A/N: Hello beautiful people. Thanks so much for all the support and I hope you are enjoying this as much I enjoy writing it. As always excuse my many errors I'm sure you'll find in this, I can never catch them all, and as well as things that make no sense, I'm tired most of the time. Again THANKS for even glancing at my fic.
WARNING:May have self hurting toward the end. But I don't think it's too bad. And then there's I guess you could say family drama.
Chapter 10: Dear Agony
Elsa POV
It was almost midnight and I was sitting on the window pane with my knees up, my arms folded on them, and my head resting on top. I was watching the storm picked up. The sprinkle that started this afternoon was long gone, replaced by the pouring water outside. Small rain drops made their their way to my window, sliding down ever so slowly. I place my finger on the glass, attempting to touch drop. I froze the drop where it was. After deciding to set it free instead, I turned it back into water. It went down fast this time, as if afraid I would freeze it again or probably to escape me.
I sighed and tried to look past the downpour, to somehow see the angry sea, to look miles into it. Mother and Father were probably saying their goodbyes by now. I did tell them not to go. But no one ever listens to me. Maybe I could have warned them better, but I didn't, even though I could have. I wasn't exactly sure how bad the storm would be, all I knew was that it was coming. With a storm raging inside of me all the time, I could sometimes see them coming before anyone does. I told my psychologist that once and he told me to stop fooling around. To stop being childish. So I pretended to get 'better'. However I just put on a show for him so I could stop seeing him. It was so annoying, someone trying to figure you out. The psychologist was a waste of time, I was the same as ever. They would say that I changed, but what did they know. They didn't know a thing about me.
I wanted to stop the storm. But at the same time, I didn't want to. I had the power to blow it away. It would be hard, but I was confident I could do it if I really wanted to. The only problem was that the side of me that didn't want to put an end to it beat the part of me that wanted to save my parents. I guess I just didn't care for them anymore. Or maybe I did, but just didn't know it yet. I'm so confused. Confusion clouded my mind everyday, nothing I could do about it. I wish I wasn't confused anymore. Life would be so much better without the confusion and the agony.
I think I loved my parents, just not enough to save them. I never really forgave them for what they put me through, although I really wanted to. But if I said I did forgive them, I would be lying. But if I said I blamed them for all my problems, I would also be lying. Living in middle ground is hard. Whenever I thought about when this new attitude started, I always came to the conclusion that I stopped caring after what happened three years ago. I didn't really regret not caring anymore. I knew that they were hurt that I didn't care for them much, but I could live with that.
Ever since I stopped caring too much, I guess I started getting better. I was able to sleep fine without having to have Anna with me. The nightmares of me freezing the world didn't bother me anymore. Even my blackouts stopped and that's saying something. It was still strange to live without them. They stopped coming after the major one I had three years ago. The only 'real' problem was that I had surge of power whenever I got emotional, whether it was anger, happiness, or just plain boredom. My anger caused me to freeze Anna's arms on the night of my birthday. I was still ashamed of my outburst. I don't want to hurt anyone with my powers again, so now I have a zero touch policy. But I did miss my family's embraces, even though I kept telling myself I didn't and I always pulled away.
Thunder roar loudly, pulling me out of my thought. I got up, removed my hideous white gloves, and put my two bare hands up against the glass. My hands started glowing with power and it felt so good. All this energy made me feel so strong. Is it so wrong that it feels so right? It started building like crazy in my hands. My hands were practically vibrating, begging for a release. I gritted my teeth, as it was suddenly getting hard to control. It started getting cold, the cold was bothering me. Time to let it go. I was about to get rid the storm, I wanted to. But then I backed out at the last minute. Who was I to defy destiny and the laws of nature? All that power in my hands started to slowly subside until I couldn't feel it anymore and then it was gone. My numb hands already missing it. Thunder roared again, this time stronger, with lightning lighting up the sky. The lightning was a beautiful sight, almost like the northern lights in the winter. Thunder roared again, I could feel it shaking the whole castle. I heard urgent knocking on my door, but I ignored it like I always do. It wasn't important right now.
Soon the thunder started getting quite and the lightning was shining less bright. Suddenly it was dead silent. No clock ticking, the rain was quiet, no noise to be heard. It was too late. I clutched my chest, where my frozen heart was beating. It started feeling heavy and the pounding was hard, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Suddenly my ring turned gray. I think that meant regret, it was what I was feeling at the moment. I took it off and it turned orange, just like the day I got it. Maybe I really am a monster, like the ones that lurk in the dark, feeding off of the fear they impose on on their victims. Whatever, not my problem.
I suddenly felt very weak. As I couldn't stand on my own anymore, I had to use the wall as my guide back to my bed. My whole body was shaking hard. The realization of what I just did was hitting me hard. I just killed Mother and Father. I could have saved them, but I chose not to. Ugh, what's wrong with me? An evil deed has been committed tonight. I'm disgusting. What kind of sicko doesn't save their own parents? For crying out loud, even murderers respect their parents! I just killed my own, just like that. Like they weren't my family. Like I didn't even care. Like it wouldn't hurt me. I felt so sick to my stomach. Someone was now pounding on the door. Looking for anything to distract me, I wanted to open it. But I didn't. Let them knock all they want, I don't care.
I laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to forget. The ceiling was a bunch of random designs. I liked to make shapes and patterns out of them. Right now, I was looking at a monkey that was trying to reach a spider. Then I saw an evil face that was looking back at me. I quickly turned away to look at the wall instead. I closed my eyes, but when I did, I saw flashes of my mother and father. I remembered how they were always there for me after realizing I needed them. How they would always bug me and then tell me they loved me. How they would try to reach out to me. And of how I rejected them without a second thought. That was cold. The rain outside was still hitting the castle hard. The knocking at my door had stopped a while ago. I tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. The pain inside wouldn't leave me alone. Wouldn't let go of me. I sighed in my bed, wishing I had a distraction. Maybe walking around the castle will help. I was technically in charge while they were away, so I should be able to do what I wanted. I went over to the door, unlocked it, and opened it. I saw a figure on the floor, in front of my door.
