A/N: Sorry it took so long for those of you who were actually waiting. A certain someone at home whose name shall not be spoken deleted the chapter I worked so hard on and I had to write it over again. School has been keeping me busy as well. I made this one a little longer than intended to make up for the wait. I'm pretty sure you'll find lots of mistakes here. Please excuse them along with my bad story telling skills and things that straight up make no sense. Oh, and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! I'm not kidding, it really does mean a lot.

Warning: This chapter might be a little suicidal toward the end, but I don't think it's too bad. And it might also depress the hell out of you it you sadden easily. If it's not your thing, I'm sorry. I promise it will get better. I'll try to add in what happened in the next chapter if you somehow couldn't read this one.

Chapter 7: Kiss Breakdown

Elsa POV

Everything was white. The walls, the floor, the castle, the sky, even the air. No sign of life except my own. Am I even alive? There's no one here to tell me I am.

I did this. Yes. That's what happened. It's all my fault. My fault and no one else but mine. I frozen everyone out and now they're lost and gone forever. And I'm okay with that.

I shot up. I was trembling and covered in sweat. Just a dream, so not real. My heart was beating a little to fast and there was ice around me. I waved my hand, but it wouldn't thaw. Come on, clam down. Relax and take deep breaths. I quickly calmed down and the ice about me thawed, leaving behind a brown blanket on me. This brought a wave of confusion. I quickly looked around and saw that it wasn't my own room. The walls were pink, there were some dolls on some shelves. They looked dusty, suggesting that they've been there a while. The room was also kind of messy, with clothes on the floor, along with some toys. There was a mess of papers on the desk, along with some coloring books. I'm in Anna's room, I realized. I quickly jumped out of bed and was rushing toward the door. Looking behind me was a mistake because the bed was a mess. I quickly went back and did Anna's bed and neatly folded my own blanket, setting it where I was sleeping. I had a thing about messes. I think I would have cleaned the room, had I had the time.

As soon as I left her room, I started rushing to my own one. Hoping I wouldn't run into anyone, I used the hallways no one uses. I didn't want to deal with anyone. I have always disliked confrontations, so I always did whatever I could to avoid them. I'm a coward. I thought to myself as I went in my room and locked the door. It was true, I'm the biggest coward I know. Knowing your weaknesses doesn't make you a stronger person, it just makes you hate yourself even more for knowing you have them and not getting over them.

I started thinking about how I ended up in Anna's room. Let's see, she was getting sick again and about to fall down the stairs. I made an ice shield which saved her, and I carried her to her room. She asked me to stay, so I did until she fell asleep. And because I'm a total idiot, I fell asleep myself. I couldn't help it, I was very tired myself for not sleeping enough. Great, now Mama and Papa have two good excuses to get rid of me. I used my powers and was in Anna's presence. Oh and I skipped the studies I had yesterday.

Would they get rid of me? I honestly didn't know the answer to my own question. I didn't know them and they didn't know me. I never talk to them, but they talked to me. But they gave up on me a couple years ago. Now their form of talking to me was greeting me every other day when I go have meals with them. And they also come visit me in my room for like half an hour at least two times a week before they have to move on with their more important lives. I wish I was more important sometimes. Nothing they said was meaningful or deep. Everything they said to me was kind of a routine and rehearsed, so it didn't mean much. They always reminded to conceal don't feel. It was supposed to help hide my powers, but they rebelled against those words. My powers were growing along with me. No they can't get rid of me, they love me. I think. I tried thinking of the last time, they told me that. I came out blank. Maybe if I talked more, but talking is so hard.

I could barely say one word without messing up. Telling Anna to get off me yesterday was a miracle. Anna deserved better than me. She would always 'accidentally' bump into me during my bathroom breaks. At first I would panic and run off. Our parents knew what she was doing, but never did anything to stop her, so I assumed that they wanted her to interact with me. So now I don't try to avoid her anymore, but I would still ignore her. She was always trying to get me to talk. I wanted to do just that, but the embarrassing truth was that I had a stutter that was out of control. That was the main reason I never spoke. I had it a lot when I was little, but then it started to subside. It started to increase again when my parents started isolating me from the world. It got worse and worse over the years. I remember when my parents took me to the physician to see what was wrong else was wrong with me. They personally took me, so it must have been serious. He said that I was as healthy as ever, but they weren't satisfied with his answer. As heir to the throne, I needed to be able to talk clearly. So now I had speech lessons every day. I would practice talking on my free time with these flashcards. It helped, but only a little. I wish that I were good enough for them, maybe then they'll stop trying to 'fix' me. I always tell myself that there's nothing wrong with me, it's hard to believe that when my parents, whose approval I needed, thought otherwise. I'm disgusting. They deserved better than what I could ever be.

