Wow. I don't know what to say. It's been so long. I missed this story like crazy, and I don't expect a lot of you to trust me, but I am still continuing it, yes. It just might take a bit of patience on your part. I really do apologize for the tremendous wait. Anyhow, I hope I still have some of you who are willing to give me another try, and any reviews of hate, good or bad criticism, suggestions, or even just to say hello, would be extremely appreciated. I have no idea of the followers I may actually have now. Anyway, I hope this one is what most of you have been looking forward to. Thanks again.

~Shae

Naomi

"Hi, dad."

It's just past eleven in the morning. All the snow has been gone for a while now, but it left the cold behind. I stopped at the base this morning to update Kieran on my progress with Emily and Freddie, and spend some time with Jay. It was during our conversation that I decided to come here. Jay is a good guy. No, he's a fantastic guy and an even better friend, but even while talking to him, I couldn't stop. Even while having a conversation with JJ, I couldn't get Emily out of my thoughts. I can't tell you how many times I asked him to repeat himself. To be completely honest, since the day she gave me that chance in the coffee shop, she's always been on my mind. Only now, it's transitioned from curiosity, to intrigue, to want; and I can't get her off it. Before, I could distract myself, refuse to think about her. Now, I'm powerless. The way I felt when that man hit her at the club, when she woke up screaming in my own bed, when we stood outside Katie's flat, and the way I felt while we were in that fucking closet is all I think about. I don't remember giving Emily Fitch permission to control my mind.

So, this is why I'm here. This is why I decided, impulsively, out of a desperate attempt to think about something other than the little lion-hearted girl I met in an alley weeks ago, to visit my father's grave after two years.

"Been a while, hey?"

I talk to the tombstone like it's going to talk back. It's sad, but I'm thinking about my father right now, not Emily.

"I met a girl, dad."

I walk around the grave and sit down on the dewy grass, resting my back against the stone cold tombstone and listening to the buzz of the morning humming birds.

"I met a girl. And she's everything."

In this moment, I don't have to lie to myself. I'm able to be completely honest for just this short time while I'm with my dad, because I'm with my dad. I take a deep breath, and set my burdens free to drift wherever the birds lead them.

"She's beautiful dad, in every way. She's brave, she's independent, she's her own person and she knows who she is. When she walks into a room, I feel better about everything before I even know she's there. I get a sense of calm; like I have a purpose that isn't solely to stop criminals. My whole life has been fighting and crime and all this negativity. I've been so accustomed to it for so long that I had no idea what feeling important in any other way felt like. But now I do, because when she's around I feel like someone with worth, dad, someone with individual worth. When she's around I'm not special agent Campbell anymore; I'm just Naomi Campbell. She turns me back into me.

She's this lion-hearted girl with 'fuck you' red hair and brown eyes that have been through too much, and she's completely knocked me off my fucking feet. I wasn't ready for her. I wasn't ready for the way my body warms when she's around, or the way my stomach feels like it's suffocating. And I really, really, was not ready for the rage that hits me when I see a hint of a bruise or cut on her. It takes everything in me not to hunt down the gang of girls that follow her around and literally kill them with my own hands. What came over me the other night at the club was something almost inhuman. I couldn't see right, and I hadn't been drinking."

I'm almost heaving. This sort of emotional exertion isn't familiar to me. I'm overwhelmed, but not disappointed. I told myself, if I was to come here, no regrets. And so far, I have not one.

"Vulnerability is her biggest fear, and I am one of her vulnerabilities. That's why this is so infuriating. If I could say with full confidence that Emily doesn't feel any of this at all, this would be easier; but I think she does. The way she curled into me the other morning when she woke up screaming, she knew I wasn't Cook. In the closet at Katie's, I didn't rush to open the door and get out of there after they left the room. I can't even begin to think about what would have happened if she didn't either."

I stay silent and admire the cherry blossom tree that the humming birds obsessively buzz around ten feet away. I feel a tear run down my cheek and brush it off hastily, looking to make sure no one saw- not that anyone else is here anyway- before leaning back against the stone.

