A/N: Thank you so much for reading! You guys will never know how much this means to me.
Chapter 5: Mirror
Elsa POV
"You stink! I hate you!", Anna yelled at me. Mama looked at me disappointed and ran after Anna, leaving me there alone.
"Anna!", She called after her. All the anger I had in me a few seconds ago ceased to exist. I looked down at my hands. They were covered in frost. I tried to thaw it, but it wouldn't go. Come on. I started to shaking my hands to get rid of it. The cold never bothered me, but it suddenly did just now. It's not that it was too cold, I just didn't want it on me. I became afraid that it would consume me. I was scared even though I knew that would never happen. Once it was all gone, I looked at my hands again. They were so pale, like the frost that was on me. I started trembling, looking at them made me feel sick.
"Get a hold of yourself.", I said to no one, but myself. Why do I keep doing this to her? I wish I knew. What I did was inexcusable, Anna didn't deserve that at all. But that never stopped me from making her cry again and again. They way her eyes watered, they made me feel good. I felt somewhat proud of it. When she had said those last three words, I hate you, it snapped my head out of the clouds. I suddenly felt like garbage. I'm disgusting, only a sicko takes pleasure in that. She had every right to hate me, even I was starting to hate myself. Is it even possible to hate yourself?
I went looked out her window, I could see the courtyard. Why did I do it? I just stood there trying to figure it out by replaying the scene in my head. Anna came after about an hour and a half. I was annoyed at that. Not because she took so long, no that wasn't it. It was because I thought she had forgotten about me. I had thought that she was probably hanging with Mama the whole time. I grew angry at that, and it clouded my thoughts and actions. I grew angrier when Mama stepped between us. She hadn't stepped in to stop us. She stepped in to stop me. She was protecting Anna from me. This shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did though. Anna always was her favorite, but it never failed to bother me. I couldn't take my anger on Mama, so I took it out on Anna. How pathetic and low can I get? As soon Anna comes back, I'm going to make up it to her. I don't know how, but I'm going to do it. I had to.
I heard the door opened. It was probably my parents. I turned and saw both of them, giving me that look. That look I hate so much. I didn't know what it was about, it just drove me crazy sometimes. Just ignore it, I thought to myself.
"Care to explain?", Papa said. Eying me carefully.
"Explain what exactly? I don't know what you're talking about.", I knew exactly what he was talking about, I was just stalling and he knew this.
"I honestly don't know, I swear. How's Anna? Is she better?", I really wanted to know. The guilt was eating me away.
"Your sister is heart broken somewhere in the castle. We have the entire staff and guards looking for her as we speak.", He said accusingly. Something told me they weren't going to tell me even if they knew.
"I'm sorry.", Was all I could say without breaking down. Really? Say something else you pathetic loser. I felt tears in my eyes. No, not now. Please don't cry.
"We know you are sorry Elsa, however you have been doing this a lot lately. Even after you have said you wouldn't do it again. Some measures will be taken this time to make sure this won't happen again.", Papa said. It sounded more like a speech.
"What are you going to do to me?", I was scared of his answer. There are some limitations on punishments, right?
"You will no longer be aloud to see Anna again.", Mama said.
"What! You can't do that to me!", I exclaimed. The temperature dropped, but I couldn't care less.
"We are your parents, we can do as we please.", Papa said with authority.
"What about Anna? I sure she won't like this. This is a punishment to her as well. I know you can't do that to her.", I said, crossing my arms.
"You will only see her during family meals, and special occasions. But your contact with her will be very limited.", He said.
"But-", I started.
"No buts.", He said.
"Fine!", I wanted to say more, but that would only make it worse. If that were even possible.
"Oh and one more thing.", He said. He reached into his pocket and took something blue out. He extended his hand out for me to grab. I couldn't believe what was on his hand.
"You said I wouldn't have to wear them anymore!", I said. I was angry yet again. When did I become such a hothead?
"One slip and they're back on, remember?", He said motioning to the ground. There was ice on the floor around me. And the frost I shook from my hands earlier was there, next to Anna's bed.
"That's not fair, I can't concentrate right now to thaw it." It was always hard whenever I got emotional.