Anna was fast asleep, face down. I stepped over her and was on my way when I turned back to look at Anna. She looked so lonely and it made me sad to see her that way. I went back, and looked down at her. Should I, should I not. Deciding I couldn't let her sleep on the floor, I was about to poke her, but then I stopped. I better take some precaution. I went to my room and put on the stupid gloves. As much as I hated them, I always wore them whenever I was around people. Father and Mother had said I didn't have to wear them anymore, but I wore them just in case. I really didn't want to hurt anyone, but it made me bitter sometimes that I had to force to conceal who I was. I wanted to be myself, but I couldn't. Being myself was dangerous, and I had the responsibility of putting everyone's else needs before my own. I had accepted that. Even if it was killing me inside. I went back to where Anna was laying.
"Psst, Anna wake up.", I whispered, poking her cheek. She didn't move one bit. Well, she always was a heavy sleeper.
"Anna.", I said louder, shaking her shoulder. She wouldn't even stir.
"Alright you asked for this.", I said as I took off one of my gloves. I formed a snowball in my hand. With my gloved hand, I lifted the hem of her nightgown on the back on her neck, and threw the snowball in my hand into her warm bare back. I took a step back and put the glove back on, waiting for her to jump. But she didn't move.
"Anna?", I called, but no response. I got on my knees next to her. I thawed the snow inside of her and flipped her onto her back. Her face was blank. I started shaking her shoulders hard and was loudly calling her, but nothing. I felt panic swelling in me.
"Anna, please wake up.", I almost shouted, but she wouldn't move. I grabbed her hand and it felt cold instead of it usual warmth. No, no, no, no.
"Come on Anna.", I almost pleaded. My voice was getting shaky. It was then that I noticed a glass on the floor next to me. I picked it up and saw some green liquid in it. I brought it up to my nose and a strong sweet smell overtook me, making me lightheaded. I sighed in relieved. Just some strong sleeping medication. I began to panic again. What if this wasn't the culprit. I needed to know for sure. I looked at Anna's mouth. Am I really this desperate? I felt her face through my gloves and she was cold. Yes I am. I reluctantly brought my face up to her mouth and took a small sniff at it. Yes, definitely the medication. I sighed in relieved once again.
Now that I knew that Anna was fine, the worry and panic disappeared, replaced by anger. Why you do this? Don't you know this stuff is dangerous? But I knew the answer to why she would take it. I remembered that Anna was freaked out by thunder when we were younger. And of course she would come to me, since Mother and Father weren't here and I was her big sister meaning it was kind of my unsaid duty. But I ignore her like always, so she probably took it to sleep. One sip is all it takes to put you out through the night. Wonder where she got it? Looks like I'm not the only right to sneaks around at night. I should be a better sister to her, but it was kind of impossible for me with a freezing heart and everything else. I need to make sure this doesn't happens again.
I got up to leave, but then I looked down at my sister. I can't leave her on the floor. Maybe I can, but then my conscious won't leave me alone. Better do something about it, since waking her is now out of question. I put my cold arms under her and carefully lifted her up. Oh god, she's heavy. Either that or I've become weaker. I think it was both reasons. I held her tightly against me as I struggled to my feet, wiping the breath out of me. I took a step, but nearly fell. I'm not strong enough to take her to her room. I looked at my opened door. I started sinking to the floor, while I debated what to do. I need to make a choice already. Ah, the hell with it. It's only for a night, and she's passed out, meaning she won't bug me. I started slowly walking into my room. My arms were shaking, threatening to drop her at any moment. But I made it to the bed and I managed to put her under the covers. I went back to close the opened door. The cup was still on the floor. I picked it up with no reason other than to not let anyone see it. We weren't allowed to use it, since we were kind of still too young for it, making it harmful for us. I didn't know the side effects it had on us, but I knew what it could lead to. After making my way back to the bed, I set it on the nightstand. I should learn them though, since Anna is going to have to deal with them in the morning.
The purple lightning started flashing across clouded sky again, lighting up my whole room through my big window. I looked down at my occupied bed. There was room for us both, but I wasn't sure I wanted to be that closed to her. I had a couch, but it was very hard. Maybe I should have Anna jump on it to break it in. I sighed and closed my eyes and laid on top of the covers, as far away from her as possible to the edge. I opened them to find the ceiling. I shifted my whole body to lay on my right, facing Anna. My arms were folded in front of me, keeping them away from her. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't find it.
I found myself staring at Anna. She started snoring lightly after a minute of sleeping on my bed. Her hair was getting messy, it would probably be a total mess in the morning. I looked at her white streak. It sometimes looked like my own hair. It didn't look too bad, but I didn't like it. It was a permanent reminder of what I could become if I wanted to. Sometimes I did want to, but other times I didn't want to and felt guilty for wanting to become a monster. It would have been fun if Anna had powers like me. Then someone would understand me and I wouldn't be alone. But then she would have to share my burden, and I knew for a fact I didn't want that. Thunder rumbled again, shaking the castle. I looked at Anna's peaceful face. I should have saved our parents.
"I'm sorry Anna.", I said to her. Maybe I should have let her go with them as well. Had she gone, I would have saved her, including our parents. I know I wouldn't let Anna die, I loved my baby sister, I think. I wasn't sure about that as well. She was the person I liked the most. Not too much, but a lot more than everyone else. I felt bad for the pain she would face later when she finds out, and of how I won't be there for her. I wanted to be friends with her, I really did, but I just couldn't. Whenever we have a moment, I would always ruin it. Something was always holding me back. It used to be fear and it was still fear, but with something else. I didn't want her to get hurt, so was that protectiveness? She would be safer away from me. I shrugged these thoughts away and tried to find sleep again, but I couldn't.
