Cleaning Service Chapter 3: The Help, a stargate: atlantis fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or any of the affiliates, but to the people who do; thank you so much for bringing Michael back!

Update: There's a little bit more at the end, for people who have already read this chapter! Christmas bonus!

Cleaning Service

PG13 (T)

When you're falling towards the ground from a really far height… the last thing you're thinking about is the wind gently caressing your face. No, what you're thinking about is the ground, and what it's going to feel like when that gently caresses your face.

As it was, I was walking towards the Atlantean 'detention centre' and all I could think about were the guards, and they didn't look too prepared for my visit.

"Will you please state your business, ma'am," asked the wall of solid guard-muscle.

I jiggled the tray in my hands, "I'm running an errand for Dr Beckett. Insulin. Either of you guys got diabetes?"

"…Aren't you one of the cleaning staff?"

"Sanitisation and Maintenance, yes, why?" My eyes darted between their two stoic faces, "Dr Beckett is busy, he asked me to deliver this."

"Isn't that what the nurses do?"

"Yes, well the nurses are busy too. Did you want me to get a permission slip?" I asked with a straight face. One guard muttered to another, hardly moving his lips.

The talkative guard jerked his head, "He's in the cell. Might want to ask for a new assignment, Xena."

"The guy in the cell? Fine. If he starts giving me trouble, you're holding him down for me," I warned, tensing up ever-so-obviously. I took a few steps into the gloomy detention centre and saw the soldier standing in the cell. It felt like hitting the ground face-first.

Michael? "Mic--Lieu, Lieutenant Kenmure. What are you doing in a prison cell?" Michael looked up at me, his face carefully blank. He didn't say anything.

Insulin! Dr Beckett gave him insulin to keep his… 'blood sugars' under control. And finding out one's true identity is never kind on the blood sugars, is it? "I've, uh, got your insulin," I added lamely.

"Oh… And you think that I'll just take the Insulin? Really? Well it's a bit late for that, Joan Caxton," Michael replied sourly, "I've already found out the truth."

Oh shit, "The truth? The truth about me being ordered to have dinner with you?" Judging from the look on his face; no.

"You were ordered to have dinner with me?"

"What? You just said you knew the truth," I defended.

"The truth that I'm a wraith," his voice shook with the word. He looked away, furious. He knew. That was… unexpected. Had his memory come back, or was he in-between knowing the lie, and remembering the truth?

The man-wraith muttered, "And now I know I was deceived by even thelowest of humans."

"Thelowest?" I questioned tightly.

His face had returned to a blank mask, blinking slowly, "You did exactly what they told you to do." Only his tone said 'And I'm so glad they didn't ask you to do more'.

"Well where do you want the insulin, Lieutenant Kenmure? Between the eyes?"

"I found the files Dr Beckett had recorded of me, the ones where you people turned me into this. And now…"

"He killed sergeant Cole," the guard at the door supplied.

"What? When did that happen?"

"He shot Sergeant Cole," answered the other of the guards, "Earlier this evening on the way to the infirmary."

"What?" I turned my attention back to Michael.

"It was… an accident," he said with great difficulty.

"Like hell it was," one of the guards shouted.

"He was going to shoot me!"

"Can't say I blame him."

"Lieutenant!" I shouted above the din, staring intently at the welding on the bars, "You need to take your insulin."

"You're just another one of them." He turned his back on me, me and his two jailers.

I looked to the nearest guard; what to say? I'm sorry, the wraith hurt my feelings, can I leave? "This guy's a whack-job, can I just leave this here? They'll probably knock him out in an hour and give it to him then, anyway."

"Sure."

---

I decided to head back to the dining hall after that. But I worried. I worried about what Dr Beckett would think when he found that Michael hadn't had his 'insulin'. I worried about what Michael was thinking. Right now. Was he already in full-blown wraith rage… or was he undulating through the anger and melancholy of betrayal?Careful, that's starting to sound like Dr Heightmeyer-speak.

James and Portman were walking down the corridor. I didn't care where they were going, but I did care about slamming James into a wall.Gently caress that. "James!" I hissed from across the corridor, "Why didn't you tell me that Michael killed Cole?"

James stopped walking, Portman glanced at the two of us, "You didn't know?"

"I thought you knew."

"James… how was I supposed to know? I had only just woken up! The memos do not come to me while I am in bed!"

"Calm down!"

"I had to give the damn guy an insulin shot!"

"So how'd it go?" James grinned.

My scowl broke, "Oh, not bad, didn't have to do it in the end, he was too cranky."

"Too cranky?" Portman repeated, sceptically.

I shrugged heavily, "He's just pissed off that we lied to him. The whole city. And now they're taking him to the alpha site. Today. Guards told me," I ran a hand over my short ponytail, "And I don't think they'll be bringing him back."

"Good. That guy gives me the willies!"

"Portman!" James exclaimed in an undertone, "They had lunch together. Caxtonfancies him. Ow!" Perhaps I did kick him in the shin too hard; but I'm sure he's man enough to take it…

"Shut up, James! I don't!" Correction, had I not actually even considered it… I probably would have laughed and played along with the scenario. Damn it, they're bound to have noticed.