"I feel less lonely when she's around, dad. I feel happier, warmer, like I can do anything as long as she's okay and by my side. Freddie tried to warm me off her, but the second I saw that idiots hand hit her face, I knew that no warning, no rumors, not even a death threat would intimidate me enough to keep me away from this girl."

I slowly breathe in the sharp cold. It carries the light scent of the blossoms.

"She lost her dad too. I never would have guessed it. What, with all the shit Emily has to deal with already I guess I just didn't imagine anything else tragic in her life would have happened because it's so unfair to her already. I wonder if you guys are watching us together and yelling at us to stop being twats like you used to yell at the telly during a football game," I smile.

I lean my head back until it hits the cold rock.

"I miss you dad," I whisper. "I bet you've watched my relationship with Emily progress since I met her, wishing you were here to remind me to cherish the good people, right? You were always like mum that way; she still says it all the time. She got it from you in the first place. I'm sorry I didn't come see you sooner, and I'm sorry the reason I did this time was to talk about Emily; although, I'm not entirely sorry for that."

I take in one more slow deep breath. "I'm in deep, dad. I'm in deep."

I stay where I am for a few more seconds, soaking in the freedom of being able to speak my mind without guilt for just a little longer. Eventually, I do start to freeze. I stand up and brush small grass blades off my legs, stare at my father's remains one more time, and begin heading home. I still don't regret a thing.

Effy's in her usual position on the couch when I walk in, "Where have you been?" She asks. "I thought you finished at eleven. It's half past twelve."

"I visited my dad."

Effy's mouth drops so dramatically, it's like I can hear the sound of a glass smashing on the floor in the distance. Luckily, her tea is sitting on the table.

"You did?"

I nod.

"Holy fuck Naomi," Effy exclaims in a genuinely surprised voice, something rare. Then, in more of a casual tone, "What has this girl done to you, mate?"

The words make me freeze. Not out of fear, not out of surprise, but out of consideration. What has Emily done to me?

"I dunno, Eff." I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Go find out."

"…What?"

"Go find her. Go ask."

"Eff, are you insa-"

"Stop, Naomi. Enough is enough. She's got you in the palms of her hands and she doesn't even know it. I see it every day in you. Slowly, you've come out of your shell, whether you like to believe it or not. I haven't seen you so yourself since we were kids, and I know you know she's the reason. She's good for you and you fucking know it, Campell."

I can't respond. Effy looks so dead serious I'm afraid to say anything in case it's the wrong thing to say. What would be considered the wrong thing to say in this moment? No, she isn't? Obviously. Effy will only snap at me if I try to lie. I guess today's sort of an impulsive day already, so what the hell.

"I know," I admit. "I know."

Effy

"Hello?"

I breathe a small, relieved sigh when Emily answers her phone.

"Emily, you're coming over."

"Why? Is everything alright?"

I smile to myself, of course she'd panic. If anything had happened to Naomi, Emily would freak.

"Things are fine; I'm just fed up and calling both your guys' bluff."

"What are you going on about, Eff?" She huffs.

"You and Naomi. Stop fucking around, Emily. She got the same talk. You're coming over, and you're going to talk about whatever the fuck is going on between you two."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she lies instantly, as expected.

"Yes you do. You're going to come over, and you're going to talk about it, because if you don't I'm going to tell Naomi you've been telling Freddie about the mission."

"What the fuck, Eff? I'd never do that!"

"I know that, but Naomi doesn't, and whose word do you think she's going to take for it? Not to mention, she's dying to find a flaw in you, for any reason to say no."

"Alright, fuck, fine. I'll be there in ten. No to what?"

"To falling in love with you. Christ, neither of you have a fucking clue, do you?"

"I don't- I'm not sure- I-" Her voice shakes.

"Oh don't even try it, Emily. I'll see you in ten, yes?"

"Yeah, right, fine."

"Bye then."

"Bye."

I hang up my phone and take a sip of my tea. Christ these two, so fucking oblivious. I've watched them dodge around the idea of the other for weeks. I understand Naomi's reasoning, but I'm not letting her pass up this one. They're both convinced I'm some all-seeing bloody psychic, so they better fucking listen to me when I tell them to get their shit together and admit what's on their mind. It's exhausting, watching Naomi crave something she's convinced herself she can't have. It's heartbreaking.

