.
Chapter 4
Stay or leave
I want you
Not to go
But you should
The elevator doors slid open with a soft whoosh, revealing the darkened outlines of Chuck's penthouse. The familiar furnishings and artwork were cloaked in shadow, the only light an eerie reddish glow from the Empire's rooftop sign.
Blinking as her eyes adjusted to her dim surroundings, Blair heard a clicking sound across the polished hardwood and looked down to see Monkey at her feet. He was staring up at her with his wide, guileless eyes, panting audibly, tail wagging in a furry brown blur. She smiled as he pressed his damp nose against her palm with a curious snuffling sound before treating it to a series of enthusiastic licks.
Not much of a guard dog, she thought, gingerly wiping her hand off on her skirt and making a mental note to wash it at the next available opportunity.
When she looked back up, she noticed a sliver of light coming from behind the bedroom door, outlining its shape in the near-darkness. Swallowing down her nerves, she made her way down the hallway and pressed it open.
But the sight that greeted her made her come to an immediate halt.
The bookshelves were empty, and the tops of the dressers and bedside tables were bare. A stack of boxes lined the rear wall, neatly labeled with their contents. She took a few tentative steps forward, stunned, and her gaze panned across the open closet door to her right. It too was empty, and the bars were dangling with empty hangers.
Well, he definitely wasn't wasting any time, she thought uneasily. If she'd waited another day to call his bluff, she might have had to chase him all the way to London.
She heard the faint sound of running water behind the closed bathroom door, and calculated she had five minutes, maybe ten at the most; Chuck never lingered in the shower unless he had company.
As she waited, her gaze skittered nervously around the room before returning to the closet… and pausing on the single item remaining inside. Eyes widening in recognition, she glanced over her shoulder at the bathroom door before walking over to the closet and kneeling down on the plush carpeting.
The carved mahogany box sat on the floor against the back wall, nestled beneath the empty shoe rack. She carefully pulled it out and flipped open the lid, tracing her fingers along the wooden edge as she looked over its contents.
A few newspaper clippings, articles and photos of them at various events; the calligraphied clues she'd made for their naughty scavenger hunt; a set of photostrips from a wedding they'd attended (which eventually turned naughty as well); the lacey black thong he'd pocketed after her seventeenth birthday party.
But there was a lot more in the box than the last time she'd seen it. A pair of cufflinks and a Rolex she'd given him. The silk pajama top that she'd adopted as her own a few weeks into their relationship. The framed photo of the two of them on the French Riviera that used to sit on his nightstand- they were sitting on the beach, and she was smiling at the camera she held out in front of them, a light breeze blowing her curls against her cheek. His head was turned slightly to the side as he watched her, a little half-smile on his face.
Both of them looked so happy, she thought with a wistful smile.
And the thought of all of those memories just being… being boxed up and left behind…
It made her heart ache inside her chest.
Suddenly realizing that the water had stopped, she hastily shoved the box back to its former position and scrambled to her feet.
Taking a few paces forward, she stood in the center of the floor, forcing herself not to fidget from one foot to the other. Now that she was actually here, she had no idea how she'd managed to stay away for so long; her heart was beating a mile a minute, and she felt like she might jump out of her skin in anticipation.
Finally, the door swung open and Chuck stepped into the bedroom, vigorously rubbing his head with a towel. After several endless seconds, he tossed it aside into a hamper, and looked up.
His hazel eyes collided with her wide brown ones. For a split-second, they widened with surprise, and then his expression retracted into something unreadable.
They simply stared at each other for one long moment.
"Blair," he said at last, the deep timbre of his voice producing an odd flip-flop in her stomach.
"Hi," she greeted him breathlessly.
Her mouth went dry as she looked him over- from his damp, tousled hair, to the loosely-tied robe revealing part of his bare torso, droplets of water still clinging to his chest hair; the outline of his muscular body beneath the silky fabric; the belt wrapped slackly around his waist, looking as though one firm tug would be enough to get it open.
But then Chuck cleared his throat, eying her with a guarded look as he tightened the belt of his robe, and she mentally shook herself back to reality.
She took a deliberate glance around the room before returning to meet his eyes.
"I see you didn't waste any time getting packed," she observed wryly.
