(Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Space Dandy characters, I just like playing in their sandbox.)

World: Sixty-Three

Timeline: Last Tuesday

Title: You Gotta Rate Your Priorities, Baby

A word from the Narrator:

"One of the basic laws of any universe is that if there is an action, there will be an equal and opposite reaction. It should be noted that there is a similar law stating that for every individual, there is an opposing gender counterpart.

Surely you can guess where this is going.

Let's check in with our opposite-gendered heros.. er.. heroines, as Space Dandi faces a problem of epic proportions."

Dandi's finely-sculpted eyebrows twitched in annoyance as she stared down her reflection. With a finely-nuanced flourish, she whipped the styling pick through the infinitesimal glob of styling pomade that she'd applied to her scalp.

Not too much, not too little.

And still the artfully-crafted wave of hair half-collapsed in on itself, unable to support its own weight.

Dandi groaned and moved to wash the useless gel out. "No doubt about it, I need a haircut. Damn."

The tall, dark-haired woman slouched her way to the cockpit of the yellow ship, collapsing into the pilot's seat. The large cat-like creature sitting in the co-pilot's seat glanced up from her tablet and frowned.

"What's your problem?"

Dandi poked at her uncooperative bangs, pouting slightly at the mass of messy dark hair. "I gotta get a haircut."

"You humans and your ridiculous head fur," Mew sighed, giving her own fur a quick grooming. "Why you have hair there and nowhere else is beyond me."

Dandi's mouth twitched for a moment before the woman growled "At least we don't cough up hair balls." Mew arched a whiskery brow at the comment, but only replied with a dismissive flick of her tail.

"Hey QT, got any leads for me on a stylist, babe?" Dandi called to the small bot at the tactical station. The deep-voiced robot groaned in consternation before turning to face her troublesome master.

"It would be very nice if you would just find a stylist and stick with them! Or at least, you could restrain yourself from causing so much random destruction when you're unhappy with their efforts. Most of the stylist network knows you by reputation now, and won't even return our calls!"

Dandi slumped in her seat, arms crossed in a childish sulk. "They shouldn't take on a duty as serious as styling hair if they can't deal with dissatisfied customers." The dark-haired woman straightened, jabbing her feline companion in the arm with an insistent finger. "D'ya know, they actually say 'Oh don't worry, it'll grow back' If they screw up?! They do! Then they still expect to be paid for butchering you!"

QT's gravelly contralto interrupted with a sigh. "It did grow back, Dandi."

"Not the point!" The human exclaimed, standing and pointing a defiant finger at the cosmos outside.

"The point is that it's a sacred trust to go to a stylist! 90% of your self-confidence comes from your appearance, and if that's gone, then you're at 10%! A measly 10%! When you've been maligned by a bad haircut, it doesn't just go away! It takes months to grow out, but the psychological scars never really leave!"

The woman collapsed to her knees, head bowed against her chest as though suffering some horrific inner torment that could be the subject of an award-winning fictionalized motion picture.

Mew gave the speech a slow clap, yawning. "Whatever. Wanna go to Pec's?"

Dandi balled her hands into fists and growled. "How can you think of Testosteraunts when I'm standing here all a mess?!"

Mew flashed her fangs in a wicked grin at the ship's scandalized captain. "I'm not a mess. I'll give your regards to what's his name."

"Absolutely not!" Dandi fumed. "I'm not leaving that poor, innocent, gorgeous man to your freeloading, perverted.. "

"Fine, fine," Mew sighed, waving a small gray paw at the furious Dandi. "He can't be THAT innocent though. Look where he works."

Dandi stalked over to snarl in the Betelgeusian's face. "You just stay away from my precious Honey-pie!"

Mew's only reply was a snorting giggle, which seemed to placate Dandi for the moment.

QT's deep voice interrupted the teasing with a victorious cry. "Found one! Dandi, you have an appointment in Compallasar this afternoon for a trim and style!"

As an afterthought, the robot added "Please, please, please do not scar this one for life?"

Dandi grinned, dropping into her seat and calling up their course. "I give what I'm given! Why so far, though?"

QT gave a grunt of robotic annoyance. "No one else will have you."

Mew looked thoughtful for a moment, then clicked over to the browser tab on her tablet that was open to her Chwittergram account. Silently, she typed in a status update.

'Finally understand QT and Dandi's relationship: resignation to the inevitable.'

The small shop that QT lead Dandi and Mew to appeared abandoned, but the door was open.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Dandi asked, kicking lightly at the crumbling front counter.

"This is the correct address," confirmed QT, cautiously rolling forward to examine the clean but decrepit styling chair.

"Just a minute!"

The trio jumped at the new voice, which called down to them from the rafters. A long-bodied mammalian creature, covered in a combination of fur and scales, slither-climbed down to greet them.

The creature was mostly snake-like in form. Short black fur covered its back and face, while smoky gray scales dominated the neck and belly of the creature. Two long, short-furred arms ending in delicate-fingered scaly hands extended from the thing's thin shoulders. Long, razor-sharp claws clicked at the ends of its fingers. Its head was tapered, and almost rodent-like.

"Now I do apologize for the shop," the strange creature began, demurely. "I'm just starting out and can't afford much, you see." The strange creature slithered over to Dandi, winding up her leg to pull itself onto her shoulder. "Now, you were just wanting a trim, or..?"

Dandi shrieked, dodging the long claws that were reaching towards her precious hair. Mew dropped to all fours, bobbing her head as she looked for an opening to jump in and grab the alien. QT readied her vacuum arms and grabbed at the writhing creature that was now coiled around Dandi's shoulders, swiping at the woman's head.

"Done!"

The alien dropped to the ground, coiling itself into a ball and raising its upper body so that it could stare Dandi in the face. The confused women stared back, belatedly noticing the bits of dark hair falling around her shoulders.

With a cry, Dandi raced to the closest mirror, and gasped.

"It- It's perfect!"

"Aren't you concerned that there's an unregistered alien right in front of us?!" QT complained, earning a laugh from Dandi.

"Is that all you think about, QT?! Look at this! I've got an expert-level cut and style, and in seconds!"

"Overrated," Mew sighed, snapping a bored selfie.