Five minutes passed, then it was ten, then fifteen, and now it's been half an hour and still, no sign of Emily. I wasn't actually serious when I said I'd tell Naomi she was leaking shit to Freddie, obviously. It was false bait; of course I knew she'd come anyway. Emily wouldn't be late for this. She needed a reason to give in like Naomi needs a reason to resist. Christ, I'm surprised she didn't run here.

It's been an hour. Something's happened. Time to confess.

Naomi

"Naomi."

I stop staring out the kitchen window and look at my best friend. I've known Elizabeth Stonem long enough to read her the way she reads others. I feel my expression change from eyes that aren't vacant to complete awareness in every one of my senses.

"What is it?" I ask immediately. "Eff, what's wrong?"

"I called Emily."

I just stare at her. I can't explain why I'm not shocked.

"Okay…?"

"I called Emily an hour ago. She was supposed to be here. Something's wrong."

If it weren't for the urgency in her eyes I would honestly brush off my best friend's concern; say something like, 'She probably ran into someone' or 'Something probably came up.' Not this time.

"Was she intending to head out right after she hung up?" I can feel my heart rate pick up and my mind begin to race with sudden possibilities of endless negative outcomes as I start questioning Effy.

"Yes." Effy begins to pace while her right hand goes up to grip her right upper arm- a habit of vulnerability she's picked up over the years. She's worried. Extremely worried.

"How long has it been exactly?"

She checks her watch, "Bout' an hour and seven minutes."

"Okay." I don't hesitate a second. I pace with a determined, panicked step to my room and begin to change. Effy doesn't follow.

Five minutes later and I'm in the living room, dressed in full uniform with a spare ski mask tucked tightly into my belt as a personal safety precaution like always.

"Be careful." Effy's got the telly turned on, which is unusual. She usually reads.

"Always," I walk over to her. I kiss her forehead, "Nothing happens to me. I don't let it. You know that. I've got to stick around to keep you on your feet, don't I?" I get a small smile. I head to the door, open it, and face her once more. "We'll talk about why you called Emily later, yeah?" I quirk my eyebrow once and close the door. I break into a sprint instantly.

I use every ounce of training I've ever had to ensure I get to wherever Emily is as soon as possible. I jump the railings on the stairs and beat the elevator to the bottom. I jump down all fourteen steps of the main staircase in the lobby, land it with a somersault, and continue to sprint to the main door. I hear the elevator ding as it reaches the bottom floor on my way out.

All I can hear is the wind whistling in my ears as I push myself to run faster, harder. I turn down the first lonely alley I see and jump at the first stable pipe in sight. I pull myself up and jump from the pipe to the fire escape on the building across from me. I climb the stairs as quickly as possible and begin to scale all four sides of the roof. I'm too frantic and clouded by my own emotions and I know it. I stop all movement suddenly, take a deep breath, clear my senses, and listen. I hear only birds and distant cars. I take another deep breath and center myself.

…

"Get off me!"

It's so far in the distance and I only caught the one whisper of an echo, but if I thought my emotions were obscuring earlier, now they're fueling me. I sprint to the edge of the building, grab the low wall with my hands and throw myself over. I soar through the air and have a lower building's roof targeted. I land with another somersault and keep pushing. I think of Emily and everything she's made me feel. Everything new she's showed me, all the things I didn't know I was capable of disregarding everything for, like her.

I hit the next building over with a soft thud, because I know how to land quietly. I stop again, take another deep breath, close my eyes, and listen. Silence for seven seconds exactly, then a very close, very aggravated yell. I'm off again.

I fly across to the final building I need to jump to. I run to the edge, look down, and find what I've been looking for. My breathing is heavy, so heavy it tunes out the audio of what I'm watching- almost. Two of Candice's girls have Emily by the upper arms. They're holding her up, because her legs have caved. She's can't stand, her eyes are barely open. Candice and her third sidekick are standing by the wall having an agitated discussion. I asses my situation, and conclude that I'm about to do something I should regret but won't.