Her attempt to lighten the mood hung awkwardly in the air between them, Chuck's only response an evasive little nod.
She swallowed over the nervous lump in her throat.
"That was… a really wonderful speech you gave tonight," she offered, smiling hesitantly.
"Thank you," he responded in a short tone.
"And the Maybourne deal… " She shook her head in admiration. "That's just amazing, Chuck. I remember when you were trying to negotiate with them last year, it didn't sound like they'd ever agree to your terms."
He shrugged.
"I guess I made them an offer they couldn't refuse," he said sardonically.
But she didn't miss the little spark of pride in his otherwise deadpan expression.
"Well, it sounds like a wonderful opportun—" she was enthusing with a bright smile when Chuck interrupted her.
"What are you doing here, Blair?" he asked with just the slightest tinge of impatience.
Blair's smile quickly faded from her face. Fine, she thought. Enough with the small talk.
"I…" she began, biting her lip. "I broke up with Dan."
The words echoed through the tense air between them, her heart skipping a beat when he showed no outward reaction.
In fact, if it weren't for the slight tensing of his jaw, she might have suspected he hadn't heard her at all.
"Chuck…" she trailed off, expecting him to say something.
"I'm sorry to hear that," he replied evenly.
She blinked in surprise.
"Sure you are," she scoffed, eying him with consummate skepticism.
"You sacrificed a lot for that relationship," he said in a quiet tone. "Your marriage. Your reputation. Your friendship with Serena. It's just a shame... it was all for nothing."
Her brow furrowed as she absorbed his words.
He must still be angry, she realized. Well, she could hardly blame him for that.
"But it wasn't for nothing," she insisted.
She stepped towards him and his body stiffened reflexively. When she traced one hand down the lapel of his robe, she could feel his heart beat through the layer of fabric underneath her hand, their proximity clearly affecting him just as much as it did her.
"It made me realize what I really want," she finished softly.
She gazed up at him with an expectant look, but he averted his eyes.
"And what's that?" he asked gruffly.
"You," she whispered.
She ran her hand along the side of his jaw, watching his eyes flutter closed, his only response a quiet exhalation.
With a tilt of her head, a lingering caress of her hand, she leaned up and brushed her lips against his.
The spark of electricity between them was instantaneous, shooting all the way down to her toes. It had been so long since they'd last kissed, since his soft, warm lips had touched her skin- it felt familiar and exhilarating all at once.
Making an eager little noise low in her throat, she pressed herself closer, her hand drifting down to stroke the taut column of his neck as her mouth moved against his.
But in a swift, abrupt motion, he pulled away, stepping backwards to put distance between them.
"I should've known," he murmured, almost as if he were talking to himself. "I should've known this would happen."
"Chuck…" Her brow furrowed in puzzlement.
"I should've known the second I tried to leave…" He rubbed a hand over his jaw, frustration visible on his face. "You wouldn't be able to just... let me go."
She stared back at him, confused by the suggestion that this was an undesired turn of events.
"Of course I couldn't. I can't… bear the thought of you leaving," she admitted.
"You tell me to move on," he said in a low voice, still not meeting her eyes. "You tell me to let go. But every time I try… you pull me back in. It almost feels like… you want to make sure that I'm not happy without you."
Her lips parted in dismay, and she immediately began shaking her head.
"That's not true," she countered. "It's not because I don't want you to be happy without me. It's because… I was trying to be happy without you. But I wasn't, not at all."
"And I don't want to be," she went on in a softer tone. "I just… I just miss you. So much."
The tight, controlled lines of his face twitched almost imperceptibly.
"And… I know you miss me too," she added.
"I've been missing you for a long time, Blair," he said quietly.
But something about the way he said it made her uneasy.
"You don't have to anymore," she replied with a tentative smile, hoping he would respond in kind- but his expression remained impassive.
"I'm leaving for London in eight hours," he replied matter-of-factly. "What exactly do you want from me?"
And her heart dropped a little at the distance in his voice.
"Well, 'goodbye,' for starters," she said, a shade of hurt creeping into her voice. "Were you really going to leave without even that?"
He sighed deeply, dropping his head back against the bathroom door frame and rubbing one hand across his jaw.
"I don't know how to say goodbye to you, Blair," he admitted.
"Then don't," she said softly, insistently. "Stay here… with me."