"You should be able to do so anyways.", He said.
"It hard to do that when your own parents have no faith in you.", I said angrily.
"Elsa, that is enough. You will put the gloves on whether you like or not.", He said loudly, angrily. Great. Now he's mad at me.
"Fine!", I yelled. I got the dumb gloves and put them on. "Happy!", I demanded angrily. Tears were now falling down my face now. Don't let them see. I covered my face with my hands. I felt arms around me. I was stiff at first, but I finally gave in. I hugged back. It was my mother. I had forgotten she was with us.
"It's only a temporary solution until we can find a permanent one for your powers, okay? Then you will be free to see Anna whenever you want.", She said softly. I pulled away from her and took several steps back.
"You guys don't understand. There is nothing wrong with me, I shouldn't have to hide them. Why can't you guys see that?", I couldn't take this anymore. I ran to my room. As I soon as I was in, I slammed the door and locked it. I slide down against the door in sadness.
My parents will never accept me for whatever it is I am and I'm going to have to somehow live with that. So much has changed in one short week. All because of that stupid accident. Maybe we should have eased everyone's memory of it. Then things would go back to the way they were. I looked at the gloves. They were so beautiful and disgusting at the same time. They couldn't have taken a week to make these could they? A realization hit me that they were planning on this since before the accident. I guess the accident was just a catalyst to the inevitable. I sat there for hours, until nighttime came. No one came to get me and I was grateful for that. I needed to put myself together and I didn't want to look weak in front of them. I had to be strong.
Slowly the anger subsided and I started feeling so empty and alone. Hot tears were streaming down my face. I raise my hand to wipe them away, but then I remembered the gloves. I didn't want them to touch my face. So I let the tears fall where they may.
"What's wrong with me?", I asked myself. Get over it already. Who cares what they think. I thought about that. I guess I do care what they think of me.
I got up and went to look in the mirror by my walk in closet. I studied myself. My eyes were all red and puffy from crying. I could see pain in my eyes. I looked down and saw the gloves. I didn't like them, I quickly took them off and threw them across the room. I didn't want them near me. I looked back at my face, the emotional pain was very clear. It was filled with so much guilt. Ice started spreading from my feet.
"Stop it.", I said to it. It wouldn't stop, the ice kept going. Why wouldn't it listen to me anymore. The answer came to me that it was because I was upset. I needed a distraction. I raised my left hand and slapped myself across my face really hard. I did it again a couple more times. The ice melted away quickly. Good. I went to the closet and put my night gown on. When I was done, I went back to the mirror.
I looked at the other Elsa. Her right, my left, cheek was a bright red. Sadness and shame started feeling my head again. Who hits themselves? Slowly my 'issue' came back to my mind. It was getting worse. I hadn't told anyone about it because I thought it would go away. But it was clearly getting stronger. My 'issue' needed attention before it got out of control. It had started last year with me having trouble sleeping. I was also starting to snap out of nowhere sometimes. I think that was called a mood swing, I wasn't sure. Now I'm also hurting myself. That's not healthy, is it?
"I need to talk to someone.", I said to myself. Oh, I almost forgot. I have also started talking to myself. Who can I turn to? Okay Mama and Papa are out of the question. They don't understand me. The physicians are no good either, they'll tell my parents. As would everyone else in the castle. Maybe Anna? No she's too young, I don't want to scar her for life.
While thinking of Anna, I decided that seeing her wouldn't be a bad idea. I unlocked opened the door and quickly went back to her room. It was empty. She can't still be gone, can't she? My gut told me she was still gone. I needed to find her. I knew her better than anyone, so I already had an advantage. I check the portrait room because it was one of her favorite places in the castle. She wasn't there. She's hiding somewhere where no one would think to look. Come on, think like Anna. What would Anna do? I thought for a while. She would copy me, that's it. She probably pulled the same trick I pulled earlier. I quietly made back to the stairs. If I were Anna, I would have probably ran towards the outside doors. I went to the nearest one to find it with one guard keeping watch.
