It had taken some time, but now that Lumpy Humpy was put back together again (all Neptune's horses and all her women didn't have anything on Arfoire, she told herself smugly), Arfoire felt safe relaxing a little. It wasn't like anything else could possibly go wrong, could it?
She knew as soon as she thought it that she'd likely just forever sealed her fate. Maybe her arm would fall off next. Making a face, the woman ran a hand through her short hair and made a strained noise, gritting her teeth. She had decided she would keep the girl, but right now she just wanted to remember a time when there had still been hope — hope for a perfect CPU that obeyed her every whim, was as bent on conquering the world (for Arfoire) as she was, and...
"Mommy? Why are you making that face?" Viola appeared before Arfoire, who had been trying to forget about her existence, looking concerned. Arfoire supposed it was natural — the girl had decided Arfoire was her mother and Arfoire wasn't... really denying it anymore, primarily because she didn't want to see what else could go wrong if she did, but also because it seemed to be working as far as getting the baby goddess to listen to her. She could... begrudgingly... live with sappy garbage like this if it got the job done. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?"
If the job was even possible anymore.
"No, Viola, but you'll..." Arfoire quickly stopped herself. She had been about to sarcastically tell her daughter that she would be the first to know when Arfoire needed to do that — something that would surely annoy and gross out most — before she stopped herself, having slowly started to learn to know better. That would have ended badly faster than just shoving her towards Neptune and the others and telling her "good luck!" would have. "Ugh. Forget it. Forget everything."
As if on cue, Viola reacted to Arfoire's newest change in demeanor with concern and nearly bursting into tears. Another person might have been touched by such a reaction, but Arfoire could only grit her teeth.
"But... I don't want to forget you, mommy..." Arfoire would have strangled her if she wasn't sure Viola's head wouldn't have just popped right off if she tried. The girl's other limbs seemed fine, but even Arfoire wasn't comfortable testing the girl's body that far... yet.
"Forge- Never mind! Never mind, damn it! Go play with something!" Shaking her head, Arfoire glared at the ceiling. Even if this had gone perfectly, there was a ton she had had to do — before she could even start on doing any of it now, though, she first would have to get this defective CPU up to speed on just about everything. Then there was her appearance to get in order, testing out what kind of powers she had — and figuring out how to hide them, because at this point Arfoire was sure every last one of them would be useless — and of course making sure she even knew how to fly...
She paused in her thoughts.
Viola... could transform, couldn't she?
Arfoire's eyes widened as the possibility dawned on her.
What if Viola was so defective that she couldn't even do that much...!? Even if Arfoire had decided to keep her around, it wouldn't mean a thing if it turned out that she didn't even work as a CPU! Did Arfoire have to blow somewhere? Shake her a little? Hit the back of her head like a TV screen, maybe...?!
No... Maybe she was just jumping the gun?
She looked at the girl that was supposed to be a CPU. Having decided Arfoire was no longer upset with her, she had obediently followed Arfoire's instructions and found something to play with that had been lying on the ground — a spare pair of Arfoire's shoes. The woman had been resting a lot down here as she had brought her plan into its final stages, so it made sense a lot of her spare clothes were lying around, shoes included. She didn't care what the brat saw so she hadn't cleaned up — she'd originally had half a mind to order her to clean up the place before Viola had turned out, well... like the kind of girl that gets amusement from shoes.
Arfoire couldn't help but roll her eyes at how happy the girl seemed with the things, yet this nasty amusement she found at the newborn goddess' expense was strangely... calming somehow. That was her idea of a toy? Really? Ha! Don't make her laugh.
"Playtime's over. Get over here." Arfoire wasn't sure what was sadder. How much Viola had seemed to be enjoying the shoes (she really hoped that didn't speak to the quality of this nation's future consoles) or how disappointed she seemed to look now that Arfoire was calling her over. "I mean it. Kid... Viola. We need to talk about some things."
Nodding dutifully, after giving the shoes a forlorn look as she set them down on the ground, Viola trotted over to Arfoire, standing in front of her like a dog that had been told to sit by its master. At least obedience wasn't looking like it was going to be a problem with the girl. Arfoire really would have killed her right here if she'd had an attitude like Neptune's on top of all the other things going wrong with her.