Sleep, I command you to stop playing hard to get already. I was getting frustrated, as I started tossing and turning. My eyes suddenly fell on the cup on my nightstand. I took it and thought about it. I looked over at Anna. She seems fine, if she could handle it, so can I. Besides, I'm older. I closed my eyes and took a sip. A strong bitter taste attacked my mouth. Very unexpected with the sweet smell. I nearly spit it out, but I choked it down. I got an annoying coughing fit afterward because I drank it rather quickly. I started panting for air with a bitter taste in my mouth. My eyes started to get heavy and I quickly put the cup back as my vision started dimming. As soon as my head hit the pillow I fell into the clutches of a peaceful and guilty sleep.
Anna POV
I started to feel myself waking. But I didn't want to, I just wanted to lay here forever. Sleep was good and I was having an awesome dream and I didn't want it to end. I can be so lazy sometimes, but it wasn't my fault, I just wasn't a morning person. Never have, never will. I was more of a wake up later person. Oh well, time to start another day. With a sigh I opened my eyes and blinked several times, my eyes adjusting to the sudden light. When they did I saw that I wasn't in my own room. The walls were blue instead. Tell me I'm not in Elsa's room. She's gonna kill me. Someone stirred under me, confirming my suspensions. I wondered how I ended up here, but I figured it can wait. Wait, someone moved under me? I suddenly became aware of how cold it was under me. I looked in horror as my arms were tightly wrapped around her. Not only that, but I was practically on top of her. My hands were clutching to her nightgown and I think my legs got tangled with hers. I saw that there was some liquid at her neck, where my face had been. Aw, gross, I drooled on Elsa. She's gonna freak out if she finds it. I unwrapped an arm from her and used my long sleeve to wipe it off her. As if things couldn't get anymore weird and awkward, her icy eyes flew opened and looked straight into my own. I stared back, unable to move.
"What are you...", She said in her sleepy voice, her. I tried to get off her, but something cold on my back holding me down. I then realized she was clinging to me in her sleep as well. Withe her face turning crimson, she quickly put her arms to her side. I was still frozen in place, unable to move. She cleared her throat loudly, gesturing me to get off. I nervously unwrapped my other arm from around her. I bought my knee up to sit up which was a mistake. It resulted in digging it deeply into Elsa's gut, blowing the wind out of her. Elsa gasped, and involuntarily roughly pushed me off. I fell on the floor with a loud thud. Ow, that was rude. I thought to myself, but I deserved it. I wanted to get up, but I couldn't because it was kind of a side effect of the sleep medication with me not being old enough for it. So I just laid there on the floor, listening to Elsa trying to catch her breath. I was going to apologized, but she beat me to it.
"I'm sorry for pushing you. Force of reflex.", I heard her say. She was still on her bed.
"It's alright, I understand.", I said. Oh wow, Elsa's talking to me! I smiled to the ceiling. I could feel my body, but I couldn't make it move. Come on Anna, willpower.
"Um Elsa?", I said, trying not to be nervous. To think I would be used to the awkwardness between us by now.
"Yeah?", She asked after a while.
"I kind of can't move too much. Could you um help me?", I asked, embarrassed.
"Um, yeah sure. Okay.", I heard Elsa say. I heard movement on the bed, probably Elsa trying to untangled herself from the sheets and covers and pillows as I was not a pretty sleeper. That position was left to Elsa. She was so perfect sometimes, even in sleep.
"Shoot!", I heard her say. I looked and saw her falling on top of me. I felt pain shoot up my entire body as her entire weight was on me, pinning me down. She wasn't fat or nothing, but it was enough to blow the air out of me. I wanted to push her off, but I couldn't. One being I couldn't move, and the second being that even if I could move, I wasn't strong.
"Air...", I managed to say. I gasped for air, under her.
"Sorry.", Her cold breath whispered into my ear. It made me want to shiver, but thankfully I didn't. With some difficulty, she rolled off and was now laying next to me. The pain slowly went away, but left my skin throbbing. We laid there together in awkward silence. Come on Anna, say something already. Stop being weird around her.
"I don't suppose you know why I can't move? You know, seeing as to how you can't either? I was fine a minute ago.", She asked, turning her head to face me. I suddenly felt self conscious of the fact that Elsa was talking to me. I really couldn't believe she was talking to me.
"It's the effects of the sleep medication since we're still kind of young for it. Sometimes it takes about a minute after waking for your body to fail you, whereas other times you can't move the minute you wake up. It usually takes me about ten to half an hour before I can move again. Since you're older, it should take less time.", I explained. She frowned when I said this. Yes Elsa, you're stuck with me, deal with it. A realization then drew on me.
"Wait, you took it too?", I asked, knowing the answer. She nodded.
"Why?", I asked. She was ignoring me again.
"Elsa...", I coaxed. I heard her sighed.
"I don't know Anna. Why anyone would take something to sleep is beyond me.", She said sarcastically. Might as well call me stupid already. I could tell she was thinking it.
"Why couldn't you sleep?", I asked.
"I might tell you if you tell me your reason.", She said. Hey, she's more interested in me! So she doesn't hate me.
"Well um, Mama and Papa still are gone, and I kind of already miss them. And add that with the awful thunder of last night and you'll get an answer.", I said. I looked at Elsa, but I didn't know what she was thinking. She was a master blocker.
"Are you gonna tell me yours?", I asked. She shook her head no.
"You said you would if I told you mine.", I whined. She rolled her eyes.
"Might.", She said it as it was obvious. I flushed in embarrassment. She grinned at me.
"Soo um, how did I end up here? I think I would have remembered sneaking in here.", I asked. Maybe I'll get some answers. I gave her my cute face and she sighed in defeat. Score!
"I went out and you were passed out on my door and I couldn't just leave you there. You were too heavy to carry to your room, so I put you in my bed.", She confessed. That explains how I ended up here. I came to Elsa's door to give her a last chance and like the idiot I was, I took a sip and then it was lights out for me.
"You think I'm heavy. Look who's talking. Had you not moved I could have died.", I snorted, remembering her weight on me. I saw her playfully roll her eyes at me. Elsa and me are being sisters! Then her face turned serious, studying me as if she was looking for something. And there's my beloved Ice Queen who I missed so much, not. I began to feel nervous as her intense eyes were seeing through me.
