"You think Arrowette is going to fight any crime tonight?" Penny asked casually while flipping through the stations, making Digglet smile. "'Cause I bet the Scary Canary will want some backup."
"Since when does the Canary fight on a school night?"
"Since her buddy Arrowette convinced their parents to allow it."
Penny's pouty, pleading face was almost enough to sway her.
"Hmm… Nope."
"Curse your iron will!" Penny spouted dramatically with a hint of humor. "I hardly ever get to fight crime! I have to be all sporadic to throw people off but Connor and Uncle Roy get to go out almost every night! I haven't done it in almost three weeks!"
"And I haven't done it since I left for college in August. I bet we could get the okay for this weekend."
"You think so?"
"Just say the word, Tweety Bird,"
Content, Penny leaned back in her seat and listened to the chorus of Emperor Cupcake and the Willy Nillies' latest hit single. Then a question occurred to her.
"You really didn't get to fight at all?"
Digglet shrugged. "I was told to leave it to the resident vigilantes. I think that's the general rule unless you're invited to help."
Penny got all dreamy-eyed. "Yeah, those Supers can totally hold their own. And I've been meaning to ask, did Connor Kent say anything about me? You said things were looking promising when you came home on winter break."
"Huh?" Digglet said, feigning distraction as she switched lanes.
Penny turned off the music, which meant the only background noise was the sound of Tommy sucking down his coffee behind them.
"Connor Kent. You know, a lot like the unbelievably wonderful Clark Kent only younger and broodier and less powerful and more available."
"And probably the only guy that gives her a serious lady boner," Tommy added after another sip.
"Yes, thank you," Penny acknowledged. "It's also one of my life goals to bear his beautiful superbabies. Did he ask about me?"
"Oh… Right. Um… We didn't really talk much." Digglet answered, still paying way too much attention to the road. "Freshman year. A lot of adjusting. Studied most of the time. And he's not the kind of guy to talk about his feelings."
Penny's eyes narrowed, and she shared a glance with her brother. "What are you hiding?"
For a long moment, Digglet said nothing.
"He's kind of into someone right now," she admitted, gripping the steering wheel tightly.
That did so not compute. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Her name's Cassie. Diana introduced them in January."
"I was betrayed by Wonder Woman?"
"No, she was just… I don't know. They make sense, okay? Cassie's, like, sturdy."
"Sturdy?" Penny's temperature was rising. "So I'm not compatible with him because I'm normal? That's such bull! Clark is with Lois and she's even more fragile than I am!" Penny started to frantically fan herself in order to keep from crying. "Did he even like me?"
"Penny, everyone likes you," she stated consolingly.
That barely worked. Sniffling, she turned to her brother. "Can I please have some of that iced frappe-mocha-choca-latte thing?"
He obliged, especially since he was already feeling jittery.
"Maybe when he feels more in control of his powers, he'll have the courage to ask you out." Tommy offered.
"Think that might be it?"
"Totally could be," Digglet grinned. "I mean, think about it. That guy could smash your pelvis into a million pieces with a single thrust."
"I am in the car!" Tommy announced aggressively.
"But that could easily be avoided if I were on top." argued Penny, completely ignoring her horrified brother. "I think contraception would be a bigger issue. I'm sure that latex wouldn't hold up. I can't have, like, thirty of his babies, you know? Twenty-nine's my limit."
"Mr. Kent might have an answer," suggested Digglet as she made the final turn. "He must use something. Kryptonite condoms? Is that a thing?"
"Are you suggesting that Mr. Kent rolls glowing latex poison on his dick in order to have sex with Lois?"
The girls still hadn't noticed that Tommy was discreetly recording their conversation with his phone.
"The box the condoms come in would have to be lined with lead! Or at least the little foils would be," Digglet commented.
Penny snorted. "And the foils have 'S' shields on them!"
"And tiny red capes,"
They were lucky that the school was in view, because the girls were laughing so hard that Digglet could barely control the car.
"And… send." Tommy mumbled to himself with a smirk.