The wind where I'm standing is heavier than it was on the ground. I feel like I look like those heroes in the movies; the wind blowing my hair to the side, my sweaty face livid looking, and my mind-set on saving the girl. I'm so cliché. I take my mask from my belt and decide that my safety is, unfortunately, more important than looking cool, and put it on. The second my arms fall back down to my sides, she sees me. She just smiles.

"So," she walks towards me and tries to come off as intimidating despite the fact that she's a story below me and a whole lot stupider. "You're Emsy's super hero, are you? Glad to finally meet you. Name's Candice, and yours?"

She's lucky she can't see the glare I'm shooting at her. If this was a movie, I'd have fried her with my laser vision.

"Oh, I see, straight to business. Good job Emsy, this one's a keeper." She winks at me and smirks in Emily's direction, whose now coming to her senses. She coughs a few times and starts spitting out blood. She wipes her face on her shoulder, sniffles, looks at Candice, and then looks at me. I can see her mouth my name, but she knows better than to say it. Her face goes from shock, to adoration, to fear, to anger. Uh oh. The only thing scarier than losing Emily is a pissed Emily.

"Now, I know what you're thinking, but I suggest you hold off on whatever plan of yours you've got for just a second. See, we came prepared for you this time. Do it," she nods to the clone that isn't holding Emily up; she pulls a knife from her boot. The bitch starts flipping it in her hands tauntingly. "You make one move down here; we cut up the object of your desires. You can turn around now, or you can watch her bleed out. Make your choice."

I feel sweat drip down my back. I bite my lip and go over my options. I don't have many.

"Go," Emily rasps, "leave, I don't want you here." She chokes out each word as loud as she can muster.

"Ooooh!" Candice and her girls exclaim. "That's gotta sting, hey pal?" Candice sneers. I grit my teeth. I know what I have to do.

"Aw, I was hoping for something a little more climactic there, Superman!" She scoffs as I turn my back and walk just far enough so I'm out of sight.

My mind runs three hundred miles faster than normal. There isn't time to think, only to decide. I hear them laugh below me, and I begin to run. I shimmy down the other side of the building using loose bricks and pipes, and sprint around the corner to the entrance of the alley. Looking down the long stretch to the group at the end, I know there's no chance of making it down there before I'm spotted; I wait for the right time. Candice turns her back to walk towards my redhead and I don't waste a second. I make it past the entrance and the instant I'm clear I find a way to the top of the building opposite to the one I was just on. I inch as close to the edge as I possibly can without being seen. I pause.

There's so much anger in my system, I need to take two precious seconds to stop and remind myself I am actually not allowed to kill these people. Taking my last deep breath, I run off the side of the building.

I soar to the ground so fast, so silently, the clone doesn't know I'm coming until I'm two feet above her. I made sure to land on the one baring the knife, that's one less problem for me to worry about. She isn't knocked out, but I knocked the wind out of her. I can't see her getting up anytime soon. Emily is, however, on the ground, completely out. I see red.

Candice's other two sidekicks come at me full on. I duck and dodge a right hook and kick the other's legs out from beneath her at the same time. The right hooker sends a kick to my stomach, but I grab her ankle and twist it so fast it cracks. One down. The second girl whose legs I kicked out, comes at me fast enough that all I have to do is throw a good hook to the cheek just before she reaches me. She flips sideways and smacks the ground as she lands. Breathing heavily, I look up to the leader of the pack, the one I've craved revenge against. She backs up.

"Look, just chill out, okay? We weren't serious about the whole 'bleeding out the object of your desires' thing, yeah? Just a big joke, you know?" She says desperately. I watch as her tough demeanor dissipates and fear begins to fill her eyes as I approach her slowly.

"Shut up."

I don't run at her, I don't charge, I walk. Her back hits the brick wall and I get closer. I'm a foot away from her, reaching for her collar with both hands, when a searing hot pain slashes across my thigh. My hands land flat against her shoulders and I roll myself off her and against the wall. I look down and see a dark puddle spreading rapidly around the slash in my pants. Fuck. How could I let this happen? With adrenaline pumping in my ears and Emily laying still on the cold hard ground in the corner of my eye, I react with supernatural speed and punch Candice so hard in the smirk, two teeth hit the ground before she does. I don't let myself stop. If I stop I might fall to the ground. If I stop, so may Emily's heart. I rip my mask off; tear it in two as fast as I can, and tie it tight over my gash. I rush to Emily's side as fast as my leg will let me.