"Anna, I find it very interesting that you know so much about the sleep medication and the fact that you know how long it takes for it to wear off on you. So I take it this isn't your first time taking it. Tell me, how many times have you used it?", She asked, staring at me.
"Four.", I blurted before I could stop myself. I mentally kicked myself. Nobody was supposed to know about that. Hope she doesn't tell Mama and Papa when they get back. They'll be furious. But she was a strong silent type so maybe I'll get lucky and she won't say anything.
"It's not something you should mess with, Anna. Don't take it ever again. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?", Her voice sounded stern and angry. Sounds like she won't tell on me! But anger is contagious as I began to resent her. The joy I felt a second ago was long gone, replaced with the that awful negative emotion that started boiling inside of me.
"I was thinking maybe I'll take it since my loving, caring older sister wouldn't open her stupid door. I don't understand why you keep shutting yourself in. And one more thing, who do you think you are telling me what to do?", I said hatefully, glaring at her. The temperature dropped, but I didn't care. She glared back at me, but I wasn't backing off. I have every right to be mad at her.
"Every time you take it, you put yourself at risk for paralysis which is a stupid move by the way. What I do in my room is none of your business, so I don't want to hear about it ever again! As for who I am, I'm your older sister.", She said with authority. Nice try. I'm not falling for the I'm older-so-you-should-listen-to-me. Not this time, I'm not that gullible little girl anymore. It began to snow, but it thawed in the air, not reaching us.
"Let me tell you something, what I do to myself is none of your business as well, so butt out. I'm starting to regret staying with you, I should have gone with Mama and Papa. Anywhere without you is so much better. I can't stand you sometimes!", I insulted. I saw the hurt in her eyes, but I didn't care. So what if I hurt her feelings? She hurts me for no reason all the time.
"If I'm such a pain to be around with, then why did you stay then? Huh? And guess what, I can't stand you either! With your stupid, annoying, constant begging. It's like you're starving for attention!", She yelled angrily, trying to hurt me. And she succeeded, but I put on a mask to hide it along with the tears that wanted to come. Can't let her know it hurts, a lot. That was personal. The snow started reaching the ground and soon I was covered in it. It wasn't cold, or maybe I was too angry to feel it. I looked at the snow.
"I stayed because I pity you, you loner. And get your stupid powers under control already, you're too old to still be losing it. Ugh, no wonder no one's allowed in. It's all your fault!", I yelled back. It hit a nerve as I saw betrayal flicker in her eyes, and it was killing me. I wish I could take it back. But as quickly as it came, it was gone. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. She suddenly got up and as if to prove she had control, the snow thawed, but the cold stayed.
"I have total control.", She grabbed the hem of my nightgown and pulled me up. Her face inches from mine. She intimated me a lot, I won't lie. But I stared back at her. No way am I backing off.
"Oh yeah, you have control? Then prove it. Return the temperature to normal.", I challenged. I actually just wanted it warm again. I didn't want to shiver in front of her and I could be my breath in the air. Soon the temperature returned to normal. I gained feeling in my body and I slapped her cold hand away. I hit another nerve, this time literally.
"Get out!", She growl though gritted teeth.
"I was just leaving.", I said confidently. I stomped over to the door. I grabbed the door nob and opened the door. Halfway through, I turned back to Elsa.
"If you don't show up to breakfast, then you're a coward.", I shot at her. She just glared, with her hands clutched at her sides.
"Don't worry Princess, I'll be there.", She sneered.
"Can't wait to see you there.", I tried to sound angry, but it disappeared the minute she agreed to meet me there. As soon as I closed the door, I sigh in relieve and smiled. I practically skipped to my room. I'm going to have Elsa with me today.
With Mama and Papa gone, I spent the majority of the time starting to get her to come out. I always made an excuse to bug her. Like yesterday, I smashed a couple vases in front of her room and pretended to get hurt, hoping she would have come out. And she did, but went back as soon as she made sure I was unharmed. I wish I had her back. After Mama had promised not to separate us anyone, Elsa started becoming more distant somehow. I wanted to confront her about it, but she didn't know how to argue without freezing the room. And I didn't like upsetting her. I like seeing her happy.
As soon as I was presentable, I ran out to the hallways, and slid on the spiral stairs railing. I stopped by the door frame, and peeked inside. Elsa was sitting there. Her shoulders were slumped, defeated. Man, I made her sad again. I gotta stop doing that. I went up behind her and hugged her with the chair between us. I expected her to push me away, but she didn't. She stayed frozen, not acknowledging my presence. I rested my head on her shoulder.
"Elsa I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I promised not to make stupid moves anymore.", I said, burying my face into her cold neck. She pulled away and stood up to face me. As usual I couldn't read her.
"Water under the bridge.", She said with a weak smile. She hesitantly held out her right hand to shake. I slapped her gloved hand away and tackled her into my embrace. She carefully put her arms around me, but with no heart in it. Then breakfast was served, so we sat.
"Anna, one thing though.", She said in sternly. I felt my heart stop.
"What?", I asked nervously.
"Don't make promises you can't keep.", She winked. I sighed in relieved and then huffed. After that, we ate in silence. But it wasn't awkward silence, it was comfortable silence. I finished first, so I could prevent her from leaving. When she was finished, she got up.
"Anna I'll be-", She started.
"No.", I said crossing my arms.
"Pardon?", She asked confused.
"No as in you can't leave. Today, you're all mine.", I got up and put my arm around her waist to emphasize my point. She opened her mouth to protest, but I beat her.
"Pretty please with chocolate on top. Besides you ow me for putting with you.", I pleaded. She looked confused at the last part, but then her eyes lit up.
"I ow you for putting up with me?", She asked playfully.
"Yes you do, now let's go!", I squealed in delight.
"Nothing extreme please.", She commented.