"Well, if you didn't fancy him, you wouldn't have kicked James," Portman pointed out. Damn it.

"Oh Michael, come and dance with me, Michael!"

Then the two of them started singing, "I'm all that you see, you wanna see, so come an dance with me, Michael." I couldn't help laughing; I'd forgotten that Franz Ferdinand song. Masters of all music in two galaxies. It was too hard for me to resist, especially with the two of them dancing around like that… so early in the morning.

What I was most surprised with was how we sang the entire song in tune.

---

Seven-odd heads bobbed up from their breakfast plates when we sauntered into the cafeteria. Amcotts wasn't one of them. Edgerton was, though; "Hey there. You alright Caxton? You weren't here for breakfast."

"Was there an announcement at breakfast?" Edgerton… calm? Pleasant, even.
Strange. He mustn't have heard about Kavanaugh, yet.

"Yeah, about Michael." Everything important gets announced while I'm not around.

"Don't worry; I found that out when Dr Beckett sent me over with some 'insulin'," I drew the quotation marks in the air.

"Ed-unit, did you hear about Michael?" James asked, bringing up two trays of heated leftovers. Yoink.

Edgerton nodded, "Just then. They're shipping him off to the alpha site before lunch."

Portman leaned into our little huddle, "Does he get lunch first?"

"You volunteering?"

"Sit down Cax."

Ooh, Lasagne. "Thanks…" I had to smile at the fashionable glasses of blue jelly lined up cheekily in front of each food tray, like little offerings to the God of small and underpaid peoples. He will be going--gone, in a few hours. What am I going to do about Michael? No, that's not our way. We do not do things.Then how is anything to be done?

"Earth to Caxton?" What?

"Portman."

"What?"

"We're not on Earth!" someone whacked him.

I chuckled, despite having a full mouth, giving him a stuffed-cheek grin. Portman smirked and tried to restart the conversation, "Cax, you know you're helping me with windows tomorrow?"

"Mmfh?"

"You're covering Amcotts' shift… didn't you tell her?"

Edgerton frowned, "Oh, that's right. Caxton, you're covering Amcotts' shifts for the next few weeks."

Gulp. "…Why?"

"I spent three days shifting the roster around to make room for you not being here; it's just easier if I give you Amcotts' shifts instead."

"Edgerton, what are you talking about?" The entirety of the Tan Gang were silent, their eyes moving over us.

"Dr Beckett had requested your assistance for an off-world mission."

"Really…? Man, I-I thought he forgot about me. …Why is Amcotts going?"

Edgerton made a face, "Cax, as much as I applaud you ripping Kavanaugh's balls off like that; it's still against policy."

Oh, fuck policy! "I didn't--! I didn't 'rip his balls off'. I just lost my cool with him. He's an annoying guy, Okay!"

"Look, I am really sorry that you're missing out on this, Cax. I am. But you've got to… you know, work on your people skills if you want to stay here." Stay here?

"Stay here? Is my job in danger?"

"I'm not saying it is!"

I laughed in exasperation and leaned back on the chair. "So Amcotts is going on the mission," I said. Thank you, o benevolent force. Thank you for this fan-tastic display of Karma.

---

I marched silently through the corridors, heading towards the box-like rooms of the apartments we slept in. We, being the cleaners; her, being Amcotts. I knocked on her door with sharp, staccato notes. She didn't look too surprised to see me when she opened the door.

Words left me; all I could do was look at her, incredulously. I waved my arms in a helpless gesture, but she didn't say anything.

"Did you know they offered it to me first?" I whispered, "Or didn't you ask?"

She frowned, "You think it's alright to treat everyone like crap, then?"

"What are you talking about? I've never treated you like crap!" Aside from yesterday.

"I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about everyone! Edgerton may have a flagstaff up his starboard-bow about how you treat superiors, but he's got a point, you know!"

"What? Oh, so you're on the brown-noser side now? I can't believe you stole probably the only shot I'm ever going to have at going to a completely alien planet! Do you have any idea how completelywrong that is?"

"No one is asking you to be a second-class citizen, but you wouldn't mind showing people just a little bit of respect? You treat everyone here like they're supposed to be looking out for yourfeelings. Look, at some point even your friends have to tell you to grow up."

"Because I'm the only one with the balls to stand up for myself?"

"So mouthing off to a scientist like we're in high school seems okayto you?"

"And so you take my off-world mission? How does that work?"

"I didn't take it, you lost it. And it is not a mission! We aren't marines."

"Did Dr Beckett ask you to go?" I growled.

She managed to hold my gaze, "Edgerton asked me to relieve you."

Lord, what if Dr Beckett didn't even remember who was supposed to turn up? He'd think Amcotts was me. I'd be replaced, indefinitely, in his good books. He'd probably end up thinking that Amcotts was the one befriending Michael.

I felt something vile building inside me, "And you said yes?"

"Look, just go settle this with Kavanaugh, okay? So we can all go back to normal." Normal was never ideal in the first place, anyway. "If you'll excuse me, I have to finish packing."

