Author disclaimer: I don't own Space Dandy, I just like throwing plot scenarios at the universe and seeing what sticks. Also, please pardon my use of "Nynyamo" as Meow's proper name. I think it's probably being translated as "Mymyamo" (as in the English 'meow' spelling as opposed to the Japanese one of 'nya'), but frankly I like the Japanese one better and I'll be using it.

World: Grimmdarch

Timeline: Two months ago

Title: The Remorseless Mercenary, Baby

A word from the Narrator:

"There exist billions upon billions of worlds very much like the ones we know. Each of these is spun from a thread no thicker than a thought that causes it to branch from its origin and wind its way through a skein of sibling universes, all tangling and disentangling as they shift their way through the cosmos and meet up again.

It is not, perhaps, an elegant design, but it is very convenient for weaving up the fabric of all existence.

Sometimes the differences between these sibling universes is vast. Sometimes it is almost negligible. Sometimes the differences are subtle and sometimes they are sinister. What is an endearing stubborn laziness in one world can become something more vindictive. And what is commonplace in the first can be a noteworthy rarity in the latter. It is inevitable that these paths shall cross, but their resolutions may vary."

Nynyamo couldn't help but leer a bit at his phone screen. He didn't risk going out in public often, but when he did risk life and freedom for a little recreation, he liked to live a little. And while "living a little" probably shouldn't include taking creepshots of the waitresses at BooBies, he found himself unable to resist the temptation. Who knew when he'd have the chance and the nerve to be out in the open like this again? It was only a matter of time before the folks or someone they'd sent caught up with him and dragged him back home where it was "safe".

'Safe'. He hated that word. That word was a cage that he had longed to escape for most of his life. No way was he going back without having an adventure or two first. And, he thought as he activated the camera once more, maybe with a few pictures to remember the experience by!

He thought he was being pretty stealthy with his photos at first, but eventually he noticed that one of the girls he'd just photographed was looking directly at the phone's camera with an amused expression. In fact, now that he looked around the restaurant, he couldn't help realizing that several of the girls seemed to be casually looking over at him.

The calico Betelgeusian suppressed a groan of embarrassment. Caught out looking like some newb. Way to live up to the stereotype of being fresh off the ol' home planet, he thought to himself as he reached for his neglected drink. He probably should be more careful, there were stories of things happening to his kind out here in space. He was pretty sure most of them were exaggerations, but being a little extra cautious couldn't hurt, right? At least he hadn't gotten reported yet and thrown out of the breasteraunt like a kid with a bad fake ID.

"Hey pal, got a minute?"

The Betelgeusian fairly jumped when a tall, dark-haired human male invited itself to plop down at his table. Nynyamo blinked, startled by the unexpected company.

"Uh... yeah?"

What did this guy want?

"I don't think I've seen you around here before. So where do you call home? The Tochiki galaxy, maybe?"

Oooookay, was this guy trying to pick him up? No thanks. Nynyamo's whiskers twitched in subtle disgust at the idea. Humans, or at least human males, just didn't do anything for him that he could detect. And he was not impressed at all with this greasy-looking specimen with the obnoxious haircut.

The Betelgeusians antennae stirred as a new thought pushed its way into being. Wait... Was this guy some kind of security? Had the waitresses reported him for taking pictures? An icy ball of panic began to twist itself up in his gut as he tried to glance around casually for any backup the weirdo might have.

"Uh...no. Just... Passing through," he stammered. Nynyamo's paws trembled as they gripped his phone full of incriminating evidence. "N-Not taking pervy pictures or anything...!" he laughed, the sound every bit as unconvincing as he'd feared it would be.

The human male looked somewhere between amused and skeptical of this claim.

"Is that so? So where ya from?" That scrutinizing stare was back, sizing the Betelgeusian up in a rather unsettling, almost mercenary fashion that raised the fur all along the cat-like creature's spine. Nope. This conversation was not going anywhere good. Nynyamo turned and dropped down from his perch atop the tall chair to the floor, replacing his precious phone in his satchel as he casually surveyed the dining hall. The human made no immediate move to jump up and apprehend him, so with a mighty leap forward onto all fours, the Betelgeusian darted out into the restaurant. The human, startled at the lightning speed of the escape, stumbled to his feet to follow.

"HEY! COME BACK HERE! You sonnava...!"

Nynyamo fled as fast as his paws would take him, weaving through the assorted aliens that comprised the dinner rush crowd. This was bad, this was so very bad. If he got arrested for public perving, his mother (and his siblings) would never let him hear the end of it. What could be worse? Damn, damn, and damn some more!