"Well, you're picking our activity, but no reading. That's too boring.", I said taking her to the family room. I had still had my arm around her, afraid she would run off if I didn't. I felt Elsa tense up in my arm as we walked in. I saw her gazing at the two fist sized dents in the wall. The walls that kept me from reading her emotions came crumpling down. I saw her hollow, cold eyes filled with so much agony. I felt her shake, and her hands turned into fist.
Flashes of what happened in this room started hitting my eyes. It wasn't a memory I was fond of having. I had seen Elsa so weak and defeated, it hurt me. After what happened, she was bedridden for about two weeks before she could get up on her own without collapsing. I remembered her telling everyone to leave her alone, because it was too dark inside. I remembered her waking up in the middle of the night screaming that the pain wouldn't leave her alone. I had thought that she had lost her mind after what had happened, but then she stopped doing that. After that, she started backing off more than ever. And it has been that way ever since. The old guy she was seeing said she was perfectly fine, but I didn't believe it. I didn't know how, but I knew she was lying. And was doing a good job at it because sometimes I doubted myself about her lying. But every now and then I would see the truth in her eyes.
"Let's play chess.", She said, pulling my out of my thoughts. I looked back, and she was smiling nervously at me. I nodded. We walked over to the table, where the chess board was set, ready to play.
"Which do you want?", She asked.
"The black side.", I answered. She raised an eyebrow at me.
"What?", I was confused. Did I mess up already?
"I thought you would have chosen the white side because you could used the slight advantage of having the first move.", She said sitting down.
"Elsa, my dear sister you. I'm insulted that you would think I would take advantage of you like that. But I was born ready to win so you can have the white side. And I promise to go easy on you.", I said with the confidence I didn't have. "Besides the white side suits you.", I added.
"Whatever you say Anna.", Elsa said, rolling her eyes. The game was fun for the first five minutes. The excitement of having Elsa with me was wearing off, due to the silence.
"Elsa I like playing with you and all, but it's too quiet. Can't we talk?", I said, trying hard not to found whiny. She shook her head.
"You know Elsa, I don't see any reason why you and me-",
"You and I.", She corrected. I huffed in annoyance.
"I don't see any reason why you and I can't have conservation together.", I finished, putting emphasize on you and I.
"I do.", She replied.
"Really, what?", I bet she has a good reason.
"I don't want to", She said as a matter a factly. I groan in annoyance.
"Fine!", I slumped in defeat. An idea came to my head.
"I got it! Let's play a game of twenty questions while at the same time playing chess.", I suggested happily.
"If I do this, will you stop talking?", She asked. I nodded.
"Alright fine, just don't get upset if you hate my answers. So fire away." She said, moving a pawn forward.
"Favorite color?", I asked the obvious question. She raised an eyebrow at me and motioned to her blue dress.
"Seriously Anna, you're going to waste a question like that?", She seemed amused.
"Elsa, the game is I asked twenty questions and you answer them. Not I asked twenty questions and you raised an eyebrow and tell me how stupid my question it.", I explained in annoyance. This might take a while.
"It's blue.", She answered.
"Favorite season?", I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Summer.", I look up in surprised. She smiled at my confusion and shock.
"Why?" I asked. I had really thought it would be winter.
"It's when young Anna didn't have the excuse of winter to ask me to build a snowman with her. Not that that ever stopped her." She replied. "That's three by the way.", She added.
"That's unfair!", I protested.
"That's life. Next question.", She said rather coldly.
"Do you hate me?", I was afraid of the answer.
"No, I don't hate you Anna.", Her expression soften when as she answered.
"Then why do you shut me out?" She had no reason to do that anymore.
"It's easier.", She said, suddenly fascinated by the chess board.
"How? That makes no sense.", I asked.
"That way I don't have to deal with anything.", She answered.
"Oh.", I said. I moved a rook and took her pawn, but then she took my rook with her bishop. She's not going to give me a clear answer, so best I move on.
"Why do your eyes change color? It sometimes looks bluer then usual.", I asked. I looked into her eyes, and they were normal.
"I think it's a body temperature thing. When my temperature is low, they take a darker shade. When I'm normal, it's just normal. Watch this.", She pointed to her eyes. I saw as her body became covered in frost. The only thing that wasn't was her head. Her eyes changed a little.
"Okay, I get it.", I said. She waved her left hand and the frost disappeared, her eyes going back to normal.
"Favorite book?", I asked. She was a reader, so this should be interesting.
"Romeo and Juliet.", And it was interesting.
"I didn't know you were into romance.", I said. But she just moved her pawn forward, not saying anything. She's really making me work for those answers.
"Are you into romance?"
"No, I'm not a fan of romance."
"Then why is that one your favorite?", I asked.
"I like tragedies. The endings are the best parts.", A gloomy mood settled over the room.
"Why?", I could tell, she didn't want to answer.
"They make me feel better about myself.", Elsa said. I took her knight.
"Because...", I tried to coax her.
"If I continue then that makes twelve questions.", She smirked at me.
"Okay, tell me already.", I really wanted to know.
"I take comfort in the fact that someone out there, even fictional characters have luck that's more rotten than my own. Makes me think that it could be worse, so I shouldn't complain.", She said avoiding my eyes. I suddenly realized what she meant.
"Elsa, do you hate your powers?", I was afraid that she would get mad. But the temperature stayed the same, so I took that as a good sign. Elsa looked at her gloved hands, really thinking about it.
"No, I don't hate my powers.", She said sadly. She looked down and moved her king to the right. I needed to get her out of the serious.
"Ever killed anyone?", The temperature dropped suddenly. She looked dead serious.
"Kidding, I'm just kidding. Jeez Elsa calm down. Not a real question.", I put my hands up to show that I was kidding.
"That's still fourteen.", She said.
"Ugh, Elsa you're the worse.", I huffed.
"You know it. Next question.", She instructed.
"Do you still have blackouts?", I was curious about those. I heard she doesn't have them anymore, but I don't know.
