And here we are again, with more questions for poor old Axel. Once again, I cannot sprinkle enough thanks onto Raberba Girl—this very humorous project would not have happened had I not discovered her genius. Her review was something of a fanboy moment for me. :) And thanks to LightBlueLightning and DragonSilhouette for ideas I would not have thought of on my own.

Lest I bore you until you fall out of your sitting position and onto the floor, we shall begin now.

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Stupid Questions, Part Three—Heart of the Question

Or, Axel Loses His Cool

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"Axel…"

Something is going to burn. Something is going to burn. Something is going to burn.

"…Why is forty-two the meaning of life?"

Something is still going to burn. Something is still going to burn. Something is still going to burn.

This was what the mind of Axel sounded like when this question was raised by none other than Roxas. For while this was a fairly innocent question, it had come during a very odd time. Namely, during a meeting.

Axel knew that an act of stupidity so blatant could only be the doing of one of the eleven coworkers he was not so fond of. Of course, it was entirely possible that Roxas had done this on his own accord, but the general pattern of behavior pointed against it—he was usually at least smart enough not to ask stupid questions during meetings.

In addition, while Xemnas hadn't even noticed (when he got into a good monologue, he became the proverbial unstoppable force—this was the one and only time Axel was thankful for this) and Saix was already calculating potential damages from Axel burning things, the rest of the Troll Committee was trying to stifle giggles or snorts, as if they were schoolchildren making faces behind the teachers back. Even Lexaeus had a smile on his face, which was a rare sight indeed.

After a quick "We'll talk after the meeting" to Roxas (who was now red in the face, realizing his mistake), he ran down his list of suspects. He quickly eliminated Xaldin and Lexaeus, who were too serious for this sort of thing. Vexen was pretty high up on the list of suspects after his attempt to turn Axel into a free trash can, but he was fairly certain that even the arrogant jerk would have learned his lesson the first time. Demyx had been cowered into becoming quieter than the Silent Hero when Roxas and Xion were in the room. Marluxia had never read that famous book, and Larxene refused to deal with the Keybearers at all.

That left Xigbar, Zexion and Luxord. Xigbar loved to troll everyone every chance he got, Luxord was resentful after his card deck had been burned and Zexion had capabilities for evil beyond the rest of the Organization.

Oh, Zexion, Axel thought, contemplating how many ways he could kill something with his fire. If you've been poking around in that kid's head, your demise will be slow and painful…

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The meeting went on for another hour, as the Superior blabbered on about Kingdom Hearts and Keyblades and whatnot, and Axel planned creative ways to punish his suspects. Roxas just sort of sat there, head down, face glum, which fueled Axel's fury even more. He had another policy on trolling—make the kids act so stupid that they realize how stupid they've been and kick themselves over it, and it was going to get very hot in the perpetrator's room very quickly.

When the meeting dispersed, Axel met Roxas in the hallway. "Still wondering about forty-two?"

Roxas just nodded.

"It isn't really the meaning of life. It's a reference to a good book. I'll give you a copy sometime. Why do you ask?"

"…I don't know."

"Don't give me that. Did you think you were on the clocktower?"

"What? No."

"That's all I need to know. Thank you. And before you ask, no, I'm not mad." Not at you, anyway, was left unspoken.

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To fully understand just how furious Axel actually was, one must compare it to similar situations before what would become known as the Axel Lost His Cool Incident. Whenever Number II called Xion 'poppet' with Axel in earshot, he got a death glare that would scare Jack Skellington. Last Halloween, when the kids had been scared out of their wits by Demyx's pranks, the Melodious Nocturne hadn't sounded melodious at all, for his hair was on fire. When one of Marluxia's plants almost ate Roxas, his whole rooftop greenhouse had burned down.

These tales pale in comparison to the events described in the following text.

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Xigbar was reading some gun magazine or another when his door was blown open. It had not been thrown open, or kicked open. The Flurry of Dancing Flames had actually blown the door down with an explosive blast of flame. Distinctive red chakrams hit the wall with a resounding thud.

Normally, such a dramatic entrance would have been reserved for a full-blown rescue operation. So would have the look on Axel's face, a look clearly honed to kill man, or at least make man wet himself. One would not think it would be over embarrassing a friend of his—one would immediately assume an act of war had been committed.