I realized that I was still standing by the door. I went to my bed to think about how to deal with my parents. They're going to come for me sooner or later. I couldn't think straight. Maybe a bath will help. I took off my dress and went to the bathroom to take a quick bath. When I was done, I wrapped a towel around me and went to my closet to pick out something to wear. I decided to go with a blue one like always. I never get tired of blue. I laid it on my bed and started drying my long hair with another towel. A haircut's overdue. Whatever, I like it long. I was about to put it on when I looked at the mirror. The girl in the mirror looked back at me. I dropped the towel and looked at my naked body. The girl looked weak, and pale. When was the last time I got some sunlight? A long time ago, apparently. I looked at my arms and saw the scars I gave myself about five years ago. They weren't too noticeable, just faint lines. They reminded everyday of how weak I was. I became aware of the fact that I could easily make out my ribcage, reminding me that I should stop skipping meals. But at least I wasn't all bone, though I could see that I was heading there. I haven't ate since lunch yesterday, but I wasn't hungry. Normally they would have brought up breakfast right about now, but I was supposed to down today. I should, but Papa and Mama probably don't want me there. It was weird that I actually like being with my family as much as they made me uncomfortable. I guess I needed some sort of human interaction, even if it was just sitting at the end of the table. I looked at the clock. They should be about done by now. A sudden knock on the door made me jump, causing the temperature to drop. Probably Anna wanting me to come out and play. I was getting too old for this and so was she, but she never stopped.

"Elsa, open the door.", It was my mother's voice. Please not now. I wanted to tell them to give me time because I needed to think of some excuses. I suddenly became aware that I still wasn't wearing clothes. Shoot. I heard metal clicking. Have they always had a key to my room? The door started opening. I quickly grabbed the towel and covered myself, just in time.

Both my parents stood there in the door way. Their faces, they weren't expecting to see me like this. I felt my face grow hot. If I could see myself, I probably looked like a tomato. Papa was carrying a tray of food. They both stepped in and closed the door behind them. They were still staring. They seemed more interested at the skin I was showing. This was a small towel, so it was barely covering my chest and downstairs. Mama, in particular, was sharing my chest and, from what I could see, Papa was sharing at my arms and legs. Please stop. I suddenly remembered that one time, when I had slapped myself hard and had a bruise on my face, how they wouldn't leave me alone. They pretty much freaked out. I didn't even want to know how they would react to the scars. I shifted my arms so they wouldn't see them on my forearms

"C c c can y y you tu turn?", I managed. They both turned. I hesitated, before dropping my towel and quickly got dressed. Good thing my dress was long sleeve, I always wore long sleeves. I was on the floor putting my shoes on when they turned and started walking toward me. I looked up and they were towering over me. So this is what a bug feels like. I started trembling for no reason. Stop being scared. I thought to myself. I slowly got up, and tried to stop shaking. I got the gloves that were on the bed to me and slipped them on. Papa set the tray down on the bed. He pointed to the bed, for me to sit and I did. I waited for them to start yelling at me. They've never yelled at me before, so I wasn't sure what to expect or how to react.

"We can talk as soon as you finish this.", He said. I shook my head, hunger was the last thing on my mind. But they weren't taking no for answer. I looked down and saw that it was scrambled eggs, toast with strawberry jelly, a glass of milk, and an apple. I started with the toast. If they weren't here to make sure I ate it all, I would have actually enjoyed it. As I was eating my eggs, I felt hands on my neck, causing me to jump yet again. I backed away.

"Relax.", Mama said soothing as she pulled me back to where I was and started grabbing my hair. When did she get behind me? She started braiding my hair. Weird, I've been doing my own hair since as long as I can remember.