"Why should I?"
It took her by surprise, that single, hoarsely-uttered question, and she simply stared at him for a beat.
"Because I love you," she said in an obvious tone.
"So you've said," he replied sardonically. "Many times… but it never stopped you from walking away before. So tell me, Blair." The single-minded intensity in his eyes sent a shiver down her spine. "What makes this any different?"
She looked away for a moment, attempting to gather her wits- she hadn't been prepared for this kind of interrogation.
Honestly, she'd kind of hoped they could celebrate first and talk later.
"I just… I wasn't ready before," she confessed. "I was scared, and I wasn't willing to face what us being together would mean. I wasn't ready to face… the rest of my life."
She met his eyes again, and, in an instant, recognized the desperate longing concealed in their dark, turbulent depths.
As much as he fought against it, as much as he was trying to hold her at arm's length… he wanted her to convince him. He wanted to believe in her.
The realization made her heart began to pound even faster- whether out of fear, or hope, or love, she couldn't even tell.
"But I'm ready now," she assured him, her voice warming with optimism. "For us to finally start our life together."
She smiled at him shyly, anticipating that giddy, boyish grin, that look of pure adoration he'd given her when they'd reunited so many months ago.
But he still looked… hesitant. Wary.
An unspoken question lingering in his eyes, although he was too proud to voice it.
"With Dan…" she began, struggling to put into words what she'd been thinking over for the past few hours. "I was just… desperate for something safe, something easy. I thought that way, I'd never get hurt." She shook her head regretfully. "But it wasn't what I really wanted."
Taking a step towards him, she reached out and took his hand in hers, her thumb stroking against the back of his knuckles.
He stared down at their intertwined fingers, the muscles of his throat rippling as he swallowed.
"You…" she said earnestly. "You're all I've ever wanted."
She took another step closer, until they were almost touching.
Gazing up at him with every bit of love and hope and sincerity she was feeling.
"It's always been you, Chuck," she whispered.
When he finally looked up at her, his dark eyes shining with moisture, she could see his guarded façade starting to crumble.
The taut lines of his face etched with fatigue and relief; his hand squeezing around hers as if he were afraid to let go.
And a moment later, his lips were on hers.
One kiss, sweet and reverent. Lingering. As if the touch of their lips were a balm, soothing the wounds they'd inflicted upon each other.
A long pause, their foreheads resting against each other, lips inches apart. Breathing each other in.
And then a second kiss, more passionate this time, more insistent.
Then another, and another, his tongue delving into her mouth, stroking aggressively against her own. He kissed her with a desperate intensity, his hands grasping her waist and pulling her flush against him.
Moments later, they were making out with abandon. She felt almost lightheaded, surrounded by his taste and touch and scent, but wanting- needing- even more of him. Their hands roamed eagerly across each other's skin, pulling at clothing in their desire to get closer. When the hidden side zipper on her dress didn't immediately yield to his fingers, Chuck made an impatient noise low in his throat, gripping it with enough force to rend the fabric from her body.
Stilling his hand with her own, she took several steps back, until she was just out of reach.
And then slowly, seductively, she slid the zipper down, her eyes never leaving his. With a soft swish, the chiffon slipped down to pool at her feet… leaving her clad only in a strapless bra and thong, burgundy silk trimmed in lace, and her black sling-back stilettos.
She could see his eyes darken with lust, burning a path over her exposed curves.
Her teeth sank coyly into her bottom lip as she stepped backwards, the invitation in her eyes and the sway of her hips beckoning him to follow. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, she bent down to undo the straps of her heels.
"Leave them on," he ordered, in that husky, authoritative voice that always made her blood quicken.
She obliged, reclining back onto the bed, and watched as he pushed himself away from the doorframe, stalking towards her with deliberate, cat-like strides.
He shrugged out of his robe, and just the sight of his taut, lithe body produced a throb of anticipation between her legs. As he crawled over her and leaned down for a kiss, the unmistakable evidence of his arousal pressed into her bare thigh, and she purred in approval against his mouth and reached down to caress him with her hand.
He braced himself above her on his forearms, gazing down over her body; she watched his eyes grow heavy-lidded, his breathing becoming erratic as she pumped her hand up and down his length.
"Blair…" he exhaled in warning.
