Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or any other copyrighted work below.

a/n: It's been a while! I need to speed up my updates, yikes! Hopefully you guys aren't too mad at me.

Inopportune Opportunist (who's been the best, really) brought up a great point about the whole masked Slade even-though-Raven-already-knows-what-he-looks-like thing. I'd planned to address that a little while away, but forgot that it could have potentially made the story confusing. Apologies, and I will explain shortly.

This is the first chapter where Raven and Slade don't interact directly with one another, so it might be a little slow. But it is important, I promise. There's a lot of character development in this one - I never want to write a story where the romance/plot/etc. will come off as unrealistic. So this is the final touches for the first steps of the actual pairing.

Also, fun fact: every literary quote I use for the beginning of the chapter is from a book I've read (even if I didn't finish it). The quote below is one of my favorites, not only because of it's source material, but because I think it fits this story so well. I highly recommend any of the novels mentioned in every chapter.

"When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance."

- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Grey

Slade [referring to The End]: "With or without me, there was no stopping this."

Robin: But you played a part. And just like everything else you've ever done, it's made people suffer.

Slade: It's what I do best.

Chapter Seven: The Start

The first thing Raven said when she re-entered the Tower was,

"Aqualad is coming to visit."

Robin looked up from whatever he was doing on the main computer.

"What? Today?"

Raven pursed her lips, making a point to seem indifferent.

"He has business down here tonight. He was wondering if we wanted to meet up."

Cyborg, who'd been stuffing himself with what looked like the contents of an entire packet of bacon, grinned in approval.

"Totally! It's been forever since we kicked the Brotherhood of Evil's butt."

Had it? Raven's memory struggled for a timeline. She had been so focused on now, that she had forgotten what had happened then.

How long is forever?

Starfire's vision of the future had been bleak. Evidently, Raven was fated to spend forever huddled up in some abandoned structure, lost in her own mind.

At the thought of having her emotions as company for the rest of her life, Raven blanched.

Hey, protested Passion. We're not that bad!

Oh, Raven, why not? We could have so much fun! Happy's tinkling laughter stung Raven's eardrums.

Lazy shrugged. Meh. I wouldn't want to spend forever with me either. Though if we're going to spend it all in one place, I'm down.

Jesus, no wonder she would go crazy.

If Trigon had remained in power, that version of the future would have become obsolete. But the Titans had successfully spat in the face of Destiny, returning Earth to it's former beauty.

As a result, Raven knew better than anyone that the future was subject to change. But had Starfire's glimpse of a lonely, empty fate for the Titans set to take place after Trigon's defeat? Had the Titan's victory been pre-determined, leaving the future Starfire witnessed a feasible possibility?

This realization disturbed Raven deeply. She didn't know how many times her name had been called before a faint pressure clenched her shoulder.

Robin's mask was creased at the corners - he was squinting. His hand scrunched the fabric of her cloak.

"Raven?"

She hastily recomposed herself.

"Need to meditate," she explained quietly, shaking Robin off and retreating to her room. There was at least a half hour before the ceremony, not counting the ten minutes she and Cyborg would have to take dragging Beast Boy out of bed. But right now, Raven would take anything she could for a chance at some peace and quiet.

.

As predicted, a new batch of H.I.V.E. graduates attacked a power plant by Jump City's ports. Ironically, Raven noted the area was only a few minutes away from Slade's bay residence; seeing as he'd planted many an attack, bomb, etc in these very docks, he had done so within a few miles of his home.

During the whole Terra ordeal, he'd actually attempted to sink the Titans tower. Thinking of the dank, empty space Slade called his own, it was clear he placed no value on the idea of a home. Raven couldn't imagine not having a place to call her own, let alone be willing to destroy it on a whim.

"Yo, Raven!"

Beast Boy was wriggling in some sticky substance shot out from a sneering H.I.V.E. member. Raven slashed through the goop and tossed a shipping container at said member, who was instantly crushed under it.

"Raven!"

Eyes blazing green, Starfire pointed at something behind her. Quickly, Raven dodged a hulking man with wings, evading his grasp by inches.

"Are you all right, friend?" Starfire yelled in the most worried tone she could adopt while firing starbolts at the hulking man, shooting him out of the air. Raven empathized with Starfire - she personally knew the righteous fury it took to generate the starbolts, yet the alien took the time to ask Raven how she was doing.

'I see you haven't improved in combat.' Slade's words repeated themselves smugly.

"I'm fine," Raven reassured her friend, focusing her energy on a few pieces of stray steel to round up the defeated H.I.V.E. agents. Realizing the battle was over, Starfire floated to Raven's side, smiling brightly.