"Stay with me, Em, stay with me," I plead breathlessly. I gently turn her over so she's on her back, putting as much pressure as I can on my good leg. "I'm not losing you; I'm not letting it happen. You'll always be safe with me; I've told you that, right?" I put an arm under her neck and the other under her legs. "I'm going to get you out of all this, Em." I lift her slowly, with shaky hands, off the ground using one leg. I'm lucky this girl is small. Once I'm standing, I make sure her head is resting against my chest, and I run as fast as the gash will allow, with a terrible limp, toward the end of the alley.

"Keep that oxygen going!"

"I need more blood, stat."

"More pressure on that leg, more pressure!"

The room is spinning; well, the ceiling. That's all I can make out. I'm being moved, and there's too much going on around me, I just want to close my eyes again. But as needles poke and tubes jab at me, I can't seem to focus on anything for more than two seconds.

Emily.

A group of people in green suits flash by. I feel more than see my lion-hearted girl's red hair. I grab the first thing connected to one of the people towering over me that I see, a white collar underneath the green.

"You make sure that girl is okay." I gasp at him.

"She's going to be fine, Miss. Lay back down." He reaches for my wrist.

"YOU MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY!" I scream, louder than someone in my condition should be able to. "If she needs blood, a heart, a fucking organ, you take it from me, are we clear?"

"You need to lay down, Miss." He says softly, "We'll make sure she's okay." He pushes gently on my shoulders and I finally fall back down.

"Thank you," I whisper. His sympathetic expression gleams down at me. "Thank you."

Beep… Beep… Beep…

Everything is soft, and I haven't felt this relaxed in years. Until I try to move.

"Christ!" I curse, my voice sore and croaky. I slump back down with a sigh.

"Morning, you stupid fucking twat."

I turn my head to the right and see Effy sitting in a small chair with a to-go cup cuffed in her hands; tea, no doubt. With her hair and make-up perfectly done, her nails painted a bright red and a solid expression on her face, there's no mistaking, Effy's pissed.

"Eff-"

"No, Naomi, no. You listen to me, and you listen closely. You are in love with this girl."

Emily is all that pops into my mind, and not what Effy's telling me.

"Emily! Eff, I need to see h-"

She raises a hand silently and it shuts me up right away. "She's fine; you can go see her in a minute." She sighs and her tough facade falls. "Look, Naoms, this is enough. I'm tired, you're tired, and Emily is obviously fucking exhausted. You need to face your fucking fears here. Emily's a tough girl, she can watch for herself, and she can obviously take heat. Just end this now, okay? It's time." She sips her tea and watches me until I answer.

This redhead really did come out of fucking nowhere, didn't she? I love Emily Fitch. I've fallen in love with my mission.

"Okay."

"You need to rest, Miss!"

"YOU need to rest! I'm going to see this girl and no one is getting in my way, capishe?"

After Effy left, I fell asleep against my will. It's two hours later, and no fucking nurse, no matter how sweet, is stopping me from seeing this girl.

She sighs dramatically, "Okay Miss, but I must insist it only be a few moments."

"Cool, sure, whatever, thanks," I say as I walk past her using my uncomfortable crutches.

It takes five minutes to get to her room, but it feels like hours. Now I'm here, I'm finally here, looking into her room as she reads a cheap novel clearly left by one of the nurses, and I can't do it. I can't go in, not yet. She looks so beautiful. She's scratched up, she's pale, she's bruised and swollen, but she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever had the grace of seeing. Why did Emily Fitch have to walk into my life? Whatever deity that did this to me knew I wouldn't stand a chance. Every time I look at her, I have to swallow butterflies; and every time she looks at me, I have to remind myself the world still exists. Now I have to go in there. I have to enter this small, plain hospital room with maybe's floating in the air. I have to decide my verdict, because this is it. Miss Emily Fitch is my finish line. I swallow the dry in my mouth, open the door, and begin my final lap.