"Oh, you're not excused," I muttered, turning away. I heard the door shut and it clicked, suddenly, in my head. I stared blankly at the wall in front of me.

"You blew the whistle Am." I murmured in an undertone, "It wasn't Kavanaugh… you talked with Edgerton… it didn't even make it as far as his superior, did it? And now … you're going to the alpha-site."

And there I was thinking that I was the only one holding a candle for Michael.

---

Alright. If she did something, so can I. I'm taking actionI have to think of a plan, right now. Some way to help Michael. And I've got less than two hours to pull this off.

I saw a teleport station further along the corridor. I walked into it, full of purpose, and looked at the map. My mind was buzzing so much I couldn't make top or tail of it, let alone draw inspiration for a plan to do… whatever it was I was doing.

"Here we go," I murmured. I pressed a destination at random; the doors opened again and I stumbled out into the corridor. I walked past two scientists giving me scathing looks for using the Lantean technology.Ignore them. I was near the kitchens, I think.

James walked out of the double doors, looking tired from the long shifts. I didn't blame him.

"James!James!" I hissed, running up to him.

"Caxton-Caxton?"

"I need your help," I gulped, "We need to get back to Laundry."

"You didn't screw up the machines, did you?"

"What? No! Why would you think that?"

"Nothing. Just worried about you, chick, that's all. Hate to think you'd go Kamikaze on the base after they took your off-world mission. Hotwiring washing machines, you know. They can be dangerous appliances."

"Oh, much worse than hotwired washing machines." I can pull this off. I can pull this off; I have to try.

I dragged him into the teleporter, "James, which one's closest to Laundry?"

I heard a few cries of outrage from the two scientists still standing outside of the teleporting device. The doors slid shut. James looked worried, "We can't use these!"

"Dock it from my pay. Now which one?"

He scanned the map briefly, then pressed a flashing dot. I heard the rush of sound and the doors opened. James grabbed my shoulder and guided me out. His hold tightened when we were on solid ground, "Joan, talk to me. What are you doing?"

"Did you make the repairs on that uniform?" I asked.

"What does--"

"Did you make the repairs, James?" I asked louder.

"Yes! I did-" I tried to move past him, but he didn't let go; "No, listen. You don't need to make this more dramatic than it already is. Tell me, right now, where is this going?"

"I'm going to impersonate a soldier so I can go to the Alpha Site with Michael." Okay, next time someone asks, this had better not sound just as stupid. James looked like I had just told him I was going to amputate my own leg. I jerked up my chin with a frown, "I know what I'm doing!"

"Do you have the faintest clue how much that would never work?"

"I'm figuring this out as I go; I don't have time to think it all through."

"No, what you have to do right now is calm down. I know you're as pissed as all heck about what Amcotts did, a lot of us are, and maybe you've got a teensy-weensy strange little crush on a man-eating alien, but think about what you are doing for a second!"

"I am doing… I am doing…" I looked around for inspiration, but nothing came. I don't have the whole plan just yet. "James I need your help."

He swore loudly. Thank goodness for empty corridors, "I'll help you with the uniform," he let go of my shoulder, "But hopefully by the time you've dressed up like a man you'll see how stupidthis is before we both get fired!"

"What do I need?"

"What do you mean 'what do I need'? This is your plan!"

"James!"

"Come on. What size are you?"

"I don't know, check the back of my tag." James pulled up my collar and angled the tag around.

"Damn." James grabbed a bundle of military fatigues with recent mending and patches sewn on, "You need a black tee underneath all this. I've got none. You're doomed," he huffed.

"I'm wearing one," I grinned triumphantly, "Turn around, I'll get changed."

He raised his eyebrows, "You can't've changed that much in a year."

"You never know how fast people change," I muttered, unzipping the tan coveralls and shucking them off unceremoniously. I grabbed the grey military slacks awkwardly and hurried to get them on.

"Kermit?"

"Huh?" I looked up, fiddling with the belt.

"Kermit the Frog?" James was looking at my t-shirt--Oh bugger. I knew I'd put a black one on this morning, but I didn't think I was wearing the Kermit collector's edition top. The lime-green face would be hard to hide.

"I'll wear the jacket over it; they won't know. I'll keep the vest on, too, at all times. You won't be able to see it under the vest."

"You haven't got a vest, Cax."

"I'm working on it. Do you have any boots?" James went over to the corner of the Laundry and reluctantly brought back a pair of polished boots. I slipped out of my own tan slip-ons and sunk my foot in a massive black boot. It was way too big, but I tried to hide that from James.

"What are you going to do about the rest, aye? Vest, guns, walkie-talkie? Caxton," James crouched down to my eye-level, I ignored him, focusing my attention on my shoelaces. "Caxton, I am impressed at what you're trying to do for Michael… but it's not your responsibility to save his worthless life."

"He… James, you don't understand. I've got to help him." Because, of course, he'd do the same in the reverse! I wish.

"No, Cax this has to stop here. You don't have the equipment to properly impersonate a soldier and there is no way in Pegasus that security would--"

"I have an idea how to solve both issues, but it may involve a bit of brute force."