"You have a lot of hair.", This made me go stiff. Was that a compliment? After forever, I finally finished my breakfast. Gerda then came and brought me some water. Papa wouldn't leave me alone until I had drank at least half of the glass. It was pretty awkward. It got even more so, when Mama started massaging my shoulders, making me go stiff again. Papa was now sitting next to us. I felt very uncomfortable.

"Elsa, please stop stressing.", She whispered soothingly in my ear. For some reason, it worked. My problems moved to my back of my head. The massage actually felt nice and it help me relax a little. After a while, she stopped. Please continue. She suddenly wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me close. She rested her chin on my shoulder. Okay, now I wish they would just yell at me and get it over with. She's too close. I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I had one once, it wasn't pleasant. I quickly pulled away and turned to stare at them in disbelief.

"Ar ar aren't-", I couldn't talk. Mama went over to my desk and got my note book and pencil. I quickly wrote my message and handed it to her. They both read it together.

"Aren't you gonna punish me for breaking the rules? The sooner you get it over with, the better."

"Elsa, we aren't mad at you. You saved your sister.", Papa said approving. What? They approve of me? Who are you and what have you done with my father and mother.

"If it weren't for you, Anna could have...", Mama didn't need to say anymore. After they handed me my notebook back, I wrote my next message. I could feel tears coming.

"If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have gotten bad in the first place. Everything bad that happens is all my fault.", It was true. The only reason Anna ever gets sick is because I'm not there with her.

"Darling, that's not true. If anything, it's our fault for separating you two.", Papa said, in his soothing voice. When I got the notebook back, I had a hard time writing. My hand wouldn't stop trembling.

"Yes it is. If I hadn't almost killed Anna seven years ago, we wouldn't have needed to be separated. Please stop lying to me.", I'm the root of all the problems here. I wish I were strong enough to deal with it. To be able to just shrugged it off, but I couldn't. It made me hate myself even more for being weak. It started snowing my room. More evidence of my weakness. It was falling fast, too fast. I thought they were going to beat me then and there. They've never laid a hand on me, but they should. I deserved it for not controlling my powers. But they didn't. They just pulled me into their embraces.

"We could have handled it better than that.", Papa said. No they couldn't. They did the right thing by isolating me, I didn't deserve happiness. I'm a monster. My vision started dimming a bit. Not now. Of all times. I pulled away from them.

"Ple please g g get o out.", I said loudly. I didn't want them to see me like this. It would make them hate me more, if they knew of my 'issue'.

"Elsa, we-", I did let him finish. I somehow sound the strength to grab each of their arms and pretty much dragged them both out the door. They kept protesting but I couldn't hear through the throbbing in my ears. As soon as they were out of my room, I closed the door and locked it. I realized that they could just use the key again. I took off my gloves and froze the whole wall where my door was at. If they didn't hate me before, I'm pretty sure they do now. I ripped out a paper from my notebook and quickly wrote a quick message.

"It's not you, it's me. I'll come out tomorrow. I need time to think.", As soon as that was written, I slipped it out under the door. My vision was blacking faster now. I ran to my bed and pulled out the rope that was tied to my bed on the sides. I had them well hidden, so no one knew about them. I quickly got on my bed and started binding myself to it. My blackouts are dangerous, I could hurt anyone even myself. The scars on my forearms reminded me of that everyday. At least I don't make noises when I have them, so no one knows about them. No one knows of my 'issue'.

No one came for me later that day, not even my tutors. I was grateful for that. At least, I got my 'issue' under control. I managed to not hurt myself during my blackout, though I can't say the same about my dress. When I woke up from it, my room was frozen all over. It took me a while to thaw it. The clock informed me it only lasted about thirty minutes. That's a record for longest time. They usually last about ten minutes. It's getting stronger. They used to almost never happen and I used to be able to predict when they would come. But now, they sometimes happened out of nowhere. I stayed in my room the rest of the day, trying to get my energy back. They always drained me. I sometimes fake being sick because of this, so I can get an excuse to stay in bed.

When nighttime came, I dressed in all black and started down the hallway. When I turned the corner, I went to the small wall of space between the two bookshelves. I quickly put my left hand on the wall and pushed forward. Something clicked and the small piece of wall quickly moved to the left, revealing a small hallway. I stepped in and I push the piece of wall and it slid back into place. As it did, I thought I heard someone turn the corner. It was probably one of the castle caretakers. I started going down the small halfway to the left.

