There once lived a noble character by the name of Braig. He had a lot going for him as a youngster, college scholarship, a loving girlfriend, and parents that were a little nut bars when it came to political and religious issues. The world was open to him with all its possibilities.

Xigbar snorted. That had been so long ago, before he had even met the old man who had made him take on his battles for him.

Before Ansem the Wise.

Before high school graduation.

Before his girlfriend had shown up with news.

Before his parents kicked him out of his house for knocking a girl up at the age of seventeen.

…before Lily.

The older man sighed. It's that time of the year again, he thought, changing from the typical Organization XV attire he normally wore around the castle and on missions, to older jeans, a red flannel shirt, an old warm jacket, and winter boots. Once changed, he created a portal.

Where Xigbar was going, he wouldn't be needing protection from the Heartless.

Some time had passed and Xigbar now found himself in a familiar spot in the town that he had once called home, standing beneath a weeping willow tree in a graveyard.

The older Nobody could see where he needed to go from here. A smaller section of the graveyard was towards his left, in plain view from where he stood a bouquet of Casablanca Lilies in one hand. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Xigbar started down the path set for him.

The Freeshooter had walked this path a few times every year ever since it had happened and it never got any better, despite the number of years that had passed. In the beginning, it had been much, much harder to visit, but…while it hadn't gotten easier, it didn't hurt quite as much as it did the first five years or so after.

Passing the other headstones with little lambs engraved into them, Xigbar could finally see what he had been looking for; a headstone that was smaller than the rest near the corner. Placing the flowers on the grave, Xigbar got to his knees and just looked at the dates on the slab.

Five years and some change…was that really the only amount of time he had gotten to spend with her? Sometimes, when Xigbar really thought about it, that amount of time seemed so incredibly short when compared to how old he was. He sometimes couldn't believe that this had occurred in his lifespan, given every event that had happened.

"...hey sweet pea. It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Xigbar said, addressing the grave. "I'm sorry I didn't come during the Flower Festival this year. Your old man ran into some pretty bad stuff...it's your birthday today. I bet you thought I forgot, but I couldn't ever forget it. You would get so excited because it was almost Christmas and your birthday...I hope Mommy is with you, throwing you a party or something fun...sometimes...Daddy wishes he could be with you again, just to see you be happy-"

And the tears began. The woman that he had loved so long ago never had gotten to meet her own child; shortly after the birth, the mother had died due to complications. So all there had ever been was Braig and his sweet baby girl.

"...I-I wonder what you would think of me if you were here, sweet pea. I'm not...where I thought life would take me, but...I've seen a lot. Other worlds, talking animals like from your old books…incredibly gifted people…but if I…" Xigbar sniffled and wiped the tears away from his eye. "…if I could exchange all of that to have you back, I would in a heartbeat. But then again…I don't have a heart anymore…"

He sat in silence for a few moments, just thinking over everything that had involved his child; her birth, those first twelve months of being alone with her in a tiny apartment, trying to juggle a job at a delivery business while being both a mother and father, the grandparents on both sides not answering any calls for help or even acknowledging either of their lives…

That was probably one of the things that killed Xigbar the most. His own parents had wanted nothing to do with him or their grandchild until the day of her funeral, while his girlfriend's parents had snobby lifestyles and wanted nothing to do with the little family until the day that the mother of his child died. They had taken her away from him, held the funeral, and had forbidden him or the child to come, thus infuriating him. There wasn't much he could do at the time however, and even now, he had no idea what would've happened if he had done something rash.

The Nobody took a deep breath and sighed, wiping his eye again. "I-I love you sweet pea. I'll be back around New Year's. I'll even bring birdseed to leave out so that you can have the birdies visit you, like how you used to feed them so you could play with them. M-Merry Christmas…and Happy Birthday."
Standing up from his seat, the older man looked up at the sky to see that it had become very overcast and was even starting to snow a little.

…I need a drink.

Xigbar didn't usually drink alone. It wasn't that he didn't like the occasional Ziegenbach or even rum and coke alone, it was just when alcohol usually was involved, it brought the other members of the Organization or random members of the opposite sex into the mix.

But today was a solemn day of reflection, regret, and pondering on what his life could've been if he hadn't lost his only child.

"This seat taken?"

Xigbar huffed. The whole bar was vacant, why would someone want to sit next to him? "No, but I'm not feeling up for company."

"Good, neither am I at the moment." Xigbar could hear the scuffling of the barstool being pulled back and the man next to him giving his order to the bartender.