"I don't have blackouts anymore. They are forever behind me now.", She was looking at the chess board with concern. Hey, if she's concern, then I might have a chance!
"At your birthday. What was that then?", I asked. She had froze my arms. But it wasn't too bad. It wasn't painful or nothing, but it did catch me off guard. She did thaw it and said she was sorry. I was so upset as why she was leaving me again.
"I was just mad.", She shrugged.
"Why were you mad?", I was still wondering what I did that night to upset her.
"That charming Prince Eric was trying move on you, and you were-", She stopped to look at me. "You were falling right for it. It pissed me off that you can be such a fool sometimes."
"Eric wasn't trying a move on me. He was just being nice.", I said, defending him. He was real sweet and nice.
"Oh yeah? Tell me, why do you think he was trying to impress you with his stupid kingdom. Or why he told you he likes redheads.", She said annoyed.
"He was just-", I saw the pieces click together.
"But he never said he liked redheads and last I checked, I'm strawberry blonde.", I said, holding a braid of my hair for her to look at.
"I overheard a conversation he was having with the other morons. And your hair did look kind of red under the light we were in.", She explained. I looked at her stunned. Wow, she's really... Just wow.
"Oh, well um good thing I'm lucky have you then.", I said, looking at the board to hide my blushing face. She was smirking at my red face.
"Damn right you are.", She smirked.
"Okay, moving on, why do you call Mama and Papa, Mother and Father?", I asked, trying to change the subject. Her face turned serious again.
"I grew up.", She with all her concentration was on the chess board.
"You were the age I am now when you started calling them that.", I said. Elsa looked at me, searching for the answer to that one.
"We were raised differently.", She said quietly. I noticed her hand was shaking as she moved a castle forward. I thought about her answer. Yes, we were brought up differently. I was free to roam the castle while she was stuck in the confinements of her room almost her whole childhood. And when she was allowed out, she knew no other way.
"You were too much of a square even before the isolation.", I tried to joked, to lighten her mood. I remembered her always complaining that we were going to get in trouble, back when we were friends. I looked at Elsa, she was still serious. It began to worry me.
"Elsa please say something.", I didn't want her to dwell on sad thoughts.
"You got two questions left.", She replied. We played for another two minutes while I tried to think of something to ask her. I didn't want to bring this up, I had to get this out of the way.
"Elsa, our parents, they love us a lot. They always talked about you. About how they were going to show you they loved you. You understand that right?", I asked. I hope she isn't bitter. She didn't answer, for we were nearing the end of our game. I suddenly saw a move, that I knew would work. I was afraid she would see it on my face, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at he board, lost in concentration. I didn't know if it was from my question or the game. After Elsa made her move, I saw that I still had my winning move opened. I looked at all the possible outcomes. Yes, it should work. I moved my knight and took her queen. The knight fell on a place that put her king in check.
"Checkmate! I win! Yes! I took out the all powerful Queen of the Ice and Snow! Take that Elsa!", I said excitedly, pointing at her. Elsa looked dumbfounded at me and the board. She then smiled at me.
"That's ironic.", She chuckled after a while
"It is ironic. You were totally beating me but then my knight in shiny armor came in, took out the Ice Queen, and got the crown.", I said. I made my knight knock her queen over the board.
"You're so childish sometimes.", She said reaching for the white queen.
"Whatever I won!", I couldn't stop my excitement.
"Jeez Anna, way to not rub it in.", She said smiling. She started setting the board again. It got quiet again. Then I remembered my forgotten question.
"Elsa, answer my question now. Please.", I said, trying not to sound demanding. Elsa sighed and looked at me.
"I do understand why Mother and Father did what they did, and I don't blame them. They had good reasons to. And I know they loved me. But it's just hard.", She said, lost in thought.
"What's hard?", I asked. I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Seeing the world as it is.", She said pessimistically. She finished setting up the board.
"Elsa, what do you mean?", I asked. She just gave me a fake smile.
"I've answered twenty questions and I'm not obligated to answer anymore for this silly game." She said, giving me an apologetic look.
"But-", I began to protest.
"No buts, I've spent time with you and I hope it entertained you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll see you around.", She said and started walking to the door. I wanted to stop her, but all I could do was watch her go. Soon she was out the door, and out of sight. Maybe I shouldn't have wasted the first question.
A week had passed and I was bored out of my mind. I was in the portrait room looking at the one that was of Joan of Arc. She was my favorite because she stayed faithful to her cause til the bitter end. She also reminded me of Elsa. They were both strange ladies. Joan was pretty much a tough woman who won a war. She must have had a lot of power. And Elsa was going to someday be the queen of Arendelle. Not to mention her ice powers made her well, powerful. I bet she could freeze the world if she wanted to. Cover everything in deep snow. But that would never happen. I chuckled at the thought of Elsa freezing everything. She's not that powerful. Even if she was, she's not that cold. If she was, she would have done it already.
I left the room and went to the library, hoping to maybe find Elsa there. But she wasn't. She was still in her room. Ever since the chess game, she hadn't left her room. She went as far as to have her meals delivered to her room. I would knock but she ignored me like always. I wish she would stop doing that. As I was going out of the library, I saw Kai walking by carrying a letter.
"Hi Kai. What do you have there?", I asked, looking at the envelope.
"Good afternoon Princess Anna. This just came for your sister from the Kingdom of Corona.", He said, after bowing.
"Oh, that must be from Mama and Papa. I was wondering when they would send this.", I said reaching for it. But he held over my reach. I crossed my arms and huffed.
"I'm sorry. It's just that it's mailed specifically for Princess Elsa, the future ruler of Arendelle.", He said. He showed me the words on it. And sure enough, it was made directly to Elsa.
"Can I give it to her then? I promise I won't open it. I just want an excuse for Elsa to open her door.", I said. I gave Kai my cute face. Mama and Papa, even Elsa had once told me that the time will come when the cute face won't work so I've been taking advantage while it lasts. He looked like he didn't want to do it, but he gave in
"Alright, just don't open it.", He said giving me the letter. I smiled and happily took it. I thanked him and ran up the stairs. When I got to Elsa's door, I gave her my signature knock.