He laughed shortly, "I am not letting you hurt anyone."

I heard the undertone in his voice, "You don't even think I can."

"Joan, Joan? I was humouring you for the clothes; I know how crazy you can get over ideals sometimes."

"Help me or leave me the hell alone." But, more importantly, help me!

"I'm going to get Edgerton," James was standing up, threatening to walk out the door.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I couldn't wrestle him to the floor and tie him up. I didn't know how to wrestle. "Fine, James." I put my head in my hands, "Fine. Fine, I give up. Just… please don't tell Ed about this, alright?"

A pause, and I felt him pat my shoulder, "Thank you," he sounded very relieved of whatever problems he was having to face. "…Is there anything I can get you? Aspirin? Water--"

"Panadol, Nurofen, Aspirin… anything that stops headaches in little white pills."

He rubbed my arm, "Will you be alright here for a bit?"

"Yeah," I replied demurely.

"It's been an emotional day for everyone, you probably worst of all. And you've got a temper, I'll give you that."

I tried really, really hard to take the urgency out of my voice. I had to waste time here, waste time to make time. "Yeah… so I've been told."

"Could've turned out worse," James smiled, still hanging around the door.

"I think I should book an appointment with Heightmeyer, if she's free," I ran a hand over my hair nervously.

"I didn't think of that. It's a good idea. Your crazy might be contagious," James tried to joke a little. I forced a rueful smile. "I'll go get you your Aspirin."

"Thanks…" I watched him walk out of the Laundry. His footsteps echoed down the corridor, past the teleporter. Further past the teleporter. I tied my other shoelace hurriedly. I zipped the military issue shirt over my black Kermit t-shirt and found a wrinkly cap in one of the piles of clothes. There were no mirrors here, but I reassured myself twice before marching out of the room.

There's 'why', Michael. 'Cos you're the only one who wouldn't be surprised to see me busting your ass out of the Alpha Site.

I ran to the teleporting station, tucking my black ponytail up into the cap. The doors slid shut behind me with a hiss. My hands were shaking, hovering over the map. I should have hidden my clothes better. I touched the activated symbol closest to the gate room.

Jackpot. A soldier walked past me, a whole head taller than me, but a knuckle-dragger none the less. Judging from the amount of equipment he was carrying around with him, quite a fair bit strapped right on his body, he was heading for off-world.

"Hey!" I quipped loudly, marching out of the teleporter, "You're heading for the Alpha Site, right?"

He frowned at me, "We aren't allowed to use those." He nodded at the teleporter station.

I looked over my shoulder, "Well, my apologies, but I thought the situation called for it. It's my first day and… I'm late." I tried standing with my feet apart and arms clasped behind my back. He laughed at me.

"You're definitely new. Where you headin'? You lost, girl?"

"No. I was sent here to find you," I returned coldly, stretching my neck to correct the eye-level difference. "Dr Weir does not want you to go on this… assignment. She believes you, like a few others, have been stretched a bit thin lately. She doesn't want to… wear you out." Coy, Caxton. Very smooth.

Disbelief and anger showed on his face, "Only Colonel Sheppard has the authority make a call like that!"

"Those are Colonel Sheppard's orders," I stated clearly. I angled my head, keeping the guy's eye contact snagged, "He believes in equal treatment in the workplace. You could always the issue up with him, though, if you're feeling up to it."

"I don't believe this!" he snarled, more to himself than to me.

I tugged my cap lower over my forehead and cleared my throat, "I, uh, was also asked to take your equipment for this mission. I am… very new, they have not yet issued me with my own set of… stuff."

He narrowed his eyes, "What do you want, kid?"

I jerked my chin up, "Anything you have that I don't."

---

I stood rigid in the Gateroom, any shaking weighed down all the equipment 'borrowed' from that other soldier, marine… whatever he was. I hope I wasn't impersonating someone important. Important enough to have grenades. What if someone asks--no, no point worrying about that. Look on the bright side, Caxton, you haven't screwed up so far!

A man in a stony-grey uniform that matched mine walked up to the platform, hefting even more black bags than I was. He stopped and gave me a once-over; "You the rookie that's replacing Tane?"

I felt adrenalin blossom in my gut like quick-freeze. The horror may have shown on my face, because the guy chucked, "Oh, definitelynew."

"Did… Dr Weir tell you that I was going to be relieving…?"

"Nah, Tane did on his way back to the bunkers," he whistled, "Sure was pissed off about it."

Not my problem. "Well it's not like we'll be doing much more than babysitting," I shrugged, "Security detail at the Alpha Site."

"It's more than just a security detail. Sheppard's really worried about the freak flippin' out. Shoot to kill, finally. That's if Ronon doesn't get him first. Ah well, either way, it'll be a shot for Sergeant Cole."

I pursed my lips in a prudent manner, "Well." Yeah, that's awkward. Michael did kill someone, after all. But I thought it was only the dogs that were taken out behind the barn and shot, sir. "Understood," I nodded.