Just imagining what that would be like... Though on the other hand, being able to rip off Neptune's head whenever she wanted did have its own appeal to Arfoire...
"Mommy? I'm here." Her fantasies were interrupted by the cold, hard truth of reality — the reality that was this girl smiling up at her like her whole world revolved around Arfoire. It was exactly what Arfoire had wanted the CPU to feel, but at the same time, it was just so disgusting. "What did you want to talk to me about...? I can tell you everything but my three sizes!"
Probably because she couldn't tell what they were herself, Arfoire noted dully to herself. They'd have to do something about that.
"Here we go, pop quiz time, Viola. This is your normal form, right? Your 'human' one. What about when you transform? You know... When you turn into your goddess form?" She bit her lip, hesitating. What if... What if this broken down bootleg piece of junk goddess didn't even know she was a goddess in the first place? Sure, Arfoire had made her, but she had land and people who believed in her, so what more did she need? She was here existing, wasn't she? "Don't tell me you don't know you're a goddess. You know that damn much, don't you?"
Whether she did or didn't know, Arfoire couldn't say based on Viola's response. For the bootleg CPU beamed up at Arfoire, and said...
"Nuh uh. Mommy is my goddess."
Despite the wrong answer, despite the teeth in dire need of Dental Heart's help, Arfoire couldn't help but smirk at the one she'd gotten instead, almost... feeling something for this defective monstrosity. Almost. Even if this mishmash of a kid ended up being completely and utterly useless to her, Arfoire might — might — just decide to keep her around for the occasional ego boost. Not for any other reasons. The stress alone of conversing with her would probably do Arfoire in long before Neptune ever would.
"Right, yeah, I'm my goddess too. I think you know what I really mean. What I really mean — so no more playing nice or sucking up, got it? Tell me you know what a CPU is." Arfoire was prepared for the worst. Whether it was something blatant, like Copy Processing Unit, or something completely asinine, like Chunky Pasta Upchucker, she was prepared. Still... She'd better give the kid some incentive not to be complementary or anything like she had a minute ago. "If you lie to me, I'm gonna take one of your arms away and throw it in the ocean."
"Oh... Sucking up mommy...? I was...?" The girl was looking wide-eyed at Arfoire like she had just been introduced to some sort of mystical treat that she had been waiting all her life for. Seeing this, Arfoire crossed her arms and growled, which was enough to snap the girl out of her strange, mother-complex-like trance. "S-Sorry mommy! I do know the answer, really!"
Great. Here it comes.
Captain of the Pancake Underlings?
Chomper of Pink Underwear?
Really, Arfoire wasn't going to let herself be surprised again. This brat had taken her off guard too many times now for that to ever be possible again.
"Since you asked, mommy, then... I am the Console Patron Unit of this island — its goddess. B-But you're still the goddess' goddess!" To Arfoire's great surprise, setting aside that classifier at the end there, Viola was actually acting goddess-like. For a brief moment, she felt hope. Maybe her plan wasn't looking as impossible as she had thought. Maybe she could still get this bootleg console and CPU business running, and maybe, if Viola kept this up, she could still... "I am Prupel Taerh, the CPU of Sunsmudge."
... and then Viola had gone and ruined it with those names.
A pin could have dropped and it would have made a clatter in that moment. Viola, standing there and doing her best to look noble and profound, and Arfoire, looking like she had been slapped by a fish, a fish that was fresh from being plucked from the ocean and wielded by an eggplant soldier riding a horsebird.
She wasn't sure which was worse. The name that was obviously similar to Purple Heart's but not nearly as noble sounding, perhaps spawned from Arfoire's own distaste for Neptune combined with everything else wrong with this child-like creature that this land was soon to know as its goddess, or that idiotic name for the island that Arfoire had never even heard before despite having lived here, plotting and planning and preparing, for months now.
"Let's start with... the first thing. Your name there. How do you even pronounce that second part?" Arfoire was doing her best not to tell the girl to call herself Shit again — and mean it this time — but one time had been all she had needed to know not to. She really wanted to, though. "Isn't Heart normal for CPUs? If you want to be darker and edgier about it, I'm fine with something like Purple Heartless or Purple Hater if you have to use the same letters. Heh, Purple Hater... Yeah, I-"
Looking once more like she was delivering far worse news than she actually was, Viola shook her head slowly.