"Elsa, a letter came for you.", I said. But she didn't respond. I put my hand on the door nob and slowly turned it. I was surprised that Elsa didn't lock her door. I gulped and slowly opened it, to find the room empty. What! When did she leave? I walked in and sat on her bed.
I was planning on waiting for her. She has to come back eventually. The letter looked very important. It was red and the letters were in gold. Why did they only want Elsa to get it? It must be very important. It suddenly became very attempting to open it. If it was important, then I deserved to know as well. I slowly broke the seal. I took it out. It suddenly felt heavy. Like the information was weighing it down. It was still folded. Should I, should I not? I already opened, might as will go through with it. I unfolded it and read through it. I dropped the paper on the floor as I closed my misty eyes. A strong pain of emotional pain shot through me. The agony began to build as tears started falling down my face.
Elsa POV
I came back from outside and was now on my way to my room. It was a miracle to have been able to leave without Anna noticing. I didn't want to be around her. It wasn't because of our argument, it was because she was getting too close to me. And I was getting close to her as well and I couldn't do that. I had said a lot more than intended during our chess game. But I couldn't help it, I like to talk to her as much as it made me uncomfortable. The argument did hurt, but don't they all? Besides I knew she was just mad and didn't mean anything. And I know she knew I didn't mean it as well. I would have used the secret passage way, but I didn't use it during the day. I have yet to find one in my room. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw that my door was opened. I really should start locking since Anna has no boundaries. But I didn't have a key. Mother and Father took it away, saying no more secrets. As I walked nearer, I began to hear something. I then recognized it as crying. I had forgotten what that sounded like, considering I never hear anymore. I recognized the owner of it. Anna was crying. Why would Anna be crying? I'm not that mean, am I?
When I got there, I stood on the doorway and look at Anna. She on the floor next to my bed. She was hugging her knees, her face buried in them. It made my heart break to see her that way. She was sobbing uncontrollably. I began to get angry. Whoever made her cry is going to pay dearly. Against all the voices in my head telling me to leave her be, I went up and sat next to her. She looked at me with her red puffy eyes. She locked her arms around me in a desperate hug, blowing the air out of me. It was like she was clinging to me for dear life.
"Els sa!", She sobbed into my chest. I put an arm around her, even though I shouldn't have.
"Anna, please stop crying. And tell my who made you cry. I promise they won't ever bother you again.", I told her. I had every intention of freezing whoever did this. They're gonna pay! Anna continued crying away. As I could do was hold her. I really should let go now. I can't allow myself to become attached to her. As her burning tears started to soil my blue dress, I noticed a letter next to me. With my free hand, I picked it. It was from the Kingdom of Corona. I felt my blood run cold. I didn't need to read it to know what Anna had just read. I began to shake for no reason. I began to feel sad, even though I had no reason to. It was I who killed them. I placed the letter on the floor and thought about how I could reject Anna with the least amount of damage possible.
I stood up and pulled Anna up with me. I was supporting her as her heart was too broken to support herself. I began to hate myself even more for what I was about to do. I decided it would be best to do it in her own room. I started walking us to Anna's room. She was clinging to me the whole way. Once we were in her room, I made her sit on her bed. I waited for her to calm down enough, before I pulled away. I stood in front of her, but she wouldn't look up. Her arms were at her sides, her face looking down, hot tears still streaming down her face. Some snot in her nose. I took out a handkerchief and wiped her salty tears away. I then put it on her nose.
"Blow.", I instructed and she did. When she did, I put it on her nightstand.
"Anna, listen to me. Okay?", I said, pushing her chin up so she could face me. Her eyes red, puffy and full of agony. I'm so terrible.
"Anna I need you to be strong on your hold from now on okay?", I said to her. She began to cry even more.
"You- you- le- le leav- ing?", She stuttered, hurt. I soften my expression to ease her tension. She was an emotional mess right now.
"I'm not going anywhere. I just can't be there for you.", I said with a monotonic tone. She stood up and hugged me. I grew stiff to her touch.
"You're al- all I got.", Anna stuttered. She was so broken, just like I was not to long ago. I wanted to hold her back. To reassure her that I would never leave her side. But I couldn't do that, I wouldn't allow myself to do that. That would be bad. I'm doing to her what my parents did to me. I'm leaving her on her own.
"I promise to still be your big sister, but I can't be your friend.", I told her. A very bad big sister.
"Big sis- sisters are the- there fo fo...", She couldn't finish. I know big sisters are there for each other. But only the good ones, and I'm not good. She started crying, not letting me go. Her embrace felt so warm. I once craved her warmth, but not so much anymore. We were there for a long time before she could speak clearly.
"Are you even sad that they're gone?", She asked, her voice hoarse.
"I am. But crying isn't going to bring them back. The sooner we accept this, the better.", I felt like I was lying for some reason. Maybe I was lying about the being sad part.
"But Elsa, they said they would be back in two weeks. That would have been in like three days.", Anna, wiping the tears that were forming in her eyes in her eyes again.
"Anna, they were our parents. You knew we were going to outlive them someday. You need to be strong. You're going to outlive me as well someday. When that day comes, promise me you'll carry on.", I said. As much as it hurt to tell her, I had to do it. She needed to know the ugly reality if she was going to pull through this.
"You make it sound like your end is near.", She said miserably. She started to cup my face. Don't let her in and don't let her see, my subconscious said. I grabbed Anna's wrists and pulled them away from my face. When I let go, I saw goosebumps on her wrist where my gloved hands had touched. I looked away as I couldn't find myself to look at her.
"You'll never know. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my room. Don't bother to come. And don't look for me.", I said backing away.
"But Elsa. I-", She started.
"I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. Feel free to hate me all you want.", I said and left my broken sister alone and closed the door. I just turned my back on her again.