But she continued to stroke him, delighting in how readily he responded to her touch.
When she finally paused, she took advantage of his momentary distraction to roll them both over, planting her palms against his chest as she straddled his hips.
In one swift movement, she undid the back clasp of her bra and tossed it aside. She leaned forward until she could feel his chest hair teasing against her hardened nipples, her hair cascading down around their heads in a curtain of silky curls. Pressing wet, suckling kisses down the side of his neck, she inhaled his scent, the heady mixture of soap and aftershave mingling with the natural aroma of his skin.
"Mmm," she murmured in appreciation.
She could feel his body arch up beneath her as she rolled her hips against him, the rigid length of his cock nestling into her slick cleft with only the barest scrap of lace separating them. They rocked against each other, savoring the delicious torment until they were both panting in arousal. Desperate to feel him inside her, Blair reached down and slid her thong to the side, pressing him against her entrance.
But he shifted beneath her, his body rolling to the side as he reached towards the drawer of his nightstand.
"You don't need to." She pressed her lips against his neck, feeling his movements still. She traced the outside of his ear with her tongue and then bit down on the lobe, just hard enough to make him squirm.
"Are you sure?" he asked hoarsely.
She quickly slid her thong off her hips and over her heels and repositioned herself over him. Reaching down, she wrapped her fingers around his length and gave it several firm, leisurely strokes.
"I want to feel you come inside me," she whispered against his ear.
The air left his lungs in a throaty groan as she felt him twitch in her hand.
Seconds later, she was lowering herself onto him, releasing a gratified little whimper as she felt him fill her completely.
"Fuck, Blair…" he groaned beneath her.
He wrapped his hands around her hips, moving around to cup her ass as she began riding him.
"Feel good?" she asked breathlessly.
She kept her pace deliberately slow, wanting to prolong their reunion for as long as possible. Gripping his shoulders for leverage, she sped up and then slowed down her rhythm; teasing him by withdrawing almost completely before plunging down on him again.
He cursed under his breath, hips arching up to meet hers.
"It's a yes or no question, Bass," she whispered in a teasing voice.
She repeated the motion, waiting for several long, tantalizing seconds this time before thrusting down on him again, and she saw his eyes clench shut in agonized pleasure.
Nothing turned her on quite like making Chuck lose control.
Angling her head back so he could see the curve of her neck, her hair spilling down her back, she began riding him with abandon, feeling that delicious ache begin to intensify inside her. She leaned forward, arching herself towards his mouth, just the way he liked.
Waiting to feel his lips, his tongue, on her breasts.
When she didn't, she looked down to find his gaze not focused on her body, but on her face- an intense, inscrutable look that almost made her falter in her movements.
Oddly discomfited by his stare, she tilted her head down and captured his mouth in a passionate kiss; she drew his lower lip between hers, sucking and nibbling on it until she felt him throb inside her.
"Mmm," she hummed in approval. Deciding to tease him some more, she kissed her way up his neck, letting her teeth scrape against his skin, then biting down just hard enough that he hissed a little.
Chuck had always liked it a little rough, she thought. Not to mention…
"You like the way I'm fucking you?" she murmured.
Dirty talk. His favorite.
"You feel so good inside me," Blair purred against his ear.
She tightened her muscles around him, delighting in his low moan, the upwards jerk of his hips.
"God, I've missed your cock," she whispered, as if divulging a very naughty secret. "No one else has ever" -she slid her hips up- "fit me as perfectly" -and then back down- "as you do."
Tracing the outside of his ear with her tongue, she continued to rock her hips against him, anticipating his enthusiastic response.
But she realized he'd gone oddly still beneath her.
And a stab of fear shot through her that she'd said something wrong.
Then his hands tightened around her hips- and before she knew what was happening, she found herself flat on her back and pinned against the bed; their bodies still connected, her arms clasped tightly around his neck.
Her gasp of surprise turned into a moan as he hitched her legs higher around his waist and began pounding into her. The force of his thrusts pressed her deep into the mattress, over and over again, her breaths coming out in short, eager pants.
When he rose up onto his knees for leverage, changing the angle of his thrusts, the sudden swell of pleasure caught her off guard; she grasped at the sheets, her heels digging into his ass as she felt herself rapidly approaching her peak.