The older Nobody sighed and looked at the person next to him. Xigbar couldn't really tell the sound in his voice came from, since there were so many worlds and places this guy could've come from, but it sounded…old. Maybe old wasn't the right word, maybe ancient? It wasn't even that, but Xigbar couldn't think of the right word. This man however, certainly didn't even look that old; he looked like he was in his early to mid-thirties, brown hair, kinda tall, but nothing unusual about him.

Then, the man turned to look Xigbar in the eye.

Holy fuck.

It was clear by just the look in those eyes that this person had seen a lot in his lifetime, and Xigbar could plainly see a lot of hurt lingering somewhere in there.

There was something else too, almost like this person was mourning over a loss.

The bartender came back with the man's drink and left swiftly. "So…why are you here at this time of year?" the male asked, swirling the drink in the glass a little.

"Why the fuck do you care? You don't even know me," Xigbar answered, going back to his own beer.

"I might not, but you look like you're going through a tough time," the other answered. "Fighting with family or something?"

Xigbar snorted. I only wish it were that simple. "Reliving a memory is more like it," he finally answered.

The other male smiled a tiny bit. "That seems to be what life is," he said, taking a drink. "A lifetime of regrets, things to wonder about, whether we did the right or wrong thing at a certain point in time, or anything else." He sighed. "I especially hate the holidays like this."

"…well, if we're both gonna be fuckin' miserable during the holidays, wanna swap stories of why?" Xigbar finally asked. The man was starting to become interesting. By the look on his face and in his eyes, the Nobody was sure that the other had plenty of interesting stories.

The man smirked. "Only if you go first."

Xigbar took a long swig of his beer. "I lost my only kid when she was a little over five years old. I was only twenty two and…no one wanted to help me after that. Not like anyone did before, since both sets of grandparents didn't care about our lives enough to fucking help out. I was a single parent pretty much from day one…her mother died not too long after she was born."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the other said, sounding very sincere. "Losing loved ones, young or old, isn't easy."

"It didn't stop there with my girlfriend," Xigbar said. "And it was…pretty much how Lily, my daughter, died that really gets me sometimes. We had just finished up some errands and were going home. She was really excited to watch some movie that I bought her as a treat for getting good marks in kindergarten that month…I remember sitting at a red light, listening to the radio, and going when the light was green but…after that, all I remember is waking up in the ER, some doctor saying we were in an accident. I had a broken arm, a few bruised ribs, bumps and bruises…but…" Xigbar was starting to choke up a little. "My baby girl spent a week in pediatric ICU before she finally died…with her favorite stuffed animal in her arms and me watching her…"

The two men sat in silence for a few moments. "What happened after that?" the man asked, taking another drink. "Obviously, you're still here."

"…I spent a few years drunk," Xigbar said, beginning to wonder why he agreed to tell this story in the first place. Then again, this man was very easy to talk to, and was an unbiased party, unlike the others in the Organization since they already knew Xigbar. "I just…I couldn't face it. I spent so much time in and out of bars that I don't remember much of that time. Then…one day, I went to one particular one that a jazz band was playing at. I just remember going because all of the other places had kicked me out for one reason or another that night. And…I met someone who helped me. Went by the name of Ansem the Wise."

"…I've heard that name," the man said. "He was pretty influential, if I remember correctly. Was considered the unofficial ruler of the town, so the story goes."

"He actually did have a title," Xigbar corrected. "It was 'sage-king', which I never fuckin' figured out what that meant. But anyway, he liked jazz a lot and happened to be at that bar at the right place and right time. Ansem…pretty much took me in and I worked for him."

"He sounds like an incredible human being," the other said. "Not many would deal with someone that is considered an alcoholic." The man took some money out of his pocket and set it on the bar. "That should cover both of ours. Now, come on, I have something for you."

Well, this didn't raise any alarm bells or anything. "Wait, what the hell? I don't even know you, what the fuck are you-"

The man grinned. "Just trust me."

Kingdom Hearts on a hot dog bun…

It was the park that Xigbar used to take Lily to when he felt like she needed some fresh air or she begged to go play on the swings and merry-go-round. The ground was snow covered, the trees bare, but Xigbar could see the playground equipment had recently been played with due to the absence of snow on some spots.

"…where the hell are we?" Xigbar finally asked.

"You know the answer already," the man said. "You've been in this time and place before…actually, I believe there is a little girl over by the bushes who is lost."

Xigbar listened and heard something. It did indeed sound like a small child crying. He went over to the bushes and pulled them apart.

If he would've had a heart, it would've stopped in shock.

