Chapter 19 – Good old Hoggy Hogwarts
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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners i.e. J.K. Rawlings, etc. The original characters and plot are the property of the author i.e. J.K. Rawlings, etc. This work is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Not for sale or profit but at least I can give it away.
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Minerva was thrilled to see us and had an evil smile as she mentioned the first staff meeting before Hogwarts opened. I could see Snape's reactions running rampant in her mind.
The Dark Lord Quarters still had the sign and all of the wards still were intact. The elves started moving our things in and expanding all the rooms. Of course we got into elf troubles shortly after arriving but it was soon fixed.
"Harry Potter Sir and his Misses will be served by Dobby and his girls ONLY! We provide for you including food in the Great Hall and everywhere you goes. You need help you call on Dobby and his elves."
"We're sorry Dobby we were not thinking. Of course we want you to provide your excellent services for us." We gave our assurances as we wished to keep their great service and not end up with Kretcher type elves. Lucius Malfoy had seen in the end what unhappy elf was capable of doing.
The staff meeting was a bust for excitement. Minerva and I were disappointed as Dumbledore introduced me as Hawkingwood and Snape failed to recognize me. Maybe it was the contact lenses that changed my eyes to blue or the long straight hair. Lupin and Tonks also failed to recognize me. We felt it would be best to leave it that way as I had other fish to fry.
Nothing was new except the first year students. The teaching assistant job was boring as I got to grade essays more than teach but as a whole we were not hiding in Dun-Potter. What was odd was the Deatheater attacks. With Voldemort gone I would have expected the Ministry to clean out the remaining monsters in a short time but that was not the case.
"What's wrong Luna you see a bit down?"
"The Minister is harassing Daddy and the Quibbler. They still want to find you and I guess I am their only lead."
Cheryl entered the grumbling, "That idiot only needs someone to pin a tail on him and he would make a perfect Jackass."
I got to stern glares as I started laughing, "My lovely's I do believe you have given me and idea or two."
If they could harass then I could prank. So started a non violent pranking war.
My latest ability was 'transporting' like the elves and that meant in and out of Hogwarts. The first prank was the ministry and the Minister. Entering the ministry as Lord Harkingwood, followed minutes later by Harry Potters two wives, I head to the 'apperation' testing office. I stopped off at the bathroom and put on a "Harry Potter" glamour complements of the Weasley Twins instant party celebrity kit. I then entered the 'apperation' office and ask to test as Harry Potter. Someone hit the 'panic button' which was my signal to 'transport' to the broom closet outside Ministry's lunch room. Removing my glamour charm kit and watching all the fun like checking everyone for glamour charms and poly-juice, Lord Harkingwood calmly walked out of the Ministry.
While I was applying the "Harry Potter" glamour Luna and Cheryl were having a heated discussion near a couple of reporters.
"I still think Harry should just off the Minister and be done with it, paying bribes not to be caught is just wrong." Luna sighed.
"You know Harry is against killing anything, even the Dailey Profit got it right about the freak bolt of lightning that took out Voldemort." Cheryl huffed.
That is all it took, "Are you the Potter wives?" asked one of the reporters like a shark smelling blood in the water.
"We are Lord Harry James Potter's wives and you are?"
"Piccard from the Dailey Profit, is it true that Harry Potter is here in the Ministry right now?"
"Yes he is upstairs as we speak…" the alarms went off and while reporters raced to the Ministers office Lord Harkingwood's wives calmly exited the Ministry. Minutes later Lord Harkingwood and his wives (with glamour charms in place) made a very public appearance in the Great Hall.
/Scene Break/
The Dailey Profit had a large headline the next morning, "HARRY POTTER BRIBES MINISTER NOT TO BE CAUGHT".
The paper went on to say that the Potter wives were seen in the Ministry complaining that their husband was currently paying bribes to the Minster not to be caught by the Ministry. Further speculation was done on how the Minister had gotten Potter out of the Ministry with a full shutdown in effect and why indeed had Harry Potter not been yet caught by the Ministry.
Dobby's fabulous breakfast was interrupted as 'Ron the Disgusting' opened his food ladened mouth after reading the Profit. "That stinking Potter, I should have let him die when I had all those chances." Ron appeared to be under the impression that he had saved Harry Potter from a Basilisk and other death-defying adventures. It was also obvious that Ron Weasley had no help from Hermione Granger or Harry Potter and had not done well in school upon his return. Adding to his expulsion for most of a year he had failed his OWL testing miserably and had been forced back into school by Molly Weasley a full year behind his peers.
"Do you think we ought to turn the twins loose on him Harry?"
"It's a thought Luna but do you think he has enough intelligence to understand?"
"Intelligence and 'Ron the Disgusting', you have to be kidding." Cheryl snickered.
"Well I for one have a Quibbler article to finish about Thicknesse and his lack of Goblin kissing techniques to finish."
"Lucky you, I have Lord Hawkingwood's accounts to review." Cheryl moaned.
"I get to show the second years the error of their first year's teacher in DADA in about fifteen minutes."