"I can't not be Prupel. Oh, b-but I can be your Heart if you want me to be! That's the best I can do...!" The girl clapped her hands together of her chest, looking up at Arfoire like she would cry and offer her body parts as an apology if that wasn't good enough... and, after a closer look, that she was very clearly much, much too happy about the idea that Arfoire might accept the proposal that Viola could be her "Heart." As if Arfoire needed that to deal with too!
She sighed. She wanted to pull her hair out. She wondered if, if she pulled Viola's hair out, she could put it back in. That would make the haircut easier... Oh, damn, whatever. Arfoire really didn't want to argue about it. She really, really didn't want to argue about it. She could just say "Prupel" was foreign for "so exotically sexy if you're not attracted to her you have something wrong with you" or something like that. Yeah, she could probably pull that off, couldn't she?
"Fine. You're Prupel Heart. Deal?" Arfoire put her hands on her hips and waited for any sign of an affirmative from the goddess. Upon getting a nod, Arfoire gave a curt one in return. At least that was one thing dealt with and out of the way — for now, anyway. "Next thing. That name you picked for the island... Sunsmudge? Don't you mean Sunshine? What the hell is a Sunsmudge?"
"No, mommy, I mean Sunsmudge." Surprisingly, Viola seemed stuck on this name. It was peculiar — she had no problem giving up her own name for whatever Arfoire was going to give her, even Shit, but she was putting up a fight over the name of an island that Arfoire didn't even care about... She supposed there really was some CPU in there after all, if perhaps an incredibly misguided and hopelessly innocent one.
It didn't matter what was going on in Viola's head, in any case. Arfoire didn't like the name and Viola wasn't giving her any reason to.
"Sunshine sounds better. Perfect for luring in hopeless idiots, which I'm going to tell you about later by the way, to get them to worship you." As if to accentuate this point, Arfoire leaned down and jabbed Viola in the chest — gently, just in case she made something fall off again. "Got it? That's the idea here. You do get that, don't you?"
"I know... If mommy asks, I'll do whatever she wants. I'll even take a shower with my clothes on while she watches! That's why this name makes so much sense!" The woman quirked a brow listening to the excuse Viola was presenting to her — purposely pretending she hadn't heard that part about the shower. Seriously? She was expecting Arfoire to buy such obvious baloney? How exactly did an ass backwards name like Sunsmudge do them any favors? The only people it would attract would be window cleaners, and only ones that were into some really screwed up stuff at that, considering who their goddess was to be. "I want it to match the console I'm going to make."
As soon as Viola spoke, Arfoire's other eyebrow shot up to join the first one. Well she'd be damned. This kid — who she really should probably stop calling a kid, given the proportions of her body, that one oddity aside — was already thinking that far ahead? Maybe... Maybe she really was a CPU...
"Fine, fine, if the goddess has a plan, I won't argue." Arfoire couldn't help smirking, shaking her head and letting her hands fall to the side. The faintest bit of hope was starting to rise up in her again. Maybe, even if this goddess wouldn't be able to fight with her messed up body... Maybe she could still compete with those idiotic girls in other ways! "So, the console that matches Sunsmudge. What's that called?"
Viola gave Arfoire a thumbs up.
"Moonshine!"
Arfoire smacked her forehead.
She should have seen that coming.
She really should have seen that coming.
"Look, the island already has a name." Changing the subject somewhat, Arfoire held out her hands, exasperation starting to set in. At the rate they were going, Arfoire's own name would get changed to something stupid too, like "The Magic One"! Hah, as if! "So changing the name doesn't work since I already did it for you. Listen to... Ugh, listen to 'mommy,' okay? It's called Begloot."
To Arfoire's surprise, almost instantly, as soon as the word left Arfoire's lips, the girl shook her head furiously at the name that the woman had given the formerly nameless island.
"Mommy, I know you were being very, very clever when you renamed it, but, um..." Now what was this about? The girl was starting to look shy all of a sudden — scared, nervous. It was an abrupt change from the doting goddess with the creepy mother complex that Arfoire had been dealing with up until now. She swore, if there was a split personality to deal with on top of everything else... "I-It... It can't sound like bootleg... People... People might find out about what I am..."
Oh. Was that all? Really?
Poor baaaaaby.
Note the sarcasm.