There was a small girl, dark brown hair in a short, messy braid, wearing a little pink jacket, jeans, sneakers, and a white t-shirt with a heart design. She had been crying, and still was when she heard her hiding spot being discovered. The child looked up at him, teary bright blue eyes staring back into his one.

Xigbar could've fainted from seeing his little girl again, healthy and whole. But since he didn't want to scare her, he just smiled instead. "Hey kiddo," he greeted. "What are you doing in the bushes? Did you get lost?" She didn't answer, not that Xigbar was expecting her to. He had always emphasized to her that she shouldn't talk to strangers when she was starting to talk and run around. "My name's Xigbar. What's yours?"

"…Lily," she finally said, sniffling. "I got wost…Daddy said he was on da' bench but I wooked an' he's gone…" She started crying again.

"Hey, it's ok kiddo, we'll find him," Xigbar promised, holding his hand out to her. "Come on out of the bushes and we'll go look for him, ok?" This situation was starting to sound familiar, but Xigbar couldn't put his finger on it as she took his hand and he helped her out. She held on firmly to his hand, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"Where was the last place you saw your dad?" Xigbar asked. He chuckled a little when he watched her scrunch her face up in thought; he hadn't seen that look in years and used to think it was so adorable when she would make that face.

"Daddy was goin' to tha' benches," she said, pointing to a few places to sit close to the play area. "But he wasn't there when I wooked."

"Then how about we go over there and sit for a little while?" Xigbar suggested. "He might have had to do something and will be back in a few minutes." When she nodded, he led her over to the benches and they each had a seat. "What's your dad look like?"

"…bwown haiw an' eyes…" she started, still sniffling a little. "Taww….he says he's skinny, but I dunno what that means-"

"Lily?!"

Xigbar started panicking on the inside. That voice he recognized anywhere, it was his. From when he was much younger, sure, but it was him.

"DADDY!" Lily exclaimed, getting up and running to the younger Xigbar, aka Braig. Xigbar turned his head to look and-

Holy shit.

Braig picked up Lily and cuddled her. "Where did you wander off to?"

"I din't!" She protested. "I couln't find you! You went poof!" She waved her arms to add emphasis. Braig laughed. "Well sweet pea, you hungry? We haven't had lunch yet-"

"You gotsta meet my fwiend! He he'ped me find you!" Lily said excitedly.

"Oh yeah? Where is your friend?"

Lily looked over to the benches to find them empty. "He was thewe…he wooked wike a piwate."

Braig laughed. "It's ok sweet pea, I'm sure he's somewhere. Now c'mon, let's get some lunch, ok?"

Xigbar watched as his younger self carried the little girl away to get something to eat, having that all too familiar feeling of being abandoned.

As soon as the word 'daddy' had left her mouth at the benches and she ran off, he knew he couldn't stay. Xigbar couldn't deal with facing his younger self, but he was really starting to remember this.

"These moments such as this are the hardest to see again, especially from a different perspective."

Xigbar turned to see the one who had brought him here. "How the fuck did we get here?!" he exclaimed. "None of this makes any God damn sense!"

The man just smiled. "Of course it makes sense," he said. "It only doesn't to you because this isn't the reality you normally live in."

"…what the fuck does that even mean?!"

"It means that you and I live in a different way," the man said. "You travel the worlds and time, but through a dark power. I have to use other means, usually a-"

"Who the fucking hell are you?!" Xigbar finally yelled.

"The Doctor."

That shut Xigbar up. He remembered a brief conversation with Luxord about a madman that could travel in time and space with a blue box. "Why did you bring me here?"

"You wanted to see her," the Doctor said. "And this was meant to happen. You remember that day as you just saw; your younger self had forgotten something, went to get it, and when you came back, Lily was lost. She came running up to you after you were looking for her for a few minutes, saying a 'pirate' had helped her find you."

No wonder this sounded familiar. Xigbar could remember that all now; all through lunch that day, Lily kept talking about the 'mysterious pirate' who wanted to help her.

"Whenever you visit her from now on," the Doctor started, placing a hand on Xigbar's shoulder. "Just remember that she was, in fact, a very extraordinary child. Don't be sad. One day, you may see her again. Maybe after your name isn't that anagram anymore."

"…you think it won't be?" Xigbar asked, a little suspicious. "I know how I'm gonna die."

"That so?"

"Yeah…I won't be whole again in my lifetime."

The Doctor scoffed. "We'll see about that then, shall we?" And with that, he took his hand away. "C'mon, it's time we got you back to your time. Don't want to be stuck in the past and all that."

Xigbar watched a moment as the Doctor started to walk away. He couldn't exactly explain what had just happened.

But…he was glad.