I had hurt Anna deeply. I hated myself now more than ever. I wanted to make it better, but I didn't. I didn't even try. I can't even make myself better, so how am I to make someone close to me better? I was being heartless, I knew that, but it didn't stop me. I sat in my room staring into nothing. Today was the day of the funeral and I wanted to go and pay my respects, but I had no right to attend. Even if I was their daughter. I was the one who who murdered them by doing nothing.
I heard a soft, weak knock on my door. So it's ended already and Anna's here to get me to come out. I thought she was going to break down again, but she didn't. She must be out of tears. Poor Anna. I'm a despicable human being. Or am I even human? She said a few things, but I tuned her out. I didn't want to hear it. It got quiet again, but I knew she was still there. I went and sat against the door, resting the back of my head on it. I wish I could let her in, but if I do, she'll get hurt. I had become literally too cold. She could freeze if I so much as touch her. My room was already frozen. I didn't want to unfreeze it, I wasn't in the mood to do so. I wasn't sad. But the painful agony that Anna was feeling was passing on to me to build inside. That fiery red sadness was fighting the blizzard inside, but I knew that in due time it would die off or freeze out. Whichever came first.
I really wanted to be sad for my lost. But I don't think I had that ability anymore. The years of concealing and not feeling had made me this way. I wish I could feel again, and for this numbness to go away. My heart was aching very bad, along with my head. I heard Anna cry silently on the other side of the door. I covered my ears. I couldn't bare it, but I couldn't make myself leave. Anna, please stop crying. Anna's sobs broke through my muffled ears. Or better yet, go cry somewhere else. There's nothing left for you here. I got up and away from the door. I was feeling so frustrated. So angry that I was so hollow inside.
I got up and glanced at the angry, cold blooded monster that was staring at me from the mirror. Just looking at her was enough to set me off. Screw you! I made a ball of clear ice form in my hand and threw it toward her face. Her face broke apart into a million pieces as the glass started shattering to the floor. That's what I thought you stupid ice queen. A second later, my anger subsided. I looked at the broken pieces on the floor in shame. What's the matter with me? My ring turned from red to a black. I quickly took it off, resulting in turning orange. I went and set it on my nightstand. I could still feel Anna on the other side of the door. She didn't hear me. My room was already sound proof as it was, and the ice that covered my room prevented any sound from escaping. If only it would prevent sounds from coming in.
I couldn't believe I've become so numb. I glanced at my pale hands. So numb and unfeeling. Come on, feel something. You just lost your parents, come on, anything. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I lost the ability to do that three years ago. I couldn't cry if my life depended on it. When I had awoken from my breakdown three years ago, on that embarrassing day, I had wanted to cry, but I just couldn't. I guess I cried enough for a lifetime already. Too bad the numbness can't make the pain go away. I wanted the agony to stop but it wouldn't. I felt like I was going to blackout, but I didn't do that anymore. For the first time ever, I wanted it take over me. I needed something to distract me. I needed something to escape. Anything. I wanted to feel something and at the same time, I wanted to feel nothing. I saw the glass that was still broken where my full length mirror used to be. I took one of the glass. I held it in my hands. It was the size of my hand. I glared at the cold, hollow eye that looked back at me. I brought the very pointy end to my right wrist. I dug it deep and it hurt, but it didn't cut. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth for the awaiting pain as I was about to bring it down.
"Elsa, I don't care that you don't want me. I will always love and be there for you no matter what. And I'm never gonna give up on you!", Anna shouted loud and clearly through the frozen door. I heard her walk away from the door and to the end of the hallway. I thought in horror at what I was about to do had Anna not said anything. I took the glass away from my wrist. I looked into the blue eye that stared back.
"What the hell am I doing?", I said to myself. The agony didn't want to leave my head, nor my heart. But I needed it gone. I went over to my frozen desk. It took me a minute to thaw it. Once that was done, I sat on the chair and placed my broken mirror piece on my desk. I needed something to do. Hurting myself wasn't the answer. Or maybe it was, but I shouldn't do it for Anna's sake. I had hurt her too much already. She doesn't need this. I looked through my papers to find something to do. I found my old gray notebook. Writing did always ease my head. I took out a quill and ink container. I began to write without thinking about it. I just wrote what came to me.
Dear Agony,
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly, is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me, faceless enemy
I'm so sorry, is this the way it's got to be?
Dear agony?
When I had finished writing that, I began to feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. It felt good to let that out. I began to write more.
Leave me alone, god let me go
I'm blue and cold, black sky will burn
Love pull me down, pain lift me up
Just turn around, there's nothing left.
Somewhere far beyond this world,
I feel nothing anymore
When I had finished the pain was still there, but more manageable. I took the paper in my hands and held it in the air. I let out a breath as a frost began to spread from where my fingers made contact. It was soon covered in frost and then I turned the paper into ice. I made it dissolve into the air and soon it was gone forever. I looked at the icy blue eye that I saw in the broken mirror glass. I think I saw a spark of life, but I couldn't tell if it was just my imagination. Maybe there's hope for me yet. But that hopeful thought came and didn't stay with me. My whole life has already been laid out before me, so I had no choice in the matter. Mother and Father dying was just destiny speeding things along. I held up my two pale hands and made a little snow shoot out. So beautiful, yet so dangerous. I made the snow disappear. I waved my hands and my whole room thawed. Maybe someday when I'm gone.
A/N: Wow, that was long. I don't think we'll be seeing them this long ever again, but who knows. Sorry if I bored you a little, not intentional. But I do hope that the wait was worth it. The thing that Elsa wrote are lyrics from the song 'Dear Agony' by Breaking Benjamin. Had it stuck in my head all week. Sorry, I needed closure with it and it kind of fitted in a little. Also I think I now know for sure where I want to take this story. So it's only just beginning. I'll have the next chapter in who knows when if you're still interested. Life is getting in the way.
Quick question, do you guys appreciate the warnings or are they too much of a spoiler? In other news, have you guys heard of the lawsuit against Frozen? *Sigh* People these days. Til next time. Bye!