Daria and Jane watched Stacy Rowe enter what had' become Daria's trailer'. Daria was unhappy about having a fourth Fashion Club member show up, as she suspected that Quinn and Sandi would attempt to reorganize the Fashion Club under the Legion aegis. However, Quinn convinced Jane that Stacy was "really dependable" and might be convinced to stay with Tiffany, freeing Daria of having to find an excuse to tell Helen.

"Hey!" said Stacy, ever cheerful.

"Hey," said Daria, not impressed. "The patient is in the other room. There are two specialists working with her right now."

"The patient's critical though. Her blush might not make it through the night."

Stacy squinted, trying to decipher the comments. "Uh…are Quinn and Sandi here?"

Jane thumbed in the direction of the bedroom. Stacy quickly disappeared.

"So…" said Daria, "do you think that they're going to tell Stacy everything?"

"Well, I don't know how much of 'everything' you can squeeze between those pigtails…but they'll tell her enough. I don't know if she'll scream, run, or cry when she finds out. We'd better get some hankerchiefs."

(la la LA la la)

Tiffany slept quietly while Stacy looked on. Stacy opened her diary to find her place, then put the book aside while she walked over to the bed.

"C'mon, Tiffany…drink something! Okay?" she asked, as if dealing with a stubborn child. Stacy lifted Tiffany's head up and forced a cup of diet soda between Tiffany's lips. Tiffany took a few sips, and let Stacy lower her head back down to the pillow.

Satisfied that Tiffany was drinking enough, Stacy returned to her diary:

Today, Sandi and Quinn brought me down to the old quarry on Day Road. I knew that Quinn was in the Legion, and I thought that she would be too busy for me, but now, I found out that Sandi's in the Legion, too!! So that leaves me and Tiffany out is what I thought.

Until I found out why Sandi and Tiffany were sick! I thought that Sandi was just mad at Quinn and trying to stay out of classes so she could get sympathy. I didn't know what Tiffany was doing, unless she was sick to help Sandi out! And that left me to ask all the teachers about homework, and make sure that Heidi wasn't wearing sandals again or that Brooke wasn't letting her underwear show which is so not cool.

But it's a BIG SECRET! It's a secret so big that I'm not even going to write it in the diary! I'm just glad that Quinn (who is my NUMBER ONE BEST FRIEND) told me! She said Stacy I know I can trust you and that you will never tell anyone and then Sandi said the same thing to me! I didn't even know Sandi thought that way! So we all cried and I know that the FASHION CLUB R FRIENDS 4 + EVAH!!!!!

Tiffany is sick though. She's really sick. She hasn't eaten and I don't know if her parents know anything. I would call her Mom but her Mom is really creepy…I have NEVER seen her mom and I don't think that anyone else has either. I mean her Mom is at home but we don't talk about it and Tiffany brought that blond woman during the Charity Model Show (and we raised a lot of $$$ for charity). Tiffany's drinking, though, I just want her to eat something.

Sandi waited until Quinn got called out by her sister (ANOTHER BIG SECRET, but Sandi thinks that we don't know – hee hee!) and then told me that she wants me to be SECRETARY of the LEGION!!! OH! MY! GODDD!!! And I am going to be on TV and everything!!! (So guess what Michael? You didn't call me so I am not going to call you, you creep!! Try to get a date NOW!!) Sandi says the Legion has lots of money so we are going to go….

There was a loud knock on the door. Stacy almost dropped her diary. She walked down the trailer's hallway and without opening the door, shouted, "who is it?"

"Uh…it's Trent. Trent Lane! I'm…uh…Janey's brother!"

Stacy let Trent inside. Trent carried his guitar case with him. "Uh…hi!" said Stacy.

"Hi. Did Janey say I was coming over?"

"Yeah. I was with Tiffany. I didn't think you would get here so late."

"Well…I'm a little slow today. And Daria? Is she here?"

"No, uh…Quinn and her like, cousin, had to go home! Quinn's mom wanted them back."

"Yeah." Trent didn't know if he was going to like Stacy. Jane had told him long ago about how Quinn pretended that she wasn't related to Daria. Trent thought it was pretty heinous. It appeared that Stacy was under the same impression.

"Uh…I'm going to stay the night with Tiffany," said Stacy. "Jane gave you the keys to her trailer, so you could stay in there if I fell asleep."

"That's cool." Jane had talked with Trent about moving into the "Legion Trailer Park". Trent didn't know if he could do that, since his only real responsibility was keeping tabs on the Lane household. Trent also figured that Stacy might be wary, seeing as how he was an adult and Stacy was still a minor.