"I told you, you didn't have to come so early today, Ka-"

Her worn husk pauses the second her chocolate-brown eyes meet mine. She doesn't continue, she just watches me as I slowly waddle over to her bed and take a seat in the visitor's chair. Her eyes are screaming at me to speak, screaming that she isn't the only one tired of running.

"Still not want me here?" My voice is such a raspy whisper, it almost sounds like Emily's regular voice. She shakes her head slowly, the tiniest bit. I smile the tiniest bit. "I'm supposed to be the strong one, you jerk." I chuckle softly. "Drug dealers, nothing; psychopaths, easy; convicts, eh," I shrug, staring at the tiled floor. "But Emily Fitch?" I look back up at her as she continues to watch me speak, "not a chance." She smiles a little at me. I'm making progress.

"You appeared and messed up everything I thought I knew. Just right fucked it. What I thought I needed, what I thought was the right thing to do for myself, what I thought was smart. All you have to do is look at me and it's like trying to solve a fucking Rubik's cube." I can hear the emotion start to spill into my words. "What I thought I needed wasn't isolation anymore, and what I thought was right for me wasn't at all, and what I thought was smart was actually so fucking stupid, Emily. Every time you look at me the answer to all those is just you. I'm sorry if I'm being too forward or whatever, but what do you say to someone who appears out of fucking nowhere and makes you question why everyone thinks the night sky is so astonishing? What do you do, when that happens and even though you know it shouldn't feel good, the small moments your eyes spend on that one person make you forget everything. How do you handle it, when a stranger makes you question everything you thought was important to you? How do you do that, Emily?"

Throughout my entire confession, she's sat there, silent. The only change being her facial expression, which has changed from interested, to… Not interested. She sits for four seconds before moving. She sits up without a struggle, due to having enough rest, I guess. She swings her legs over the side of the bed, hits the floor with a cute smack, and kneels in front of me on both knees with a determined look. Her hands are freezing as she slowly places them on either side of my face. All the air I had in my lungs slowly leaves my body; I think she just stole all my air. She looks down and shakes her head with a soft scoff.

"I could ask you the same fucking question, you stupid fucking twat."

I'm shocked by her use of words, but only for half a second. She doesn't give me time to think about anything before her lips find mine as if they'd been looking forever. Kissing her is every daydream I've ever had mixing with my scrambled thoughts and stirring my tummy up so I can barely breathe. It's okay, though. She's all the air I need right now. I could live off of Emily Fitches lips, kisses, smell, everything. I know I should be thinking about so many questions and feelings, but that's one of my favorite things about Emily. Even when work is crazy, when I'm dealing with murderers, drug dealers, or both; she can make me forget it all. One look and I'm hers, have been since the beginning.

Her kiss is hard and rushed, and as I grab her neck like a lifeline, mine is too. We kiss like we've starved for eternity, like the world will explode if we stop. But it's only as frantic for a moment, before she slows down, still kissing me hard enough to push me back into my chair. I feel like this kiss is the side of Emily that she tries so hard to hold back. After the hard, sexy, distracting first kiss, she slows down, lets her walls down and allows herself to be herself for that limited amount of time. I'm glad she can do that with me, I'm glad she can do this with me. I'm glad I'm me.

Her lips pull away, and I feel like someone shot me in the left side of my chest and if my heart had avoided the bullet, it would have flipped and fallen into the pit of my stomach anyhow. Her forehead rests against mine, and I don't have to look to know we both have our eyes closed tightly as we try to assess which thought to focus on.

"Emily…" I whisper. Her brown eyes, now so full of her dilated pupils, look at me sincerely. "Sorry," I shake my head lightly, "Just thinking out loud." I bite my lip nervously, my hands still gripping her pale neck.

Everything goes from warm and all I've dreamed of to her hot hands burning passion into my skin where they're placed on my cheeks. I catch the glint appear as the tips of her eyes sharpen just before her hot breath touches my lips. She's closer. If I move my lips two centimeters, hers will be mine again. No turning back. No regrets.