More men carrying bags assembled on the Gateroom floor, like a handful of over-grown school kids getting ready to go on camp. Tane's friend squeezed his radio, "Sir! Alpha team has assembled in the Gateroom."

The radio buzzed and Sheppard's voice replied, "Roger that. Send Waterford and Clark over to help me pick up Michael; we'll need a stretcher, too, so send some of the medical staff over."

"Roger, Sir." Over-and-out, I mentally appended.

"Send everybody else through the 'Gate. Have the perimeter set up before we bring Mike through, just in case." I let my breath go very quietly. I was very lucky. Guess I was getting to go off-world after all.

One small step for Caxton… well, several steps. I sucked in air and stepped through. It felt like stepping into a fridge! A nice, green, forested fridge. Keep walking, keep walking.

It was hard to keep focus on what I was doing. I wanted to get a closer look at the trees, find some high vantage point and look at all the hills, see if there were any lakes. I wanted to find some alien fish!You've already got one alien on your plate; it'd be plain greedy to ask for more.

There was a lot of walking.

I am a fit army lady. Fit army lady, I kept telling myself, I should NOT be breaking a sweat. Gah! It's too hot! A lot of people were coming and going, moving heavy medical equipment across to the 'camp'. Medical trainees and two scientists, so far. And one Caxton. And one Michael, in a short while. From the sounds of things… they probably were going to knock him out before moving him. Like a horse or a sick dog.

The base camp was centred in the base of a large, level crater with inflatable buildings and more people consumed by the buzz of activity. It felt good to set the bags down, at last.

The scenery was pretty. Art-worthy, even.

"…And remember to calculate precisely how much he will need given the results from his blood tests…" Dr Beckett was striding through the camp, medical team in tow. I turned my face away and casually, shakily, moved to the nearest tent.

My heart was pumping hard, drowning out the other sounds. God, what would his reaction have been? Stop everything? Lock me up for conspiracy, sabotage? The good doctor walked past me and I turned my head the other way, looking intently at the open flap-door of the tent. Still. White. Sterile.

I moved closer to the door, slowly, curiosity piqued. The corner of a medical stretcher and booted feet came into view. Michael Feet. My head twinged in memory. Does he even remember kicking me in the face? No, course not.

Something pincer-like grabbed my arm. I turned and ended up looking into the wide eyes of a very pale Amcotts; "What are you doing here?"

"H-Hi, um, …yes?" I tried to act like a soldier. Soldierly.

She walked us over to the side of a tent, trying to act inconspicuous. Luckily, it came as a natural talent to her, "Cax… they're going to shoot you for this. I mean, not literally of course; that's against the law and they couldn't really get away with that. But what are you doing here?"

"Same reason you're here!"

"What?"

"I'm here for the same reason you grabbed my spot! If it was you that got Edgerton to switch us." She looked shocked, speechless. And a little bit horrified. Her eyes lowered a bit. She shifted from foot to foot, gravel crunching under her feet.

I shouldn't have snarled at her. She could blow the whistle on this little… misadventure, too. She wouldn't. She grinned up at me, "Wow, Cax. Thanks."

"Thanks? What does 'thanks' mean?" She wouldn't!

"I mean you, helping me, after I… went and stole your place. Thanks, Caxton.

"And by 'helping you' you're meaning… The rescue mission?"

"Yes."

I raked my eyes over the surrounding camp site. The soldiers must have dispersed… I hope I wasn't missed, "I said I'm here for the same reason as you are. I really am. Literally." I raised my eyebrows in indication, "…The same reason on two legs who arrived in Atlantis in a pair of breezy scrubs."

"…Ah."

"But I've got a gun!" I offered helpfully, "I don't know what it is. It isn't a shotgun. Do you know how to tell if they're automatic or not?"

"No. Look, I've… I've already started, but my plan's not great."

"What've you done?"

"I set up the 'wrong' stretcher, Velcro rather than buckles, you know? And I grabbed a wraith stunner. I'm hoping they won't notice…" she pulled out a small pistol-like thing from the yellow pockets of the tan jacket she was wearing, fingering it cautiously.

"Ooh, can I have that?" Amcotts handed it over. It felt strangely… organic. Grooves and ridges designed to fit a slightly larger hand than mine.

She folded her arms, "You ever shot anything before?"

"Oh yeah. School trip to a shooting range. I got a pretty high score."

"What did you shoot?"

"Cardboard. Well, wood. Target board. With a shotgun."

Amcotts nodded, "I think you should have it. I've never shot anything before, and it would probably look a bit too conspicuous for a cleaner to be handling firearms. And anyway," she patted my arm, "You're already in more trouble than either of us could possibly imagine."

"Thanks, Am!" I scoffed.

We waited for another soldier to walk past the two tents and she bowed, "Glad to be of help. Glad you are here to help," she sighed.

"So am I." Just like the rest of them, am I?

"Rookie!" I looked over to Tane's friend in the middle of the camp. As I trudged over in my heavy army gear I noticed the map in his hands.