Discovering this secret passage was a total accident. About five years ago, I couldn't sleep as usual so I went for a walk in the castle. I was hoping to tire myself into sleeping. Then I heard one of the guards coming my way. I wasn't allowed to wander at night, so I tried to hide between the bookshelves. When I press my back against the wall, it moved to the left. I didn't know where it went, but getting caught was not an option, I was already in trouble that day. So I went in and moved the piece of wall into place.

The day after I found it, I spent the whole day exploring it. Which was a mistake because my absence never went unnoticed. It didn't end well. When I had returned, they had a search party going on. I was interrogated non-stop, and ended up getting grounded. The punishment for that was extra piano lessons. My parents wouldn't even look at me for about a week.

So I only went in here on nights when I couldn't sleep. Which unfortunately, always happened at least two times a week. But for the past two months, it's been every night. I now knew a great portion of the place. I felt proud for knowing, but at the same time I was worried that I knew most of the place. It went around the whole the castle, to all rooms and places. I knew where I could find my parent's room and Anna's room and other places I found important. It was spooky in here because it was pretty dusty and full of cobwebs. I didn't think anyone else knew about it. I hadn't told anyone.

After a while I made my way to my destination, which was a wall. I pressed my hand against it and it moved to the right. I stepped outside the castle, breathing in the fresh air and closed the wall behind me. I turned my candle off, the last thing I needed was a castle guard finding the princess outside. It was a full moon, making it bright for me. Staying in the shadows, I moved until I was in the cave that was under the waterfall. I loved this place because, no one ever came here. I could blast all the snow I want in here and not have to worry about anyone seeing me. I had set up lanterns here and there because I've been here so many times. I started lighting all of them up. I wasn't worried about the light glowing because the waterfall prevented the light from showing and no one ever looked in this direction.

I started blasting snow from my hands. It felt so good releasing them. It never failed to make me happy. The fact that I wasn't allowed to use my powers made me bitter sometimes. Stop it. Only monsters get bitter. I remember when Mama told me this was only a temporary arrangement. I could now see that it was permanent. I made it snow a little. Without knowing it, I built a snowman using my powers. It looked weird and familiar. But then I remembered that it was the snowman that Anna and I built on that terrible night about seven years ago. I had named him Olaf because it sounded like 'Oh Laugh' which was what Anna and I did a lot that night. I wished I had gone to the kitchens and gotten a carrot. It didn't look right without one.

Thinking of Anna, I didn't want to be here anymore. It reminded me of how much she would love to be here with me. I had some free time in the afternoon tomorrow. Maybe I could somehow find the courage ask her if she wants to play a snow game with me. I could already hear her say yes. But that would never happen, she was just out of my reach. I melted everything and cautiously made my way back to the small hallway. Once I closed the wall between the bookshelves, I quickly started walking back to my room. I really should find an entrance from inside my room. It's only a matter of time before someone catches me. I'll start looking for one tomorrow night. Not sleeping had become a pattern, I knew I would also be up tomorrow as well.

I usually go to Anna's room and sleep there on Fridays. It made the nightmares go away when I'm near her. I guess I need her with me to have a restful sleep. She never wakes up when I lay down next to her. I always crave the warm she radiates, it's a good change from my usually cold skin. The sleeping Anna never seems to mind me being there. I would always move close and snuggle against her, and she would always snuggle into me in return. She even puts a smile on her face. I would then wake early and go back to my own room before anyone notices I'm not in my room and hoped that the nightmare wouldn't come back as I fall asleep. In the all nights, I spent there, Anna always whimpers in her sleep when I begin to unwrapped myself from her. I always whisper into her ear that I'll be back and she stops and smiles, as if understanding what I'm saying. I like to think that I go there because I love her, but I only go there to use her so I could get some rest. I'm so selfish.

I instead made made my way to my room and collapsed in my bed. I wanted to go to Anna's room, but I didn't trust myself to wake up before her in the morning because I was still a little weak from my blackout earlier. My bed felt comfortable and warm, unlike other nights. I liked the warmness it had tonight. I started thinking of how Anna smelled for some reason. I was exhausted which was good. It almost guaranteed I wouldn't have that god awful nightmare again, almost. As I fell asleep I couldn't help but feel that I had forgotten something and that I was being watched. It was probably nothing, just me being overly alert. Sneaking around does that to you. Unlike many past nights, I wasn't afraid of sleeping this time. Something was off, I didn't know what it was, but I didn't care. I liked whatever was different tonight.