The undisputed queen of Starling High stepped out of the car and into her kingdom. Her wealth and good looks had guaranteed her the throne since freshman year, and as an upperclassman her role as Queen Bee was official. As tiresome as ruling was, Penny held tightly to her position: there were way too many vicious bitches who wanted the crown. So she wasn't so much as clinging to sovereignty as she was preventing a reign of terror.
Tommy was by her side as two sophomore boys opened the doors for them. The halls were crammed with students that hastily made way for their queen and her brother. Greetings and catcalls alike rang out while Penny smiled and waved.
Then she noticed something very wrong.
What had been a rare occurrence last week was now a full-blown fad. It seemed that more than half of the school was wearing a vintage Find Robbie t-shirt, or one with a related message. Penny fought hard to keep her smile as she spotted one shirt after another: Never Forget: 10-9-2013 was popular among the general student body; most of the cheer squad wore I Heart Robbie Queen in varying colors and styles; the shirts with a picture of Robbie's grave were uncomfortably prevalent; relevant articles from twenty years ago served as a graphic design on many of them, with headlines like "QUEEN BABY: DEAD OR ALIVE?" and "CHANGELING EPIDEMIC" stamped across the chest. Feeling her smile waver, she looked to Tommy. His placid expression was completely intact, but his grip on his backpack straps was turning his knuckles white.
They made it to their neighboring lockers with hardly a crack in their veneer.
"This is cruel." Penny said in Chinese, just in case anyone overheard. "And it's not even the anniversary yet. Why would they do this now?"
"Disaster month." Tommy responded as he shoved books into his locker. "And unfortunately this generation is detached from the event, unlike their parents. They see it more as a local legend rather than a tragedy."
Penny made a show of touching up her lipstick in her locker mirror. "So they walk around in those shirts as if it shouldn't hurt us?"
"I think there's more to it than shirts. You wouldn't believe what I've seen on the internet."
Before Tommy could elaborate, Rosie and Danny found them.
"So, how's your morning going?" asked Rosie brightly, trying to hide her anxiety.
"I think it's been pretty sucky, as far as Mondays go." Danny commented, using his own method of easing the tension.
"Fletcher makes a good point," noted Penny, glad their little freshmen friends were here. "What do you think, Baby Bro?"
"I think we're in for a long week."
As usual, he was right.
The four of them fought to maintain their unaffected appearance for the next few days. The shirts remained just as abundant, a sight that was more exhausting than expected. Their hope that a teacher would step up and point out the insensitivity dwindled with every class period.
They made it until Thursday at lunch before something bad happened.
"This is getting ridiculous," Rosie mumbled after swallowing a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "Every member of the faculty is too… I don't know, stupid to tell these kids off. And if we say anything, then we're being too sensitive."
"Penny and I have been more worried about our parents finding out," Tommy said, staring morosely at his chicken nuggets. "We're not sure how much longer we can keep them in the dark."
Danny winced. "Can you imagine if they found out? Hell, even if mine or Rosie's parents found out? They would totally freak."
Penny took a gulp of her chocolate milk. "It's definitely a sorer subject for them."
"For good reason," he replied. "They were all a part of it. Not just the initial… uh…thing, but all that stuff that happened after. The media feeding frenzy, the accusations—"
"The Changeling Epidemic," Tommy interjected.
Their exclusive little table was quiet for a moment.
"Yeah, I don't think they'd take this flippancy very well." Rosie stated.
"I wouldn't blame them for it," mumbled Penny. "It nearly destroyed our parents. Mine and Tommy's, I mean. Not just their marriage but, you know, them."
"Rosie's dad told us that Mom turned into something else after it happened. Like she's not even the same person at all." said Tommy.
"I prefer Diggle's version of events over Uncle Roy's though. 'Cause he's not as soft about it." Penny poked at her Jell-O. "He said it was like Mom died when she lost Robbie."
"She probably had postpartum depression," her brother added.
"Postpartum psychosis sounds more accurate, considering the stuff Mom did."
"Which I think depends on your moral stance when evaluating her actions." countered Tommy.
"Is this a Queen-only thing?" questioned Danny. "Because Rosie and I never got the lowdown on year one."
"Pretty much," Penny slumped over her food, her appetite being devoured by her mood.