"I…uh…brought the guitar. Maybe Tiffany likes music."

"Great! Do you know any Boys-R-Guys?"

Trent groaned.

(la la LA la la)

"Tiffany! C'mon, eat!!" Stacy had a spoonful of applesauce. Tiffany was rejecting Stacy's attempts to cram it in her mouth. Trent watched as Stacy patiently made her attempts for fifteen minutes, but Tiffany was either too tired to eat or spitefully refusing.

"Okay! I guess I'll try later then." Sighing, Stacy took the cup back to the kitchen. Trent followed.

"I don't think I would have been that patient," said Trent.

"Yeah…well…." Stacy didn't know how much she could tell this complete stranger, even though he supposedly knew everything. "I mean…Tiffany and food have like, issues…."

"You mean she's hungry," said Trent, "but she doesn't want to eat. Or something."

"Yeah, it's like every other word out of her mouth is like, 'does this make me look fat'?"

"Ow." Trent thought about it. "Is she like…mental? I had a girlfriend who was bulimic."

"Uh…." Stacy had thought about this for a long time, but never had any evidence, no sudden trips to the bathroom or binging by Tiffany or anything. Tiffany's weight was more or less normal. She assumed that Tiffany just tried to control her weight through not eating instead of exercise. "No…I think she just tries too hard to keep her weight down."

"Do you think she's sick to her stomach?"

"I don't know!" Stacy gave Trent a wide-eyed look that illustrated a bit of anxiety. Trent didn't like what he saw.

"Well…I think I can get her to eat something."

"Well, I'm sure you're a nice guy and you're really cute, but – oh my GOD! I didn't mean to say that! Oh my GOD I could just DIE!!" Stacy held both hands over her mouth and began hopping up and down in some bizarre fashion that made Trent wonder if Stacy wasn't the mental one.

Trent had an idea. It wasn't his best idea, but he didn't have many of them so he had to go with what he had. It was probably illegal too, but, well, he figured he was a criminale anyway.

"How cool are you?" said Trent.

"Uh…I'm cool! Sure! I'm very cool!" Stacy figured Trent meant 'popular' for 'cool'.

"I mean…are you really, really cool? Can you keep a secret?"

"Secret?" Stacy gulped. She had too many secrets today already.

(la la LA la la)

"When you're not looking in the evening

But all the friends that you once knew are left behind

They kept you so safe and so secure amongst the books

And all the records of your lifetime

What will happen, in the morning, when the world it gets so crowded

That you can't look out the window in the morning?

Hey, take a little while to grow your brother's hair

And now, take a little while to make your sister fair

And now that the family is part of a chain

Take off your high shade, start over again…."

Stacy smiled, somewhat glass eyed. Then she began coughing, a rapid staccato beat that crashed Trent's gentle song.

"Heh. You've never smoked before."

"No!" was the quick yelp from Stacy. "But it's like…heeheee…you're not going to think I'm telling you the truth…but…I could, like, see the notes coming from your guitar…pink and bluuuuue notes…."

"Uh…that's probably not cool, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The first time Jesse smoked it, he thought his model airplanes hanging above his head were coming to life, and he took a baseball bat and broke all of them. Got into a lot of trouble. I told him not to smoke alone, but he didn't listen…."

"Oh my God! Is it like -- ?"

"No…chill down, Stacy, just let me play you another song. Close your eyes…." Trent didn't know if Stacy would get paranoid. He figured that a hyperparanoid Stacy would be like a blender on puree.

"…you know," said Stacy. "I think I'm having my first buzz! Ever! This – is –so—AWESOME! I feel, like, so relaxed. And it's like my head feels completely weird but I know what's going on and I can control it. This – is – so --AWESOME!!"

"Uh…yeah." Trent smiled.

Stacy rubbed her eyes. "Trent…I think we need to open a room in here – oops, I mean open a window in here!"

"'Open a room'. I have to remember that for a lyric. If you have some paper, I'm going to take notes."

"Cooooool!!!" Stacy smiled, closed her eyes, and rested. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Yeah. That would be cool. What do you have?"

"We have everything! It's like the refrigerator is – so – LOADED! There's soda and Snickers and cold cuts and ice cream and – "

"—yeah. Ice cream. Do you have chocolate ice cream?"

"I'm sure we do! And if we don't…I'm gonna look for those chocolate bottles of sauce that you put on Vanilla Ice Cream to make it chocolate!"

"Hey!" said Trent. "Wouldn't it be cool…if you could like…have chocolate ice cream…and then put the chocolate sauce on it?"

"Oh-my-GOD! That is----so----AWESOME!!" Stacy giggled and ran to the kitchen.