I did dream that night but not that nightmare. This was about me and Anna having a snowball fight. But then she started to slowly walk away from me and I was shouting 'Anna don't leave!', she turned to me and said 'Don't worry, I promise I'll never abandon you.' I reached out and pulled her into my arms and she hugged me back. She felt so warm and I remembered her face and her warmth so clearly. The dream felt so real. She started to leave but promise she would return to me and kissed my forehead. I remember saying I was sorry for everything I've done to her, but she was gone before she could hear it. It was both a pleasant and painful dream. Pleasant because it was only a dream and not a nightmare, and painful because it was only a dream and not reality.

As soon as the dream ended the nightmare started coming again, but I woke up from it fast. I opened my eyes and saw the sunlight coming into my room and hit me in the face. It felt so good and warm against my skin. I sighed in relieve, grateful to be away from that dark dream. Did I wake up late again? I should stop doing that, before it raises attention. I need to keep a low profile, the last thing I need is another interrogation on why I fall asleep during my lessons. The last time that happened, I had got my schedule cleared so I could rest for the next day. It was nice not having to focus for a day. Maybe another interrogation isn't a bad idea. I had a blanket over me. I don't remember putting it over me. But then again, last night was a blur. I was also hugging a pillow very tightly like how I holding Anna in my dreams.

I got up and saw that my shoes and stockings were already off me. They on the floor next to my bed, along with my cap. That made things a little easier. I don't remember taking them off, but why not my dress in the process? Exactly how exhausted was I last night? I walked in and then what? I hope I didn't blackout again. I don't think I did because I didn't feel drained. Whatever, it's not important. I push them under my bed. I heard a knock on the door.

"Princess Elsa, the King and Queen request you presence today.", It was Kai. He was one of my parents most trusted servants.

"O okay.", I stuttered not to bad. It was weird because today was one of those days where I wasn't supposed to come out of my room. I think it was to make up for not coming down yesterday. After making sure I looked presentable, made my way downstairs. I sat at the end of the table like I always do. Everyone was in their usual seats. I was to keep my distance at all times at the table. At first I hated this rule, but now I liked it because I didn't being around anyone. Wasn't that a sign of social impairment?

"Elsa, today we want you to sit with us.", I heard Papa say. What! Since when do they want me with them? I tried not to look shocked, but I failed. I found myself not wanting to go. Yes, I think I am socially impaired. I swallowed hard and slowly sat in front of him, next to Anna. I can't let my parents know about the new revelation I just discovered. Anna looked at me curiously, trying to figure out what's wrong with me and why I didn't want to be with them. I was used to being an outsider, and now here I was with my family. I didn't feel like I belonged here, so I sat as far away as I could.

I tried not to look at Anna too much. She kept smiling at me, obviously happy at having me next to her. I had some chocolate chip waffles and she was staring longingly at them. She wasn't allowed to have sweets in the morning or else she got a little too hyper. I knew from personal experience. She was a wearing a brown dress and her strawberry blonde hair was in two twin braids. She had a couple light freckles across her nose. I suddenly became aware of how she was how she wasn't that small anymore. How old was she? I thought to myself. I did the calculations in my head and found that she would turn twelve in one short month. One short month and she'll officially be three years younger than me. I found myself resenting the idea of my baby sister getting older. She's getting closer to experiencing the horrid changes I was currently going through. Mother nature is so cruel. I didn't want her to go through that, she looked so innocent. She started to look at me nervously with her warm blue, and somehow green eyes, guilty of something. I was pretty sure it revolved around me.

"How you sleep?", I heard Mama asked Anna, but she was looking at me. I started choking on the water I was drinking when I realized that she was talking to me. That was embarrassing. I made the temperature return to normal, when I realized that it had dropped. She can't be talking to me. I looked behind me to find no one, bringing a wave of confusion.

