The 4th of June in the 15th Year of the New Order Under our Lord and King
I still tremble when I think on that fateful day, of the carnage and screams and fear that made the air unbreatheable. The smell of blood and death will come to me unbidden, making me retch and forego my meals for the day. The only solace I find is when I beg my stoic guard to take me to the upper level promenade of the Palace where he showed me the retreating citizens so long ago. There, where the wind always seems to blow, taking with it the perpetual stench of scorched sorrow that fills me, I'll pace the walkways over and over. I wonder if I may wear a furrow into the stone under my relentless feet.
It was on one of my "walks" when I watched one of the King's guards approach mine and speak to him. The two men glanced at me several times and the newcomer's gestures were animated and urgent. He turned abruptly toward me and quickly crossed the distance to my side. As he came closer, I recognized him. Though somewhat stout in appearance, he had the look of a man of strength, built as solidly as a bull. From time to time, when he had been in public attendance beside the King, he had borne a black handprint that covered his mouth and chin in a rather menacing fashion. He didn't wear such paint at that moment but his stature and face were recognizable.
"Come with me," he said, taking my left arm at the elbow. I jumped at the physical contact but he held fast, tightening his grip on me until I winced. It was obvious he had much disdain for me, for his mouth curled slightly at my reaction.
"Unhand me! I'll go willingly with you; force is unnecessary." The guard pulled me closer with his painful grip.
"You have proven yourself extremely defiant to the King. What makes you think I can believe one word that comes from your deceitful mouth?" His words were like a slap. Was that the general consensus of the guards surrounding the King? I could think no further on his accusation, for my guard stepped between us. He spoke a word in his language.
"Teiowi:sonte." His tone sounded threatening, yet I wasn't sure what he said was merely a word. The way the man's eyes moved from me to my guard's, I wondered if it was his name. My guard continued in English and extended his arm so it rested across my left side in a blocking stance.
"I will take her." For a moment it seemed they would come to blows. Though my guard was taller and thinner than the man who stood before him, he prevailed over the silent battle they carried on in the thick air between them. With a final sneering look of disgust, the other guard released me and I rubbed the reddened finger marks he had left behind on my skin. Only when the nearest door closed with a heavy, dull thud did my guard turn around and face me. He took my forearm and lifted it upwards to inspect the marks on my skin.
"I'm fine. They'll fade." My guard moved his eyes from my elbow to my face. I detected some concern in him though he gave no voice to it. Over time, I have begun to understand the subtle movements of his eyebrows and the way the small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and mouth change in understated ways, indicating his inner thoughts.
"It is a good sign that the King wants to see you. I had considered approaching Him on your behalf."
"Why? I'd rather not see Him ever again!"
"Do you know what would happen if He set you aside as Queen?" I shook my head.
"He might take another woman. I heard Him mention it once, in passing. But He would not let you walk free even if He did. You would still be His but without the love of the people." At once, my heart soared at the prospect of being all but forgotten by the King. But then it plummeted to the ground and down into the pits of Hell itself, for that would mean that another woman would become subject to the King's heinous cruelty and insatiable appetite for satisfying His animal lust. How could I rejoice at another's misfortune? Better for me to remain in His good favor than for another woman to come under His merciless power.
"Good. You understand the danger. I knew you would." My guard turned his eyes down to my arm again and rubbed his thumb over the skin on top of my forearm before lowering his hand from me. Why must he care so for me? His kindness only proves to be more and more of a counterpoint to the King for every day that passes!
"Shall I bathe and make ready to see Him then?" My guard silently shook his head and led me to the door in the side of the Palace the other guard had gone through. I sighed and followed him with my hair undone, tangled from the wind and falling loosely down my back, my feet bare as usual and wearing only a simple, if finely made, sleeveless frock of soft, pale blue cotton that crossed over my chest and tied on the side with a long, dark blue sash.
