We can talk in the morning."
"I don't think so, Rose. We will talk now!" I can see the determination in Adrian's eyes.
"Fine! Let's go downstairs; I don't want to wake Eric up." I sigh in exasperation and then under my breath, I add, "Just remember you wanted to do this, because you might live to regret it." Part of me hopes he missed the last part. No such luck...
"What was that, Rose? I didn't quite get it."
"Nothing, you want to talk, let's go downstairs and get it over with. Plus, I need a coffee and a cigarette to calm down..." So I'm not too tempted to kill you... The thought crosses my mind but I don't say it out loud.
Five minutes and a cigarette later we are sitting in the living room, a steaming cup of coffee in front of each of us.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask as calm as possible, "Spit it out, you know I'm not very patient at this time of the night." The cool night air has helped soothe my nerves somewhat.
"Rose, are you cheating on me?" The question is like a slap to my face and puts me on edge.
"Me? Cheating on you?" I ask in disbelief. "Are you accusing me?" Adrian should have detected the mocking quality to my voice but as upset as he was, he somehow missed it.
"Well, Rose, what do you expect me to think? You sneak around, act all secretive, sometimes I can see you smile in a way I have never seen before and you're having all those dreams. Are you seeing Dimitri, Rose? When did you get in touch with him? How did you find him? How long has it been going on for? And before you try and deny it all, I have to tell you, you've started talking in your sleep. Do you know how it makes me feel to hear my wife scream another man's name?" Oh, he's pissed off alright...
"I am not cheating on you, Adrian! And I am not seeing Dimitri. I am talking to him, however, and he found me; not the other way around. There's nothing going on between us. The only thing he wants to know is why I did what I did all those years ago and I owe him that much. I'm sure as soon as he knows the truth he'll disappear for good." 'Cause he'll hate me forever... "As for the dreams, they're just flashbacks. I've suppressed all the memories for so long, they're all flooding back now and it happens in my sleep because I can't control what I dream."
"I want to believe you, Rose, but there's a part of me that doesn't buy what you say. Why didn't you tell me he's been in touch? And with all those secrets you keep from me about your past, how can I be sure you are telling me the truth?"
"I am keeping those secrets from you because they are not mine to tell. I gave Dimitri my word and I keep my promises. I can't tell you anything about his life at the moment either because I can't risk putting him in danger. The only thing I can tell you is that he's with someone else and has two lovely little boys with her, so I hope that puts your mind at rest. And don't forget I married you and we have a son together." I say, trying to reason with him again.
"I still don't believe you, Rose! You don't owe him anything; not after all that time. He broke your heart and I was the one who picked up the pieces and tried my best to put you back together, but you never let go of him... or your feelings for him. I am tired of being second best in your life! I get it, you were in love, you had a great relationship, but he still hurt you, Rose! Stop treating him like he's some sort of a God and worshipping the ground he walks on! He's just a man from your past."
He's really starting to piss me off now...
"I owe him everything, Adrian! And you do as well; if it wasn't for him you would have never met me in the first place. And if he wants to know the truth, that is what I am going to give him. I need to make it all better, I need to take his pain away, I need to try and repair the damage I've done in the past so we can both finally move on completely. And I'd very much like it if we could be friends after all that but I don't think it will be possible with you behaving like a cave man!" I am losing my temper now.
"Can you really move on, Rose? Or can he for that matter? I certainly wouldn't be looking for an ex-girlfriend of thirteen years ago, if I'd moved on. And no, I don't want him anywhere near you; I won't let him take you away from me and I know you'll go running to him if he asks you to, if you haven't already!" Adrian is getting louder and louder.
"Oh, Adrian, please! I've got a family; no one is more important to me than Eric and you should know that! Do you think I'll risk your lives, the lives of my friends and the lives of Dimitri's family? I'm not a cheat Adrian, if I was to go running back to Dimitri, I'd leave you first!" My voice is just as loud as my husband's as I get angrier by the second and I hope he'll see reason before it all goes too far.
"So is that why you haven't been with him already, because of the danger? Or because you still live with me? Is that your way of telling me you're going to end our marriage? You won't let me anywhere near you, Rose; you haven't been with me for months! It doesn't matter if you are willing to admit it or not but he's already destroying our marriage just by talking to you!" OK, he's crossed the line this time.
"Dimitri doesn't need to do anything to ruin our marriage; you did that yourself so don't you try to blame it on me or anyone else! Do you think I don't know about your little flings and affairs? Do you think I don't know about Camille? That's why I don't want you to touch me. The thought of you and I having sex after you've been with someone else disgusts me! Your actions are the only reason you don't want to believe I am not fucking Dimitri... You think I screw around only because that's what you do!" I am shaking now with my fists firmly clenched.
Adrian is quiet for a few minutes, just staring at me in disbelief. Then he collapses on the sofa and buries his face in his hands.
"How did you find out? How long have you known?" His voice comes out shaky.
"I've known for a long time, Adrian, almost from the very beginning. And how did I find out? Are you seriously asking me that question? I pay all the bills, do all the banking and repair all the computers and laptops in our household. How do you think I found out, Adrian? Do you think I am blind, or just plain stupid? Do I have to remind you of my past or what I do for a living?" My voice has a bitter edge to it. "The only reason I am still here is because of Eric; I didn't want to take his father away but I'm starting to think I made a mistake. You have the cheek to not believe what I say when you sit there and accuse me of cheating? Get a grip, Adrian!"
Adrian is strangely quiet for once, trying to process all the information I just dumped on him.
"I am sorry, Rose," he whispers. "I..."
"Sorry for what, Adrian? Sorry that you cheated, or are you sorry that I found out?" I interrupt him without even thinking about it twice. "The first time was just after Eric was born and I was having a rough time. I knew I couldn't give you what you needed, so I just sucked it up and carried on as normal. What about all the other times, Adrian? I was never enough for you, was I?"
My now empty cup crashes in the wall behind him. I am losing my temper and I need to go out into the garden before I start breaking everything around me. As I try to flee, Adrian grabs my forearm and turns me around to face him.
"Wait, Rose! Please, let me explain!"
"There's nothing to explain. You cheated multiple times and that's the end of the story; there isn't anything to explain and I don't want to hear it! Now, if you know what's good for you... get your hands off me and let me go!" I hiss completely enraged. Adrian listens to me for once. The only thing he says is: "Does that mean you want a divorce? Are you leaving me?"
I don't reply.
WWO
The next day I take some time off work, pack Eric and my bags and go to stay with Lisa. I still don't know what I am going to do but I'm sure I'll figure it all out; there's a plan already taking shape in my mind. Looks like Rose Ivashkov is leaving the scene and it's time for Rose Hathaway to come back.
My mobile rings but I let it go to voice mail. I listen to Adrian's panicked voice...
"Rose, where are you? Please, don't do this, Rose! Come back... You can't just up and leave and take Eric with you. Rose, you know I love you. I'm sorry. Oh, Rose, what have I done...?"
I press delete and turn my phone off.
Yes, Adrian, what have you done?
What do you think is Rose's plan? What do you think will happen in the next chapter?
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