---

Tane's friend had pointed to a green part of the map where there was a brown, wiggly line. I couldn't find the wiggly line on the forest floor, but I did walk deep enough into the trees in the way he had pointed. And I was pretty close to the 'Gate, which would help.

As long as Amcotts doesn't turn me in and I actually come up with aplan.

The trees were more alien than I had expected; the bark split up into little honeycomb-shaped pieces up and down the trunk. I ran my hand over the wood to see what it felt like and got my hand covered in brownish-red pollen stuff. I tried to brush it off on my trouser leg, but it had already given me quite a rash.

"Goddamn it! I can't go fifteen minutes without getting--!" I growled.

The radio crackled unexpectedly, "Attention all personal, this is Colonel Sheppard; all military personal please keep to channel seven and channel six will be reserved for medical and scientific personal communications. Sheppard out."

"Okay," I said to the forest, "Roger that, Colonel Sheppard."

Tane's friend's voice followed, "Got the perimeter set up, Colonel. Tight as a net." Oh really?

The radio went quiet after that. I sat down, rubbing my itching hand and thought about what I was going to do. I closed my eyes and tried to brainstorm. Help Michael. What does Michael want? Freedom.

"When does he want it? Now." I sighed. I could try to spring him out. Then I'd probably be facing the firing squad. Was there a way to get back to Atlantis that didn't involve the firing squad?

Maybe I could convince Michael to stay. Didn't bring any candy to bribe him with, though. I had a stunner, and he had loose shackles.

I started fiddling with the dial of the radio, click, click, click. I flicked onto channel six and listened to Dr Beckett order some people on the other side of the base, "Did you get the right stretcher, Amcotts?"

"Yep, the stainless steel with the secure holdings, doctor."

I clicked the 'talk' button, "Civilian Amcotts."

There was a pause and crackle of static, "Yes?"

"Can I have a word with you on channel four… please?" I clicked over two channels, "I would like to… discuss your authorisation in the Alpha Site. In private."

"Sorry? …Alright. …Yes?"

"Is this conversation secure?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Aint nobody here but us chickens. Who is this?"

"Joan Beatrice Caxton. Don't make me say it again."

"Do you have a plan, yet?"

Quick! Now's your opportunity! Think of a plan! "…Nope, I've got nothing."

"Two cleaners won't be enough to overcome two units of trained military best-of-the-best."

"I think you underestimate the crafty nature of two sneaky cleaners, Amcotts," I replied smartly. I got no reply on the radio. Just more crackling. "Amcotts, that was a joke. I'm just trying to lighten the mood." I let go of the 'talk' button and heard the end of a 'Shhh!'

Silence. Lots of it. I waited a short while, and flicked back onto the other channels. I had no idea what was going on. Some anonymous voice was saying, "Not a word from anyone on the perimeter, Colonel." No information there.

I clicked back to the medical channel and heard another voice, "Dr Beckett, Teyla wants to know where the 'ready-to-eat' meals are packed."

Damn, and now I was hungry. And worried. No, perhaps someone just saw her talking and she thought she'd better stop.

They can't know.

---

Tane's friend nodded to his Commanding Officer, "Colonel Sheppard."

"How's the fort holding up, Lieutenant?"

"Quiet as a nursery. Michael's woken up, but Dr Beckett's preparing another injection for him as we speak," the lieutenant reported sourly.

"Good. How's the perimeter doing?"

"Nothing to report. Don't even think the rookie knows she's supposed to be reporting in every half hour."

Sheppard frowned, "Rookie?"

The lieutenant stopped walking, looking puzzled, "Sir, the one you ordered to replace Tane. Dr Weir said he needed some rest. Too many missions."

"And this replacement… is a she."

"Yes, Sir. You… did order it," he started looking doubtful.

The Colonel went to hit his radio, but paused; "Can you… describe this she?"

"About my height… Caucasian, I think she might have had black hair. Certainly got a smart mouth."

"I see. Well, that rings a bell."

"And you definitely ordered her to replace Tane, Sir?"

Colonel Sheppard sighed, "And I'm already regretting the instructions I gave her. You might want to keep an eye on that one, lieutenant… she's very new," he smiled tightly.

---

I decided to stay on the channel Amcotts was on, in case she came back. Did they overhear her, were they asking questions? "They're going to shoot me." I hit the little talk button on the radio, "Psst!"

Almost immediately there was an answer. I had to turn up the volume to hear it clearly, "Cax… I think you need to make a diversion. Away from the 'Gate. Try into the trees. I'm turning my radio back over to the other channel. Try not to get yourself shot. Amcotts out."

Trees. I ran uphill, the unpacked earth slipping under my feet. I was heading into denser and denser alien forest, trying to calculate just what kind of diversion Amcotts needed. She needed something away from the Stargate. So… that's must be where Michael was headed. I need to get higher. I was using my arms to haul myself up faster, grabbing branches and trunks, my feet scrabbling, until I got to a small rise.

I tried to reach into my vest for one of the grenades I had discovered before, I was getting brick-coloured dust all over me. Some got on my chin and started to burn. My hands were tingling.