We traversed the dark, cool halls of the Palace to the King's chambers. The guard from earlier passed us coming in the opposite direction, evidently having just informed the King of my imminent arrival. He didn't even look at me beyond a cursory flick of his dark eyes in my direction but his gaze lingered challengingly on my guard, who merely ignored him. The guards outside the double doors to the King's chambers stood silently as we approached. My guard knocked and I squared my shoulders to face the King, no matter the result. There was no sound from within so my guard reached for the handle and opened the doors. The chambers appeared empty but he stepped inside and gestured for me to pass before him and enter the place. I did and caught sight of the opened door to the King's gardens and one of His hands resting on the stone railing just at the far edge of the visible patio beyond the door. There was nothing else to do but go to Him so my guard left and shut the door.
The King did not turn to face me though I knew He was aware of my presence where I came to a stop several paces from His location. He spoke out into the distance ahead of Him.
"Have you had adequate time to think upon your rebellion? On what it has cost both of us? I should have had you executed for your actions. Instead I have ached for the lack of you by my side. I have not stopped loving you… despite the trouble you insist on bringing me." He remained staring out at the distant tree line and I could think of nothing to say in response. The muscles in His shoulders twitched and the side of His jaw that I could see clenched repetitively.
"My Lord…" I faltered. There was nothing I could say. No false expressions of returned love or even the truth of my hatred would satisfy the King. Instead I clasped my fingers until they became bloodlessly pale and waited. Even with the sun shining on the earth, I felt cold in the shadow of the Palace and the sinister presence of the King.
He held out His hand, reaching it back toward me without looking away from the treeline.
"Come here, Lily." I hesitated and the King knew it. He turned His body and regarded me as I attempted to make up for lost time by walking rapidly toward Him. When I was within His reach, He abruptly grabbed me and spun me so my back was against the stone railing and my body arched out over it. He must have touched the Apple, for my limbs became dead to my powers. Perhaps He would become so angry he would fling me to my death and end my misery. If only I should be so lucky…
"You will stop this! At every opportunity you defy me, even in the smallest ways. You force my hand and undermine me… and I know the thoughts that fuel your fight. I hear your hateful words whispering in my head whenever I touch you. Yes. This very moment you wish for me to let you fall from here… don't you?" I shook my head, more in disbelief than denial. How could He know my mind?
"You know why, my lovely, insolent queen, even if I can only get the sense of them when they are tied to your strongest emotions." He took my hand and moved it to the Apple at His waist and I did indeed know how. My heart raced in fear. What can that thing not do? The King answered my wondering.
"It cannot change hearts… it cannot make you love me. I have thought about you overmuch these past weeks and I have decided that I will no longer attempt to hope for any loving reciprocation from you. But you are still my wife. You will attend Petitions beside me. You will dine with me. You will share my bed and not fight me. If I must, I will hold you under the power of the Apple in perpetuity." As He spoke I felt myself wanting to crumble to pieces. If I had thought my situation hopeless before it was even more so now.
"Think of me what you will: Monster, Evil, Insane. You would not be the first to think so. It does not change my decision." I felt tears leaking from my eyes as He spoke. I was still held by the Apple's power so there was nothing I could do to stop them and they dropped from my face onto the front of my dress. I choked out the only thing I could.
"So I'm to be nothing more than your slave and prisoner, then?" The King's face furrowed with rage at my words.
"Do not attempt to further bait my anger, woman! You are my Queen but you have created your own prison with your foolhardy ways! You could save yourself much distress if you simply accept what I offer you. Instead, you continually spurn it." He spun, taking me with Him, and released my body to my own will. I stumbled along, towed by His grip on my arm.
Due to the increasingly graphic nature of this story, I've made the decision to stop posting updates to it on this site. If you wish to continue reading The Quill, please head to Archive of Our Own under my username MmeCurie. I apologize for any inconvenience but editing out the content that could be considered questionable, too violent or too inappropriate would affect the ambiance I wish to portray and the level of insanity the King possesses.