"Yes you Elsa. How did you sleep?", She asked me, giving me an amused look. I hated that she thought my confusion was cute, it wasn't. Put on a show, act normal for Anna. I thought to myself

"Fine.", I said carefully, after taking deeps breaths. Taking deep breaths and relaxing helps with the stuttering. I learned that in my speech lessons. Anna looked surprised at hearing me speak. Frankly I was too.

"Any dreams?", Papa asked this time. I nodded, without thinking.

"Practice makes perfect remember?", He said to me. Anna looked confused at what Papa just said. She didn't know about my stutter and I wanted to keep it that way. I nodded.

"Yes sir.", I said slowly. Trying not to stutter was so hard. I could tell he wanted more.

"I did ha have a dream.", I had my eyes shut, as it helped me concentrate. I messed up at 'have'. But I don't think they cared. Anna looked concerned, hopefully not at my language.

"Care to tell us about it?" Mama asked carefully. I could have said I did not have a dream and avoided this. I'm so stupid sometimes.

"No.", I could feel a headache coming on. Trying hard not to mess up and being the center of attention. I don't think I could take it anymore. Please stop making me talk.

"Why-", Papa began, but was interrupted by Anna.

"Can I tell you you guys about my dream?", She didn't wait for an answer. She started rambling on about how the lights in the sky are actually clouds that came to life and are now trying to paint all the other clouds. I eventually lost track of what she was saying. Something told me, she didn't dream and was just making it up. That little liar. I knew I liked her. I started feeling guilty again for shutting the door in her face everyday. I was grateful for her distraction, to no longer be the center of attention. I think I was mad at my parents for putting me through that. Why can't they see that they're hurting me? Eventually our parents lost interest and started talking about a big meeting they had later. I wanted to thank Anna for doing me a solid. I owe her. I wish I wasn't socially impaired, or had that stupid embarrassing stutter, so I could be able to at least tell her myself that I appreciated her. But alas I wasn't capable of that, so I got a waffle and wrote the letters T and Y for thank you. I inched closer to her put it on her lap when no one was looking. She smiled when she saw it and gave me a thumbs up on the side of the table so our parents wouldn't see. I gave her a quick smile and continued with my food. I hope that giving her chocolate in the morning wasn't a mistake. When we were all finish, I got up to leave. My parents wanted me here for a reason. I didn't want to know why. Maybe I could leave before they remember?

"Elsa sit. We want to tell you something.", Mama said to me. I wanted to ignore them, but I was going to have to face this sooner or later. I sat back down. I found myself to still be upset at them for putting me on the spot. This made the anger grow again. What more do you want from me? I thought angrily to myself. I felt my blood run cold, when I realized that I said that out loud. I started thinking hard about what I just said. Anger started boiling inside of me for not controlling myself. I think Anna said something but I couldn't hear it. My vision went black for about a second. My vision came back to see my frozen fork flying to the wall, breaking into a million pieces. I wasn't sorry for what I did or maybe I was, I didn't know. I could feel my hands trembling.

"Elsa please calm down. Let's talk about this.", I heard Papa say in front of me. I blinked and looked at them. Unbelievable, now they want to talk. I think it's seven years too late.

"Why! Why should I clam down! I'm not allowed to get angry either? Well guess what, I am! I'm allowed to get angry too, you know! Why bother talking! You never listen anyway!", I didn't know where that came from. It wasn't me or was it? I honestly wasn't sure. I covered my face with hands, I wanted to disappear and never be found again. I'm a terrible. What kind of person disrespects her parents like that? Only a sorry excuse for daughter like me. My whole body started shaking when I saw the frost around me. I didn't know what made me sick. Not being able to thaw it or not wanting to thaw it. A small part of me wanted to hurt them. To make them feel the pain they put me through. They deserved it. No they didn't. I think I was going to throw up, but I pushed it down. I pushed those sick thoughts down as well.

"Mama, is Elsa okay?", I had forgotten Anna was with us. I was far from okay. A little too far. I felt a small hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off. I felt my parents behind me, but I didn't want them with me. I looked over at Anna. She looked scared, scared of me. She should be, I know I would be if I was her. I couldn't help but envy her for her simple existence. She didn't have to work hard to please our parents. She always was the favorite. That's why she came along, to replace me. They wanted a normal child and they got one. Nobody needs me. I wanted to be mad at her because she was the root my problems, but I couldn't. Hating her is like holding her breath, impossible. She was too good. I felt myself slipping again, but I held on by looking at her.