"Oh God…" she choked out, her back arching off the mattress as she came, writhing and shuddering beneath him.
She still hadn't regained her senses when she felt his mouth on her breasts, kissing, licking, sucking on each pink bud in turn; then moving up to her shoulder, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh as he continued to thrust into her.
And her hips rocked up to meet him, her body responding instinctively, already seeking more. She grasped his shoulders, then his neck, then his hair; clinging to him, mindlessly urging him on.
His lips moved to her neck, and she arched it back to give him better access.
"Tell me what you want," he demanded, his voice low and rough against her ear.
Blair's response was a soft moan, the grip of her hands pulling him even closer.
"Tell me."
He pulled almost all the way out of her, leaving her whimpering in disappointment.
"You," she gasped. "I want you."
He remained still, poised above her, staring down at her with a burning intensity in his eyes.
"Say it again," he ordered hoarsely.
"I want you," she choked out, arching up against him in desperation. "Please, Chuck…"
The breath left her body in a satisfied groan as he thrust all the way into her again; and then again and again, each stroke intensifying the sweet, throbbing need coiling inside of her; filling her, stretching her, bringing her closer and closer to her peak.
She whined in protest when he paused suddenly- she was so close- hooking his arm under one thigh and propping her leg up against his shoulder.
And then, he began pounding into her without restraint, thrusting harder, and faster, fucking her with a wild abandon that awoke something primal deep within her. She could distantly hear her own moans, urging him on, begging for more, her body arching up to meet every stroke.
Suddenly, a rush of pleasure surged through her veins like a drug; it rose higher and higher, wrenching a hoarse cry from her throat as her senses exploded in a dizzying burst of rapture. She shuddered beneath him, her head thrown back against the pillow, her body overtaken by the almost blinding intensity of her orgasm.
She was still spiraling through ecstasy when he reached his peak, choking out a groan into her neck. She could feel his hips jerk with one last thrust, feel him pulse as he released deep inside her. Her thighs tightened around him, keeping them connected as they both quivered with aftershocks.
Minutes later- maybe hours- he finally rolled over onto his back with a little grunt of satisfaction, sliding an arm around her shoulders to pull her against him. They lay there together, her head tucked against his chest, gradually regaining their senses.
But her mind still felt hazy with bliss; the warm contentedness of being completely satisfied, physically and emotionally, for the first time in a very, very long time. Being here with Chuck, making love to him, holding him… it just felt right.
Like she was finally back where she belonged.
Snuggling closer, she draped one leg across his thighs and nuzzled her face into the curve of his neck. She could feel the beat of his heart thumping steadily beneath her palm, the rhythm of his warm breath against her forehead, lulling her further and further towards sleep.
As her eyelids started to flutter closed, the comfortable fog of slumber enveloping her brain, she forced herself to stay awake for one last moment.
"I missed you, Chuck," she whispered.
"I missed you too." She heard him murmur back, her mouth curving into a contented smile.
And so she drifted off to a deep, deep sleep, safely ensconced in the arms of the man she loved.
Unaware that he lay awake beside her, watching the shadows play across the ceiling until the early hours of the morning.
.
.
A/N: Well, I did warn you this was going to get a little dirrrty. With three Rs. Hopefully that didn't offend anyone's... delicate sensibilities :)
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, or what you think/hope happens next (I'm planning about 4 more chapters). Oh, and feel free to include rants on the epic fail that is the current GG storyline- not that most of you waited for an invitation to do that anyway, haha.
High-five to Terrabeth for being an amazing beta/smut mentor/late night drunken chat partner.
And high-five to all of my reviewers for being awesome: Stella296, dreamgurl, Natalie2010, 88Mary88, livelybass, partnersincrime, loopingread, notoutforawalk, ggoddess, Questacious, Edlover, Krazy4Spike, wrighthangal, Lena, no-name, LowerCase32, Iz, BlairGirlNo1, k, olimgossipgmail, jj, Nikki, Nelly, Ican'tbeMewithoutYou, theghostqueen, bfan, Infinitywr, Actresscs, pty, bonafide11, Trosev, 24hrscout, dancingcow, nat, LeftWriter224, Rossiee, Leah Westwick, Mademoiselle Bass, laura, Temp02, louboutinlove, annablake, Beky77, Annerl.