"Oh, Raven," she beamed, "How glorious is the return of our companion Aqualad? I am so looking forward to pizza and mustard with him!"

She bent her neck sideways, looking at Raven expectantly.

"What?" Raven turned her attention away from their prisoners, all of whom were being secured by Robin on the ground.

"Do you have the crush on our friend Aqualad?"

"No."

But Starfire knew Raven better than that.

"Oh, are you quite certain? Robin said you seemed awfully distracted this morning."

This brought hint of warmth to Raven's cheeks.

"What?"

"Yes, and both Cyborg and Beast Boy agree you have been acting strangely for the past few days. And you do seem to leave the Tower more often than before - "

Raven couldn't believe her ears. All this time, she'd believed she was doing a decent job of keeping her Slade situation under wraps. Now Starfire was saying her effort had been wasted?! The Titans were noticing differences in Raven's behavior. How much longer would it be before they figured out where she was going?

" - and I told Robin of Aqualad's visit during girl's night out, and he said that maybe you two might have the hots for one another, but I assured Robin that Aqualad seemed to be at a normal temperature, although you had been looking a little red, which is bizarre for your complexion - "

Mercifully, Starfire's babbling ceased when they landed on the ground. Cyborg made a pun about the criminals, but Raven only caught half of it. She was far too busy plotting ways to throw her best friends off the scent of her betrayal. If that meant using Aqualad, or even a fictional boyfriend, as a diversion, then so be it.

Anxiety ripped at her insides, fueled all the more by a guilty conscience.

What now?

.

Unbeknownst to Raven, only a few miles to the west, Slade was standing in his bedroom. The sheets were long cleaned and tucked neatly back into place. There would be no visitors tonight.

Slade was staring at a slip of paper in his palm. It was incredibly wrinkled, tearing at the edges, yet obviously smoothed out many a time over. The funny thing was, no one could tell if the photograph was a treasured memory or a hateful reminder. The wear and tear could have been the result of adoration or neglect. The world may never know.

But Slade did.

He clenched his fist, mangling the image of the smiling brunette beneath his fingers. Then, without hesitation, Slade rammed the fist into a wall, sinking his apendage and the photograph into the plaster. Wood and paint crumbled around his forearm; Slade remained entrapped in the wreckage, until the stinging of his knuckles grew too irritating to ignore. He pulled his fist out, dusted debris off the picture, then tossed it unceremoniously to the ground.

.

Dripping wet and smelling of sea salt, Aqualad was disappointed he had missed out on the battle.

"I wish I could have helped you guys," he lamented, picking at the edge of his pizza crust. "There were a couple sharks planning to attack some boats they mistook for a rival predator. I had to explain why that wouldn't work out."

Passion sighed contently. Oh Raven, how can you not jump on his philothranpic ass?

"Don't worry about it," Robin waved dismissively, biting into a slice of pepperoni. "The H.I.V.E. was no trouble. But I am concerned about how frequent thier attacks have been..."

"Dude, relax," Beast Boy kicked his legs up on the table. "The baddies are in jail now. Nothin' to worry about."

Rage chuckled at the irony. If only he knew.

"So," Cyborg said. "Any news from Titans East?"

Aqualad grinned. "Nah. Speedy and Bee are always three seconds from killing each other. It's pretty cute."

Beast Boy, who'd developed quite the friendship with Aqualad, sprung to attention. "You mean they're dating?"

"No, no. But Mas and Menos have a bet to see who will confess first."

A burst of pain spread through Raven's calf; she grunted in shock. Across the table, Starfire mouthed a sheepish apology for her alien-strength fueled kick. Nevertheless, the redhead made not-so-subtle gestures towards their handsome friend, who sat one space away from Raven. The space between them was filled by none other than Beast Boy, who was making a show of filling his mouth with crushed red peppers.

What a mood kill, Passion groaned in distaste. Tell Green Beans to mosey on over to freaking Hell if he wants to experiment with heat.

"Calm down," Raven shot back, simultaneously annoyed and surprised by Passion's persistence.

Can't, the emotion shrugged. Not part of my job description. Now, push your boobs out.

Inwardly, Raven sighed. Where was Brave when you needed her?

I think she went to Happy's place, Intelligence reported. Your nervousness around Aqualad is making her abilities obsolete.

A spasm went through Raven's temple. "And Happy's floating strawberry garden is going to help with that?"