I pulled the grenade out very carefully. It had a handle-and instructions! "Squeeze handle… pull pin, yadda, throw." Gulp. I may just be the first person from Atlantis to accidentally blow themselves up. First Earth-person to blow themselves up in this--to blow themselves up in an alien galaxy! Oh sweet mercy, the grandeur.

Throw the damn grenade already. I hurled it as far into the trees as I could. Away from the Alpha site, away from the 'Gate… and hopefully far away from anybody else in the woods. I crouched down and covered my head. The explosion wasloud; I shouted at the sound and the little bits of bark stinging my neck.

My hands were red, even under the layer of brickish dust. I was flying down through the trees now, in a wide arc towards the 'Gate; hopefully ending up coming up behind the 'Gate without seeing anysecurity details.

Parts of my neck and ears were still stinging where the hexagonal bark had hit. I tried itching my neck, once, before remembering that my hands were worse off than my neck and only succeeding in spreading the damn dust even more. I probably looked like some kind of Jersey cow by now.

I stopped and took off my vest, and jacket covered in dust as it was. I slipped the vest back on to hide the Kermit head on my t-shirt. I clicked the radio onto the army channel; I probably should have done that sooner. Sheppard was on the radio, "Bravo team, come in! Perimeter, what's your position?" Don't answer.

"Colonel Sheppard; the explosion was in the new kid's area. She's not responding to radio. Michael might've gotten to her. Request backup to check it out."

"Negative, lieutenant. We're concentrating our efforts on the 'Gate. Our priority is that no one gets off this planet. Michael's got Teyla. We're looking at a hostage situation and I can't have the perimeter all in one place." That was bad news on several levels; did he suspect?

I had to slow down to make less noise… and turn off the radio, as much as I wanted to keep listening. I had to creep past these guards without either of them seeing me. Sneaking past a couple of highly, highly trained soldiers… and I had six years of hide-and-seek experience on my back. Oh, I was kakking myself.

I peeked out between two trees. One Stargate, no guards. Heart hammering, I clambered quietly over the ledge, waiting for the inevitable shouts and whizzing bullets.

"Lower your weapon!" a man shouted. I slipped off the ledge and fell onto my knees. I rolled over and raised my arms, shaking. No one was there. "I said, lower your weapon!" I raised my own gun, slowly, shakily, and stalked towards the path. I crept up the path in a crouch, towards the voices, adrenalin making me light-headed and jittery. I tucked my cap lower and stood up straight, the black gun in my hands pointing ahead of me. The two soldiers working as security had their backs to me; facing two others. Michael and Teyla. Oh Lord.

I kept advancing, aiming the nose of the gun at Michael. One of the guards glanced at me but turned his attention back to the tense face-off. Michael was pointing a handgun at the guards, his aim switching between the two quickly. He looked as panicked as I felt. Teyla was watching Michael, shifting her feet slightly. She could probably take out Michael with one good kick while he was distracted. I was behind the guards now, standing between them, just out of their line of vision. One of them was still shouting at Michael to lower his weapon. I changed the way I was holding the gun. Teyla's attention was now on me, Michael's still on the guards… and I bashed one of them in the back of the head with my gun. I quickly swung my gun again like a cricket bat and hit the other square on the side of the head as he brought his gun up.

Everything went quiet. I dropped the gun in surprise of my success. I felt vaguely ill. God, I hope I haven't killed them. Damn it, and I have a stunner! Why didn't I use that?

"What?" Teyla breathed, astonished.

Michael was still pointing his gun at me, just as confused and perhaps a little bit more alarmed. I put my hands up, "Michael, you wouldn't mind pointing that somewhere else, would you?"

"What's going on?" he demanded, not lowering the gun.

" 'Just another one of them'. 'Just another one of them'. Yeah, good call Michael!" I barked with sarcasm.

The gun lowered, but he still looked disbelieving, "You… you're asoldier?"

"No. I'm impersonating one," I replied with a touch of pride.

"Who are you?" Teyla asked, her voice shaky with anger.

I didn't know what to say to her. I was betraying her, definitely; "I'm sorry… Michael, you should get to the 'Gate fast. I don't think Sheppard's taking any diversions seriously. He'll be heading straight this way. So, you know, go."

The wraith-man nodded in thanks, giving me a brief look of gratitude and… respect. I could get used to that respect. He dug the gun into Teyla's side and began jogging towards the Stargate.

"And don't eat the broad!" I yelled after him. And don't get yourself caught, or that'll be the end for you, too. I crouched over the fallen guards, not sure what to do. Feel for a pulse? I'd never done that before. Should I really have let Michael take Teyla with him? Was she supposed to be some kind of light snack?

"Ohcrap." If Michael had Teyla, Sheppard would not let Michael go. Well that was dumb.

I went to run for the 'Gate, but doubled back to move the bodies first. They didn't feel dead, but I didn't want to check their pulses. I didn't want to know. I didn't know what to do with them.

I heard the heavy footfalls of two people running down the path, coming too fast for me to duck for cover. I froze on the spot. Colonel Sheppard and Ronon thundered into view. For all my good luck; "Sir!"

