chapter three

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Zach was here? At three o'clock in the morning? Ok, I know what most of you are thinking. Why wouldn't you want to see an amazingly hot teenager at any time of day? Think of how you look at three o'clock in the morning. Only multiply it by about one-hundred because of a broken hand and pure exhaustion from staying up so late two nights in a row. Thankfully, I have a future CoverGirl model boarding in my room. I swear we have telepathy.

All of a sudden, Macey jumped in front of me, and said,

"Um, hold on Zach. Cammie, really, has to go to the bathroom, and she might need some help in there, so just wait like, five minutes."

We shuffled over to the bathroom door, all the while earning bemused expressions from every female in the room. (Zach just gave one of those blank stares he usually gets when he has no idea what's going on.)

"You better be thankful I saved your butt back there." Macey hectically grabbed a brush and started pulling my hair down from its bird's nest it had made itself.

Now, normally, I wouldn't care at all what I looked like in front of Zach. Especially since I knew now that we, well, loved each other. But I almost felt like, I had to prove it to him. Like he didn't make the wrong choice in loving something so easily breakable.

"Oh no, Macey. My clothes."

She looked down at my despicable too long t-shirt and striped pajama pants and winced. You are probably thinking, Oh! That might sound cute. Ok, no. Words are definitely deceiving in this case. Thankfully we scavenged a presentable, ladylike tank top that Bex had left lying on the ground. Normally Liz wouldn't tolerate such behavior. (She was a clean freak.) Thankfully, she was fretting over a project and hadn't done her daily rounds yet. (A/N: Daily rounds? Is this like 19th Century London or something?)

"Ok. Done."

I took a step back, and Macey looked proud of her work. Was it just me, or was she in a better mood ever since she heard about Zach and I's romantic confessions? I wish Preston would come here just so I can slap him in the face and say, 'What are you doing?!'

"Wow."

If I was a guy, I would totally ask myself out. Maybe I should just wear pajamas everywhere.

"Ok. I'm gonna go out there and say how you didn't feel good, but you feel great now and it was just a 24 hour thing or something. Got it."

I nodded my head. Macey walked out and gave the alibi.

"Cam? You alright in there?"

That's my cue. "Ya, ya. I'm fine." I tried to hide the sleepiness in my voice, but it only made it more apparent. Bex could not stop laughing into my pillow, and Liz nudged her.

"Um, Cammie? Can I-uh, talk to you outside?" I followed him through the door and across the hallway. "So, what brings you here, at this time, under these circumstances?" I wrigled my eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood, but I knew he was about to ask me something serious.

"I just wanted to make sure that, you know, what you said. Still stands."

I knotted my eyebrows together.

"What? That I love you? Why on earth would I change that?"

Zach shrugged. "Well, I don't know. I just didn't want to pressure you into saying something that you didn't want to say. I just wanted to make sure that you said it because it was true, not because you felt like you had too."

I rolled my eyes.

"Please, Zach. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you-" I placed my hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, now angry.

"No, Cam! No, you don't. You deserve better. You deserve more. I'm despicable. You know that? I killed, I shot my own dad. And then I expected someone to actually love me after-"

It hurt me. It hurt me more than words can express by how much he was hurting because of me. And because of that, well, I did something I'm not very proud of.

I slapped him.

Confusion read plain on his face.

"Zachary. Goode. If you ever, ever, leave me, because you think you're not good enough for me, then, then-" I struggled for words, so instead of finishing my sentence, I kissed him. Trying to say what can't possibly be said in this kind of situation.

Finally, he broke away, seeming to understand it all.

He smiled, a tiny smile, like he was afraid that if anyone saw, they would take it away, along with the rest of the joy he had left.

When I finally got back to my room and shut the door, the girls were all in the exact same spot I had left them in. When I walked in with a red face and sad eyes, they looked confused, but I assured them that everything was fine. Macey just walked over slowly and sat on my bed.

"Spill."

Surprisingly, it was Macey who coaxed it out of me. No, no. Don't worry. I didn't tell them Zach's secret. Just that he had one and he didn't think he deserved me because of it. So that's why he came. To try and convince me not to love him. But I convinced him, for now, that he was crazy and that I still loved him. By that time, I was practically flooding up the entire dorm with tears. And surprisingly not surprising, Macey was comforting me the entire time. Rubbing my back and getting me more tissues and telling me that everything would be okay. Suddenly I felt a pang of gratitude towards Macey. Bex and Liz would have no earthly idea how to comfort me after this. But somehow Macey knew exactly what to do and say to make me feel better.

Sometime later, when Bex and Liz were asleep, I asked Macey a question.

"Macey, have you ever been in love?"

The question surprised me. I didn't even know I had asked it until Macey became stiff. She recovered quickly, and somewhat diverted the question.

"I've never known why they call it 'in love.' I think that's too casual. Love isn't a casual thing. Its a deep, powerful, emotional, and moving thing that knows no boundaries. You can love, and you can be loved." She answered back quietly, then almost to herself. "I know I've been the ladder. But I don't know if I've ever loved. See, I'm not as brave as you are Cammie. You love so fearlessly. So blatantly, so outright. You seem to love without caring what the consequences are. With Josh, Zach. I've always been afraid to love. I think though, that the closest I've come to love is the friendships I've made here. The sisterships. But with boys, I guess not. Maybe Preston, if we really got to hang out more. But no. I guess that's why I care so much." She smiled. "I want to know what its like."

I feel like Macey had shared with me something that she had never told anyone else before. I smiled.

"Its like, sunshine, inside of you. You feel warm, all the time. You just want to smile. You'd love it."

"Are you seriously saying that I'd love the feeling of being in love?"

I considered it for a moment. "I guess I am."

"Hahah, well, that's that."