A group of Kurosam chattered in alarm as he vaulted over the side of their booth and scurried under their table. The identical dark-feathered aliens squawked in greater concern as the human kicked their drinks aside in pursuit. From somewhere behind him, Nynyamo heard the man shout. "You're not getting away THAT easy, meal ticket!" A series of shouts and a few screams greeted the motion of the human pulling out some kind of weaponry.

Now he truly began to panic. This was no overzealous security officer on his tail, it was worse. It was far, FAR worse, he realized as he dodged the reel line that the human flung after him and ducked two sets of crackling bola-ball projectiles. This guy had to be a bounty hunter. Only they were so crass and bold as to violently disrupt an entire restaurant chasing a target, causing ridiculous amounts of collateral damage in their wake. Those horror stories he'd overheard as a kit just might have a grain or two of truth in them, he thought with a whine. There was only one thing for it. He had to get to the docks, beg his way onto a ship, and pray to the mercy of the all-powerful All-Mother that the human gave up the chase as too much work. His flight around the breasteraunt had managed to disorient him, leaving him uncertain as to the location of the exit.

For the briefest of moments, the cat-like alien with the calico patterned coat paused, craning his head in search of a way out. No sooner had he gotten his bearings than something exploded behind the Betelgeusian, flinging him through the air to land jammed inside of a dining hall chair. Desperately, Nynyamo struggled to free himself, but could get no purchase against the furniture. The human, looking far too pleased with himself for someone who had just killed and/or injured restaurant patrons and destroyed private property, paced over to grin at the trapped Betelgeusian before dropped into the chair he was crammed in.

Nynyamo shivered at the predatory grin he was being given. Maybe he could appeal to the approaching hostess for an intervention if he looked like he was really, really sorry about taking perverted photos?

"I won't creep on the waitresses anymore, I swear!" he pleaded, looking more at the beautiful blonde woman than the hunter who was perched above him. "Please just let me go, I-"

"Shut it," the man growled, waving his hand dismissively at the teary-eyed prisoner.

"There you are!" The waitress who called herself Honey greeted the man, presenting him with a glass of green liquid. "One Gilgamesh tequila!" Nynyamo resumed his hapless squirming as the human downed his overpriced liquor.

"Please! Miss! You gotta help me! I-!"

"I said to SHUT. IT." The human's voice was scarcely more than a venomous growl. Nynyamo flinched as the man glowered down at him. The waitress glanced down and visibly startled, as if just realizing that there was a Betelgeusian crammed into one of the dining room chairs. "Oh! How did that happen? Do you need help?"

She was a delivering angel! A saint! A goddess among mortals who would deliver him from this terrifying bounty hunter, Meow decided, eyes shiny with adoration as he stared up at her.

"YES! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!"

The bounty hunter scoffed, waving the hostess off with a dismissive grin. "Nah, he's just had too much to drink, haven't you, buddy?" The lanky dark-haired man stood, smirking down at his flinching captive. "Meow here can get pretty crazy when he drinks, isn't that right, Meow?"

Nynyamo blinked, cold fear stabbing into him again as he realized the intensity of his peril. Desperately, he began to thrash in his makeshift prison, looking from the dark haired man to the pretty blonde.

"Meow!? My name is NOT Meow! I don't know this person! Please, lady! Help me!"

Honey clutched her tray to her chest and looked back and forth between them, confused. "Are... Are you sure everything's alright, Dandy? I'm not so sure that Mr. Kitty-alien here is..." She fell silent as the human interrupted with a confident smirk. The man moved closer to the trapped Betelgeusian, leading Nynyamo to entertain the thought of trying to bite him as the man spoke.

"Ah, he gets a little touch of amnesia if he's had too many. Nothing to worry about. He'll be fine after a good night's sleep."

Meow's eyes widened at the sight of the stunner concealed in the human's large hand, which was moving closer.

"Lady! Please help me! He's gonna..!"

The palm-size stunner emitted only a whisper-soft "zap" of sound, but the burst of electricity it produced when the contacts touched the Betelgeusian was sufficient to make everything go hazy and dark. Nynyamo was only dimly aware of being pulled from the piece of furniture he was crammed into and flung over the tall man's shoulder before his senses abandoned him completely. When he awoke, he found himself locked in a large cage in an unfamiliar room.

"W-Wha...? Whassat...?"