As the three left 'Ron the Disgusting' was still shoveling food and cursing Harry Potter and the Hippogriff he rode in on.
/Scene Break/
Other than the normal classes and dealing with student spats and rule breaking things were in a happy quiet routine at Hogwarts. There were a few odd things that were happening in the magical community besides Deatheater attacks. One of note was the poster which appeared all over Diagon alley and Hogsmeade village. The poster depicted the Minister in a devils costume with pitchfork. The caption read 'Come let me lead you to Hell'. None of the publishing houses would own up to printing the poster but there was one night when the Quibbler presses ran late into the night.
Dumbledore was still calling me into his office for grandfather and son chats. I thought that it would only be fair to include my godmother and Dumbledore's new daughter-in-laws in these little sessions. Cheryl and Luna were not impressed.
"Harry my boy we still need to see all the pensive memories I have so you will know how to finally defeat Voldemort."
"Albus, I'm sure they will be quite interesting but presently I am quit busy with school matters."
"Harry they are of the utmost importance if you are to track down all of his Horcruxes. He will find someone to help him come back if we don't destroy all of the Horcruxes."
We had told him once before that all of Riddles Horcruxes were useless to his wrath assuming that the lightning bolt had not destroyed the wrath, it had definitely destroyed his body. In reality all of Riddle's horcruxes had been picked up by Thanatos but that was a story not yet told, as who would believe me about chatting with death?
I had begged off his pensive viewing as Hogsmeade weekend arrived and I was tasked to patrol Hogsmeade to insure the students didn't get into trouble. Minerva and Snape refused to cover for me so I got a pass on Dumbledore's memories once again.
/Scene Break/
The girls came to Hogsmeade Village to buy and spend, spend, spend. Not that they could ever scratch the surface of the interest coming into the Potter, err, Hawkingwood vaults. PJ&H never came close to the principle but now the Ministry had to take up the slack that PJ&H had paid for. I was waiting for the Ministry to default on their Goblin loan under a new minister. A default would give me the opportunity to buy my way into the new Minister good graces and with my seat on the Wizengamot I might be able to change the dysfunctional world of magical beings.
Dobby and his girls had made many trips taking books, clothes, chocolate and assorted items back to the Dark Lords Quarters. No one thought twice about whom was living in Potter's old quarters as it was the legendary sign over the entrance, that no one could remove, that made the rooms of interest. So regardless who lived there it would always stay the Dark Lords Quarters until someone could take down the sign.
While some may call it nasty or mean we were going to cause a few Harry Potter sightings that day. By making quick appearances we could watch the Aurors searching high and low for the dangerous Potter while Lord Hawkingwood and wives could enjoy the Ministry's angst. Before we could start a number of Deatheaters appeared down the street sending curse in every direction.
I had originally wanted to have Luna and Cheryl wait in The Three Broomstick until I made my Harry Potter appearance but I was vetoed. They were going to drop their glamour charms to add to the illusion of the bad guy and his wives were back in town and not to be messed with. With the Deatheaters down the street we had no time to argue and we backed into the closest alley. Before I could say anything Luna said, "Just shut up and go and have some fun."
I made myself invisible with a charm and 'transported' just down the street passed the Deatheaters. I got lucky this day as there was the father and son act of Malfoy, Crab and Goyle.
Now a lot of people would take umbrage on my determination never to kill but that left me with very few options. While a stunner was fine to put down a Deatheater but if there was more than one present his fellow Deatheater just woke him up and they were off again killing. There was one thing that Deatheaters or supposed pureblood Deatheaters could not stand and that was being embarrassed or insulted. Embarrassment and insults usually caused them to rant and lose focus. I let loose a transfiguration spell I had been working on and the father and son Malfoy were now court jesters. Their tunics were yellow and red; their jester hat had sleigh bells on the tips as did their upturned pointy jester shoes. I then became visible as Harry Potter and let loose a 'Confundo and an Impedimenta'. In their confusion I re-applied the invisibility charm to myself and again I 'transported' to the other side of the bad guys. I zapped Goyle Sr. and son along with Crab Sr. and his son with my next transfiguration spell. The four now looked like real clowns with white faces, red noses and hair with loose multi-colored robes. I made myself visible as Harry Potter and sent another set of 'Confundo and Tarantallegra' spells and jinxes but then 'transported' between my girls who now looked like the Potter wives and helped them fire 'Jelly-brain and Tarantallegra' at the Deatheaters. Cheryl insisted that we 'transport' to a vacant alley when the Aurors started arriving so the girls could replace their glamour charms.
"Did we have fun today my ladies?" I asked as we entered The Three Broomsticks for lunch as the Hawkingwood family.
"Oh I think you made the morning a bit more enjoyable. You do remember that your spells have a tendency to last a very long time?" Cheryl laughed.
"I think being able to jingle every time you move for the next few years would be really nice." Luna giggled. "Just think of the fun noises you could make me make in bed."
"Oh shit I wasn't thinking, did I hit anyone with those 'Confundo and Tarantallegra' spells?"
"Well it's too late to worry your little head over that now isn't it?" Giggled Cheryl. "And Luna you make enough noises in bed."