That door was never watched at all. I notice that the guard was facing toward the door as if waiting for someone to walk in. Anna must have left that door opened. She can't have gotten far. She could only run so fast with everyone looking for her. She was probably in a nearby room around here. I quietly turned around and took another route so I wouldn't have to deal with the guard. I started carefully checking each room. I found a closet, but no one ever used it at all, so I skipped it. But wait, no one checking would make it a perfect hiding spot. I opened the door and sure enough my baby sister was there. She was hugging her knees with her head buried in them, still crying. I'm so terrible, that I need a new word to describe how terrible I am. I when over and held her. She was stiff at first but then she reciprocated. Without wanting to, I ended up telling her my 'issue' and my theory of where I feared it was going.
I hit Anna on the back of her head with my ice covered hand. Hopefully hard enough to make her forget everything I had just told her. She fell over and I caught her. She was a little heavier than what I expected. I carefully placed her on my back. It wasn't easy, being she was unconscious. I place her arms over my shoulders, I held her thighs and slowly got up. After checking to see if she would fall, I opened the door to the closet and quietly closed it behind me. I started walking quickly. The last thing I needed was being seen carrying my unconscious sister on my back in the middle of the night. I started going up the stairs. As I did, I could feel Anna moving. Already? She lifted her head a little.
"Anna, don't move.", I whispered, after turning my head to see her face. She looked alright considering her head probably hurt and would probably also be killing her later. I turned back and kept going up. She slowly looked at her surroundings and saw us going up the stairs. She wrapped her arms my neck a little too tightly, scared I would drop her. Keeping a steady breath became a little hard. It's not everyday you carry her sister up the stairs on your back. She was actually choking me a little.
"It's okay Anna, I got you.", I assured her, panting a tiny bit. She loosen her grip after that, allowing me to breath easier. She still trusts me after everything I did to her? It made me all warm inside. She buried her head in my hair. When we got to the top, I took a thirty second break. After my breathing was under control and my legs stopped straining, I started walking toward her room. I carefully set her in her bed. I looked down at her. She looked too weak. Maybe I over did it a bit? She obviously needed help getting dressed. So I undressed her and helped her into her night gown. It was like dressing one of my dolls, only a life size one. I tucked her in bed since my parents wouldn't be checking this room anytime soon. Someone has to do it for her and I'm all she's got at the moment.
"Goodnight", I whispered. I was about about to leave when she somehow found the strength to grab my arm.
"Please don't leave me, it's really scary in here all alone.", She said looking at the shadows in her room. The place where my bed used to be looked empty. The room looked a lot bigger now. I hate to admit it, but I was still uncomfortable in my new room. It looked just as scary as this one. I felt some sort of relieve knowing I wasn't the only one.
I started thinking about the consequences of me staying here. I will get to be with my sister, this room looked really welcoming, and this was a good way to start making it up to her. On the other hand I could snap again or my parents could come and get in bigger trouble. Looking at her puppy eyes, was a mistake, I just couldn't say no to her. I nodded and got under the covers with her. What's the worse that could happen? I can't possibly get into more trouble, can I?
Anna started snuggling against me as soon I was next to her. I backed off to the edge of the bed, but that didn't stop her. So I gave in. She felt so warm against me. I started relaxing. I suddenly forgot about all my problems, about everything that was bugging me. I still remembered them, but I didn't care for them anymore. It was like the cold. I could always feel it, but it never bothered me. Anna quickly fell asleep. She had a smile on. Too bad I can't stay here though, I need to be out for my sake as while as hers. It was hard unwrapping myself from her. But I finally managed to get her off me without waking her up. I was half way to the door when I heard footstep coming to down the hallway. It sounded like two people. They were getting louder, closer to Anna's room.
"Where could she be? We've searched everywhere.", I heard one of them say. It was Mama. They stopped in front of Anna's door. I could the see the handle turning. I quickly ran and hid under the bed. When the door opened, I heard Mama gasped. I saw her feet moved quickly to Anna's bed.
"When did she...", I heard Papa say.