A bright-colored blur moved in his wavering field of vision.

"I'm really very sorry about this," an artificial voice warbled. "I'm afraid you've been picked up by Dandy, and he's not known for being that merciful to his bounties."

Nynyamo forced his eyes to open fully, willing them to let him see who was speaking. To his surprise, it was a very regretful-looking vacuum cleaner that was addressing him.

"Who.. Who're you?"

"I'm QT; Dandy's cleaning unit. I'm sorry to inform you that we're already in deep space, and I've been programmed not to aid Dandy's acquisitions."

The Betelgeusian's whole body felt like it was made of pins and needles as he began trying to move. "Dandy...? Ya mean.. that guy who shocked me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

Nynyamo pushed himself upright, and yelped in terror as he recognized how bad things had really gotten. "I gotta get outta here! There's no telling what that nutcase is going to do to me!"

"I'm gonna sell you to the highest bidder, of course!"

The tall human strutted into the room and grinned at him victoriously. The Betelguesian growled as he struggled to clear his foggy mind.

"What do you want?!"

"Quite a chase back there, my friend. But not quite good enough. You can call me Space Dandy. Welcome to the Aloha Oe, my bounty hunting ship. At least you can console yourself with the fact that you were caught by the best! No, not just the best, the best of the best!" The man preened his ridiculous hairstyle for a moment before posing as if he should have been backlit with a shimmering special effect fit for a prime time anime. Nynyamo stared, incredulous.

"L-Look man, this is all one big misunderstanding!"

Dandy crossed his arms, idly plucking at a loose thread on one of his jacket sleeves. "Really? I don't think that's what's happened here at all. Y'see cat, there's a market for rare stuff in the universe. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's unique. There's folks out there who pay big money for stuff that's one of a kind. You get it?"

Nynyamo did, in fact, get it. That feeling that his stomach was full of ice cubes was now in full swing as he fought to keep himself from panicking.

"Dude, nothing rare about me," he laughed nervously. "I'm just a normal ol' Betelgeusian! I mean, there's like.. tons of us."

Dandy's small yellow robot chose that moment to pipe up again, startling Nynyamo, who'd forgotten that the thing was even still there in the human's shadow. "Actually, there are 65 billion registered Betelgeusians in the galaxy. That much is completely correct." The small bot's voice trembled a bit as it continued, "H-However, there is something that makes you quite unique. You've got calico-patterned fur. It's very distinctive."

"AND!" Interrupted Dandy, leaning to wave a finger at the cage bars, "You're a dude. Calico cat dudes are MEGA-rare."

"I'm afraid," the robot put in softly, "There is a market on several different worlds for such rarity, for a variety of purposes."

Nynyamo shivered at the predatory look in the bounty hunter's eyes. He would almost swear that the guy had woolong-signs for pupils. Forcing a terrified but genial smile on his face, he waved the two closer. "L-Look, let's not do anything hasty, here. I'll have you know that fur dye is a thing, and I'm not one to brag, but-"

The human shrugged with an amused smirk. "Playing the innocent bystander card? Fair enough, it's not like you're going anywhere and I wasn't born yesterday, cat. Set our course, QT! No warp, though! I'm not risking the 'do. Find us the closest planet with the facilities to make the kind of exchange we need."

"A-Any preference for the result?" the robot asked hesitantly, turning to look up at their horrified prisoner. "There's a place in Centauri that specializes in rare furs, but I'm sure I can find something less-"

Before the robot could finish that thought, Nynyamo surged forward, reaching through the bars after his captor. "No! You can't! That's too cruel!"

The man grinned broadly at his prisoner, hooking a thumb at his own chest. "Can't? Can't? Can't isn't in the Dandy vocabulary, baby. I should know. I'M Dandy. Just chill out, okay? It'll make the trip more pleasant if you just live with the flow."

"L-Live with the...?" Nynyamo stood, the fur along his spine upraised. "You're kidnapping me, a sentient being, to be sold to the Narrator-only-knows who for purposes at best shady or horrible, and your advice is to 'live with the flow'? What the hell does that even mean!?"