For the record, I voted for a movie theatre that played porn to the hits of the eighties, Passion interjected. But no, Happy just had to get that stupid pink park of crushed dreams.

Happy is important than you, Passion, Intelligence adjusted her glasses. You're too fleeting.

Excuse you, Passion huffed, indignant.

"So," Robin tugged Starfire closer. "What about you, Aqualad? You seeing anyone?"

Raven pretended not to notice the shifty looks Cyborg and Beast Boy were throwing her and the Atlantis native.

But Aqualad only offered a smile and said, "Not right now, but -"

Dark eyes pierced Raven's own. Her heart made a quivering thump, once.

"I'm definitely open to it."

Passion, who'd been briefly irked by Intelligence's snark, bounced up and down in Raven's psyche. Did you see that?! Did you hear that?! He's open to it! Raven, he's talking about your garden!

Happy's garden? Timid asked, clearly confused. Raven wanted to spear herself in the frontal lobe.

"No," she growled at Passion. "That's not what he was talking about."

Oh! Timid's eyes widened with realization. Raven, is Passion talking about your secret gar -

Through all this, Raven managed to crack a thin smile, hoping Aqualad would take it as an invitation for courtship. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Passion was quietly humming what sounded suspiciously like Olivia John-Newton's Let's Get Physical.

.

Grass tickled the undersides of Raven's thighs as she adjusted her seating. Outwardly, it looked as if she was scooting into the crook of the tree, perhaps for a more comfortable meditative place. But in reality, Raven was trying to get the best vantage point for the Titan's soccer match in Jump City's central park. Aqualad added some variety to the mix, considering it was usually Robin or Cyborg's team that won the game. For a guy who originated from the sea, his coordination wasn't too poor, although he was a bad shot - every ball he kicked towards their makeshift goal would miss.

Sedated by the ample view of male behind, Passion was blissfully silent, leaving Raven's own thoughts to wander. In spite of herself, she wondered what Slade was doing. Was he out and about, enjoying the last bits of pink sunlight? Or was he plotting and scheming and doing the things Raven had always expected out of him?

Her fingers crept into the grass, lacing themselves between the blades. Would it feel the same to him? Did he experience things the way Raven did? Slade had certainly died like a human. After he'd been re-animated, what had life been like? Could he smell, taste, feel?

Well, he did feel, Raven considered grimly. Even dead, he felt greed. He felt duty. He felt desperation.

We'll be in touch.

The hands of flame had been unlike any pain she'd ever experienced. Not even opening the portal could compare to the searing, white-hot bursts of agony as ancient curses were inscribed into her skin. One thing Raven clearly remembered was that Slade had showed no compassion to her obvious suffering, even as she writhed with anguish in his big, big hands. No matter how you squirm.

But now, against her better judgement and the ache of old scars, Raven tried her damnedest to sympathize with the man. Why she even bothered, Raven wasn't sure. But her anxiety poked and prodded at the notion, whispering over and over:

What now?

Slade himself had perished in lava. He'd died in liquid flame.

Terra took you down! Way down!

Not one of the Titans had so much as bothered to search the chapel remains for any evidence of Slade's true identity. None of them informed the city of the casualty. Frankly, none of them had cared if any trace of him disappeared forever.

Yet - as Raven had recently discovered - Slade was a man. He ate. He slept. He owned a house.

And when given the opportunity to live once more, he took it. Hadn't Raven herself taken an opportunity to defeat her father and restart her life, rather than live out her days as a shadow of what she once was?

Let's just say I'm currently incomplete.

Suddenly, Slade's choice no longer seemed so unfathomable, so evil.

A pity things didn't work out as planned.

He was a man who wanted to live again.

Was that really so terrible?

Stop, Intelligence warned. What are you doing? No matter how you look at it, Slade was an evil man. I doubt he's changed much now, if he's changed at all. You shouldn't empathize with him. It's pointless.

The telltale prickle of a headache rippled through Raven's mind. She closed her eyes, cutting off the view of her companions.

"I'm an empath, Intelligence. It's hard not to empathize."

I know, sighed the yellow-cloaked emotion. But you think about Slade a lot lately. Too often.

"Really?" Raven's tone was only half-amused. "Wonder why that is."

You can't afford to be friendly with Slade.

Irritation soured Raven's tongue. "We have a business arrangement."

Things change.

Slade's cold, masked face appeared in her mind's eye. The image flickered, then faded into the stunned, relatively handsome man she saw at the market.

Raven set her jaw.

Yes, they damn well did. She knew that better than anyone.

What now?

Raven feared what that would mean for her, for him, for them all.