Trent watched her go, as behind him, Tiffany silently licked her lips.

(la la LA la la)

"Mmmm! It's like there's a chocolate explosion in my mouth!"

Trent thought about the words 'Chocolate Explosion' being a new name for Mystik Spiral. He didn't like it. It sounded like something porn. He took another bite from the bowl with chocolate ice cream, chocolate sauce, baby Snicker bars, whipped cream, and cherries. It was good. Hell, it was great!! Maybe 'Chocolate Something Explosion' could be a band name…."

"I'm going to try to give Tiffany some food!" Stacy walked over with her bowl of ice cream. Tiffany moaned, this time a lot harder. She was definitely trying to find the strength to sit up vertically. Stacy put the bowl down and with Trent's help, they pulled the now-pajama-clad Tiffany to a better sitting level.

"Open wide, Tiffany! Here comes the choo-choo train!" Tiffany opened her mouth slightly as Stacy shoveled a bite of chocolate ice cream in. Tiffany began coughing, rapidly, spraying chocolate saliva all over the bed, down the front of her pajamas, and making a general mess.

"Whoa!" said Trent. "Like, not so fast! Let me do it!" After Tiffany's coughing jag ended, Trent continued to feed Tiffany with almost miniscule bites. She let her mouth fall open rhythmically, her sign to Trent and Stacy that she wanted more. Stacy watched in awe as Trent slowly, methodically, fed Tiffany the entire bowl of ice cream, save for the Snickers bars.

"Woowwwww…." said Stacy. "I've never seen Tiffany eat a whole bowl of ice cream before! And that was real ice cream, not diet homogenized sherbet substitute!"

"sooooo…hung-reeee…." said Tiffany.

"We gotta get everything we can get into Tiffany," said Trent. "Do we have anything else in the refrigerator that tastes good?"

(la la LA la la)

Tiffany's bedroom was now filled with the acrid smoke of marijuana and covered with empty wrappers. Tiffany was awake. She couldn't take the smoke, though, and Stacy had covered her eyes with a wet washcloth. Trent quietly put out his spliff.

"Say, Trent," smiled Stacy, "do you like Britney Spears?"

"Nah. She's kinda lame. But she's good looking!"

"So…do you listen to Britney? What don't you like about her?"

"Well…it's not like I listen to Brittany…I mean, I'm in rebellion against that pre-packaged American Idol synth pop. It's like, destroyed music. It was like, great bands roamed the earth and now, when you turn on the radio, all you hear is shit. Uh…sorry I said 'shit'."

"Nooooo problem. Sandi says 'shit' too! Eap! I just said 'shit'!" Stacy giggled.

"Hey Stacy."

"What?"

"'Shit'!"

Stacy almost collapsed, her giggles turning into guffaws. "Trent! Don't say that!" she managed to cough.

"ohhhhhhhhhhhh….." The two rapidly turned. It was Tiffany.

"Tiffany, what's wrong? OHMIGOD!! Are you hurt?" Trent could feel the paranoia start to build up in Stacy.

"Nooo…." Tiffany pushed herself up in bed. "Stac-ee…I have to tell you something…it's a secret…."

"Hold on, Trent!" Stacy ran over to Tiffany's side.

"Stacy," coughed Tiffany, "I don't want him to hear it…I need to whisper it into your ear…."

"Okay." Stacy bent over, leaning her left ear to Tiffany's mouth.

Can you hear me? said Tiffany.

Sure, whispered Stacy. What is it?

…

'Shit!'

Stacy began laughing uncontrollably. Tiffany was giggling and then Trent started to laugh, too. Stacy began laughing so hard that she tripped and fell to the floor, and then began laughing even harder that she was on the floor.

Trent helped Stacy stand up. Stacy regained her composure to address the two. "Okay…there will be no more saying of…(giggle)…'shit' tonight!"

"Cool."

"But seriously," said Stacy, "I mean, why don't you listen to Britney Spears? Her music is really cool!"

"Well…hm." Trent thought about it. "I mean, most of her stuff is dance pop. I have a great respect for musicians. I know how hard it is. Britney's just a singer. So I really can't give her credit for her music."

"Yeah, but you like good music, right? I mean, you played The Cure and Nick Drake and I thought that was good music? So why can't you just enjoy it for the music? It really rocks!"

"Okay, then what really rocks by Britney, except for 'Oops! I Did It Again!'"

Stacy smiled. She pulled an iPod out of her purse. "I'm going to program it for you! I'll turn it to 'Do Something'!"

Trent put the earplugs in. Stacy cranked up the sound to Trent-acceptable levels.