The woman rolled her eyes at the child's sudden nervousness now that she understood it. Was this kid going to be sensitive about what she was? Did she not like it? If that was on the table, then she had some bad news — this kid was gonna need to be over that yesterday. Arfoire had no intentions of holding that back, at least when they were alone, so too damn bad if she had a complex about being little more than a fake.
"Get over it. I made you. You were made by me. You are what you are." Arfoire's words were blunt, but, surprising even herself, without the harshness she had intended for them to have. "We're not broadcasting it, but I don't want you whining in denial about it. Accept it and move on, or I'll move on without you. We clear?"
To this. Viola seemed just as surprised as Arfoire had been earlier.
"Huh? But... I would never deny you, mommy. You're the only thing that..." The goddess looked around helplessly, as if looking for something. What? A way to prove her undying love for Arfoire? Unfortunately, Arfoire would be much happier if it did die. Sorry. Eventually seeming to find nothing, the CPU suddenly looked up at Arfoire and smiled cheerfully at her. "Oh, oh, I know, mommy! I wrote a song about how much I love you for making me and being with me...! Would you like to hear it?"
This forced a frown out of Arfoire. The nervousness had been replaced by the girl's previous attitude of obsessive, freakish adoration... That didn't make sense. It didn't make one bit of sense.
And wait a damn minute here, she'd only been born a little over an hour ago, when the hell had she had time to write a song about anything, let alone her...?!
"No! You'd make me deaf with your crappy voice!" Despite the snarling response from Arfoire, the girl was largely unperturbed by her anger...
"I... I would be the last thing mommy ever hears...?" ... in fact, Viola looked downright aroused.
This could be a serious problem.
Arfoire was seriously going to have to watch the things she said around this brat.
She'd heard that parents had it tough — not that she considered herself one to this freak or anything — but she seriously doubted they had to worry about the madness she was quickly realizing she was going to be spending a lot of time putting up with in the future.
"F-Forget I said that! Just tell me why you have a problem with bootlegging. You better be okay with it, 'cause I've got some big plans for you and me, kid." Arfoire made a face when she saw the girl was about to start something over "forget it" again, at which point Viola visibly deflated. It looked like she had been defeated, but by what? "Just tell me already! What's the big deal!?"
The CPU flinched... then closed her eyes, looking as though she had resigned to her fate.
What a drama queen.
"I... Well, I..." Viola sighed, her lips almost forming a strange sort of pout on her face. With her eyes closed, she really did almost look like a normal, cute girl. Too bad Arfoire knew better... She really had to remember to do something those things later. "I knew I couldn't keep it from mommy... Now you'll know too..."
Arfoire rolled her eyes, making a "yes, get on with it" motion with her hand. Here was the part where the girl told her story about how she had something against making bootlegs or some other nonsense like that, right? She would knock it out of the girl and they'd move on with their lives. It would be simple enough. At this point, nothing this girl threw at her would surprise Arfoire. Been there, done that. That gag was old now, moving on, right?
So, of course, much to Arfoire's surprise, the girl began to blush — which was just weird looking considering the greenish tint of her pale skin — and began pushing her two index fingers together, a smile far too large for the situation quickly starting to form on her face... Arfoire recognized the kind of smile all too well. It was a guilty smile. The smile of someone who was ashamed of something and reveled in it.
"I... I have a..." Viola stopped pressing her fingers together, instead choosing to clutch her cheeks and... squeal? What the hell?!
"Spit it out already!" Arfoire was losing her patience now, and she was getting a really bad feeling on top of that to boot.
"Oh, this is so embarrassing, mommy... It can't be called boot-leg because..." Despite her words, considering the way the girl was holding her cheeks, which were burning bright with an abnormally colored blush, Arfoire had the feeling it either wasn't that embarrassing or she had been right to suspect this reject CPU was probably going to reveal she was a masochist. Her attitude strangely reminded of the woman how the girl had been acting earlier, when she had been playing with those "toys" that were Arfoire's shoes, but turned up to eleven. She was waving back and forth on the balls of her feet, like she was a shy little schoolgirl about to tell her classmates which... boy... she... no. No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONONO- "I... I have this... Mommy, d-do you know what a fetish is...?"
For the second time since her daughter's birth, Arfoire fell to her knees and wailed.