"Elsa honey, please calm down. Please don't shout.", My mother's voice said. I didn't shout, did I? I probably did without noticing. I felt her lips on my cheek. Her pretending to care made me lose what little control I had left. It pushed me over the edge and I couldn't take it anymore. My vision started slipping again. I got up and ran out. I needed to get to my room, but I felt very nauseous so I ran to next room and threw up in a trash can. My throat burned from the vomit, when I was done. I stood up and my head started throbbing and everything went black.

I don't remember anything that happened after that. A voice I couldn't make pulled me out of it. I then suddenly felt strong hands on my forearms trying to keep them from moving. My powers surged in me and the strong hands quickly let go. My vision and sense of self came back. I looked down at my hand, which were now bare. They were a mess, my knuckles were ripped open and there was red blood oozing out of the cuts. My left hand looked a little off and I could barely move it, I think it might be broken. I couldn't feel the pain, that should have been there; in fact I couldn't feel my hands at all. Too bad I couldn't say the same about my head or chest.

The pain was growing very fast. I sat against the wall, rubbing my temples with my bloody hands. I tried to push all those bad thoughts away. All that anger away. All that sadness away. But I failed, a million thoughts of sorrow ran through my head and I couldn't stop it nor stop the shaking. My eyes began to water. "Stop it." I remembered the look of horror my parents had on their faces when I shot Anna in the head. I started feeling a pain in my throat. "Stop." I remembered those lonely hours I spent in my room, trying to convince myself that I was not a monster. I was now wiping away the tears that were streaming down my face with my two bloody hands. "Stop crying." I remembered the pain I felt whenever I ignored Anna. "Please stop crying." I remembered thinking how my own father and mother would never understand me no matter what. "I'm a monster, aren't I?" sniff "I almost killed An- Anna and mon- monsters kill people so that mak- makes me a monster, rig- right? Pa- papa and Mama don't lov- love me be- because it's im- impossible to love a mon- monster, right?" sniff "I tried to stop thinking that, but they keep shut- shutting me in again and again and the nightmares won't leave me alone." I was sobbing uncontrollably now. I started pulling my hair on the side of my head. Oh the pain in my head was still increasing. I began wish that I would blackout again. At least then, I don't feel anything. It was too much, I felt like my head would explode an any moment. I started banging my head hard against the wall behind, any other pain is better than this torment.

"Stop it!", I screamed, shutting my eyes. The emotions. They roared inside so bad! So much pain, it was too much! Although I was pulling my hair, I couldn't feel it. I couldn't escape the torture chamber that was my head. "It was an accident, I swear!" All the guilt that had been building in the back of head over the years started pouring out. Something in my chest started burning. My heart pounding too hard against it. I opened eyes to see what it was. It was nothing. "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!" The burning pain centered inside where my heart would be. "Conceal don't feel, conceal don't feel!" My heart was moving harder. Crack. That ugly noise came from near my heart, but I couldn't feel it. It suddenly felt very cold there, too cold. I let go of my hair and clutched the spot over my heart with my broken hand. Crack. Something else broke. Oh god, now I'm literally falling apart. I buried my nails into my skin but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel any physical pain. "Monsters don't feel, right? That's wh- why Papa says I shou- shouldn't feel, right?" My head was still pounding. I put my right hand next to my right temple. My chest felt too cold. My heart wasn't slowing down. It was so cold, too cold. This is what being cold feels like? Frost started spreading from my heart. I screamed in agony.

"Stop! Please!", I screamed at the top on my lungs. I have never experience something as terrible as this. I need to end this. I gave up and let the frost consume me, burning my skin as it spread. It's not like I'll be missed, anyway. After all, nobody needs me. A sharp, pointy icicle appeared on my hand.

"Elsa!", I heard from somewhere distant. I couldn't make it whose it was, nor I did I care. All my attention was on the sharp icicle in my hand and my vision went black one last time...

A/N: This was inspired by the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. That one scene where Charlie has his mental breakdown. The background music Kiss Breakdown is the namesake of this chapter. I loved the book, along with the movie. I honestly don't know when I'll update, you know with school going on and stuff. I think I might start doing that once a week update thing, but I'm not sure I want that. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time.