Sheppard stopped at the sight of me, half covered in brick-red dust and the two downed Stargate guards. He looked livid, "What happened?"

"Michael came through, I think he has Teyla. I--I don't know what happened to the guards…" they ran straight past me. I followed as fast as cleaner-lady legs would let me.

We ran into the clearing; the Stargate filled with the strange blue liquid that was lighting the two silhouettes of Michael and Teyla. Ronon was already halfway across the clearing when they vanished into the event horizon, evaporating to nothing before Ronon could dive through after them.

Sheppard and Ronon would not let Teyla go that easily. I was stupid enough to overlook that. Then again, Michael had been just as stupid.

And now I was going to be fired. Fired, then shot at.

Ronon was handing some kind of rock to Sheppard… I slowed down; would I be able to quietly sneak out of this? Nope, he spotted me. I kept walking stiffly. I'd give almost anything to be on the same planet as Michael right now.

I wasn't sure which of the two looked more imposing. Sheppard looked like he knew. It's not like I was good at this. How could he know? He could have easily figured this out, but he can't have.

"You better give me a damn good reason why you're not at your post right now."

"I heard things over the radio; I was the closest to the 'Gate," I said quickly.

"Do you know which planet Michael dialled out to?" Sheppard demanded.

"No, I don't."

He held up the thin slate rock covered in symbols, "Would these be able to jog your memory? Any idea what order these are supposed to be in?"

"I didn't even know he knew 'Gate addresses!"

"You're not a soldier," Ronon growled, "What are you doing here?" He suddenly looked a lot more menacing. The gig is up!

"Did you plan this?" Sheppard asked, trying to keep his calm from slipping.

"No."I hope soldiers can tell when you're being honest with them.

"So what did you plan?"

"I-I don't know." Brain… failure… "I just didn't want you people to go and kill him!" I looked at the slate, did I really want to tell them where he went?

"Do you know which order these go in?" Colonel Sheppard asked again.

"I wasn't there at the time he dialled… Okay, I do know which order they are written in. I didn't want him taking Teyla; I think that's the most stupid thing he could have done." I was concentrating hard on the symbols. I pointed to them in order.

"How do we know you didn't make that up," Ronon questioned in a deadpan.

"It's the stroke thickness. The rock she was scribbling with wore down. You can tell where it chipped off, and where she smudged it… It seems right-handed, which is a good guess. Most people are. So she was going this way…" I drew in the air, "It has to be that order."

"How do we know--" Ronon started.

"I'm a bloody artist! I've worked with charcoal!" I exploded, taking several steps back from the over-imposing caveman. I looked to Sheppard for help, "I just didn't want you people to kill him. He didn't deserve that."

"I asked you to have breakfast with him, Miss Caxton; not to become hisbest friend."

"Well that was your mistake when you gave him human rights!"

"I'm not going to stand here arguing about morals when a member of my team is in danger. Are you sure about the order of these symbols?"

I stared at them again, "Yes. I am."

"Thank you. I know you had… good interests at heart, Caxton. Just go back to the Alpha Site, keep your head down and we will sort this out back on Atlantis. You got that?" I could tell it was trying his patience to be so calm and understanding.

"Don't shoot him," I said.

"Look, just go back to the camp, alright?"

"Sir!" Tane's friend was bounding towards the 'Gate, with what seemed like a whole battalion of armed men following behind. He seemed almost relieved to see me, covered in stinging tree-pollen as I was. "Glad you're alright, rookie."

"Arc, here, is heading back to the site to check out security. Isn't that right, Arc?"

"Yes sir…" I reluctantly turned and drifted back towards the path. It was over, then. My life in Pegasus. Michael's life; the one person that showed me any respect.

I heard them fire up the Stargate. They all looked like a grey bunch of silhouettes charging off into the blue. Sheppard must have gone in first… Being Sheppard. Tane's friend seemed to be bringing up the rear. By the way his cap was pointing, he could have been looking straight at me.

But he, too, vanished into thin air.

I stood still, thinking. I turned on my radio. Clicking it slowly over to the medical channel, because that's where she'd be listening; "Amcotts… are you there?"

Silence. "…Yes, I'm here." She knew it was me, I could hear it.

"Colonel Sheppard ordered me back to the site. The rest of them have gone after Michael and Teyla."

The clearing around the Stargate seemed void. Empty. Michael-less. "Amcotts?"

"Yeah?"

"Isn't it funny… what we would do for our heroes? I mean, the people we look up to. You know. …Would you throw your life away, Amcotts?"

"Cax, we need you back at the site."

"No you don't." She probably did argue with me, but I dropped the radio on the ground. Don't try and stop me now, I thought,because it wouldn't be that hard. They had left the slate sitting by the dialling device. I had the address to the planet they were on.

I did not believe I was below them. I could do this, no problem. At least there was one other person in Pegasus who shared my philosophy.

---

A/N: I would have gone to the Auckland (New Zealand) Armageddon Pulp Expo in October, but I have no money. Conner Trinneer AND Joe Flannigan AND Christopher Judge. I can't believe I missed that!