A/N: This chapter won't be as funny. Because let's face it, Sasuke cannot be as funny as Sakura. I LOVE YOU, MY REVIEWERS! Don't worry, les-liaisons-dangereuses, there will be some ItaSaku in this story (as well as SakuxManyBoys). AND OHMYGOSHIES, I just realized that I need to put in Inner Sakura. :P Next chapter, people, next chapter.

disclaimer: Well would you look that that? I don't own an emo ninja, a pig, OR a huge ginormous toad.

it's the beautiful things: a sasusaku [slight AU

chapter #2
title: he is a manly man
genre: humor/romance
warnings: well. cursing always happens. it's rated T. and it's kind of perverted. AND I HAVE BAD GRAMMAR! (English isn't my language or anything)
things: AND OMFG!!! WHAT? ITACHI'S NICE? AND SASUKE ISN'T ALL EMO-AVENGER-ISH?! HE'S JUST SUPER-CONCEITED? And this is humor, so it's … funnier than Sasuke really is. :D Oh. And I hope none of this stuff offends you. Because if it does. Well, then it offends you. AND IF YOU LIKE INO, Sasuke doesn't. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE INO, Sasuke doesn't.

for all the things that go in sasuke's head that we don't know about.

I am not jealous.

I, the almighty Uchiha Sasuke, cannot and will not be jealous of my brother.

He's just…

OLD! (1)

And, ew, he was touching my (ex-)girlfriend. I'd prefer to think that she's still mine. I'm glad to know that she cried about me, but did she have to go to Itachi-niisan?

She's tainted now.

I can no longer touch her.

Nah, I'd touch her if a skunk…

If a skunk did anything to her (but I will protect her from the evil skunk wrath, so there's no need to even think about that).

Why couldn't the dobe stop being a "love machine" (as he's told me) and go help her? And why did Hinata have to be…interacting with the dobe? Why was Tenten on a mission? WHERE WERE HER FUCKING SENSEIS?

And Ino.

I guess she couldn't talk to Ino.

About me.

(Because everyone loves me, you know.)

So today I entered the Uchiha Mansion, and guess what?

I sensed a very familiar chakra (no, it was not my family member, fool, it would not be interesting if it was).

I traced it all the way back to Itachi's room. I peeked in through the crack of the door, and (I was not eavesdropping, merely satisfying my curiosity and suspicions) saw something strange.

Haruno Sakura, my (ex-)girlfriend, was sitting on Itachi's bed.

Don't get me wrong, I love Itachi-niisan (IN A BROTHERLY WAY, YOU SICK FOOLS), but he will not and must not touch my (ex-)girlfriend in anyway. Because otherwise he will die (I can beat him. When I was five, I beat him, even though he let me).

Then I heard Sakura say something, so I pushed my ear in between the crack (there was no way they could see me with my awesome ninja skills), and I heard her say, "So who should I date?"

I almost gagged; thinking of her with somebody else would kill me. Don't say Neji, don't say Neji, I chanted hopefully towards Itachi.

"Hyuuga-san," Itachi told her.

And then he smirked. And ruffled her hair.

Fucking bastard.

I don't mean to sound like a psycho but…

I SHALL AVENGE.

And of course, keep Neji far away from Sakura.

Because you know, Sakura is my (ex-)girlfriend. She is mine, no matter how many guys she dates, or how many times I have to see Ino as more than just a friend (which she is not). I know I sound like a possessive (ex-)boyfriend, but…

We went out for two years. And we were best friends since we were babies.

If that doesn't enable me to be worried (COUGH possessive COUGH), then what does? And I can't be concerned that my Itachi-niisan might hurt (COUGH rape COUGH) her?

…Well.

Then I inched slowly away from the door and to my room. My room is deliciously blue and black. Yes, deliciously. If only they would ship me something that I've heard is called a television…

OH, but I have pictures.

Yes, sometimes I care enough.

Okay, I have one picture.

Of Team 7.

Because of the perverts and dobes and (ex-)girlfriends, this has got to be the, er…

Least normal bunch.

But they are my team and I have some sort of bonds with them (and if I didn't have pride, I would've drawn a heart around Sakura's head). Kakashi is actually…

Nice.

(For teaching me Chidori, nothing else.)

The dobe is…

Oh screw it, the dobe is a dobe.

And Sakura.

Well…

Er…

I might think of her in a way that one would like someone as more than a friend.

And you know that she was my (ex-)girlfriend?

She's mine.

So yeah, I sat in my awesome room and plotted ways to keep the Hyuuga away from Sakura.

(Then I ate dinner and went to bed.)

The next day I got up, surprisingly, late.

And now I am in this situation that is slightly uncomfortable because Sakura is HERE for breakfast and Itachi-niisan has no shirt on (okay, that's not making me uncomfortable, it's making me UNCOMFORTABLE that Sakura is seeing it) and otousan was eating natto (which I hate) with soy sauce and rice and okaasan was eating eggs and well YEAH.

How could they be so fine with it all?

She's my (ex-)girlfriend.

AND WELL (are you catching on?).

I'm dating her best friend (because I have to).

Um.

So.

Be nonchalant.

Totally casual.

Do not act like a girl.

Or a pansy.

YOU ARE A MAN!

A manly man.

Alright. So now I'm reaching for a tomato (I love whoever brought these) and sat down. And now I'm biting into the tomato (oh fucking Kami-sama I love these).

"Sasuke-chan, do you like the tomatoes?" okaasan asks, and I nod somewhat (I love all tomatoes. Tomatoes are my friends.), and she continues. "Sakura-chan brought them over!"

I almost choke, key word almost.

Because choking would not be casual. It would be erratic. Non-nonchalant. And I cannot be non-nonchalant because that will make me look bad and I do not like looking bad. And then I look into those green eyes and almost melt, key word almost.

Because melting in the middle of breakfast would not be casual. It would be uncustomary. It would be pansy-like. I cannot be acting pansy-like because it will make me feel like a girl and I am a man.

A MANLY MAN.

(Totally.)

1: Itachi is not old. Sasuke is just wallowing in a pool of self-pity, and mentally teasing his older brother will make him feel better about it.

(nii-san/onii-san is older brother. I call my older brothers NAME-nii-san but some people call older brothers just nii-san or onii-san or their name. So I used like … a bunch of variations. XD Otousan is father/dad and okaasan is mother/mom)

Natto is fermented/mashed soybeans.

A/N: Sasuke's a possessive little bitch, aint he? Can you tell me if I did Sasuke alright, because or else I'll just do Sakura's POV. Andd…if you got the whole "I love whoever brought these" thing … well. It's still short but it's really late at night here. :D DO NOT CRITIQUE SASU-CHAN'S THOUGHTS. WE ALL UNDERSTAND HE IS STRANGE AND IN LOVE WITH SAKURA.