DISCLAIMER:

"Cory, do you have Any idea who you're working for?" … "You're working for the mob." "But the nice mob…" "yea sure the nice mob, Come here.." Flick! I DON'T OWN BOY MEETS WORLD, though I still don't know who does anymore…?

Thanks guys so much! Your reviews great! Thanks to SunRise19 and Julie. There will be a chapter everyday. I'm going to try to find a way to make this story 40 chapters, though at this rate, I might not make 10. Give me some ideas on what to write. I could always use more ideas. Like what should Shawn feel like? Should this all be some dark secret? Or should I have Cory and Mr. Feeny and everyone know about it before Chapter 10?

Chapter 6 - Desperation

"I'm not your son." Shawn said as he ran off having taken his skis off. Jon swore as he paid for the trip, and walked back to the car. What he didn't expect to find was Shawn missing.

Jon had searched everywhere for Shawn, he checked the car, went to the carts t go up the mountain and spoke with operator to see if he had gotten on again. He went into the local diner, and asked the manager if anyone had seen him. Only then did he return to the car panicked. He had spoken with the police to search the area for Shawn. Shawn's last words with him echoed through his mind like a broken record.

Maybe I should just kill myself…get it over with…

I'm not your son.

He cared to much for that boy to lose him now. This was too soon than the too soon he was preparing himself for, Shawn hadn't even told Cory about the Leukemia and he was talking of killing himself? God where did he go wrong? He couldn't watch Shawn die right before his eyes. "Shawn please just come back. I don't care where we go from here, just come back." Jon said desperately, his own voice echoed around the mountain.

Jon was brought out of his reverie by movement in the bushes near the car. He went to investigate, thinking it was probably just a rogue squirrel, completely harmless. What he never thought he'd find was lying right before his eyes. Shawn had been there all along, he had heard everything. Blood was everywhere, Jon knew this wasn't the time for yelling, he quickly covered Shawns arms in his coat, ignoring the blood that would seep through as he desperately tried to stop the flow of blood from the wounds. Shawn was unconscious by the time Jon found him, and Jon reached into his pocket, checking for some sort of note. He found one, wrapped around a bloody gun. Jon paled as he realized what Shawn had done, why there was so much blood… "No Shawn, God don't leave now, not yet, please not like this." Jon cried as he wrapped his arms around the boy and cried, still holding his arms in an effort to stop what he could. He took off Shawns jacket, and held it open as he pressed his coat into the wound. Jon called 911 on his cell phone, and an ambulance would be there in five…

Shawn's POV

"I'm not your son" Shawn yells as he runs off. He and Jon both knew he wasn't Jon's son. He felt betrayed, by his father, by Jon, by everyone. They all just couldn't see it, they couldn't see what was right in front of them. His life was breaking before him, he was getting good grades, but once his father left, he had started cutting, and the Leukemia simply added to this whole mess, he just wanted out. He wanted out of this hell, living with Turner was great, but he couldn't take the pain. He ran until he was out of breath, and just laid down in the woods and cried his heart out. It was painful to think about it really. He was just a kid with hopeless dreams, and a shattered life before him, he couldn't handle this. He knew Jon was angry at him for saying something so cruel. He knew he disappointed the one who meant something to him, Jon may not be his father, but he cared about him. He cared too much to let go, but knew he had to, the fact that Jon had called his father the night before had hurt him. It meant Jon didn't want him permanently. He would go back to his father and be the one always was. Trailer trash, from the other side of the tracks, on the other side of the road from here. Trailer trash, unwanted, unloved by anyone, scenes of yesteryear, and friends far away, at death's door, I don't want to live this life anymore. God help me to escape, I don't want this anymore…Shawn sang these words while he played a guitar he had brought with him to the slopes. He brought this thing everywhere, and alone and lonely Shawn walked back to the car, Jon was gone, so he just laid the guitar down, and went into the trees, just enough to remain hidden. He took out his pen knife, the one Jon had given him when he'd been told of the cancer. He felt along the cold blade, and cried, "Lord give me the strength, I can't get out of any of this." Shawn began to write a note to Jon,

Jon,

By the time you read this, I'll probably be gone. I can't live with the pain, knowing that you'd just give me back to my father the first real chance you got. You were my first real chance at a life. I wanted so much for this particular living arrangement to be perfect, so I tried my best not to ruin it. I guess I failed that test hmm? I'm sorry it had to be this way, but just thinking about my own dreams shattering before me, I can't move on from this because I know I won't make it through this struggle. This disease is killing me faster than I can fight, I just want it all to end.

Just stay alive Jon. I love you, as a son should love his father. You truly are my father, always.

Goodbye,

Shawn Turner.

Shawn placed the letter in his pocket, and he felt the gun. Should I just make this quick? He had already begun cutting into his arms as he was writing. There were spots of blood soaking into the letter. He was debating whether to use the thing when Jon came walking up. He hadn't noticed the guitar, but he slowly sank to his and cried, cried for Shawn.. ""Shawn please just come back. I don't care where we go from here, just come back."

Shawn tried to speed this up, he didn't want Jon to find him yet, not until he was good and gone. He started cutting deeper, harder, which made the bush behind him move ever so slightly, and Jon got up and moved toward the bush. Shawn began to lose consciousness as he saw Jon's worried face over him.