As if they didn't feel awful enough, Jaleb Hempy came to their table, standing over them with an air of unwarranted confidence.
"Here we go," Rosie grumbled quietly.
"So, I noticed that none of you have been wearing a Robbie tee," Jaleb started, sneaking a peek down Penny's dress. She was too used to that kind of objectification to care. "I'm surprised. Thought the four of you would be on the bandwagon by now."
"We've got enough memorabilia at home, thanks." Tommy answered with a mirthless smile.
"And as freshmen we're not supposed to be very cool anyway," Rosie added.
"You agree with her, Fletcher?" Jaleb asked, tossing his longish dark hair out of his face.
Danny eyed the infamous warehouse on Jaleb's t-shirt. "I'm a total dork, man. I couldn't pull it off."
Shrugging, he turned to Penny, who didn't look up to dealing with this shit. "How about the fashion icon?" he cajoled, checking out her floral-print mini dress. "Isn't Penny Queen supposed to be tuned in to all the latest trends?"
The It Girl of Starling City was poised to snap her plastic spoon in half. "I set trends, I don't follow them."
"You sure?" He wasn't even subtle about ogling her. "I bet you'd look hot in one of those baby tees."
"Nah, I'm good."
"For real, though. You guys gotta get in on this. 'Cause it's you guys, know what I'm sayin'? You're like, a part of it."
"No kidding," Tommy muttered to Rosie.
"Aubergine Acker wants to throw a party on the anniversary." he announced, oblivious to the table's discomfort.
"Omg2 , for realsies?!" Penny responded sarcastically.
Excited, Jaleb took the empty seat at their table. The group tossed each other subtle glances. "Dude, it's gonna be hella rad. Everybody's gonna dress accordingly and the old news footage is gonna play on every TV. And my band's gonna play. We finally decided to call ourselves The Throbbing Cocks. Have you seen us play yet, Penny?"
"Nope," Nor did she ever want to.
"You should totally come to one of our gigs. Our theremin player wrote a song about you called 'Penny's Coinslot.' It's way more respectful than it sounds. The guy's a total poet."
"Yeah, I'll make sure to throw my panties on stage." she deadpanned.
The idiot guitarist took that as a playful tease. "We'd rather you flash us." he flirted. "Oh, I forgot the other thing about the party: theory fiction! Some of that stuff is so good, you know? We might be reading the really popular stuff out loud."
He eagerly watched for reactions around the table, but only Tommy knew what he was talking about. He busied himself with poking holes in his unwrapped Twinkie.
"None of you know about theory fiction either? Dude, you are so missing out!" He leaned into his reluctant audience. "They're stories people make up about what happened to Robbie Queen. Like, there's infanticide fic which is okay and everything, but the WIR—Where Is Robbie?—stuff is way better. Like, there's this one called Debauchery that is by far the best one ever and it's where he was like sold to this madam in Markovia and she raised him to be one of her whores because he's bound to be really pretty, right? And there's all this smut about him deep-throating EU politicians and plowing rich lonely housewives and attending orgies and stuff. Everybody loves that one. Aubergine and Nevada said they've each read it like twenty times."
How was Jaleb Hempy not dead? How was it possible that he was not choking on his own blood as a plastic knife jutted from his spouting, severed carotid?
"That's my big brother." Penny stated in a barely calm tone. "And Tommy's big brother. And Rosie's cousin. Do you really think we want to read about him deep-throating anybody?"
Jaleb scoffed. "What, are you offended?"
"Yeah, little bit," Danny answered for the table.
"Why? He was taken before any of us were born. He pretty much doesn't even count as your brother if you've never met him."
"My mom did," Aw, shit. Penny was bringing the heavy stuff to the table. "And then when she passed out from blood loss, Robbie's kidnapper cut the cord and she never saw him again. So maybe you should be more respectful towards my mom's son."
That didn't even cause a dent in his apathy. He actually laughed. "You strut around with your big blonde hair and big beautiful boobs like nothing can get to you, but you're just a sensitive little rich bitch. Your mom's healthy, wealthy, her marriage is still intact, and she's got two more kids and even a replacement son. But oh, she lost her newborn two decades ago before she could even bond with him. Boo-fucking-hoo. She should be over it by now."