The man turned, something close a a lazy passion flaring in his eyes. "Listen up, cat! Life comes at you FAST! Like a raging current of opportunity! I don't fight it, I let it bring my next moves to me. If you're pushing against the flow, that just means you're swimming in place. If you're not making any progress, you might as well be dead. Heh. We all gotta die eventually, I just prefer to do so with more woolongs than I can-"

Nynyamo backed up and launched himself at the bars of the cage. "You self-righteous prick! Let me out of here! This is my LIFE we're talking about, here, not some half-assed philosophy!" A muscle spasm sent the Betelgeusian to his knees, still clinging to the wall of his prison, a reminder that the stunner from before had not completely worn off yet and the short burst of adrenaline that he'd been enjoying was wearing thin. With a whimper, Nynyamo leaned on the inflexible cage bars.

The little yellow robot looked back and forth between the two for a moment before prompting "So... the course?"

"Do it up, QT. Whatever's most profitable."

Nynyamo gripped the durasteel bars desperately, tears streaming down his furry face. "Monsters. You're both MONSTERS! I hope you go completely bald and your robot minion develops hard drive failure!"

The humans lackadaisical attitude immediately evaporated as he stomped back over to sneer at his captive. "HEY! You'd better respect the hair, cat! Anyway, you're worth a LOT of money, and I intend to get paid!"

Nynyamo hissed with what little energy he could summon. "I'm not a cat! You're perfectly aware that I'm a Betelgeusian! There's other ways to make money, anyway! You could make WAY more money than I'm worth doing all kinds of things! Like... you could become mineral speculators, alien hunters, life insurance bondsmen..."

Dandy's retort was forgotten as he regarded his captive. His face contorted into a confused frown as he leaned towards the cage, squinting his brown eyes. "Wait, what was that second one?"

The Betelgeusian squinted right back, unsure if he was making progress in saving his skin or not. "Alien hunters? You know, the guys who capture rare aliens? The Alien Registration Center pays crazy woolongs for never-before-seen aliens. Alive," he added for emphasis. "Some guy was in BooBies bragging about getting six million for a talking fish or singing frog or something before you shot up the place. Poor sap's probably dead by now..."

The human frowned thoughtfully, pacing the spotless cargo bay. "Where the hell do you find something someone's never seen before?"

The little yellow robot piped up uneasily, watching the indecisive movement of its master. "By going somewhere no one's ever been, I'd imagine. Most undiscovered species would be outside of what we consider to be 'Known Space'."

Seeing his chance, Nynyamo struggled upright again, hope lending him new strength. "I know a place! Seriously, it's legit! Let me show you, and you can get your money from the ARC guys without selling me to some back alley black market or something!"

The small robot appeared uncertain of the direction that the conversation was taking, but said nothing. Instead it looked back and forth between the two living beings, vacuum hands clasped in front of its body in what looked like a pleading pose.

"Hm.."

The Betelgeusian and the robot both nervously regarded the human male, who appeared deep in thought.

"Dandy, are you actually considering this idea?"

The man stalked over to stare penetratingly into Nynyamo's face. "You got a deal, Meow. I'll ransom you TO you for the cost of your value on the black market. No tricks or funny stuff, or the deal is off and I come after you with guns blazing and when I catch you again I'll make sure you get auctioned off to the worst place I can find. And believe me, I know some dark alleys you'd rather not even know existed. QT, you're a witness and this is a binding contract."

The robot hastily pinged in agreement, printing a statement of the encounter for the human to grab. The man smirked at his reluctant guest, holding out the document for him to see.

"Deal?"

Nynyamo forced himself not to cower away from the imposing man and what could effectively be his death warrant. No wonder his family had begged him not to venture off-planet. The universe was apparently full of monsters. "D-deal," he stammered, taking an offered pen to initial the page.

Satisfied, the human snatched the pen and paper back, stuffing them in his jacket pocket. "Right, settles that, then." Dandy pulled out something else as he turned away. The man tossed a small black object in the air, which his prisoner immediately recognized. Catching the device, Dandy waved it at his prisoner. "You get to thinking on how you're finding me the hook up for some rare aliens, dig?"

The Betelgeusian clung to the bars of his prison like a lifeline as the human turned and dropped the communication device into the floor, stepping on it in finality. To his horror, the screen shattered and the device snapped as it was crushed ruthlessly against the floor.

"Can't have you trying any funny crap, right? I'll let you think about this lead of yours. Give QT the coordinates when we're ready to go."

So saying, Dandy shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked out of the cargo bay with a thoughtful yet bored expression on his face.

"I'm really very sorry," the cleaning bot murmured as it began collecting the decimated pieces of Nynyamo's cell phone. "For both of our sakes, I hope you can come through on this alien hunting idea, Mr. Meow."

Nynyamo's antennae flattened against his neck. "Me too," he whispered.