Indeed, no one comes to blows over a prank. It had been all the pranks, over a long span of time, each one adding more pressure to the volcano that was Axel until the eruption. If there was one real emotion Nobodies were still capable of feeling, it was pure, unstoppable anger. Xigbar knew immediately that he was in serious trouble.

To his credit, Number II did not instantly run for his life. In fact, he barely looked up from his magazine, which probably escalated the situation even more. Xigbar didn't feel terror even when he did have a heart, so the drama was a bit like screaming at a brick and then thinking it will run away. Axel didn't care. He incinerated the magazine, forcing Xigbar to look up at him.

"Okay," Axel said in the meanest tone of voice he could manage. "Clearly you want to get roasted."

Xigbar drew himself up to his full height, which turned out to be the same as Axel. "What are you talking about?"

"You intimidated Roxas, didn't you? You cowed him into following along with your little plan to embarrass me, and then not telling me it was you."

"Why would I do that? What motive would I have? What purpose would that serve? Despite what you seem to think, hothead, our lives are not entirely focused on making you and your little pets miserable."

"It seems to be quite a hobby, that's for sure. And trust me, if you call them 'pets' again, this is going to get ugly."

"Would you rather I called them tools? Or perhaps toys?"

Various things happened very quickly. Within the first two seconds, Xigbar's good eye was bruised and his coat had spontaneously combusted. By the third second, the room was mostly ablaze. It has been said that the noise of the confrontation was heard in Atlantica.

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Xemnas had been absorbed in looking at Kingdom Hearts dramatically, and his trance-like state probably saved the whole Organization.

Xaldin had been practicing with his spears. When the noise started, the spears dropped to the floor, and he grit his teeth hard. "Stupid Dusks…"

Vexen was doing what little science he could with his limited set of tools. Too bad the experiment was highly sensitive to sound.

Lexaeus noticed, but didn't react. There's a reason he's called the Silent Hero.

Zexion was having a hard time reading with all the commotion, and went off to investigate the noise.

Saix sighed, gave up on trying to do paperwork for the day and calmly dark corridored to the closest place to the noise he could estimate.

Demyx threw his sitar on the ground mid-song, jumped under his bed and didn't come out again for hours.

Luxord smiled slightly as he kept playing solitaire. He could guess what was going on.

Marluxia went to 'chat' with the noisemakers. They were disturbing the plants, gosh darn it.

Larxene, her nap rudely interrupted, stomped across the castle to investigate herself, too mad to think of dark corridoring.

Xion immediately assumed a full-blown Heartless invasion was under way, summoned her Keyblade, dropped everything (including the sandwich she had been about to eat, which made a large mess on the floor) and ran off.

Roxas jumped at the noise, and then slumped in his seat for a bit before getting up to go deal with the situation himself. He knew exactly what was going on…

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This, my beautiful friends, is how it came to pass that Zexion, Saix, Marluxia and Larxene were all in the same room staring at the same horrific sight, Xion was making a mess swinging her Keyblade randomly, Roxas was tearing his hair out and Axel and Xigbar were at each other's throats. All while multiple things were on fire.

This fiasco was a feast for the eyes, truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience for any onlooker. Any being looking upon the scene must have thought a truly dramatic event was happening, that war was breaking out or some hero was wreaking mighty vengeance. Yet, once you know all the events leading up to it, it becomes a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Though war had broken out, it was a pointless war. Though there was mighty vengeance being wreaked, it could hardly be called heroic.

The height of this incident was the few seconds when there was just silence. Xion had stopped swinging her Keyblade (though it was still poised to strike), and those gathered just stared in horror at the almost cartoonish scene.

Roxas was the first to break the silence. "You're not going to like hearing this, Axel…"

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Cliff Hanger! Hanging from a cliff! That's why they call him Cliff Hanger!

Yes, the exciting conclusion is almost upon us, the punch line to this mighty joke. This fiasco just sort of emerged from my head as I was writing, and I like to think I did admirably. Remember, reviews are always appreciated. Stay tuned, same Cloudhead time, same Cloudhead channel…

And I am NOT calling myself an idiot! ;)