"The fuck you just say about my mom?" Penny said in a low, deadly tone. Her friends knew that if she'd slipped on her no-swears rule, then the Canary was close to busting out of her cage.
Not that Jaleb knew about the rule. He was almost proud that he could piss her off so much. "I said she needs to move the fuck on. It was probably for the best, anyway. I bet Robbie would never want to know that his little sister looks like one of those expensive sex dolls that middle-aged pervs order off the internet—"
Danny slammed his slice of peanut butter pie in Jaleb's face. Which, to be honest, was lucky for Jaleb; Penny was ready to snap his femur like a muthafuckin' kit-kat.
"BRO!" Jaleb bellowed, standing up in outrage.
"You're a massive douchewad, Jaleb!"Danny shouted, standing up as well. "Get the hell away from our table!"
With a grunt, Jaleb scooped up a handful of Penny's mashed potatoes and hurled it at Danny. His aim totally sucked. The lumpy projectile soared over the ducking freshman and hit a cheerleader's designer purse sitting on the floor.
"You cum-smothered dickburger!" she screeched, catapulting a hastily aimed pudding cup in Jaleb's direction.
"FOODFIGHT!"
No one knows who yelled it, but it was the shot heard 'round the cafeteria. Ketchup-covered chaos erupted before the lunch monitor could tear herself away from the erotic fanfiction on her tablet, at which point her yelling was completely ineffective.
Jaleb landed a sucker punch on Danny's jaw, and their altercation turned into a full-on fistfight. Penny, Tommy, and Rosie took refuge under their table and cheered Danny on as he pretended not to know how to totally kick ass.
Penny had forgotten that Connor was picking her up after school. Ugh, that meant he'd see the shirts! Tommy was tutoring half the football team so he didn't have to endure Connor's reaction, but she would get a front-row seat. It would so not be okay if he knew what was going on at school. Her big brother was like, there. He showed up just a year and a half after the major event went down, and it was like, bad. He was six years old then so he totally remembered stuff. And there was all this really awful emotional crap that her mom had to deal with when he showed up… Penny was never given all the details, but it had definitely been brutal.
She stood on the curb with her backpack and purse, her hair and clothes smeared with edible ammunition.
Connor rolled up on his vintage Ducati looking like a swarthy, hella-ripped James Dean. Usually he'd get a kick out of the swooning teenage girls, but Penny hoped he wouldn't bother to look around.
He took off his helmet. "The hell happened to you?"
"Teenagers are massive a-holes, that's what happened. Can we get going?"
"You're going to deny me the amusement of watching these girls drool over me?" Connor teased with a devastating grin.
"They don't deserve to behold your beauty anyway. Let's go."
But it was already too late: Connor's smile had fallen. "The hell is this?"
"The new trend," she answered, swinging her leg over his bike. "Been going on all week."
"Explains your mood recently," He grimaced. "Heartless little bastards."
"Can we please go now?" she pleaded, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"Does your mom know about this? Or Dad?" Connor asked, genuinely worried.
"I don't think so,"
"Good." He handed her the spare helmet, then donned his own. "Wanna take the long way home?"
"That'd be awesome."
"Rill Rill" by Sleigh Bells for entering Starling High
"Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance for the cafeteria carnage.
Do any of you like fancasting? I like fancasting. I want one for each new character but I'm having trouble figuring all of them out. If any of you are interested, I'd like suggestions even for the ones I have done already.
Penny - Kate Upton. She was adorable in The Other Woman, okay?
Tommy – Sean Giambrone. He's that little dork from The Goldbergs.
Digglet - Madeleine Mantock. She was Astrid Finch on The Tomorrow People
Rosie – Mackenzie Foy. She was Renesmee. Don't judge her for it.
Danny – Ian Nelson. You Teen Wolf fans should know who he is.
Connor – I don't know please help me.
Wendy – Dove Cameron. Disney brat.
Wally – Dylan O'Brien. Because I said so.
Robbie – Why would he even need one? He's probably dead.
Fancasts for Damian, Tim, Connor Kent, Cassie Sandsmark and anyone else mentioned are welcomed.
Love you guys!