Immediately, Trent was assaulted by what appeared to be percussion, electronica percussion. "Do you feel this?" asked Brittany. "Are you ready?" Trent found it annoying that Britney Spears was already asking for validation in the first few lines.

Then, the song went into overdrive:

"Somebody give me my truck!

So I can ride on the clouds!

So I can turn up the base… like!!"

Somebody pass my guitar

So I can look like a star

And spend the cash… like…!"

Immediately, Britney hit the bridge as the sound took electronica, punk, rap, dance, and crammed it together into a biological, pulsating form:

"WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE CROWD GOES A'YA!?!"

Why u standing on the wall?

Music's starting everywhere!

So why don't u just move along?"!"

Britney immediately exhorted her listeners to 'do something' in a seductive, entrancing beat. Trent couldn't help but feel himself pulled in by the sound and the sheer gritty enthusiasm of the person singing it. For a few second, he was able to forget that the song was being sung by BRITNEY and just enjoy the moment.

Stacy noticed Trent nodding his head rhythmically. "C'mon, let's dance to it!"

"Huh?"

She grabbed one of his arms to pull him out of his chair. "I mean, I've heard the song a hundred times! And it's bleeding out of your earphones! I'm hearing it right now!"

Before he knew it, Trent was standing up watching Stacy dance. Stacy was really getting down for a few moment, then grabbed him to make him move his arms, in the hopes that he would dance, too. Trent, however, wasn't going to dance, even if he thought the song really kicked ass, which he was starting to believe against his better judgment.

Stacy wasn't perturbed by a guy afraid to dance. She began moving her arms rhythmically, and seductively, in the cramped space, as if she had done this before (she had, in clubs). Stacy's eyes gave mixed messages. The first message was 'watch me dance' and the other message was 'do you want to get a little closer, hm?'

She then began to hip bump Trent, swinging back and forth. Trent was starting to feel a lot less fatherly, and gave a hip bump back. Giggling, Stacy grabbed Trent around the waist with both arms.

"Hey, you could dance if you wanted to!" Stacy had the wide open eyes again. Trent figured that she had made a completely innocent comment that mean nothing else that Trent possessed innate dancing skill.

"Uh…cool. Listen…I think I need to lie down for a little bit." He took off the headphones. 'Britney was really cool.'

"Do you have an iPod?"

"Uh…no. I'm a CDs and vinyl guy!"

"I'll get you a Britney CD! Really! And I'll download Nick Drake on iPod!"

"Sounds cool. Looks like Tiffany's doing a lot better."

Stacy smiled. "I think she's ready to eat again. She'll be a lot better in the morning!"

"Cool." Trent picked up his guitar case, made his goodbyes, and left the trailer.

(la la LA la la)

Trent got Jane's trailer open and flipped on the light switch. The trailer belonged to Jane only as an abstract concept. It was just as sterile and unpersonalized as the place he had left.

Kicking off his shoes, Trent immediately made it for the couch. He felt that he was feeling less aroused, and wouldn't need any lotions to 'get the job done'. He could probably get away with watching the tube and nodding out.

He was glad that Tiffany was okay. He knew that with Stacy there, Tiffany would always be in good hands, even though Stacy was a bit overzealous.

The night had taught Trent two important lessons.

Stacy…was…HOT. Sandi and Tiffany were okay-looking. They were girls who dressed well and put on a good face. Quinn, too, was good looking…but Trent figured that she had inherited that from the Morgendorffer genes, all the Morgendorffer women were good-looking. Quinn could hold up her end of a conversation, but she couldn't talk about anything interesting, so Quinn talked about herself most of the time. Trent felt no attraction for Quinn in the least, other than the pure physical attraction any male feels towards any good looking woman, an attraction easily taken out of mind by conscious thought.

But Stacy? She was good looking, eager, a great dancer, talked about you instead of herself. Asked cool questions. Really cared about other people. And really, really sexy. She was the kind of girl that would put you first. Trent couldn't figure out why Stacy wasn't the most popular girl at Lawndale.

He had seen a few hints, thought. Stacy was very intense. A bit paranoid. She just looked right through you with those wanting, desperate eyes of hers. Probably scares guys away, like Daria's intellect scared guys away. You could tangle with Stacy, Trent supposed, but it would be a really bad idea. She'd think you were going to marry her, and she'd start making plans. Not only was Stacy underage, not only would Jane disown him, but he might wake up with a horse's head in his bed. Or stabbed to death a la Stacy. Best not to even go there.

The second thing he learned – never give Stacy pot. Ever. Advice worth knowing. He looked to see if MTV2 was playing anything.