"It must have been when we were outside.", Mama said. She sat on the bed next to Anna. I felt the bed go down a little. I saw Papa's feet come to the other side of the bed and sat. The bed went down even more. The bottom was now a couple short inches away from my face. This was a kid's bed, not meant to hold too much. I hope it doesn't give away with me under.
"Agdar! Feel this.", I heard Mama say. I felt them move. Of course, she probably has a bump where I hit her. I'm such an idiot. Why didn't I think of that?
"I'll go get the physician right away.", Papa quickly left. So now it was me hiding under the bed. Mama on the bed checking Anna. And an unconscious Anna. She probably wouldn't be waking anytime soon, even if they made all the noises in the world.
"Oh Anna you're going to be fine.", It sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I felt guilty. Great, now I made Mama cry. Papa better not be the crying type. She shouldn't worry about a thing though. I didn't hit her too hard. A few minutes later Papa came along with the physician. After about an hour, the old guy said that Anna might have a concussion so she might not remember what happened to her. Said this was common strategy when people are attacked so they don't remember their attacker. Other than that, nothing was wrong and she would be fine. Good, mission accomplished.
After forever, they all finally left. I got out from under the bed. I stretched a bit, while looking at Anna. She looked tried, I hope her head doesn't hurt too bad. I quietly and quickly left to my room. I laid on my bed and tried to sleep but I couldn't. I just kept replaying what happened in the closet. Anna was really understanding for a five year old, a lot more than my parents. I felt guilty about hitting her to make her forget about our little talk. I couldn't even look at her when I did it. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to share my burden with her. It wouldn't be fair for her. But how is this any more fair? I shrugged that unwelcome thought away. I hoped that the option I made was the lesser of the two evils. I also hoped that she at least has my apology imprinted in her head somehow and not be mad at me anymore.
I slept for about an hour before I had to get up and start the day. I took a quick bath and got dress. I looked in the mirror and I looked terrible. I had bags under my eyes. I could just take a nap later. I don't think my parents slept either, and I don't think Anna's case counts as sleeping. In a weird way, I guess no one in the family slept. I notice that my left cheek was a light shade of purple, a bruise. No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. What am I going to say? I can't tell them the truth.
"Come on, think.", I told myself. I'll just tell them I fell in the bathroom last night. The floor was wet and slippery, and I was upset. I smiled. That sounded like a good and reasonable alibi. I was about to go out the door when I remembered an important detail. My hands. As much as I hated it, I needed to obey my parents whether I liked it or not. It doesn't matter since I'm using my powers in secret, though I still need to find a place to do it. Gerda almost caught me the other night. On the day I decided to use them in secret. I went across the room and picked them up.
"I hate you.", I said to them as I put them on. Like they would respond back. I went down and Papa and Mama were already there.
"Good morning.", I said quietly. My voice felt weak all of a sudden. I guess I still wasn't over their 'solution' to my powers. Please don't notice. Please don't ask. I had no such luck. Both their jaws dropped as soon as they saw my face.
"Elsa what happened to your face.", Papa said looking at me. Mama came over and started touching my face. I couldn't help it, I winced. It hurt.
"I- I fe- fell in the bat- bathroom la- last night", I stuttered. Why is lying hard all of a sudden? It was easier when I lied to Papa about not using my powers. What was different this time? I saw Mama's face. Oh that's it.
"Elsa tell me the truth right now, young lady.", Mama said sternly. I couldn't find myself to look at her, much less give an answer.
"Elsa, who hit you?", Papa asked. I tried to pull away from her, but then Papa came and held me in place. They were both so close to me, invading my personal space. I felt so smothered and felt like I have about to panic. I think I might have that thing called claustrophobia.
"I already told you. No one did, I fell.", I said, with more confidence this time. They weren't buying it.
"Elsa I really don't like the idea anyone, including your father and I, laying a hand on you. This is clearly a very hard slap along with a couple more.", I froze when she said that. She's good. She noticed this. She put her own hand over my face to form the shape. Her hand was too big, but it seemed to fit a little.
"Agdar, come closer.", Mama said. He did and she slapped him across face with her right hand. Both him and I flinched at what she did.
"Idun?", Was all he could say.
"Just go with it.", She said. Where her hand made contact was red, forming a shape similar to mine. She then brought our faces together for comparing.