There are eruptions in my chest and lower stomach just at the thought of what I know is coming. This isn't the breathless, desperate kiss it was earlier. This is a different kind of breathless. A craving, a want, more physically prominent than the one earlier. As her lips fit with mine, she sucks my bottom one between her teeth and nips it gently. Fuck, she makes my heart pound. She heightens my senses more than any drug ever could. My nails dig into her red mane and the back of her neck harder with each wave of desire she sends to my stomach and below. This is the kiss that should have happened in the hallway when I ripped my necklace from her chest, the kiss in her sister's closet. This is all of our anger and frustration with this whole situation, finally being let out on each other. This is hunger, this is want, and I want her, and she wants me back.

"Christ," I whisper between kisses. A low, deep growl comes from her throat. She detaches herself from me, and just as my heart starts to sink once more, her moist mouth finds the crook of my neck. As she continues her journey down and over my collarbones, her hands moving from my cheeks to resting on my lower thighs, I know I have to pause this. There's a better place and time, and I won't be able to stop if she persists. I can only resist her once. "Emily, wait a sec," I say breathlessly.

She lets her lips linger where they last were on my neck, softly, as if savoring the last few seconds. Her fingers dig into my thigh slightly where they rest as she reluctantly looks up at me.

"Sorry," she breathes, holding my gaze, and her grip.

"Do not apologize, Fitch. Don't you dare apologize." I reach up and push some stray fire behind her ear. She chuckles, mostly to herself, and looks up at me with such freedom, calmness, and such relief in her eyes, I feel it sting my heart. I know, Emily. I know.

"I didn't mean it, you know," she suddenly starts. "What I said yesterday; I knew she had that knife. I would rather her beat me to death than watch you get gutted in front of me. And I know you're all skillful and shit but I've dealt with them so many times, it was nothing new to me. But you are, and this is, and as much as I wanted to hate you, I don't. I really, really don't, Naoms."

She takes a slow, deep breath and leans back, taking her hands and their grip on my thighs with her. That's more honesty and purity I think she's ever shared with me. It took the two of us being hospitalized for it to finally come out, but it did, and as pathetic as it is, all I can say is,

"I know."

She smiles, almost sadly, without her teeth. She's so beautiful.

"You're beautiful, Emily Fitch." I whisper, not really noticing until it's said. Not that I want to take it back.

I pull her so she's closer to me again, because I can do that now, finally. I touch her forehead with mine and let my eyes close. Her hands find comfortable spots on my shoulders and we sit like that, just enjoying the other being close after denying it for so long. Have you ever been extremely thirsty and then, out of nowhere, a colleague offers you an ice-cold bottle of your favorite juice? What about when it's early in the morning and you're just waking up when all of a sudden it registers that you don't know what time it is. You automatically assume you've slept in, right? But then you look at your clock and realize, oh, you have another hour before you even have to get up. The relief and the satisfaction you feel in that three minutes of groggy realization are one of the greatest feelings, yeah? That's what being able to touch this girl is like. She's the relief I didn't know I needed. My strongest craving fulfilled. She's my escape from myself.

"What on earth have you done to me." I ask, not really to either of us in specific. I feel her laugh through her nose.

"Ah hem!"

We both jump away as if someone just placed one of those toys that fake electrocute you one each of our backs. One hand to each of our chests, we stare at Effy, the source of our surprise.

"I really, really hate to break this up- trust me -but there's a very pissy looking nurse tapping her foot outside the door. Don't ask me why she didn't just come in." She looks at the two of us, "Really, please don't."

I can't help but feel a little embarrassed. Eff is my best mate, but she's still the one who told me so.

"Right, yeah. Shit, alright," I mutter, fumbling to grab my crutches. Once I'm up and have waddled my way to Effy's side I make sure I tell her, "I'll be sure to come see you again soon, yeah? Or, you know, you could come to my room if you like."

Emily doesn't respond. She walks up to me, almost too slow, and places her hands on either side of my face. She pulls me down and kisses me so softly, so sweetly, I feel like I might cry. With one last smile, she heads back to her bed and lays down.

"I'll see you," she husks. I nod and turn to follow Effy out the door.

We head back to my room as fast as I can manage, passing the angry nurse on the way there. She doesn't say anything, just stares directly at me with eyes like a rattle snake. I don't make eye contact.

"You're telling me everything," Effy orders. I would have anyway.

"I know," I sigh. "I know."