"Elsa, this has now been somewhat proven that you did not fall on your face. Who did this?", She asked sternly. I did myself. I looked down and she brought my chin up with finger. She was forcing me to look at her.
"Which of the staff was it? You don't have to be afraid, just tell us.", Papa said. I was getting mad again. I know they meant well and I am lying to them, but I really don't want to talk about it. Why can't they see that and just let it go already. If they are going to be that way, then fine. Two or should I say three can play that game.
"Papa, Mama, I swear no one touched me. You don't trust me anymore, do you?", I saw something flash in their eyes. Ouch, I was only half serious. I guess I now know where I stand. Papa started looking at me skeptically.
"She's telling the truth, no one hit her.", He declared, after a while. Mama didn't look convinced, but she didn't press further. Thank you, I thought.
"I'm going to go get you sister, and I want you to be nice.", She said before leaving. And then it was now me and Papa. I didn't say anything. I was now upset that they didn't trust me anymore. I couldn't blame them for pressing me though. Anna has a concussion, which I gave to her, and now their other daughter has a bruised face, which I gave myself. They just went into protective parent mode. I wish I could just tell them, but they'll think I'm crazy. The day hasn't started yet and I already feel drained. I wasn't even hungry anymore. I just started to move my food around. Anna then came happily. I think she said something, I didn't hear it. I was too busy trapped in my thoughts.
"Elsa?", It snapped me out of my head. I looked at her face. She looked worried and was staring at my face. Please don't ask me. I don't want to go through this again. But again, no such luck.
"What happen to your face?", She asked. My parents were nervous about this. Probably wondering if I would lie to Anna too. Papa looked more shaken by this question. He's dying to know. Stick to your story, I thought to myself.
"I fell.", I said quietly. My voice was the verge of cracking when I talked.
"Elsa, don't you have lessons to go to?", I heard Mama say. As a matter of fact, I did not. I could feel tears coming on. They didn't want me here anymore. Especially with Anna here since I wasn't allowed to be near her anymore. Maybe it's for the best.
"Yes, I do. Bye Anna.", I said and left quickly, not looking back. I could feel Anna's eyes on me. I didn't want them to see me cry. Don't let them see. Gerda was already there in the other room waiting to walk me to my lessons.
"Don't feel bad, your father said this was only temporary.", She said. It somehow lifted my spirit. She led me the room that was adjacent to my room. My tutor was there with a big book. My tutor told me to read the first fifty pages and then left. It was a book on the history of Arendelle. I usually enjoyed reading, but only for pleasure. Because I was force to read this, it was boring and uninteresting. I sat there reading for about two hours on the first kings, before there was a knocking on the door.
"Elsa, do you wanna build a build a snowman?", I heard Anna's voice. This brought a smile to my face. I was about to say yes when a voice interrupted.
"Anna, leave your sister alone. She can't use her powers remember?", I heard Papa say. I had forgotten about not seeing Anna and not using my powers altogether. The sadness started creeping in.
"I don't care about whether or not she uses her powers, it's snowing outside so she doesn't have to use them.", I heard Anna say. Come on Papa, you know you can't say no to her. Just give in. Please.
"Your sister has lessons and so do you.", With that I heard them walking down the hallway. I looked at the mirror behind me. The other Elsa turned to look at me.
"I guess you'll be my only friend for a while. But it's only temporary.", I said to my reflection. I smiled and she gave me a fake smile. What's sadder, being alone or having your mirror as company? They're both are equally sad. At least this is only temporary and things can only get better. In the meantime, I'll try to be the perfect girl they want me to be and control my 'issue'. That way, they'll see that this punishment is stupid and remove it sooner. Suddenly, a question came to my head. Exactly how long is temporary?
A/N: Well, that's that. I hope you guys liked it. Please excuse my grammar and mistakes and bad story telling. School just started, so I'm not sure when I'll update. Maybe in five days, but I'm not sure. I'll try to do it in four days if you want to continue reading my lame story. That's also why this chapter is longer to kind of make up for that. Do you guys like long chapters?
Bye!